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View Full Version : Some Thioughts on CHRISTmas



Kristy
12-22-2011, 12:47 AM
1.) It's here. Again. Nothing so special about that except that not even corporate America can sell it to a unsuspecting horde of brain dead consumers; even the malls are dead. Sure, they'll crowd close today, tomorrow and on the "Eve" where shit bags like Wal-Mart will once again, not give a fuck about their employees and make them work it right though until 12:00PM Christmas day. If you shop there please kill yourself now. Which brings me to

2.) Wanting to kill yourself at Christmas time. My advice? Don't. Sure all that infested Dean Martin Christmas music where Dean in his holiday sweater programming us that this is the "most wonderful time of the year" and we buy into it like a Marlin fish at a ZZ Top concert. Okay, facts: it isn't, winter blows and Dean was a frustrated homosexual who drank himself to death under the auspicious of the Illuminati. Of course, I cannot prove this but it has been rumored on the internet so it MUST be true. Besides, no one in your family want to plan your funeral when they can't come up with an idea on how to get rid of the god damn tree. Wait until the next season of American Idol - you'll be glad you did.

3.) Midnight Mass guilt attendance. Um, you'd be better off killing yourself.

4.) Egg Nog/Rum drinks. Toxic, expensive and highly fattening. Over 300 calories in a shot alone! Apparently not one has killed off Spammy yet so drink up. Combine with your favorite neighbor-baked cookie, $5 vino or black tar heroin. But remember, moderation.

5.) Family. Ah, toughie, this one. Well, were you good and ass kissed the richest member of yours? Sure, they may not have bought you a plasma TV and a recovering meth-addicted hooker but what they did get you may beat a bland gift certificate card at Wal-Mart where all you are doing is making some poor fucker's life more miserable as you make them wait on you so you can get your retarded XBox 'Call Of Duty' on the "Eve" so you can avoid the crowds on the 26 when you return every god damn sweater you mother bought you in money so you can go out and buy your own recovering meth-addicted hooker. Asshole.

6.) Christmas music. If it's not Brain Setzer then you suck. See #2

7.) I fucking hate neo-Nazi Ebeneezers. Fuck you and all your negative shit. "I hate Christmas" Yeah!? Well, the world, Jesus and every Wal-Mart employee hates you. Fuck you and your hipster coats loaded with razor blades that you feed to kittens. Say "I hate Christmas" to my face and I'll shove that whatever generation iPod touch loaded with your crappy Dubstep right up your skinny jean hipster ass. Tell you what, either spend the rest 364 days working for your perfect ideal Utopia or shut the fuck up for good, Deal?

8.) Snow. Cloaked Christmas racism.

9.) Homeless people. May God bless them. And be thankful you have a family, home and warmth to enjoy unwrapping your whatever generation iPod so you can "download" your shitty Dubstep crap while others suffer (some by choice, most not) in a cold alley, you whining miserable Starbucks-sipping fuck. Life can change on your sad ass just as quick.

10.) Have a Merry one yourself. But you're still an asshole.

Satan
12-22-2011, 12:56 AM
Dean Martin is gay? I wonder if Sinatra knows? http://www.cosgan.de/images/smilie/xmas/g100.gif

Unchainme
12-22-2011, 01:01 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kwF-TvMi_Q

XMas Ale is the reason for the season.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYqnoULgD30

Satan
12-22-2011, 02:00 AM
Lots of great winter brews out there, but I usually go back to the Snow Cap Ale, by default.... :gulp:

http://www.drinkhacker.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/snow_cap.jpg

Hardrock69
12-22-2011, 03:50 AM
My advice to you is to drink heavily.

binnie
12-22-2011, 04:29 AM
Kristy, would you like a hug?

binnie
12-22-2011, 04:30 AM
If you focus in on the tacky part of Christmas, yeah, it's horrible.

But it's a time to re-charge and spend some time with your loved ones. My working life is busy, and I'm glad of a week to spend with Mrs binnie.....

fifth element
12-22-2011, 04:39 AM
uhhhh....Happy Holidays to everyone...
regardless of race, creed or other personnal beliefs.....

Listen to some good music,
talk to some good friends, (or barring that, to some intelligent ones),
have a drink or more, just for fun....

and enjoy life and love....

twonabomber
12-22-2011, 04:53 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kwF-TvMi_Q

XMas Ale is the reason for the season.


ugh. i don't like that stuff. more for you!

i should be more sympathetic toward the retail crowd. my mom managed movie theaters when we were younger, we'd eat dinner early and she'd have to go to work at 5 pm. but that meant one of two things...either we were going to the movies (on Christmas!) or she'd leave us at home, and we would be able to play the new video games we got all night and not have anyone telling us to turn them off. :D

VAiN
12-22-2011, 09:17 AM
If I didn't know better, I would think that you give a shit.

Sensible Shoes
12-22-2011, 09:59 AM
Kristy you channeled all that animosity into something pretty damned relevant. Cheers!

clarathecarrot
12-22-2011, 11:47 AM
I read all of Kristy's post and just want to say is, I am sorry, for once again having her find me passed out on her doorstep, with a empty bottle of Chamagne in my hand,dressed only in a crystal blue sequin thong and 237 dollars in 1 dollar bills stuck in the waistband.

and that I cannot remember where I left her Little Bopeep outfit..and that the cat box litter in my beard, was a set up.

Merry and a Happy to all.

sadaist
12-22-2011, 12:09 PM
I'm glad of a week to spend with Mrs binnie.....


The other 51 of us here are glad for our weeks too Binn....we are too.




















hmm...too much? lol. Nah. Tis the season for bad jokes as well. Have a good one Binnie.

chefcraig
12-22-2011, 12:34 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeVDOu2_Fuc&feature=related

ThrillsNSpills
12-22-2011, 01:16 PM
1.)
please kill yourself now.
Fuck you and all your negative shit.
Have a Merry one yourself. But you're still an asshole.

That would make a great Hallmark KRISTmas card, wouldn't it?

ZahZoo
12-22-2011, 01:48 PM
Family visits are a lot like fish... both start to stink after two days...

LoungeMachine
12-22-2011, 02:13 PM
Family visits are a lot like fish... both start to stink after two days...

Catch and release.......

:gulp:

The best policy with family during the Solstice.

chefcraig
12-22-2011, 03:15 PM
Catch and release.......

:gulp:

The best policy with family during the Solstice.

It's even better if you simply manage to outlive the lame-assed, "Do nothing because WE are on vacation", freeloading bastards. About every other year that goes by, I check another one off the list. Cuts down on Christmas card postage as well.

Little Texan
12-22-2011, 03:54 PM
1.)
please kill yourself now.
Fuck you and all your negative shit.
Have a Merry one yourself. But you're still an asshole.


That would make a great Hallmark KRISTmas card, wouldn't it?

Yep, sure would. :biggrin:

http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n298/denco428/kristmascard.jpg http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n298/denco428/kristmasinside.jpg

Terry
12-22-2011, 09:02 PM
Yeah, the commercialization of the holiday and the blatant materialism on display are a bit off-putting...

However, I'm looking forward to down time. Time off with the missus and hanging with our friends.

I think I'm gonna get REAL drunk, like, on Xmas eve.

At any rate, Merry Xmas, fuckers!:bolt:

Nitro Express
12-22-2011, 10:59 PM
Merry Satanmas!:smiley-sniffer::stoned-smiley::rockit::sex::blow::flasher::wanker::erecti on::gulp::elvis::monekyl::osama::minister::bellyda nce::sheepshagger:

The solstice is tomorrow. Don't forget to sacrifice something.

Hardrock69
12-22-2011, 11:58 PM
Good idea. Gonna build my altar.

Nitro Express
12-23-2011, 12:03 AM
I mess up. The solstice was today. Oh well. One day late. I haven't kidnapped my virgin yet.



I'm going to get drunk and have a riotice occasion.

Nitro Express
12-23-2011, 12:24 AM
But for those who truly know. Happy Saturnalia!

Satan
12-23-2011, 12:32 AM
http://atomicgator.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/festivus.jpg

ashstralia
12-23-2011, 12:35 AM
btw, any of you with clear skies... (not me atm) there's a beautiful comet in the pre dawn sky. ba rum pa pa pum.:)



http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/home/Comet-Lovejoy-Keeps-on-Giving-136099108.html

Satan
12-23-2011, 12:42 AM
Well shit, that lets me out...... No sky at all here. http://www.cosgan.de/images/smilie/teufel/d085.gif

Kristy
12-23-2011, 01:06 AM
That would make a great Hallmark KRISTmas card, wouldn't it?

Hi, Thrills. I have my own Christmas card for you.

Nitro Express
12-23-2011, 01:35 AM
Of course Jesus really is boring. Satan has given me more misery than pleasure. Let's be realistic. The best thing about Christmas is the excuse to buy more gear. Sadly there is no Santa Clause. Don't we wish we really would wake up and go out in the living room and see a Marshall stack and a 59 Les Paul. Oh well. Growing up is a bitch.

Nitro Express
12-23-2011, 01:40 AM
Hi, Thrills. I have my own Christmas card for you.



Pete also hated Led Zeppelin.

Little Texan
12-23-2011, 02:23 AM
btw, any of you with clear skies... (not me atm) there's a beautiful comet in the pre dawn sky. ba rum pa pa pum.:)



http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/home/Comet-Lovejoy-Keeps-on-Giving-136099108.html

Comet Lovejoy (2011 W3) rising over Western Australia from Colin Legg on Vimeo.

ashstralia
12-23-2011, 04:12 AM
awesome LT!!

Nitro Express
12-23-2011, 05:08 AM

fryingdutchman
12-23-2011, 06:58 AM
6.) Christmas music. If it's not Brain Setzer then you suck. See #2



You really MUST stop doing that to the name "Brian." C'mon Kristy, "I" before "A" except when it's this...

http://www.waiting.com/waiting.gifs/basicbrain.gif

:biggrin:

But seriously.....Happy Christmas luv!

Hardrock69
12-23-2011, 04:57 PM
Fucking hell. Sweet photo!

http://www.iceinspace.com.au/forum/attachment_browse.php?a=105827

aesop
12-23-2011, 05:09 PM
1.) 6.) Christmas music. If it's not Brain Setzer then you suck. See #2

I love that CD. And I'm not afraid to say it! Obviously you have good taste.

But fuck egg nogg. It's vanilla embalming fluid.

Dan
12-23-2011, 10:24 PM
Zip,Have Some Kiwi Snow.:D

Hardrock69
12-24-2011, 04:22 AM
Hey Kristy, I have a special meat-popsicle for you for Christmas! :hee:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbTULjLtKP4


Don't despair just because it's Christmas
Children they're all so gay at Christmas
All the children on the street
Hope they get something good to eat
But for me it's not so great
Fuck Christmas!
Fuck Christmas!
Fuck Christmas!


Merry Kristymas Mrs. Scroogeykins! :hee:

Nitro Express
12-24-2011, 04:46 AM
I love that CD. And I'm not afraid to say it! Obviously you have good taste.

But fuck egg nogg. It's vanilla embalming fluid.

Brian has several christmas albums. I put together some christmas MP3's to play over the holidays. I got christmas music from Brian Setzer to Joey Ramone. I threw in some Dean Martin too. I don't drink egg nogg. I pour some brandy in a sifter and warm it up in the microwave. That's my winter drink. Another thing I like to do is take some champaign up the ski hill with me and hide the bottles in the snow off in the trees. Ski all day and before the last run find the chilled champaign and drink it. Always good to stash some munchies like cheese, crackers, goose patte, smoked oysters and even caviar.

Sensible Shoes
12-24-2011, 10:56 AM
Oooooh fun!

I like cognac and grand marnier warmed in a snifter. It's that girl/sweet thing.

and I make killer eggnog from scratch - but it's got so much heavy cream in it, I haven't done it in years, it's just a heart attack waiting to happen.

Nickdfresh
12-24-2011, 11:23 AM
Oooooh fun!

I like cognac and grand marnier warmed in a snifter. It's that girl/sweet thing.
...

You'd probably love Bénédictine...

http://www.benedictinedom.com/lda/

Nickdfresh
12-24-2011, 11:24 AM
Who's drinking already?! This guy!! :painkiller::beers8:

Nitro Express
12-24-2011, 09:59 PM
I have to stay sober. I'm going to be up most the night assembling a doll house. I wish a guy by the name of Santa and some elves would show up so I could get drunk and fuck the wife instead. Oh well. Me and the dog will share the cookies, drink some caffieine and get her done. The older kids just wanted the iPod touch. Easy enough. No assembly required there.

Nitro Express
12-24-2011, 10:06 PM
Oooooh fun!

I like cognac and grand marnier warmed in a snifter. It's that girl/sweet thing.

and I make killer eggnog from scratch - but it's got so much heavy cream in it, I haven't done it in years, it's just a heart attack waiting to happen.

When I was skiing competitively I won the Grande Marnier trophy in the giant slalom. The trophy was a giant bottle of Grand Marnier and it was full of the real stuff. The best prize I ever won! I make Grande Marnier french toast.

A nice thing to go with your warm alcoholic treats is some good chocolate. I also like those chocolates that have the liquor in them.

Unchainme
12-24-2011, 10:35 PM
jesus nitro, you have a story for everything!

"one time I was with Roger Staubach drinking at his ranch, cool guy, we even played a few rounds of pool, and told me what happened in 71 nfc championship game".

Merry Christmas man!

Unchainme
12-24-2011, 10:37 PM
best way to avoid season depression?

skip christmas all together and chill at a hotel by the beach.

ain't nothing like sitting poolside at a bar with a glass of yuengling in one hand..and nfl football on the screen.

I believe that is what heaven is like.

clarathecarrot
12-24-2011, 11:26 PM
Once upon a time... In a galaxy.....I am sitting alone agin' ( as it should be) ...naturaly.....

On Christmas Eve.

I am Happy that on the tube was a fine show called Alvin and tha Chipmunks....and after that, The Fifth Element..with the Bruce of Willis.

These fine shows bring home the spirit of giving and I want to give you all something wonderfull....everybody in the Chipmunk voice...





Funky Merry, Peeps!

ashstralia
12-25-2011, 07:12 AM
i'm smashed as a parrot. (oz, colloquialism; very drunk.)

Seshmeister
12-25-2011, 11:12 AM
Your posts are like a psychic vision into my future...

Nickdfresh
12-25-2011, 01:24 PM
It's a good thing I'm not on acid while watching the Funky Town vid. Being pissed at the local bar (think local Hooters) and watching it is bad enough...

Hardrock69
12-25-2011, 03:09 PM
I have to stay sober. I'm going to be up most the night assembling a doll house.

Heh....Nitro likes to play wif dollies....
:lmao:

clarathecarrot
12-25-2011, 03:50 PM
Yes, he does and ... and in the Christmas, spirit of giving,(after watching vid for the third time) I would like to invite Debbie and her Danish dance team over to my place to lip-sync the 6" version....I have done all of the research and I am working on my time machine set to 1980.
This is for you to enjoy, This is a time travel secret, while I work on the logistics of those wondefull Viking babes, my traditional special recipe for Christmas Egg Nog.

3oz of cheap booze.
pour over Ice in glass..stir and enjoy.
repeat often

Dan
12-25-2011, 07:02 PM
Peace,Love And Pants Off To Everyone.:D

Hardrock69
12-25-2011, 07:04 PM
Hey, some pretty famous rockers play wif dollies:

http://i44.tinypic.com/n30xna.jpg

Hardrock69
12-26-2011, 03:14 AM
http://i40.tinypic.com/qnu1le.jpg

Nitro Express
12-26-2011, 09:07 PM
Heh....Nitro likes to play wif dollies....
:lmao:

I do. The only problem is I get bored and stick a M80 up their ass and blow them up.

Hardrock69
12-27-2011, 12:56 AM
:lmao:

Isn't that what we are supposed to do with them? :hee:

I remember tormenting my sisters.....throwing Barbie against the wall....the sisters crying as if I had murdered a real person, lol.

Sorta why I get a kick out of Alice when he is singing "Dead Babies" with a dolly head on the tip of his sword! :lol:

ashstralia
12-29-2011, 02:53 AM
Your posts are like a psychic vision into my future...

but only slightly into the future...:yo:

Seshmeister
12-29-2011, 02:14 PM
Usually around 10 hours.

Kristy
12-10-2014, 04:48 PM
Kristy, would you like a hug?

No and NO!