So I decided to be modern...

[Anonymous]

So, I decided to become modern. It's not that I'm old-fashioned, I'm sure you know that. It's just that I'm not modern.

And what better way to become modern than picking up one of those weekend magazines from the newspapers, with fashion & lifestyle advices?

When I found one that had "50 things men & women MUST know to survive in the modern age", I knew I had hit the jackpot.

Here's a couple of samples.

Men: To show you know how to behave in a club, act like you know the staff & pretend you're at home, dress casual & light a cigarette in the middle of the dance floor. Make sure you know all the musics & tell everyone you own the original at home, in vinyl preferably.

Women: Find out what his favourite film is & memorize a couple of lines, that will impress him.

Both: To fool people into thinking you're smart, never say anything first. Nod your head in agreement, utter a few generic phrases of agreement & if possible, quote some ancient Greek philosophers, that way everyone will think you're really intelligent.

Also, a few advices on what gadgets you simply MUST purchase if you want to fit in.

...

I think I'll remain outside the currents of time, lonely & depressed.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Hardrock69]

Well, cuntgrats on your desire to be a Modern Man.

Whether you succeed at it remains to be seen, but around here the old reliable Sylicker will do just fine.

[ashstralia]

if ya lit a ciggie in a club here, you'd get marched outside quicksmart. even if you knew all the musics. :D

[VAiN]

Glad you're back, and making the effort to be modern. Well done!

[jhale667]

if ya lit a ciggie in a club here, you'd get marched outside quicksmart. even if you knew all the musics. :D

Same here.

[lesfunk]

I hear The Fleshlight is the height of moderninity.

[Coyote]

Next thing you know, he's changed his name to "Mr. Roboto"...

[BITEYOASS]

I hear The Fleshlight is the height of moderninity.

Fleshlight? Hell, I was using that waayyy back in 1999.

[ZahZoo]

Was that article from the 60's..?

Where the hell can you go to a club in the 21st century and light up a smoke in the middle of the dance floor?

[Anonymous]

Nah, it's from last week. I really have no idea, smoking is banned from almost everywhere, but that's hardly the point.

From what I've gathered, the key to being modern is to act like a douchebag at all times, lie & cheat your way through life. Learn nothing, just pretend all the time.

I wonder if people do act like that & noone calls them on it? I wouldn't know, because when I see someone who's obviously bullshitting or acting in a manner I disapprove, I just walk away.

Life's too short for that kind of shit.

But actually encouraging people to act like that telling them it IS the way to be?

I was flabbergasted.

Cheers! :bottle: