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Dr. Love
02-02-2011, 07:17 PM
Can't remember if I posted this. But it's good. :)

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in Americadid that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

- Was learning cursive really necessary?

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
Classy, bro.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu'
to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

fifth element
02-02-2011, 09:08 PM
made my day...
some are sooooo true....and funny

thanks

ace diamond
02-02-2011, 11:34 PM
the nintendo cartridge thing.......we did that plenty......same with the atari cartridges before nintendo came along.

remember the game "contra"?
here is the code for infinite lives:
(note: i learned it only once back in the late 1980's, and i've never forgotten it)
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, select, start before the main menu screen comes up.
in other words, about 10 seconds from the time you push the power button on.

oh, yeah........
remember when the "power glove" came out and someone you knew got one?
then that kid came over with it and couldn't figure out how to make it work?
i had that happen.
once the guy figured it out how to use the thing, we were soooooo screwed.......until we figured out it
was just a wireless controller that only worked on certain games!
after that, when ever he came over, we hid all the games the glove worked with,
and when ever asked about any of them, claimed we "couldn't find them"
so that the kid couldn't use that damned glove.

then again, i remember in 1982, my older sister got a commodore 64, and she and i played a few games on that.
i don't have the foggiest memory of what the game was called, but a "lode runner" type game is what it was.

the version of "pac-man" on the atari 100 game console is still my favorite version!
i loved that one.
i wish i still had it, damnit!
pitfall too.
breakout was fun.
i remember kicking my big sisters' ass at "combat" constantly!
space invaders and asteroids i still love.
frogger too.
the 1980's, man......those were the fucking glory days of cool games and heavy metal!

Dr. Love
02-02-2011, 11:54 PM
select start... only if you're doing multiplayer. I remember the code. It's something that pops up in my generation's subculture from time to time actually.

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 12:07 AM
select start... only if you're doing multiplayer. I remember the code. It's something that pops up in my generation's subculture from time to time actually.

your generation?
dude, your 30. you were born in 1980.
i'm 33, turning 34 on july 2.
i'm older than you.
unlike you, i was actually born in the 1970's.
1977 to be exact.
i'm not trying to be a dick by pointing this out,
i'm just trying to point out that were are from the same generation, that is all.
hell, i got a gameboy for my 10th birthday in 1987 from my mom.
damn thing was the size of a brick and weighed almost as much.
it took 4 "AA" batteries, and those would last you about 15 minutes before you needed new ones,
right as I was getting to or beating the big boss of that level on super mario world or megaman or metroid or something similar.
i had the case, the connector wire, and probably the worst game ever made that anyone i've ever talked to
has never even heard of:
heinkyo alein.
dumbest fucking game of all time, not to mention the worst ever too.

FORD
02-03-2011, 12:16 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmgJpsjBaPY

Dr. Love
02-03-2011, 12:31 AM
your generation?
dude, your 30. you were born in 1980.
i'm 33, turning 34 on july 2.
i'm older than you.
unlike you, i was actually born in the 1970's.
1977 to be exact.
i'm not trying to be a dick by pointing this out,
i'm just trying to point out that were are from the same generation, that is all.
hell, i got a gameboy for my 10th birthday in 1987 from my mom.
damn thing was the size of a brick and weighed almost as much.
it took 4 "AA" batteries, and those would last you about 15 minutes before you needed new ones,
right as I was getting to or beating the big boss of that level on super mario world or megaman or metroid or something similar.
i had the case, the connector wire, and probably the worst game ever made that anyone i've ever talked to
has never even heard of:
heinkyo alein.
dumbest fucking game of all time, not to mention the worst ever too.

From what I know (and can gather, though there's not a definitive source on this), my birthyear is the first in Generation Y. You guys are Generation X or before. :)

I certainly consider myself to have more in common with the Ys than the Xs.

ashstralia
02-03-2011, 01:53 AM
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


yes, but only when off duty
;]

sadaist
02-03-2011, 02:00 AM
Remember when you thought you were a bitchen hipster pimp with really important things to do & people to call back when you first had one of these clipped to your belt?


http://www.faqs.org/photo-dict/photofiles/list/3403/4525pager.jpg


And weren't we cutting edge when we learned a few codes that would spell out words or phrases?

Did everyone abuse the "911" after they entered their number just cause it was really important to let you know they needed a ride or a pack of smokes from the store?

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 02:09 AM
From what I know (and can gather, though there's not a definitive source on this), my birthyear is the first in Generation Y. You guys are Generation X or before. :)

I certainly consider myself to have more in common with the Ys than the Xs.

oh,ok.
thank you for the clarification.
i am most certainly a generation x "the lost generation" person.
although, being born in 1977, i'm at the later end of it.
regardless, i strongly relate to folks 10 or 20 years older than i am much easier than most folks my own age,
because, sadly, most of them are still to damned busy trying to be hip and keep up with the fucking joneses.
personally, i agree with lenny bruce.
"there is nothing worse than an aging hipster."
i keep trying to get through to the folks of my own generation that they need to give that shit up and accept that they are now old,
and to do them selves a favor and leave the keeping up with the joneses to the kids and teenagers that are now half our age
give or take a few years.
"most of these kids were born during or after our high school years" is what i tell them.
followed by "what the fuck have you possibly got in common with them?
about as much as you did with your parents when you were that age-NOTHING! "
the truth of it all is that my statements wind up being ignored by people content to continue deluding themselves.
it's all really sad and quite painful to have to sit back and watch.
it is also extremely comical.
i know far too many people that are living prime examples of what i am talking about, and i'm fairly certain that other board members here
know at least 1 person that fits the bill of what i have mentioned.
folks, when ya hit 30, yer fucking old or ancient according to the kids of today and the media.
and let's face it, when we were kids, we thought folks over 30 were old too.
"don't trust anyone over 30!" it was said.
since i am a member of the 30 and over crowd now since july 2, 2007,
(my 30th b-day, i'll be 34 this year)
i say, "don't trust anyone under 30, and only about 1/4 of anyone over 30."
but that is just me, based on my life experience.
accept it and fucking deal with it.

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 02:12 AM
Remember when you thought you were a bitchen hipster pimp with really important things to do & people to call back when you first had one of these clipped to your belt?


http://www.faqs.org/photo-dict/photofiles/list/3403/4525pager.jpg


And weren't we cutting edge when we learned a few codes that would spell out words or phrases?

Did everyone abuse the "911" after they entered their number just cause it was really important to let you know they needed a ride or a pack of smokes from the store?

i never had one.
just like cell phones, i think they are unnecessary and frankly, fucking stupid.
i hate that shit.
i still have only my home phone land line and an answering machine, not fucking voicemail.
i wish i still had a rotary phone.
i like those things.

ashstralia
02-03-2011, 02:19 AM
and the clothes! gettin all done up for a night out.. check the mirror... ohhh i'll get some leg fo SURE!!!!


then 20 years later you look at the photos....LOL :)

FORD
02-03-2011, 02:24 AM
From what I know (and can gather, though there's not a definitive source on this), my birthyear is the first in Generation Y. You guys are Generation X or before. :)

I certainly consider myself to have more in common with the Ys than the Xs.

Seems like the definitions of these media labels for generations change depending on who's writing about it. As far as I'm concerned, Generation X was a band, and I'm just a hippie who was born late......


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2xBEQdHXr8

kwame k
02-03-2011, 02:30 AM
Seems like the definitions of these media labels for generations change depending on who's writing about it. As far as I'm concerned, Generation X was a band, and I'm just a hippie who was born late......

Preach the Gospel, brother FORD!

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 04:42 AM
and the clothes! gettin all done up for a night out.. check the mirror... ohhh i'll get some leg fo SURE!!!!


then 20 years later you look at the photos....LOL :)

....and have one hell of a raucious laugh and you say to yourself:
"what the fuck was i thinking?"

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 04:44 AM
Preach the Gospel, brother FORD!

yeah, i agree with what ford said too.

Seshmeister
02-03-2011, 05:21 AM
i never had one.
just like cell phones, i think they are unnecessary and frankly, fucking stupid.
i hate that shit.

They were mainly used by people who worked and served some sort of purpose on the planet.

Why would anyone need to get a hold of you in a hurry? :)

VAiN
02-03-2011, 10:45 AM
That's some good reading... thanks for posting it, there were a few I really connected with! Oh, and...ummm.... errrr.... LOL.

Dr. Love
02-03-2011, 11:08 AM
I identified with waaaaaaay more than I care to admit to :)

PETE'S BROTHER
02-03-2011, 12:25 PM
oh,ok.
thank you for the clarification.
i am most certainly a generation x "the lost generation" person.
although, being born in 1977, i'm at the later end of it.
regardless, i strongly relate to folks 10 or 20 years older than i am much easier than most folks my own age,
because, sadly, most of them are still to damned busy trying to be hip and keep up with the fucking joneses.
personally, i agree with lenny bruce.
"there is nothing worse than an aging hipster."
i keep trying to get through to the folks of my own generation that they need to give that shit up and accept that they are now old,
and to do them selves a favor and leave the keeping up with the joneses to the kids and teenagers that are now half our age
give or take a few years.
"most of these kids were born during or after our high school years" is what i tell them.
followed by "what the fuck have you possibly got in common with them?
about as much as you did with your parents when you were that age-NOTHING! "
the truth of it all is that my statements wind up being ignored by people content to continue deluding themselves.
it's all really sad and quite painful to have to sit back and watch.
it is also extremely comical.
i know far too many people that are living prime examples of what i am talking about, and i'm fairly certain that other board members here
know at least 1 person that fits the bill of what i have mentioned.
folks, when ya hit 30, yer fucking old or ancient according to the kids of today and the media.
and let's face it, when we were kids, we thought folks over 30 were old too.
"don't trust anyone over 30!" it was said.
since i am a member of the 30 and over crowd now since july 2, 2007,
(my 30th b-day, i'll be 34 this year)
i say, "don't trust anyone under 30, and only about 1/4 of anyone over 30."
but that is just me, based on my life experience.
accept it and fucking deal with it.

.....
5579

kwame k
02-03-2011, 12:40 PM
They were mainly used by people who worked and served some sort of purpose on the planet.

Why would anyone need to get a hold of you in a hurry? :)

Well, living in a tepee kinda makes it hard to recharge your batteries:lmao:

FORD
02-03-2011, 01:13 PM
Well, living in a tepee kinda makes it hard to recharge your batteries:lmao:

That's no longer a problem, with a universal cell phone solar charger......

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41uS7MkGbuL._SS400_.jpg

PETE'S BROTHER
02-03-2011, 01:19 PM
That's no longer a problem, with a universal cell phone solar charger......

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41uS7MkGbuL._SS400_.jpg

those cost money, alas, ace has very little.......money

kwame k
02-03-2011, 01:23 PM
:lmao: @ FORD and Pete!

sonrisa salvaje
02-03-2011, 03:14 PM
Remember when dsl was a term to describe women?

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 06:52 PM
They were mainly used by people who worked and served some sort of purpose on the planet.

Why would anyone need to get a hold of you in a hurry? :)

because i was working for 31 flavors, taco bell, and wal-mart back in the mid 1990's.
i had relatives that were not well. i waited until i got home after work to find out any news
as whether they had passed or not. i buried a lot of my elder relatives during the mid 90's.
didn't bury many of the family during the 80's. only 3 that i can think of.
i found out the same way about the births of both of my older sisters' kids.
the oldest nephew just turned 16 yesterday on groundhog day. damn that makes me feel fucking old.
my oldest nephew can drive now. not only does that make me feel old, it scares the fucking shit outta me.

ashstralia
02-03-2011, 07:08 PM
Remember when dsl was a term to describe women?

and usb was a dyslexic term for public transport...

Little Texan
02-03-2011, 07:12 PM
the oldest nephew just turned 16 yesterday on groundhog day. damn that makes me feel fucking old.
my oldest nephew can drive now. not only does that make me feel old, it scares the fucking shit outta me.

You think that's bad, Ace? My nephew is 23 and just became a father a few months ago, and my niece is 21, married, and pregnant with her first child! That really makes me feel old! It seems likes yesterday that they were babies, themselves, and I was holding them in my arms, and now they are full grown adults. Time sure flies, doesn't it?

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 07:29 PM
You think that's bad, Ace? My nephew is 23 and just became a father a few months ago, and my niece is 21, married, and pregnant with her first child! That really makes me feel old! It seems likes yesterday that they were babies, themselves, and I was holding them in my arms, and now they are full grown adults. Time sure flies, doesn't it?
just yeaterday, we were changing their diapers!
yes, tempus fugit.
it flies indeed.
very fucking fast...........where the fuck did all that time go so quickly?

Blaze
02-03-2011, 09:21 PM
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

1. Note: After each step run a quick iron over the sheet and along the creases or folds.

2. Find a bed, table or iron board on which to work. Fold the sheet in half with the top meeting the bottom (foot) of the sheet.

3. Tuck the top corner into the bottom corresponding corner (left top corner to left bottom corner and right top corner to bottom right corner.) Top corners will be turned inside out.

4. Fold the sheet in half again so all corners meet. Again tuck the corners into each other. This will again force one set of corners to be turned inside out.

5. This last step leaves you with a bunched up corner area. To smooth it down, fold in the longest side so the corner can lie flat (it will be at a slight angle.). The short side can also be folded in .

6. Fold the sheet again in half the long way. This should then cover the folded area from step 4.

7. Note that you should now have a long "strip" that can be folded in 1/4's or 1/3's depending on how small you want the folded product to end up.

PETE'S BROTHER
02-03-2011, 09:23 PM
then what?

ace diamond
02-03-2011, 09:33 PM
then what?

file it in a drawer or linen cabinet, i suppose.