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ZahZoo
12-09-2011, 02:09 PM
An Islamic cleric living in Europe reportedly has warned Muslim women not to get too close to bananas, cucumbers or other produce -- to avoid having “sexual thoughts.”

The unnamed cleric, whose directive was featured in an article in el-Senousa, a religious publication, purportedly said that if women wanted to eat these foods, a third party -- preferably a male related to them, such as their father or husband -- should cut the items into small pieces before serving, the Egyptian website Bikya Masr reported.

Carrots and zucchini also were added to the alleged cleric's list of forbidden foods for women.

News of the statement quickly spread online, leaving many liberal Muslims embarrassed and angry, evoking a flurry of mockery in online forums.

"Many of the commentators are Muslims themselves, who have expressed their anger against the cleric for making Islamic religious practices appear unreasonable," The International Business Times reported.

BikyaMasr.com said the cleric, identified only as a sheikh, was asked in the interview how to “control” women when they are shopping for groceries, and whether holding these items at the market would be bad, to which he replied that the matter was between them and God.

Questions also arose about the validity of the original published interview. An online search for the el-Senousa article, for instance, yields only results linking to the Bikya Masr report.

But the mere suggestion of a strict order for Muslim women handling food has been enough to send people to website forums and Twitter to air their indignation.

Danish/Lebanese journalist Helen Hajjij tweeted on Wednesday: “So if Muslim women should stay away from cucumbers and bananas, should men stay away from melons?”

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/world/2011/12/08/muslim-cleric-reportedly-bans-women-from-handling-cucumbers/?test=latestnews?test=latestnews#ixzz1g49dFxrg

Sensible Shoes
12-09-2011, 02:14 PM
Danish/Lebanese journalist Helen Hajjij tweeted on Wednesday: “So if Muslim women should stay away from cucumbers and bananas, should men stay away from melons?”

:first:

DLR Bridge
12-09-2011, 02:15 PM
Ketchup and salad dressing bottles on the other hand...

FORD
12-09-2011, 02:21 PM
Danish/Lebanese journalist Helen Hajjij tweeted on Wednesday: “So if Muslim women should stay away from cucumbers and bananas, should men stay away from melons?”

Melons? I'm surprised she didn't go for the taco reference :eatit:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1368/785997442_3e19487b16.jpg

ZahZoo
12-09-2011, 04:53 PM
Never knew the produce section of a store was such a hotbed of lust...

Told my wife about this story... her take... "Only a man could think and say something THAT stupid!!"

WACF
12-09-2011, 04:55 PM
Never knew the produce section of a store was such a hotbed of lust...

Told my wife about this story... her take... "Only a man could think and say something THAT stupid!!"

But you know...when in the produce section and you see a woman take a cucumber in her hand you can not help but smile...

Nitro Express
12-09-2011, 06:35 PM
When I lived in the middle east that's all they fucking eat. Cucumbers. Cucumbers in yogurt sauce. Cucumbers in the salad. Cucumber juice. Cucumber this. Cucumber that.

Nitro Express
12-09-2011, 06:37 PM
Mine's bigger.
http://youtu.be/p9ZjOCSLYlc

Dan
12-09-2011, 11:49 PM
What About Hairy Dogs? :D

Blaze
12-10-2011, 01:26 AM
I think (know) someone got trolled :biggrin:

One a side note, there was a kid that got popped doing the freshly raised dough at an unnamed food joint. Dough is warm and squishy, I guess that could be interesting.
However, melons don't seem like a good place to stick a penis in, I could be wrong, I guess if it was a warm melon, one could cut a right sized hole and have a go.

Nickdfresh
12-10-2011, 04:15 AM
http://youtu.be/p9ZjOCSLYlc

ashstralia
12-10-2011, 05:28 AM
in oz, we call pickles gherkins. but they're still the same yummy things. maybe the clerics should set up in a country which is willing to accept the islamist perspective.

Sensible Shoes
12-10-2011, 09:06 AM
Cucumbers will turn into mush. Carrots are better.

Hardrock69
12-12-2011, 04:21 AM
Why didn't the Muslim Cleric include gay Muslim men in his statement? I mean, I would imagine they would be sticking cucumbers up their own asses from time to time just as women would like to play with the fucking things....
:lol:

ZahZoo
12-12-2011, 10:35 AM
The hardcore Muslims just kill anyone suspected of homosexuality... thus no concerns in the produce aisle.

Blaze
12-12-2011, 12:15 PM
Cucumbers will turn into mush. Carrots are better.

I think you should use them when they are fresh. Carrots after a few days go limp. Besides, carrots grow in the ground. eww.

Sensible Shoes
12-12-2011, 12:28 PM
how many days are you usin' these things? Ewwww

Blaze
12-12-2011, 12:58 PM
Not me!
however, a summer sausage could leave a nice savory scent. :lmao:


There is just too many really dirty jokes to be had here.

I am gonna back out this thread slowly.


Oh wait. I for got about this. :D
http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4093/4792093751_7d746aa471_o.jpg

Sensible Shoes
12-12-2011, 01:27 PM
Squish squish

Blaze
12-12-2011, 05:04 PM
Look what I found!


Papaya Pussy

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/vibrator/img/vibe-8.jpg


The super slick flesh of this fruit combines with smooth slippery seeds creating a sensation you won't soon forget. Select a ripe papaya long enough to fit your penis but small enough to hold comfortably in one hand. Cut a hole in the round end (not the stem end) a little smaller than your penis. Remove most of the pulp and loose seeds from the inside, leaving some attached to the sides to make "ridges". The papaya is ready to use at this point, but you can also add vibration. At the stem end, cut a small hole through the meat of the papaya perpendicular to the tunnel and slide in a small bullet vibrator.

Sensible Shoes
12-12-2011, 08:29 PM
LMAO

This thread has taken a slippery turn.

kwame k
12-12-2011, 08:46 PM
Fer the love of God!!!!!!!!!!

What ever happened to using a sock:lmao:

Nitro Express
12-12-2011, 08:49 PM
Look what I found!


Papaya Pussy

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/vibrator/img/vibe-8.jpg


The super slick flesh of this fruit combines with smooth slippery seeds creating a sensation you won't soon forget. Select a ripe papaya long enough to fit your penis but small enough to hold comfortably in one hand. Cut a hole in the round end (not the stem end) a little smaller than your penis. Remove most of the pulp and loose seeds from the inside, leaving some attached to the sides to make "ridges". The papaya is ready to use at this point, but you can also add vibration. At the stem end, cut a small hole through the meat of the papaya perpendicular to the tunnel and slide in a small bullet vibrator.

I bet Gilliagan used one.

Nitro Express
12-12-2011, 08:50 PM
Melons? I'm surprised she didn't go for the taco reference :eatit:

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1368/785997442_3e19487b16.jpg

You would think the doorway to the Pink Taco would be a slit with some hair around it. Not a big fat square.

Seshmeister
12-12-2011, 10:59 PM
Cucumbers will turn into mush. Carrots are better.

Jeez this is the 21st century with internet shopping and adult stores in big malls, are American girls still working their way through the fruit and veg?

Anyway surely a zucchini?

Nitro Express
12-12-2011, 11:33 PM
Jeez this is the 21st century with internet shopping and adult stores in big malls, are American girls still working their way through the fruit and veg?

Anyway surely a zucchini?

How about a pumkin with a cold carrot up her ass? Better than a dildo and butt plug. You can make pumpkin pie and carrot cake afterwards.

ThatArtGuy
12-12-2011, 11:39 PM
You would think the doorway to the Pink Taco would be a slit with some hair around it. Not a big fat square.

It's because it's a box.

Blaze
12-12-2011, 11:54 PM
How about a pumkin with a cold carrot up her ass? Better than a dildo and butt plug. You can make pumpkin pie and carrot cake afterwards.

Pumpkin Goo Pussy
Step 1: Fill a plastic bag with pumpkin goo
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-1.jpg

Scoop the slimy goo from the inside of your pumpkin. Pick out the seeds if you have the patience. Put it in a plastic bag, like the kind you get at the grocery store for produce.

----------
Step 2: Insert the bag into the tube
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-2.jpg

An empty plastic canister for tennis balls or hand balls is perfect. Slide the bag in and leave the end hanging out, and fold over the outside of the tube.

---------

Step 3: Make a cover and cut a hole

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-3.jpg

Place a piece of plastic wrap or another plastic bag over the top of the tube. Pull taut and secure with a rubber band. Cut an X in the center to make a hole for your cock to fit in.

----------

Step 4: Slide your cock in

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-4.jpg

Slide your cock into the slippery pumpkin goo and pump away.

Tip: Warm in the microwave for 10 seconds.
Tip: For less mess, after step two, insert a second plastic bag into the pumpkin-filled canister and secure around the top of the tube. Squirt some lube inside the inner bag.

LoungeMachine
12-12-2011, 11:58 PM
Ya know Blaze......

I'm starting to think you keep your personal veggie shopping private....or I'm closing this shit

:gulp:

Blaze
12-13-2011, 12:04 AM
That is not my web page! I am learning like everyone else!

LoungeMachine
12-13-2011, 12:10 AM
That is not my web page! I am learning like everyone else!

You're posting it here, shortbus.

:gulp:

Just a warning.....

Nitro Express
12-13-2011, 12:10 AM
Pumpkin Goo Pussy
Step 1: Fill a plastic bag with pumpkin goo
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-1.jpg

Scoop the slimy goo from the inside of your pumpkin. Pick out the seeds if you have the patience. Put it in a plastic bag, like the kind you get at the grocery store for produce.

----------
Step 2: Insert the bag into the tube
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-2.jpg

An empty plastic canister for tennis balls or hand balls is perfect. Slide the bag in and leave the end hanging out, and fold over the outside of the tube.

---------

Step 3: Make a cover and cut a hole

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-3.jpg

Place a piece of plastic wrap or another plastic bag over the top of the tube. Pull taut and secure with a rubber band. Cut an X in the center to make a hole for your cock to fit in.

----------

Step 4: Slide your cock in

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/images/goo-4.jpg

Slide your cock into the slippery pumpkin goo and pump away.

Tip: Warm in the microwave for 10 seconds.
Tip: For less mess, after step two, insert a second plastic bag into the pumpkin-filled canister and secure around the top of the tube. Squirt some lube inside the inner bag.

LOL! someone had too much time on their hands. I had a friend who worked in an emergency room. They had all sorts of crazy cases of people have strange objects shoved into various orfices that ended up needing to be surgically removed. Huge dildos, bottles, ect... The funniest story he told me was some guy came in and he had one of those glass 16 ounce Pepsi bottles shoved completely up his ass. He was from a town 80 miles away so they think he drove all that way to avoid going to his local hospital in a small town. When asked what happened he said he was drinking a soda pop in the shower and slipped and fell on the bottle and it went up his ass. He had to go into surgery to have it removed. LOL!

Little Texan
12-13-2011, 12:14 AM
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/newbutt.html

Blaze
12-13-2011, 12:15 AM
You're posting it here, shortbus.

:gulp:

Just a warning.....

Pretzel Publishing
350 Bay St, PMB #235
San Francisco, CA 94133
US
badboynews [at] hotmail.com
CountryPercent of Visitors
United States 37.1%
OTHER 62.7%

Blaze
12-13-2011, 12:18 AM
Ain't nothing showing here that is bad. Not a bit of porn.

Blaze
12-13-2011, 12:22 AM
LOL! someone had too much time on their hands. I had a friend who worked in an emergency room. They had all sorts of crazy cases of people have strange objects shoved into various orfices that ended up needing to be surgically removed. Huge dildos, bottles, ect... The funniest story he told me was some guy came in and he had one of those glass 16 ounce Pepsi bottles shoved completely up his ass. He was from a town 80 miles away so they think he drove all that way to avoid going to his local hospital in a small town. When asked what happened he said he was drinking a soda pop in the shower and slipped and fell on the bottle and it went up his ass. He had to go into surgery to have it removed. LOL!

Straight up,no doubt! Always be careful with sex toys,folks. Exuberance can get the best of anyone.

Have you cruised around that site? That is the jack, I tell you1 It only gets better!

LoungeMachine
12-13-2011, 12:23 AM
Ain't nothing showing here that is bad. Not a bit of porn.

We have no issue with pron in the proper forum, numbnuts.....

Really want to pull at this thread?

Jesus Christ trying to be reasonable with you is like negotiating with a 3 year old.......

Not Touching!!! Not Touching!!!!

:gulp:

Blaze
12-13-2011, 12:28 AM
We have no issue with pron in the proper forum, numbnuts.....

Really want to pull at this thread?

Jesus Christ trying to be reasonable with you is like negotiating with a 3 year old.......

Not Touching!!! Not Touching!!!!

:gulp:
I do not see what the issue is.

Blaze
12-13-2011, 12:30 AM
What is offensive in this thread?

LoungeMachine
12-13-2011, 01:02 AM
What is offensive in this thread?

Besides you?

:gulp:

Nitro Express
12-13-2011, 01:04 AM
Never shove anything up your ass before praising Allah that all will be well and God is great!

Blaze
12-13-2011, 01:54 AM
Never shove anything up your ass before praising Allah that all will be well and God is great!
This is just too bizarre.
I have never been deemed offensive,
Save me brother Nitro!
And save the Order of the fruit! :yo:

Nitro Express
12-13-2011, 02:50 AM
This is just too bizarre.
I have never been deemed offensive,
Save me brother Nitro!
And save the Order of the fruit! :yo:

There is the no penis rule. There is also the post in the appropriate thread rule. The army is a house of order. My two cents. A strap on dildo on an inflatable doll sunk into a tennis ball container full of pumpkin guts does not break the no penis rule. I didn't see any porn, just ideas on creative ways to jack off.



I have heard of shooting pumpkins but shooting ones load into one is a new and disturbing concept.

ZahZoo
12-13-2011, 10:41 AM
Brings a whole new dimension to Pumpkin Chunkin...

Sensible Shoes
12-13-2011, 01:21 PM
Don't forget the no two men kissing rule. All kinds of homophobic shit.

ZahZoo
12-13-2011, 01:46 PM
Heaven forbid anyone Skinny Dips around here... but don't even mention Chunky Dunkin...

Nitro Express
12-13-2011, 01:51 PM

BITEYOASS
12-13-2011, 01:58 PM
Astroglide (or spit if your really cheap) and kleenex, just keep it simple.

Sensible Shoes
12-13-2011, 04:53 PM
Jeez this is the 21st century with internet shopping and adult stores in big malls, are American girls still working their way through the fruit and veg?

Anyway surely a zucchini?

Weird peels.

No, not working our way through the fruits and veggies, just talking about them because of the gist of the thread. A rabbit wins every time.

Jérôme Frenchise
12-13-2011, 04:56 PM
Danish/Lebanese journalist Helen Hajjij tweeted on Wednesday: “So if Muslim women should stay away from cucumbers and bananas, should men stay away from melons?”


Muslims should go even further: never serve carrots or bananas and nuts with mussels... :biggrin:

Blaze
12-14-2011, 05:29 AM
There is the no penis rule. There is also the post in the appropriate thread rule. The army is a house of order. My two cents. A strap on dildo on an inflatable doll sunk into a tennis ball container full of pumpkin guts does not break the no penis rule. I didn't see any porn, just ideas on creative ways to jack off.



I have heard of shooting pumpkins but shooting ones load into one is a new and disturbing concept.

I do love men in overalls, they appears so easy to get out of. :D
the overall that is, not the men of course. ;)

Nitro Express
12-14-2011, 07:12 AM
I do love men in overalls, they appears so easy to get out of. :D
the overall that is, not the men of course. ;)

There is a certain guitar player who's been known to wear them. He probably could drop them easy and fuck under the stage during the bass solo.

ZahZoo
12-14-2011, 10:09 AM
Hey... we're discussing the sexual side of produce. Not the frickin farmer's britches...

http://img.xcitefun.net/users/2011/03/237852,xcitefun-vegetables-shape-10.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_h937HNtz6ek/SxYmU0ZQNgI/AAAAAAAAINE/IaEMzNfpGmQ/s400/Mutato-vegetables--36.jpg

Seshmeister
12-14-2011, 10:51 AM
12 years people and we finally touched bottom at this forum - posting pictures of vegetables that look like genitalia.

It can only go up from this point... :)

aesop
12-14-2011, 11:33 AM
It's reached much lower that this many times!

ZahZoo
12-14-2011, 01:33 PM
What genitailia..?

You never seen a 3 legged egg plant before?

Nitro Express
12-14-2011, 02:00 PM
What would you rather eat dear? The cock or the balls?

Seshmeister
12-14-2011, 06:45 PM
http://i.cr3ation.co.uk/dl/s1/gif/847032b8a331def77529b6a0384db1fe_parsnip.gif

Sensible Shoes
12-14-2011, 06:57 PM
Turnip worms. I can die now, I've seen it all.

LoungeMachine
12-14-2011, 06:59 PM
Only you, sesh........

only you.

:gulp:

kwame k
12-14-2011, 07:15 PM
Great.....you've ruined turnip sex for me now.

LoungeMachine
12-14-2011, 07:39 PM
Great.....you've ruined turnip sex for me now.

Turnip sex.....

