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sadaist
05-02-2012, 02:24 PM
I know jerkin the gerkin, date with rosy palm, choking the chicken, slappin the salami.....but I need some new funny terms for jacking off. Whatcha got? Let's hear 'em.


And it's my penis....I can wash it as fast as I want!


Any less than twice a day you are only cheating yourself.

sadaist
05-02-2012, 02:25 PM
Women...you can play too! Hmm...what do women refer to female masturbation as? This should be good.

Seshmeister
05-02-2012, 02:26 PM
A five finger exercise on the spunk trumpet

Seshmeister
05-02-2012, 02:31 PM
Duel with the pink Darth Vadar

sadaist
05-02-2012, 02:34 PM
Duel with the pink Darth Vadar


:lmao:

Fucking funny! THIS is what I'm talking about.

DLR Bridge
05-02-2012, 02:36 PM
A guy I once worked with once said, "crack the carrot". I cringed. Bodily harm should not occur. I'll go with, "rub one out". No, it's not very funny, but it gets the job done.

Nitro Express
05-02-2012, 02:43 PM
Puking the worm.
Tossing the yogurt.
Spewing the sperm.
dispensing the custard.
popping the pork.
discharging the lube gun.
blowing goo.
shooting the love gun.
making giblet gravy.
charming the snake.

Dave's Bitch
05-02-2012, 02:54 PM
First female one

shuffling the deck :)

chefcraig
05-02-2012, 02:55 PM
"Wank the crank". For the ladies, there is always "tickle the taco."

Incidentally, the first time I ever heard Pink Floyd's "Another Brick In The Wall", I was certain the deranged teacher at the end was saying...

If you don't beat your meat,
you can't have any pussy.
How can you have any pussy,
if you don't beat your meat?

Matt White
05-02-2012, 02:57 PM
For the ladies???

"Flip the minnow"

"Roll the Bean"

sadaist
05-02-2012, 02:58 PM
First female one

shuffling the deck :)


No wonder I see so many female blackjack dealers in Vegas. They've been training since they were 12.

fourthcoming
05-02-2012, 03:00 PM
Female: Tickle the pink taco, dusting the roast beef curtains..............Male: polishing the diamond, stretching the armstrong

SparkieD
05-02-2012, 03:10 PM
I prefer to call it "fucking someone I love."

sadaist
05-02-2012, 03:12 PM
A girl I know said her mom gave her this one important piece of advice....


NEVER use spit and circles are better.

DONNIEP
05-02-2012, 03:17 PM
Beating the fuck out of it :)

Dave's Bitch
05-02-2012, 03:19 PM
Beating the fuck out of it :)
That one made me spit my Coke all over the place,Now i have to clean it up.Thanks a lot DONNIEP

SunisinuS
05-02-2012, 05:19 PM
Waxing the Dolphin
Shooting Putty at the Moon
Shameth your Sadaist

Nitro Express
05-02-2012, 05:31 PM
Ladies: Tickle the tulip. Guys: Slime the slug.

Diamondjimi
05-02-2012, 08:23 PM
Fap! .

Diamondjimi
05-02-2012, 08:26 PM
Punchin the Munchkin.

Changing the oil.

Arcing a rope.

Seshmeister
05-02-2012, 08:36 PM
Strangle Kojak.

Coyote
05-03-2012, 11:52 AM
knuckle shuffle.

vandeleur
05-03-2012, 11:59 AM
let no one say the army aint educational ;)

NIN1211
05-03-2012, 12:15 PM
let no one say the army aint educational ;)
Punch The Clown!

Nitro Express
05-03-2012, 12:21 PM
cough some kak snot.

sadaist
05-03-2012, 12:37 PM
For the ladies.....

checking for squirrels
dialing the rotary phone
drilling for oil
paddling the pink canoe
rubbin' the nubbin


For the men.......

Badgering the witness
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Clear the snorkel
Liquidating the inventory
Spank Elvis

fourthcoming
05-03-2012, 03:09 PM
Haaaaa........Badgering the witness????..........HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!

Little Texan
05-03-2012, 06:37 PM
Flogging the dolphin
Exorcising the bishop
(Found this one elsewhere)Giving a handshake to russel the love muscle
Playing pocket pool
Tenderizing the meat

Little Texan
05-03-2012, 06:43 PM
For the ladies...

Flicking the bean

Little Texan
05-03-2012, 06:44 PM
Strangling the Hagar

Little Texan
05-03-2012, 06:46 PM
Juicing the pickle
Batching the baby batter

(Made those up)

LUDWIG USA
05-03-2012, 08:50 PM
Spank the monkey.

Remember to only spank the monkey, don't beat his fucking ass.......that would be animal abuse.

Dr. Love
05-03-2012, 09:48 PM
here's some material for you:

http://i.imgur.com/7JWyY.jpg

TwoFoolsAMinute
05-03-2012, 09:52 PM
'lectrifyin' the cattle prod
launching the hand shuttle
playing tug-o-war with cyclops
polishing the helmet
stroke the oak
tug your twig
beat your meat
handle your candle

TwoFoolsAMinute
05-03-2012, 10:30 PM
Taking matters into your own hands
writing the letter out by hand
whacking off
jerking off
jacking off
tossing off
beating off
cranking one off

Coyote
05-04-2012, 07:35 PM

chefcraig
05-04-2012, 07:53 PM
http://img1.imagehousing.com/38/4cd836ef1a762cbff7308bf4c843ecb5.jpg (http://www.imagehousing.com/image/1009481)

Little Texan
05-04-2012, 08:17 PM
Petting the one-eyed trouser snake

LUDWIG USA
05-04-2012, 08:48 PM
cuffing the carrot.

Grandpa told me that I could go blind from cuffing my carrot, so I just did it till I needed glasses.

LUDWIG USA
05-07-2012, 08:04 AM
Puke the midget

Nickdfresh
05-07-2012, 05:37 PM
Strangling the fireman...

tojoro
05-09-2012, 07:23 AM
Interrogating the political prisoner...

sadaist
05-10-2012, 01:33 PM
Interrogating, strangling, choking....damn guys, what did the lil fella ever do to you?


:lmao:

tojoro
05-10-2012, 03:47 PM
Interrogating, strangling, choking....damn guys, what did the lil fella ever do to you?


:lmao:

My 'little guy' thinks he runs the show...but everytime we get into a fist fight about it, he throws up!
Honestly, though...I have to give credit where credit is due: I got that from Dennis Miller's stand-up "The Off-White" album, Which came out some twenty or so years ago.