Are employers today looking for a fuckin' ass-kissing, goose-stepping robot?!?!

[BITEYOASS]

Most of the 70+ jobs I've applied for have required this damn personality test. After I take every single one of them, I never get hired. Guess those corporate fucks don't like honesty! I hope the assholes they hired who matched their damn assessment winds up stealing their shit, embezzling their cash, never show up, have affair with their wife and other horrible things that will make them regret not hiring me. Fuckers! :rant: :soapbox:

[BITEYOASS]

From now on, I'm gonna lie on every one of these personality tests.

[fourthcoming]

You might have to pull a George Costanza........

[clarathecarrot]

I took one once back in 1986, they were new back then, they would ask the same question, but word it differently about 50 questions furthur down the test, there is a pattern, I noticed to these tests and you have to stay sharp...like there were 350 questioons on this fucking thing .But only 50 real questions backwards and sideways, over and over again.

How are you supposed to answer correctly, when they ask ....How do you feel about a dead dog on the side walk across your path..etc..

A. Bad
B. unconcerned
C.Sad for the dog owners loss.

Just complete dumbshit!! stuff,.. and then the same question worded differently down the line, there is no right answer. I believe they just want to find out if you can answer the same "different" question consistently as in ,...the test predicts your abilty to think and remember complex emotional situations consistenly...and do you have the patience to sit thru it without answering all (B's) and saying fuck it.

I swore I would never take another and haven't had to..If asked now, I would decline and say any company who has to rely on this way of interviewing probably isn't concerned about finding a good employee but more than likely it makes it evident that they don't care who it is or why that is applying for the job....kindly decline and walk out the door after explaining the above.

More than likely thier HR Person is inventing this shit (company policy) to take the liability of hiring a bad employee out of thier personal hands ...it's bullshit.

[FORD]

George never seemed to have a problem getting a job. He just didn't keep them very long. Of course when you pretend to be disabled, build a bed under the desk, or bang the cleaning lady on top of it, employers tend to frown on that :biggrin:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T35QhLx_KI

Vandelay Industries never needed no goddamned assessment test!

[SunisinuS]

George never seemed to have a problem getting a job. He just didn't keep them very long. Of course when you pretend to be disabled, build a bed under the desk, or bang the cleaning lady on top of it, employers tend to frown on that :biggrin:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T35QhLx_KI

Vandelay Industries never needed no goddamned assessment test!

Embedding disabled by request...apparently George could not even keep this job.

[clarathecarrot]

My other thought has been... why should I give this company a free, hour & 1/2 of my time and not get paid for it...say something like... I will take the test after you hire me and I am on the clock....lol.


They would love that ...lol


(p.s. shhhh...don't let anyone know this...shhhhh.... they can use these tests against you in court later..as a personality profile evidence because interpetation is easily manipulated by a savvy lawyer.)


Hell no I am not Paranoid !! ...I'll be right back ..I left something in the trunk of my flame thrower..uh... gun case ..uh .. no,.. I mean.....I mean... I forgot my resume in my car ...be right back...lol.

[clarathecarrot]

George never seemed to have a problem getting a job. He just didn't keep them very long. Of course when you pretend to be disabled, build a bed under the desk, or bang the cleaning lady on top of it, employers tend to frown on that :biggrin:

Vandelay Industries never needed no goddamned assessment test!

That was one of the best running gags on that show Georga and his ability to get jobs with absolutely no inclination or skills at the task.

That show was really good.

[mohican]

From now on, I'm gonna lie on every one of these personality tests.

What industry is this? Assessment tests are for hiring managers that are too lazy or inexperience to judge candidates. It's annoying as hell for the job seekers. I was interviewed by Oracle during the internet bubble where they hired a bunch of really young people and giving them managing positions. I went from dept to dept being interviewed by bubbly people. They had no idea what to ask me as far as my fit for the position. Rather, they kept emphasizing that they choose people that "fit" in. One pointed out to me the photos on her walls of her team going skiing etc. I looked around and the place was like a little fraternity/sorority. That's how they choose candidates. This was the business side though. I'm sure they don't choose the tech people on such a superficial level.

[Nitro Express]

I remember on one employee evaluation a question asked if you were a liar. I responded yes. Then in the interview I was asked about my response and I said we have all gone over to someone's house and their wife makes dinner and the food is lousy. Now the best thing to do is not over play the lie and thank her for dinner. If she asks how it was then say something complimentary. It's still a lie though but maybe the lie is better than hurting someone's feelings or ruining a friendship. They liked my answer. I guess a lot of people answer no and that makes you look too good. LOL!

[mohican]

Lying is a requirement for a sales job. :biggrin:

[Nitro Express]

What industry is this? Assessment tests are for hiring managers that are too lazy or inexperience to judge candidates. It's annoying as hell for the job seekers. I was interviewed by Oracle during the internet bubble where they hired a bunch of really young people and giving them managing positions. I went from dept to dept being interviewed by bubbly people. They had no idea what to ask me as far as my fit for the position. Rather, they kept emphasizing that they choose people that "fit" in. One pointed out to me the photos on her walls of her team going skiing etc. I looked around and the place was like a little fraternity/sorority. That's how they choose candidates. This was the business side though. I'm sure they don't choose the tech people on such a superficial level.

Before Carly Fiorina ruined Hewlett-Packard they used a system Dave Packard put together. I loved it. It was the same for the business and tech people. You had your core job but you had a lot of stuff you could choose to do on the side. Then you had quarterly evaluations and if you went the extra mile beyond just doing your core job that was part of your evaluation. I really did well on that system and got pay raises every quarter. We had an absolutely lousy network in our department. IT (It actually wasn't even called that then) was blowing us off so I just took the bull by the horns and just fixed everything myself. It wasn't in my job description, it was not my responsibility, I didn't go through proper proticol I just did it. Also, I fixed a huge problem in another division because I knew the guy in Palo Alto that had enough pull at corporate to fix it for them. Then what you do is you get them to write up a memo on how you helped and you take this in to your evaluation. There wasn't a lot of back stabbing either because the company would reward whole teams and then if you were a key player they might give you points for a promotion or some extra pay. One time I got $6,000 bonus out of the blue.

Those were the good old days.

[Nitro Express]

Lying is a requirement for a sales job. :biggrin:

No shit. I actually helped develop products for our stock brokers and loan officers to use. If they were honest the company would have made no money. The honest answer would be you are paying too much but the dolt customers just care about how much a month so caviat emptor. In fact, if you are honest with them they will accuse you of cheating them because the monthly payments are more but the future value is way less. People just don't get it. In fact smart people like doctors don't get it. It always amazed me. In a way we gave the customer what they wanted and the customer begged to be ripped off. Amazing.

[FORD]

What industry is this? Assessment tests are for hiring managers that are too lazy or inexperience to judge candidates. It's annoying as hell for the job seekers. I was interviewed by Oracle during the internet bubble where they hired a bunch of really young people and giving them managing positions. I went from dept to dept being interviewed by bubbly people. They had no idea what to ask me as far as my fit for the position. Rather, they kept emphasizing that they choose people that "fit" in. One pointed out to me the photos on her walls of her team going skiing etc. I looked around and the place was like a little fraternity/sorority. That's how they choose candidates. This was the business side though. I'm sure they don't choose the tech people on such a superficial level.

...though it would explain how Oracle made such a mess out of Java, Open Office, and whatever else they acquired from Sun Microsystems. :biggrin:

[Nitro Express]

The problem with a lot of these corporations is the major stockholders no longer have any interest in the companies anymore. HP was a great company while Dave Packard still owned his controlling shares. When he passed away and his family sold his shares and they became owned by Wall Street then you will watch a great company be ruined. More outsourcing begins and incompetent connected management becomes the norm. It becomes a stock manipulation game betting up or down. Then of course if things get bad or even if they aren't they can get government bailouts.

What's going on now is companies like JP Morgan Chase are doing naked short sales and even issuing fake stocks. They sell the fake stocks and then use the media and other manipulation to drive the stock price down or even run the company out of business and then they pocket the money. All sorts of shit going on. That's why most the best companies left in the US are privately held. Naked short selling can't be used to ruin your company and usually management is related to the family who started the company and they have a bigger interest than just making money.

[BITEYOASS]

BTW, all these personality assessments I'm taking are for minimum wage shit jobs. Why the fuck they would bother with one at this level is beyond me. I keep telling my wife that I may have to re-enlist if this shit keeps up. She doesn't like it, but what the fuck am I suppose to do?

[Nitro Express]

BTW, all these personality assessments I'm taking are for minimum wage shit jobs. Why the fuck they would bother with one at this level is beyond me. I keep telling my wife that I may have to re-enlist if this shit keeps up. She doesn't like it, but what the fuck am I suppose to do?

I think I have have been ran through the red tape wringer more for shit jobs than the good jobs. I mean I used to do demolition in industrial plants. What was fun was working in government installations involving nuclear fuel and reactors. Tons of training, testing, background checks, paper work for a shit job. I remember I pulled into the Hanford facility and I had a five gallon can of gasoline on my truck. I had to listen to a lecture on the hazards of gasoline and the dangers of benzine. I was going into an area where there was nuclear waste, nuclear fuel, and weapons grade plutonium but they were concerned about my little plastic can of 85 octaine unleaded gasoline.

Honestly. I almost died three years ago and I often wonder why I survived. For this shit? Actually almost dying was kind of cool and exciting. I don't fear it either. I fear being maimed and not dying. I've just concluded it's all going to hell in a bucket and I'm going to enjoy the ride. I'm looking at it from an entertainment perspective and hey if I die for entertainment then so be it. Everyone is so scared and so careful worrying about everything. For what? It's not going to get better. People are too fucked up but it is entertaining watching the fucks fuck up.

[Nitro Express]

Most of the 70+ jobs I've applied for have required this damn personality test. After I take every single one of them, I never get hired. Guess those corporate fucks don't like honesty! I hope the assholes they hired who matched their damn assessment winds up stealing their shit, embezzling their cash, never show up, have affair with their wife and other horrible things that will make them regret not hiring me. Fuckers! :rant: :soapbox:

Yup. They are looking for obedient workers. People just barely capable of doing the job and too dumb and passive to realize they are being screwed and to do anything about it.



They want you to be a happy slave.

[TwoFoolsAMinute]

Yeah, when I started looking into the legality of the way I was getting paid at my last job, they quickly found a reason to fire me and made it stick. I desperately need a job, and I can't even get a call back. And, I've never gotten a job for which I had to take a personality test, either. I've always answered them honestly. I figure if I have to take another one I'll try being mister perfect...see how that goes.

I guess I shouldn't take it personally I can't get a job right now. My wife has two degrees and she's working at a convenience store...and it took her months to get hired there. Hopefully it's just a slow process on my stuff. I graduated with my BS four weeks ago, and had 20 years of work experience before that. I'd think I would at least get interviews. Right now I'm one of those drains on society that I don't like to be. But, I am truly trying to get out of the hole.

[Light Em' Up!]

Yeah, when I started looking into the legality of the way I was getting paid at my last job, they quickly found a reason to fire me and made it stick. I desperately need a job, and I can't even get a call back. And, I've never gotten a job for which I had to take a personality test, either. I've always answered them honestly. I figure if I have to take another one I'll try being mister perfect...see how that goes.

I guess I shouldn't take it personally I can't get a job right now. My wife has two degrees and she's working at a convenience store...and it took her months to get hired there. Hopefully it's just a slow process on my stuff. I graduated with my BS four weeks ago, and had 20 years of work experience before that. I'd think I would at least get interviews. Right now I'm one of those drains on society that I don't like to be. But, I am truly trying to get out of the hole.

Congratulations on your BS...what's it in?

[BITEYOASS]

Yup. They are looking for obedient workers. People just barely capable of doing the job and too dumb and passive to realize they are being screwed and to do anything about it.



They want you to be a happy slave.

Yeah, as opposed to a slave that want to flip em' off and tell the boss to go fuck themselves once they find out they won't get paid today. :biggrin:

[BITEYOASS]

I remember my dad telling me about some boss at restaurant he was working for skipped two paychecks on him. Luckily he found out that his boss owes the IRS some money, then proceeded to blackmail him and get back his missing pay, plus a little extra. Worked out pretty good. That and probably selling weed on the side. :hitch:

[BITEYOASS]

My dad and his friends were the real "Trailer Park Boys". LOL

[DONNIEP]

The absolute best job interview I ever had was back in '95, when I was living in San Diego, and I had an interview with a travel insurance company (TSA). I was high as a kite because I'd done a little blow before the interview and these idiots hired me because they said I was a "perfect fit" for the company!! Really??? Ah, those were the good old days :gulp:

[TwoFoolsAMinute]

Congratulations on your BS...what's it in?
Anthropology and History

[TwoFoolsAMinute]

Yeah, that's a threadkiller.

[mohican]

...though it would explain how Oracle made such a mess out of Java, Open Office, and whatever else they acquired from Sun Microsystems. :biggrin:

:clap:

And Oracle is One Rich Asshole Called Larry Ellison

[Nitro Express]

Yeah, as opposed to a slave that want to flip em' off and tell the boss to go fuck themselves once they find out they won't get paid today. :biggrin:



They figure since they have feminized and wimpified the men over the last 30 years, we will just bend over and take it up the ass. They figure they have turned enough of us into couch potato sludge we will act like pathetic fat mall cop gimps to be ass fucked and say thank you sir may I have another.

[Nitro Express]

Anthropology and History

I thought you were going to say I got a degree in Bull Shit.

[Satan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edRUT1NuwHs

[ashstralia]

haha!

my good mate Dr C. gave me some jeans which don't fit him; they make a swooshing sound when i walk.

luckily, i'm a self employed rock star... :lol:

[Hardrock69]

From now on, I'm gonna lie on every one of these personality tests.


Why didn't you do this the first time?

It is simple. You KNOW what the "best" answer is for each of the 50 "REAL" questions.

You just tell them what they want to hear!

You want them to THINK you are a fucking ass-kissing, goose-stepping robot!

Then, eventually, to their horror.....they will discover you are actually someone who can (GASP!) THINK!

The horror......the horror.....

[So this is love]

Most of the 70+ jobs I've applied for have required this damn personality test. After I take every single one of them, I never get hired. Guess those corporate fucks don't like honesty! I hope the assholes they hired who matched their damn assessment winds up stealing their shit, embezzling their cash, never show up, have affair with their wife and other horrible things that will make them regret not hiring me. Fuckers! :rant: :soapbox:

Short answer: YES... not that I agree with it...its not what you know its who you know...sad but the truth

[TwoFoolsAMinute]

I don't know anyone.

[So this is love]

I don't know anyone.

me neither:(

[JenniferM]

:)Just put us all down as references.......

[TwoFoolsAMinute]

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a job!!!

[Sensible Shoes]

That makes two of us. Hang in there - I'm practicing my heavy drinking.

[Hardrock69]

I think I have have been ran through the red tape wringer more for shit jobs than the good jobs. I mean I used to do demolition in industrial plants. What was fun was working in government installations involving nuclear fuel and reactors. Tons of training, testing, background checks, paper work for a shit job. I remember I pulled into the Hanford facility and I had a five gallon can of gasoline on my truck. I had to listen to a lecture on the hazards of gasoline and the dangers of benzine. I was going into an area where there was nuclear waste, nuclear fuel, and weapons grade plutonium but they were concerned about my little plastic can of 85 octaine unleaded gasoline.

Honestly. I almost died three years ago and I often wonder why I survived. For this shit? Actually almost dying was kind of cool and exciting. I don't fear it either. I fear being maimed and not dying. I've just concluded it's all going to hell in a bucket and I'm going to enjoy the ride. I'm looking at it from an entertainment perspective and hey if I die for entertainment then so be it. Everyone is so scared and so careful worrying about everything. For what? It's not going to get better. People are too fucked up but it is entertaining watching the fucks fuck up.


That is a trip about the bucket of gas.

And secondly, how about leaving me your Countach in your will? :lmao:

Seriously I hope you have a long and happy life, despite working around nuclear facilities.

[Hardrock69]

All through this thread I am thinking about the movie "Office Space".

Makes me think for my next interview I should go in there and not give a damn. They will probably offer me a job at corporate headquarters as a Vice President....

[Nitro Express]

That is a trip about the bucket of gas.

And secondly, how about leaving me your Countach in your will? :lmao:

Seriously I hope you have a long and happy life, despite working around nuclear facilities.

Here's your government at work. We were replacing the ceramic lining in a nuclear facility. You tear the old lining out and you put the new one in. It's all custom made brick made to the shape of the vessel. So each brick has a number on it and we had to build a form and lay custom brick over the form and make a dome. Then the form has to be removed and guess who got that job? Me. I had to crawl under tons of brick we just laid and unbolt the steel form and take it out. If something was done wrong all that brick would collapse on me.

Because we were supposedly working in a radioactive area we could not use our own tools. The government bought the tools and they were the best you could get at the time. Top grade expensive stuff.

When the job was over the government wanted the tools back. We assumed they would reuse them but we watched them throw them away. We said if they were just going to throw those expensive tools away we could have used them. They said the tools had to be destroyed because they were in a radioactive area. We said we were working where the tools had been and we just wore respirators and some coveralls. It made us wonder whether it was just bullshit or if we had been exposed to more radiation that we had thought.

Nuclear laboratories are in the middle of nowhere and the sites are huge. I just remember it being windy and freezing cold and feeling very isolated. The pay was good and the best thing was they had the best cafeteria hands down. The food was awesome. The people who worked in those places were interesting to say the least.

[Hardrock69]

I would not trust them to tell me the truth about how much radiation I was being exposed to.

For all you know, your bones may cause x-ray machines to freak out when you go for physicals. :hee:

I worked with a guy who worked on a nuclear facility in Kentucky. That sort of work DOES pay well.

Ever thought of doing any Don Equis commercials? You oughta write a book.