The last option of balding drummers ;)

:gulp:

kwame k
12-14-2011, 08:34 PM
Turnip sex.....

The last option of balding drummers ;)

:gulp:

Great.....I make a lame ass joke on FB and this bastard brings it into The Army...........for shame 4 strings, for shame:lmao:

kwame k
12-14-2011, 08:35 PM
In my defense.......turnips have the decency to shave their nether regions, just saying........:headlights:

Seshmeister
12-14-2011, 09:06 PM
I doubt Susan Boyle does...

Sensible Shoes
12-14-2011, 09:39 PM
Great.....I make a lame ass joke on FB and this bastard brings it into The Army...........for shame 4 strings, for shame:lmao:

Facebook? You and LM are on Facebook? How does this not bring ridicule down on your heads? Geesh!

kwame k
12-14-2011, 09:44 PM
Facebook? You and LM are on Facebook? How does this not bring ridicule down on your heads? Geesh!






And why don't you friend me!

.....because you're Ace Diamond!

ZahZoo
12-15-2011, 09:13 AM
With all the whacko's and crazy shit on these boards the last 10 years or so... It takes a brave soul to even admit to having a Facebook page, Let alone friending some one here...

chefcraig
12-15-2011, 09:53 AM
With all the whacko's and crazy shit on these boards the last 10 years or so... It takes a brave soul to even admit to having a Facebook page, Let alone friending some one here...

It can be done, but you need to govern yourself accordingly. Stick to private groups, don't use your real name, do not reveal any personal details while judiciously limiting the friend requests you accept and you'll be OK. Having said that, it's little more than a fancied form of email and a way to promote shows if you are in the business. Sure, it's also great for getting back in touch with people, but the way I see it is much like my aversion to high school reunions. If I honestly gave a crap about any of these so-called "friends", would I have waited 25-30 years to contact them?

ThrillsNSpills
12-15-2011, 10:29 AM
It can be done, but you need to govern yourself accordingly. Stick to private groups, don't use your real name, do not reveal any personal details while judiciously limiting the friend requests you accept and you'll be OK. Having said that, it's little more than a fancied form of email and a way to promote shows if you are in the business. Sure, it's also great for getting back in touch with people, but the way I see it is much like my aversion to high school reunions. If I honestly gave a crap about any of these so-called "friends", would I have waited 25-30 years to contact them?

You're just mad because your farmville crops died.

Seshmeister
12-15-2011, 11:43 AM
It can be done, but you need to govern yourself accordingly. Stick to private groups, don't use your real name, do not reveal any personal details while judiciously limiting the friend requests you accept and you'll be OK. Having said that, it's little more than a fancied form of email and a way to promote shows if you are in the business. Sure, it's also great for getting back in touch with people, but the way I see it is much like my aversion to high school reunions. If I honestly gave a crap about any of these so-called "friends", would I have waited 25-30 years to contact them?

I used it to get the old band back together after 20 years.

On the privacy front it's worth pointing out that some cameras in mobiles embed their location at the time the photo was taken into the data that makes up a picture. In other words don't use your iPhone to take a picture of your extremely expensive guitar in your house and then put it on Facebook and then post 'Hooray we're off on vacation to Europe this month...'

I do all the things you say privacy wise and try to always treat every post as though it will be seen by everyone in the world forever including kids once they are older. I do worry a bit about friends who are less careful and so allow people a back door into your stuff. On the whole the way I use it I think it does more good than harm with 50 or so friends. I don't really understand what's going on whereby every kid you see has 500, I think they are doing something entirely different with it.

chefcraig
12-15-2011, 04:12 PM
You're just mad because your farmville crops died.

Nah, every one of those games and ads asks if they can access my personal info. So as a rule, I don't play. :nono:

Blaze
12-15-2011, 09:24 PM
Oh my God! May all of farmville crops die! I hate those games. I rarely add anyone to my profile that I have not met or work/ed with closely. I keep 3 pages (more actually but 3 officially) for people I have not met or work with closely. I have dropped people to the pages because of that farmville spam. But now, facebook can edit stupid post out so I am happies.

I do allow look see to my profile, when given a look see. But really, I update my pages more than I do my profile.
Blaze is one of my least updated:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Blaze/348067835809

LoungeMachine
12-15-2011, 11:33 PM
O

. I keep 3 pages (more actually but 3 officially)


Ummm....

You have more than 3 FB pages?

:gulp:

"wow" doesn't even begin to cover it.....