Cheney Receives Heart Transplant; Bush Still on Waiting List for Brain

[FORD]

Cheney Receives Heart Transplant; Bush Still on Waiting List for Brain
Halliburton Performs Reconstruction of Former VP

FALLS CHURCH, VA (The Borowitz Report) – Former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant today, but former President George W. Bush remained on a waiting list for a brain, hospital officials confirmed.

As part of a government contract signed while he was still Vice President, Halliburton performed the reconstruction work on Mr. Cheney’s circulatory system at a cost to taxpayers of $14.2 billion.

The doctor who performed the surgery called the procedure “extremely invasive – just the way the Vice President wanted it.”

A hospital spokesman said that Mr. Cheney was expected to make a full recovery, but that he was “somewhat disoriented” coming out of anesthesia: “When we asked him who the President of the United States was, he said, ‘Is it still me?’”

Minutes later, though, Mr. Cheney was reportedly alert, chatting with his doctors, and shooting people in the face.

Former President Bush made an appearance at the former Vice President’s hospital, hanging a “Mission Accomplished” banner in Mr. Cheney’s room hours before the operation was completed.

[kwame k]

:biggrin:

Well, Dick finally has a heart!

Now if he just had a soul and conscience........

[Nitro Express]

I wonder which kidnap victim donated their heart to Cheney?



Maybe the wizard will give him a brain next.

[kwame k]

He just took one from some third world peasant;)

Early twenties, good genetics and no immediate relatives..........probably paid $200,000 for it!

[Nitro Express]

He just took one from some third world peasant;)

Early twenties, good genetics and no immediate relatives..........probably paid $200,000 for it!

Yup. With seven billion people on this rock and most living in poverty, no problem finding a heart for rich, connected creeps like Cheney.

[Nitro Express]

Since Dick has no friends maybe the doctors can make him a friend.

[kwame k]

I'm sure he subbed it out to Halliburton....it's nice to have a nefarious organization at your disposal;)

[sadaist]

I am shocked the dude is still alive. The last couple years he has looked 10x worse than Keith Richards. I wonder if this new heart will improve his appearance. Will be interesting to see. I also wonder who just died or will die this week because they didn't get that same heart transplant.

I don't want to say he is too old or unworthy of receiving it. But I do wonder if he were truly at the top of that list legitimately. Actually no, I'm not wondering about that. I think we know.

[Nitro Express]

Well fucking kids up the ass from Boys Town on a cocaine fueled binge repeatedly is hard on your heart. Cheney has his Republican buddy Larry King to thank for this.

[kwame k]

I am shocked the dude is still alive. The last couple years he has looked 10x worse than Keith Richards. I wonder if this new heart will improve his appearance. Will be interesting to see. I also wonder who just died or will die this week because they didn't get that same heart transplant.

I don't want to say he is too old or unworthy of receiving it. But I do wonder if he were truly at the top of that list legitimately. Actually no, I'm not wondering about that. I think we know.

You wonder if a war profiteer, a treasonous American, would play by the rules when it came to his own life:lmao:

[Nitro Express]

You wonder if a war profiteer, a treasonous American, would play by the rules when it came to his own life:lmao:

Dick's only rule is don't get caught.

[Va Beach VH Fan]

So I guess I should be getting a Hallmark "Thank You" card in the mail anytime now from Dicky for footing the bill for his transplant, right?

That socialized medicine is a wondrous thing....

[sadaist]

I really wonder if it came from a willing & deceased owner. or did Cheney pull the old MOLA-RAM trick and rip it from a live prisoner?


http://www.chicagotypewriter.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/temple_of_doom_flaming-heart.jpg

[Hardrock69]

Fucking hell. WHY CAN'T HE DIE ALREADY! :mad:

Worthless evil goddamnable fucking shitbag cocksucker bastard fuckface motherfucking fuck motherfucker! :mad:

[Nitro Express]

Fucking hell. WHY CAN'T HE DIE ALREADY! :mad:

Worthless evil goddamnable fucking shitbag cocksucker bastard fuckface motherfucking fuck motherfucker! :mad:

Makes you hate modern medical technology doesn't it.

[BigBadBrian]

I don't want to say he is too old or unworthy of receiving it. But I do wonder if he were truly at the top of that list legitimately. Actually no, I'm not wondering about that. I think we know.

I work at a major hospital firm in my area, dealing with administrative issues and getting people insurance coverage for procedures and tests that their own insurance may not cover, or getting insurance for them at all.

I also deal with UNOS (http://www.unos.org) and DONATE VIRGINIA (http://www.save7lives.org/) for organ/tissue transplantation.

I assure there's absolutely NO WAY Cheney could have paid his way to the top of a list. It just can't be done. It's not really a list of anyway, just a pool of names that changes depending on several factors, including age, health condition, and length of time on the so-called "list," to name a few.

[Nickdfresh]

I wonder what teenage boy they had to kill for Cheney's new heart...and if he drank his blood too?

[Nitro Express]

I wonder what teenage boy they had to kill for Cheney's new heart...and if he drank his blood too?

Probably some kid from Boy's Town. The Republicans like to ass fuck the kids there so why not steal their organs?

[DONNIEP]

I don't know about the rest of you, but if the Reaper was knocking on my door I'd shoot the Easter Bunny for a new heart if I thought it would buy me 10 more years :) Of course, I'm not Dick Cheney, and I don't have all that guilt to carry around, eating at my new heart. :gulp: