Hardrock69
12-29-2011, 01:49 AM
16th of February....2003....was looking through the help wanted ads online and came across this at careerbuilder.com. The ad was abbreviated, but in a rather hilarious way:
TN-Brentwood
Project Engineer 02/14
Doane Pet Care, the largest provider of private label pet food in the world, is seeking a Project Engineer for our Corporate Headquarters in Brentwood, Tennessee. Successful candidates will analyze, design, plan, direct, coordinate and supervise ass [more]
Experience Required: Less Than 1 Year
Employee Type: Full-Time Employee
Degree Required: Contact Company
It was my duty to reply to them, and so I did as follows:
I happened upon your ad seeking a Project Engineer in the online listings of the careerbuilder.com.
Now..let me see....you want someone who can "analyze, design, plan, direct, coordinate and supervise ass".
I am very good with ass. In fact, I am quite the expert. I can analyze ass in seconds, and though I feel that only God can truly "design" ass, I can plan, direct, coordinate and supervise it with complete integrity, and I have superior abilities in that field.
Having spent most of my adult life supervising and directing ass, I would be well suited to work for your company.
My starting salary requirement is $100,000 yearly, with 30 days paid vacation, bonuses, company car and a personal secretary. Oh, and also I prefer to work from my home, as telecommuting is much more efficient and cost-effective.
Since you apparently have had problems in the past with engineers who were unable to analyze, coordinate or direct ass (it seems there are quite a few people out there who are unable to utilize ass in the manner for which it was intended), I can honestly state that I am the answer to your troubles.
Please reply immediately to schedule an appointment for me to pick up my company car, fill out the paperwork for my insurance, 401k and other company benefits, and to meet the person whom will be supplying me with the ass I am going to be directing, coordinating, analyzing, etc.
Thanks for the job! You are fortunate that I decided to accept it!
Sincerely,
The Cosmic Ass Designer's Apprentice
For some strange reason, they never replied.
I guess they hired some losers who were willing to work for less, but of course, did not have the experience I had. :hee:
TN-Brentwood
Project Engineer 02/14
Doane Pet Care, the largest provider of private label pet food in the world, is seeking a Project Engineer for our Corporate Headquarters in Brentwood, Tennessee. Successful candidates will analyze, design, plan, direct, coordinate and supervise ass [more]
Experience Required: Less Than 1 Year
Employee Type: Full-Time Employee
Degree Required: Contact Company
It was my duty to reply to them, and so I did as follows:
I happened upon your ad seeking a Project Engineer in the online listings of the careerbuilder.com.
Now..let me see....you want someone who can "analyze, design, plan, direct, coordinate and supervise ass".
I am very good with ass. In fact, I am quite the expert. I can analyze ass in seconds, and though I feel that only God can truly "design" ass, I can plan, direct, coordinate and supervise it with complete integrity, and I have superior abilities in that field.
Having spent most of my adult life supervising and directing ass, I would be well suited to work for your company.
My starting salary requirement is $100,000 yearly, with 30 days paid vacation, bonuses, company car and a personal secretary. Oh, and also I prefer to work from my home, as telecommuting is much more efficient and cost-effective.
Since you apparently have had problems in the past with engineers who were unable to analyze, coordinate or direct ass (it seems there are quite a few people out there who are unable to utilize ass in the manner for which it was intended), I can honestly state that I am the answer to your troubles.
Please reply immediately to schedule an appointment for me to pick up my company car, fill out the paperwork for my insurance, 401k and other company benefits, and to meet the person whom will be supplying me with the ass I am going to be directing, coordinating, analyzing, etc.
Thanks for the job! You are fortunate that I decided to accept it!
Sincerely,
The Cosmic Ass Designer's Apprentice
For some strange reason, they never replied.
I guess they hired some losers who were willing to work for less, but of course, did not have the experience I had. :hee: