Kristy Reviews The Remastered Zep II

[Kristy]

Lawdy knows I have zero respect for Jimmy Page. Plagiarist, horrible fashion style, and nowadays a sad little man, Page has continues to be ass-licked to death in most musical circles. Why this imbecile maintains such a strange currency is beyond me. My best guess is he is one hell of a smart businessmen and that I’ll give him credit for. His company Zeppelin Incorporated still churns out a profit when many others from his era are either bankrupt or dead.

Jimmy Page has done much with little assets. Only 8 studio releases in the company’s career span these dreadfully recorded and produced offerings never failed to be as boring as today as when they were first released over some 40 fucking years ago. One can guess by Page’s tremendous occupational skills he knew the right people to hire – from his shitty band mates up to the engineers who had to endure such mindless drek. No question Page was the dick who ran the show.
http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120106040426/stairwaytozeppelin/images/b/ba/JimmyPage14.jpg
Total dick


Over the years the interest in Zeppy & Co. has faded. Much of it replaced by copycat bands who took Jimmy Page’s blueprint of blues-stealing, riff-bashing, mindless soloing into the heavy metal waters of musical boredom. There wasn’t one spandex butt-plugging, effeminate-hair sporting, little cock swaging MTV act who wasn’t mimicking Page’s trade – particularly in the late 1980’s. Now I won’t dwell into that nonsense any further because for one, it’s an entirely different story.

Many Zeppy Heads ask me why I hate this asshole as if Page is some sort of a saint immune from all criticism. Truth is, I do hate him. I hate this shithead more than any other fucker on the planet and yes, that includes your George Bushes and Karl Lagerfields. My answer is simple: Page destroyed music. Well, particularly rock ‘n’ roll. Yes I know, what really killed rock was the limey and their dull-as-fuck “prog rock” with tunes about spaceships and maidens and silly cosmic shit. That was bad enough but Page took it one step further. He made rock ‘n’ roll pretentious.

Everybody with any fucking musical sense knows pretentiousness does not belong. It turns people into assholes. And assholedom is what Jimmy Page was and still is all about. Suddenly rock stars who were in the Zep shadow became assholes too almost overnight. A few escaped like T. Rex and The Modern Lovers but everyone else became zombiefied fuck Nazis with Les Pauls and Stratocasters. Remember when Paul McCartney used to be cool before Zeppy’s first album? Well, there you have it. Even your homoerotic pagan god David Lee Roth is an asshole and yes, you have Jimmy Page to blame.

http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/noisecreep.com/files/2013/03/david-lee-roth-penis.jpg
"Whhhhaaaaat!? Whaddyyya mean Jimmy Page is why I'm such an asshole?"

If there is one constant in the whole god damn universe it’s assholeness. It never goes away. It reverberates in circles and when common sense takes over…look! Over your shoulder! Its assholeness coming back to fuck you in the ass like a jackhammer riding a tsunami. Case in point: The Led Zeppelin “remasters/deluxe edition” what-the-fuck ever marketing skills done by pissant college grads in Hugo Boss suits. Sure enough, Jimmy Page jumped on this gravy train and that fucker is going to ride it with your soul as fuel.

http://grdurand.com/blogger/uploaded_images/jimmy_page.jpg
Corporate cocksucker is there ever was one

Like I said, Page is a clever businessman. He is re-releasing the re-releases in a new package but the abysmal music is still the same. That’s right, the rip-off remains the same. Page, being the smug, trendy, pseudo-intellectual that he really is has come to the conclusion of cliff hanging the Zep catalog. He’s pulled this shit before but now with ” 2013 digital remastering 20-bit blow me you cocksucker blowjob technology” he’s doing it again. Boy howdy!

As of June 3rd, 2014 Page is only releasing the first 3 Schepply offerings: Schepply I (The Con Album) Schepply II (The Hissy Fit Album) and Schepply III (The Mexican Gang Banger Album). It is Schepply II I will be focusing upon.
http://www.relix.com/images/uploads/about/Relix_Led_Zeppelin_II.jpg
(Notice the Nazi unformed cover)

Schepply II was recorded in between touring breaks in late 1968 to early 1969. This piece of shit sounds like it, too: Haphazard, non-sequitur with piss poor overdubs and vocal tracks. Zep of course, was playing largely to white audiences so it only make sense they would make this a white album while insulting the black “blooz” artist they admir…er, ripped off. The song themselves (if you want to call them that) were inane mutterings of male genitalia being fascinated with female genitalia with lemons and floors. There were elements of hobbits, Hob-goblins, dwarfs and what appears to be a 3 minute anger management class masquerading as a drum solo. Of course there was the Page patented “blooz” theft but most Zeppy heads are too fucking stupid, stoned or senile to recognize this god damn travesty.

http://johannasvisions.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/willie-Dixon2.jpg
Hey Jimmy, why don't you get over here and suck my dick!?"

Schepply II starts off with ‘Whole Lotta Love’ an originally penned Willie Dixon tune about date rape. An unimpressive distorted sophomoric guitar “riff” attempts to be bombastic but only ends up annoying the shit out of you. Page pretty much set the standard for what was to follow. It only goes downhill from here. Page knows he can go into his bag of tricks so many times without sounding like the joke he is so he leaves it up to the engineers and a lot of studio gimmicky. There is a lot of unnecessary panning, overkill vocals dubs while Page’s crappy soloing becomes unhinged.

‘Thank You’ is downright fucking retarded. Cliché lyrics about “mountains and seas” while Plant praises his penis above all that is pure in nature. Page plays a 12-string so superfluously while the other two on the Zep payroll play along including the use of a Sunday school church organ. Yes, fucking ghey.

Side 2 of II manages to out embarrass side 1. Page’s playing is abominable; selfish sloppy solos, disjointed riffs and poorly mixed overdubs. ‘Ramble On’ is Simon & Garfunkel with Hobbit lyrics. No real depth to any of the songs. ‘Moby Dick’ is unfuckinglistenable and the ending ‘Bring It On Home’ Page drives the knife of plagiarism to the hilt. Just a terrible, terrible record.

As for the technical details of the 2014 “remastering” eh, a lot of the tape hiss gone or just below ear level of being noticeable. Page’s Lesbian Paul sounds raw for the 1969 recording equipment of mics and tape limitation(s). Drums are louder but that is not a plus; the real star here is the 1962 Fender Precision Bass because it sounds like a 1962 Fender Precision Bass should sound – y’know “bassy.” You can really hear the confines on Plant vocal styling and conclude without a doubt he was an overrated singer only later to have his balls cut off by Page to keep the corporation going.
http://www.flyguitars.com/graphics/62jazzBass.jpg
Class act

The “Companion Disc” is a bit of a disappointment. There is nothing special to be found here. Much if it is engineer backing tracks that Eddie Kramer himself wished remained in a vault. Page has nothing to offer being the con man he is – many records have unvocalized tracks laying around. Sound more like a play along with Zep than anything remotely exciting. The only upshot to any of them is how much of Zeppelin’s sound was actually Kramer and just how dismal of a musician Page really was. Of course, that won’t stop any of your cretin assholes from buying this crap.

[binnie]

Does the fact you've reviewed it mean you actually bought it?

(I'd also be curious to know why you've chosen Zep II and not I or III - which have also been reissued - to review)

[ashstralia]

Overall, I'm giving the review a 6.5. That's still a credit; just on the low side.

Apart from the usual psycho/sexual rage there were some funny bits. Not full on chortle though, more like a snicker. I awarded extra points for the research being reasonably well done. I deducted them for not correcting 'soporific'. Come on Kman, lift your game. :)

[ashstralia]

And 'gimmickry'

That's a good word. Fix it wench!!!

[Kristy]

Does the fact you've reviewed it mean you actually bought it?

(I'd also be curious to know why you've chosen Zep II and not I or III - which have also been reissued - to review)

Why would I buy that shit?

[Kristy]

And 'gimmickry'

That's a good word. Fix it wench!!!

Go give a kangaroo AIDS

[PETE'S BROTHER]

Go give a kangaroo AIDS

he's a paramedic too?

[vandeleur]

Agree or not at least it was funny ....

[Nitro Express]

Why this imbecile maintains such a strange currency is beyond me. My best guess is he is one hell of a smart businessmen

In other words, Jimmy Page is a lot like Sammy Hagar. Society is stupid in general. You just have to casually observe people or read the news to confirm this. Jimmy and Sammy seem to be good at niche marketing a section of society dolts and selling their scams. It's no different than Bernie Maddoff but then Bernie appealed to people's greed. What's amazing is Sam and Pagie never had that emotion to exploit. Sex and greed I get. I don't get horrid, dated fashions and faggotry.

[ELVIS]

Krusty sure as hell does...

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/65446000/jpg/_65446103_53180935.jpg

:barf:

[Nitro Express]

If that is real fur he's wearing PETA is going to kick his fag ass.

[ELVIS]

Oops...

I changed the image...

You mean this one ??

http://www.thisishype.com/livehype/images/eduardo_february201372.jpg

[Kristy]

Krusty sure as hell does...

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/65446000/jpg/_65446103_53180935.jpg

:barf:

Get the fuck out of this thread you unemployable bag of shit.

[ELVIS]

Get the fuck out of this thread you unemployable bag of shit.

Your Jimmy Page jealousy thread ??

That Jimmy Page had skill (much like Nitro and myself) and didn't have to get a "job" and be a SLAVE like you ??

Is that the problem ??

Later, working stiff...or did you get fired...again...

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1086843/thumbs/o-KINKY-BOOTS-REVIEW-facebook.jpg

Too bad you couldn't land that fag job, eh Krusty ??

[ELVIS]

Krusty work out...

http://afterellen.mtvnimages.com/uploads/2014/03/cc2.jpg?quality=0.6

Krank up the Zep !!!

[PETE'S BROTHER]

Too bad you couldn't land that fag job, eh Krusty ??

boot model? that could be her

[ELVIS]

Krusty is not a her...

Get your hands out of your pants...

[PETE'S BROTHER]

Krusty is not a her...

Get your hands out of your pants...

i leave one out while i'm at work....

[ELVIS]

There's more to life than jacking off to corrupt mental images, you know...

[Mr. Vengeance]

Didn't read it. I'm sure it was the usual "Zep sucks. Jimmy Page rips off everyone. (Insert person here) is ghey" and some self-serving, "look at me!!! I need attention!!!" bullshit.

Just stopping in to call Kristy a dumb cunt. There. You got some attention. Can you shut the living fuck up now?

[Kristy]

Didn't read it. I'm sure it was the usual "Zep sucks. Jimmy Page rips off everyone. (Insert person here) is ghey" and some self-serving, "look at me!!! I need attention!!!" bullshit.

Just stopping in to call Kristy a dumb cunt. There. You got some attention. Can you shut the living fuck up now?

Post of the year.

[Kristy]

Krusty is not a her...

Get your hands out of your pants...

Yeah, and Smellvis actually has a job.

[VetteLS5]

i leave one out while i'm at work....

Do you switch after lunch to add variety to your day?

[PETE'S BROTHER]

Do you switch after lunch to add variety to your day?

oddly.....no

[Nitro Express]

Your Jimmy Page jealousy thread ??

That Jimmy Page had skill (much like Nitro and myself) and didn't have to get a "job" and be a SLAVE like you ??

Is that the problem ??

Later, working stiff...or did you get fired...again...

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1086843/thumbs/o-KINKY-BOOTS-REVIEW-facebook.jpg

Too bad you couldn't land that fag job, eh Krusty ??

Lose the dress, keep the boots!

[Nitro Express]

"Jimmy Page is an excellent producer. Led Zeppelin 1 and Led Zeppelin 2 are classics.
As a player, he's very good in the studio. I never saw him play well live. He's very sloppy.
He plays like he's got a broken hand and he's two years old. But if you put out a good album and play like a two-year-old live. What's the purpose?"
-- Eddie Van Halen --


I remember reading this in an interview. It always cracked me up.

[ELVIS]

Yeah...

Then there was Edwad circa 2004 who couldn't do either one...

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRlA_zslDBBmOQKOivZb8kZ3u166s8AQ W5pUky91sg84FDnQzZqBg

[Nitro Express]

That wasn't Ed. That was some homeless dude on meth that Sammy found. It was a conspiracy man. Sammy talked Alex and Mike into it. Sam knew he could pass the bum off as Ed and the fans would be dumb enough to buy tickets. They scored their tour money. Then Sam blames the whole disaster on Ed when Ed wasn't even there. He was stuck in Costa Rica in a remote rehab facility. Then Sam goes on how he had a deep contract and couldn't get out of the tour. Yeah man. It was all Ed's fault and I couldn't get out of the contract. Yeah sure Sam. It was all a scam for the $$$$$$.

[vandeleur]

I seen him in 1988 , went with my brother and to this day we argue about it .He seen his hero in all his glory . I saw a pissed up duffer who missed as many notes as he hit. I was young and cynical . I had seen satriani ,vai , srv to name but a few that year and page wasn't even in the same league.

Though I do maintain it's all about the times , I could chin Ali now but it doesn't make me the greatest . Well probably could he is old you know :D

[ELVIS]

:biggrin:

[ELVIS]

:elvis:

[ELVIS]

More from Krusty's secret hero...



What a sellout...

[sonrisa salvaje]

Van, that was the Outrider tour i would think? For nostalgia purposes i wish i had seen that tour.

[ELVIS]

C'mon dude...

You're nostalgic for shit ??

[vandeleur]

Yeah that's the one sonrisa , split the jury lol

[vandeleur]

Nostalgia , ain't what it was :)

[Seshmeister]

Though I do maintain it's all about the times , I could chin Ali now but it doesn't make me the greatest . Well probably could he is old you know :D

I dunno he moves around quite a lot. :)

[Seshmeister]

The “Companion Disc” is a bit of a disappointment.

Not sure it was deliberate but that was the funniest line... :)

[WARF]

Kristy is the only reason I log in here lol

BRAVO!!!!

[ELVIS]

Drunk again, eh WARF ??

[vandeleur]

The only reason you don't log on warf is because your being Donniep sometimes :)

[PETE'S BROTHER]

The only reason you don't log on warf is because your being Donniep sometimes :)

or a wrestler, or a vagina, or.... ;)

[sonrisa salvaje]

C'mon dude...

You're nostalgic for shit ??

To be 19 again really.

[ELVIS]

:biggrin:

[VetteLS5]

I dunno he moves around quite a lot. :)

Rope-a-Dope to Shake-n-Bake

[Kristy]

Great review, Kristy!

Thanks.

[PETE'S BROTHER]

Great review, Kristy!

Thanks.

shit! she's gone bloolith!!!! :bolt:

[ELVIS]

The review sucks shit...

[Kristy]

Not sure it was deliberate but that was the funniest line... :)

Seek help.

[Diamondjimi]

Seek help.

What the fuck is that whore throating in your avatar?

[ELVIS]

She's choking on a piece of crack...

[twonabomber]

Found elsewhere:

Jimmy Page was recently awarded an an honorary doctorate at Berklee College of Music. Steve Vai was asked to write something to be read while Page received the honor. As we understand, it brought the house down... twice.

"In the physical universe, there are objects that include suns, planets, all life, and all matter in all dimensions. And then there is the space where all these things exist. That space is the vital element.

For virtually every kid since 1968 who picked up a guitar to find his voice on the instrument, Jimmy Page has been the space that enables all our notes to be played." -Steve Vai

[PETE'S BROTHER]

What the fuck is that whore throating in your avatar?

it's a god damn mouse, pay attention!! ;)

[ELVIS]

Jimmy Page has been the space that enables all our notes to be played." -Steve Vai

I sure disagree with that crap...

[twonabomber]

That's why it says "for virtually every kid." Vai wasn't including you or Kristy.

[ELVIS]

Good...

Nobody would know who Vai was if it wasn't for David Lee Roth...

And even then he takes a back seat to good music...

[chefcraig]

Good...

Nobody would know who Vai was if it wasn't for David Lee Roth...

And even then he takes a back seat to good music...

Oh, I dunno...Vai was pretty good as Satan's guitarist in the "head cutting" section of that Crossroads movie. As fucked up as typical Van Halen history has worked thus far, it's surprising that Dave didn't hire Ralph Macchio by mistake.

[ELVIS]

Maybe he thought he did...

[78/84 guy]

I seen him in 1988 , went with my brother and to this day we argue about it .He seen his hero in all his glory . I saw a pissed up duffer who missed as many notes as he hit. I was young and cynical . I had seen satriani ,vai , srv to name but a few that year and page wasn't even in the same league.

Though I do maintain it's all about the times , I could chin Ali now but it doesn't make me the greatest . Well probably could he is old you know :D

HMMMM... I went to that tour. Outrider. 3rd row. He hit every note. It wasn't much after the Atlantic records Zep. reunion were he was horrid. Guess he was drunk. I didn't expect much. He was awesome. As he was in 95 & 98 on the tours with Plant.

[ELVIS]

:elvis:

[Diamondjimi]

Good...

Nobody would know who Vai was if it wasn't for David Lee Roth...

And even then he takes a back seat to good music...

Many people were aware of who Steve Vai was long before he joined Roth's band.

Zappa. Nuff said....

[ELVIS]

Yeah, and I'm one of the many...

But I sure I never listened to Zappa for the Steve Vai licks...:biggrin:

Nuff said...

[chefcraig]

Many people were aware of who Steve Vai was long before he joined Roth's band.

Zappa. Nuff said....

Yeah, but listening back to some of Vai's stuff years later, it sounds like a demo you or I could punch out in our bedrooms...

Not to slight the guy, I simply do not feel any emotion in his playing. Satriani was his guitar teacher, and neither one of the bozos seem to have that (Gasp, I hate to say this) Carlos Santana feel for the notes produced. And Frank got it right.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1GLdbNfyCw

[ELVIS]

As did people like Yngwie and SRV...;)

[Seshmeister]

Saw this and immediately thought of Kirsty... :)

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t1.0-9/10269639_706393686073029_6939174556214327686_n.jpg

[vandeleur]

As did people like Yngwie and SRV...;)

Surely the only time srv should be in a sentence with yngwie is the one that goes do you have a strat :)

[Kristy]

I guess the rest of these remaster pieces of shit in the Zeppy catalog don't come out until 2015.

I was so looking forward to hearing Zeppy IV the 'Jewso Album.'

"
Which brings me to my final point: James Patrick Page, born on Jan. 9, 1944, in Middlesex, England, is not, and has never been called Jimmy Goodwin. Nowhere during my exhaustive adolescent research did I ever come across any mention of his being a Jew. The controversy is over. All you metal-plated bigots out there can sleep soundly in your beds tonight."

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/news/article/st-pete-rockers-worry-is-led-zeppelin-jewish/317153.html

[chefcraig]

I guess the rest of these remaster pieces of shit in the Zeppy catalog don't come out until 2015.

I was so looking forward to hearing Zeppy IV the 'Jewso Album.'

"
Which brings me to my final point: James Patrick Page, born on Jan. 9, 1944, in Middlesex, England, is not, and has never been called Jimmy Goodwin. Nowhere during my exhaustive adolescent research did I ever come across any mention of his being a Jew. The controversy is over. All you metal-plated bigots out there can sleep soundly in your beds tonight."

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/news/article/st-pete-rockers-worry-is-led-zeppelin-jewish/317153.html

Does not matter. These re-issues are pretty much digging the remnants out of an already drained barrel. The live show on the first album is a cleaned up and marginalized bootleg that has been wildly available for years. The rest of the crap is fader enhanced rhythm tracks that only someone that has never heard this stuff since the 1970s would find even a casual interest in. What a colossal waste of time, effort and money.

The Houses Of The Holy and Presence reissues might hold promise, yet given the standards offered, I ain't exactly holding my fucking breath in anticipation.

[FORD]

Maybe for the ZOSO master they will include an official backwards mix of Stairway to Heaven, so the religious wackjobs can stop burning out their turntable motors playing the record the wrong way.

[Kristy]

Does not matter. These re-issues are pretty much digging the remnants out of an already drained barrel.

Backing studio tracks that are already mixed with no vocals is no "secret stash" that Page only knew about. If anything, those were completed tracks for the engineer(s) to dub vocals into the mix or to time Page's tedious guitar solos. You can name any studio album by any band in the past 45 years when multi-track overdubbing was becoming common and you'll find vocal-less tracks lying around since they are usually the last instrument to be recorded.

Page pulled this shit back in what, 98 or something with the Zeppy remaster box set that was still a rip-off to hard core Zep Heads. No amount of "advanced technology" of 2014 is going to make a recording back in 1968 sound any more modern. Tape, mic and solid state mixing boards (and some that ran on tubes) in 1968 only brought more noise into the actual transfer of CD's. This is why that dinosaur Neil Young actually has a legitimate bitch against "digitalaztion" of music. Music recorded in maybe what, in 2000 or 2001 when digital went to all hard drive (instead of digital transfer tape) did it start to sound more natural and pure - particularity since 2008.

So they "compress" the frequencies moreso on the low end to make them sound louder but as many remastered CD has demonstrated, this too causes problems. I'm guessing rather as remastering as a whole, this "2014 technology" is going back into each individual instrument track (i.e., bass track, rhythm guitar track, guitar fill overdub track, guitar solo track), rewriting those frequencies, and bringing them back into the original mix. Again, nothing special or advanced just rethought. That's what these 2014 reissues sound like to me. There may be some nuances, however limitations of tape hiss and ambient studio air being picked up by mics can never be rid of so no doubt this is a waste of time and money.

Maybe if there is an upshot you can distinguish just how terrible a producer Page really was. I asumme he had a final say in every Zeppelin recording on how it was going to be mixed. Most of them were fucking awful.

[Mr. Vengeance]

Somehow whether or not any of the members of Zeppelin are Jewish means zero to me.....

Maybe I'm missing something?

[ELVIS]

Maybe for the ZOSO master they will include an official backwards mix of Stairway to Heaven, so the religious wackjobs can stop burning out their turntable motors playing the record the wrong way.

What ??

[FORD]

Are you seriously gonna tell me you never heard this played in your church during a "ROCK N ROLL IS THE DEVIL'S MUSIC !!111!" hysteria sermon??



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf0M1G1At28

[ELVIS]

Never heard a sermon like that...

I don't entertain bullshit...

You don't have to play Zeppelin backwards to recognize the evilness of it...

[Kristy]

Somehow whether or not any of the members of Zeppelin are Jewish means zero to me.....

Maybe I'm missing something?

No, you're just an idiot.

[FORD]

I don't entertain bullshit...


Except when it comes from InfoWhores.com and other right wing fringe sites, right? ;)

[ELVIS]

Infowars is right wing now ???


:biggrin:

[Mr. Vengeance]

No, you're just an idiot.

Then please explain this, genius. Do you have a point are you just an anti semite on top of being a stupid cunt?

[wolfsbane]

Kristy is right. Jimmy Page is pathetic. The musical quality of Zeppelin was Bonham and John Paul Jones.

I disagree with Kristy's attack on pretentiousness. I love pretentious and grandiose music. Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, as well as most of Queen's catalog, The Who's music, ELP, and so on. This stuff is great. No more pretentious than the subjects of Opera or musicals from the 40's-60's.

Stay away from Zeppelin. It is the Emperor's new clothes.

[FORD]

Infowars is right wing now ???


:biggrin:

Well..... they sure as Hell ain't libruls!

[ELVIS]

Hell no they're not Liberals...

Liberals are killing this country...

[ODShowtime]

I know this probably isn't the right place to post this... but I got my LZ II remaster last night and it fucking rocks. So much bass. I never had a clean LP for this one and I'm loving it.

[ELVIS]

Much better than the Krustranny review...

[Mushroom]

I know this probably isn't the right place to post this... but I got my LZ II remaster last night and it fucking rocks. So much bass. I never had a clean LP for this one and I'm loving it.

Don't worry, it's a good place to counterpoint Krusty's scatter brained reviews! It takes Krusty 4 paragraphs to say what a normal person can say in 1 paragraph.

Krusty I love you!

[Mushroom]

Back in the day before internet downloading, there were only limited means to getting your hands on bootlegs... with luck at a record shop, through the mail via record collector magazines, or record conventions. Any bootleg was at least 15 u.s. dollars, usually more. And usually a crappy recording. Buy through the mail, you will probably get a cassette tape.

Here today you can buy a remastered CD with rarities for less than $15. That's actually quite a deal, especially if you never forked over the cash for bootlegs.

[Kristy]

There are no rarities on that CD, dumbass.

[Mushroom]

There are no rarities on that CD, dumbass.

Uh yes they are (were) dear to millions of people as opposed to the 100,000s who download mp3

[Kristy]

Um, no there isn't. And you're still a dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Kristy, nevermind the Zep fags. It's about time *I* get reviewed by you.

Unless you've let Von Halen touch you, in which case I'll want nothing to do with it. Lord knows where HE's been.

Cheers! :beers:

[Kristy]

Von can be found hanging around at Smellvis' trailer park.

[Anonymous]

You know what, Kristy? While I was away, I missed you & the acidic, sarcastic tone with which you often post around here.

You're quite probably the best poster on the site, based on entertainment value alone.

Cheers! :beers:

[Kristy]

Were you in jail?

[Anonymous]

Were you in jail?

No. Well, I mean, yes, but it didn't feel like it. I got myself a small boned, effeminate young man, put him under a Hannah Montana wig, & made him speak like an Asian girl all the time.

Days went past really quickly & since life was good, I kept myself out of trouble, so I got time off for good behaviour.

Now I'm trying to get back in.

And how have you been?

Cheers! :beers:

[FORD]

Liberals are killing this country...

Really now?

And how exactly are Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Dennis Kucinich, Thom Hartmann, Mike Malloy, and myself "killing" this country?

Because I KNOW damn well that you know better than to believe that Barry Obama is a Liberal. Or your big oil slut "Senator" for that matter. No wonder they can't get rid of Vitter..... hard to condemn him for fucking whores when Landrieu IS one.

[Kristy]

And how have you been?

Cheers! :beers:

I'm on a campaign to see if Smellvis will find himself a job. Looks bleak. After all, he has no education, social skills or motivation. No doubt he'll end up in jail or homeless. Either way, who cares?

[Kristy]

And how exactly are Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Dennis Kucinich, Thom Hartmann, Mike Malloy, and myself "killing" this country?

Oh, I don't know. Probably it's due to shattering Smellvis' little world that you have to work fucking hard to get anywhere in life. Smellvis here believes life owes him something and that "opportunities" will simply present themselves if he sits all day long at his computer spewing off racist, anti-Obama shit. Smellvis doesn't want his right to laziness, xenophobia and racism to ever be killed no, he wants you to believe in the same warped bullshit as him. Because, fuck knows Alex Jone$ is never going to give him a job, nor will anyone else for that matter. But Smellvis needs someone to blame for his misery and blame he does. No doubt all of his targets are soft like the space between his ears but you see, the more he continues to blame the less need for any personal responsibly becomes manifest in his life. So go on, keep on killing this country for that really should not matter to Smellvis, he has no way to realistically survive even if you did.

[Anonymous]

I'm on a campaign to see if Smellvis will find himself a job. Looks bleak. After all, he has no education, social skills or motivation. No doubt he'll end up in jail or homeless. Either way, who cares?

I care. I don't want E. muscling in on MY little "Asian girls". I mean, he's a cool dude & all, but it's hos before bros in there. 'Cuz if you're too much of a bro, you might end up being a ho.

Cheers! :beers:

[Kristy]

You know, I don't think Smellvis even likes girls - or people for that matter. Doing that would require some effort on his part

[Anonymous]

Wait, I thought we were all on the internet because none of us likes people.

Sure, they're needed to keep services running to at least a bare minimum, but does that mean they should be tolerated?

What next? Where will the madness stop?

Cheers! :beers:

[Kristy]

Well, technically Zeppelin fans are not people.

[Hardrock69]

Neither is Smelvis.....he is some sort of troglodyte who escaped from a government lab where they were conducting top-secret experiments trying to cross a chimpanzee with a barrel of old used condoms.
He was deemed a failure at the lab, and was about to be put down, when a lab assistant gave in to his constant begging to be ass-raped, and after the dirty deed, the lab assistant passed out, allowing Smelvis to steal his keys and escape.
:hee:

[VetteLS5]

No. Well, I mean, yes, but it didn't feel like it. I got myself a small boned, effeminate young man, put him under a Hannah Montana wig, & made him speak like an Asian girl all the time

WARF said he moved and got sober???

:biggrin:

[DONNIEP]

WARF said he moved and got sober???

:biggrin:

You fell for that shit? Hahahahahaha

[DONNIEP]

No. Well, I mean, yes, but it didn't feel like it. I got myself a small boned, effeminate young man, put him under a Hannah Montana wig, & made him speak like an Asian girl all the time.

Cheers! :beers:

I told you - once you go Miley you don't ever come back!

[ashstralia]

I got myself a small boned, effeminate young man, put him under a Hannah Montana wig, & made him speak like an Asian girl all the time.
Days went past really quickly & since life was good, I kept myself out of trouble, so I got time off for good behaviour.
Now I'm trying to get back in.

This is actually true! :bigwink:

[Anonymous]

I told you - once you go Miley you don't ever come back!

Actually, they had a sale on Hanna Montana wigs in there. Apparently, it's a popular model for your Prison Wife, or in this case, "Thai Ladyboy".

Look, I told you already, the only bit of Miley I'm interested in is her tongue. But the rest of her? I don't know where it's been, but I think I have a pretty good idea. However, I bet she knows how to use that tongue REALLY well, so I'm willing to take a chance on that.

Cheers! :beers:

[Kristy]

So Schepply IV and Body Louses Of The Moldy "Remastered" arrive this Monday at all your corporate Walmarts and welfare offices. Save your pennies from when your parents give you allowance for taking out the trash and picking up your rooms, cretins. Schepply IV may worth the remaster listen but only for one time - then destroy.

[Mushroom]

So Schepply IV and Body Louses Of The Moldy "Remastered" arrive this Monday at all your corporate Walmarts and welfare offices. Save your pennies from when your parents give you allowance for taking out the trash and picking up your rooms, cretins. Schepply IV may worth the remaster listen but only for one time - then destroy.

I can budget one less steak and lobster dinner to pay for this.

[Kristy]

Yes, give that crook Page more of your parents money.

[FORD]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK0Nve5chB4

[SunisinuS]

Overall, I'm giving the review a 6.5. That's still a credit; just on the low side.

Apart from the usual psycho/sexual rage there were some funny bits. Not full on chortle though, more like a snicker. I awarded extra points for the research being reasonably well done. I deducted them for not correcting 'soporific'. Come on Kman, lift your game. :)

It's because "she" is in "school" atm. It is being forced to write so it wrote something to please itself while it is being tested. Soon as summer comes around it will be as boring as always....or break ect. I do give it acknowledgement as it posts a crotch but I am sure on that same picture it's ass is not round and hangs down in that weird cut off line way. And no camel toe as you can see the beginnings of the pooch...or "the freshman 15" as we used to call chicks coming in and getting fat on bread at the Cafe'.

[Nitro Express]

WARF said he moved and got sober???

:biggrin:

WARF is down to drinking 80 Proof Wild Turkey instead of the 101 Proof Wild Turkey.

[Kristy]

It's because "she" is in "school" atm. It is being forced to write so it wrote something to please itself while it is being tested. Soon as summer comes around it will be as boring as always....or break ect. I do give it acknowledgement as it posts a crotch but I am sure on that same picture it's ass is not round and hangs down in that weird cut off line way. And no camel toe as you can see the beginnings of the pooch...or "the freshman 15" as we used to call chicks coming in and getting fat on bread at the Cafe'.

If I didn't know any better I'd say you're "cyber bullying" me. Yet, you're the "victim" here.

[SunisinuS]

If I didn't know any better I'd say you're "cyber bullying" me. Yet, you're the "victim" here.


Aww Dish it out, you can take it. Let's play!



*Your shtick is getting old.

[Mushroom]

My reviews of the latest releases:

Led Zep IV ("Runes"): did not buy because I am tired of Black Dog, Stairway..., and Rock and Roll.

Houses of the Holy: officially my favorite Zep record because the entire package gets my package excited. The record contains consistently high quality performances, writing, sound quality, atmosphere. It's sexy, sleek, and timeless, wire to wire. Now my concern for this expanded remaster is the instrumental versions that will encourage drunk karaoke masters to sing to Song Remains the Same, Over the Hills and Far Away, and No Quarter.

[ashstralia]

Again I'm getting quoted out of context...

Hnh nnnhhhnhhh!

[Kristy]

My reviews of the latest releases:



Houses of the Holy: officially my favorite Zep record because the entire package gets my package excited. The record contains consistently high quality performances, writing, sound quality, atmosphere. It's sexy, sleek, and timeless, wire to wire. Now my concern for this expanded remaster is the instrumental versions that will encourage drunk karaoke masters to sing to Song Remains the Same, Over the Hills and Far Away, and No Quarter.

What in the fuck is wrong with you? That record is one of the most bloated and pretentious pieces of shit ever to be recorded.

[chefcraig]

What in the fuck is wrong with you? That record is one of the most bloated and pretentious pieces of shit ever to be recorded.

Truthfully, I like that album a great deal, mainly for the goofy tracks and the guitar work on "Song Remains The Same". But some of the shit on there...you'd need quaaludes, a bottle of Boone's Farm and a speedboat full of dope to speed up, let alone get through.

Plus, the naked kids on the cover make it somewhat questionable to use as an avatar.

[Kristy]

Plus, the naked kids on the cover make it somewhat questionable to use as an avatar.

Ah yes, 'Mouses Of The Crowley' a.k.a "The pedophile album." One could say it was a dramatic shift from Scheppley's III album of bland Appalachian wannabe folk tunes with stories of rapist Vikings and psychopaths with shotguns thrown in. Now, correct if I'm wrong but this was also around the time of Plant's castration so he could "hit the high notes" when railing on about "bussels in hedge groves" or some shit. Also changed the image of Scheppley, too. For example, here they are circa 1970 about to "shake 'em on down:
http://www.baby-boomers-r-we.com/images/BeverlyHillbillies.jpg

And here they are (with manager Peter Grant) around the time of 1974 or whenever that piece of shit was recorded/released:
http://www.pyroandballyhoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/hr4.jpg

Wow. Just...wow. Plant's lyrics became even more inane only this time he pretty much abandoned his Hobbitville nonsense for tunes about Satan and finding bridges that James Brown burned a long time ago.

I hope you know you're all idiots for thinking Scheppley ever had any validity in the first place. Shame on you!

[Kristy]

Surprised I am that not one of you cretins mentioned 'Lez Zeppelin' - another Scheppley dog & pony act to capitalize on the name and propaganda. They are about as deadpan as a "tribute" act can get. What I found to be interesting is The Plagiarist himself called them "bloody good..especially the drummer. I'm always looking at drummers." Well, I have to agree about Lez's drummer - she plays better than that F A T Jason Bonham Sandwich ever could. Check them out:

[Jimmy Page]

I quite enjoyed Dread Zeppelin as well.

Best,

JPP

[Kristy]

Why in the fuck is Jimmy Page on Letterman tonight?

Okay, I'm willing to bet 1 MILLION DOLLARS he is there to promote those fucking shitty "remasters" pieces of shit.

Here's the "leaked" interview:

Dave: Jimmy, why are you here? Don't you have a home?

Jimmy Page: Somebody pleeeeeeeeassssssse buy these crummy remasters! PLEEEEAAAAASSSEEEEE! I'm so lonely. I have no friends and even my daughter no longer calls me. Pleeeeeeaaaaaase help me to remain relevant in this Katy Perry day and age. Somebody..? Anybody..?(Breaks down and starts sobbing uncontrollably while Dave cues Paul to play something to go into commercial.)

[Kristy]

"But he reminds me of that dopy, slow kid that ya just feel sorry for. Not developmentally disabled but the kid that just never got picked for greek dodge, baseball, football, hocky…. you see where I’m going with this. Paper Tiger #3 Jimmy Page..."

I am not alone.
https://crappystruth.wordpress.com/2007/09/11/jimmy-the-slop-bucket-page-holy-shit-fuckin-sucks/

[FORD]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KTCYLbFxTpI#t=49

[Kristy]

He is such a desperate man these days. I almost feel sorry for him.

[Seshmeister]

Your secret love child? :)

[chefcraig]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KTCYLbFxTpI#t=49

Two things that never made sense:

1. Why I felt compelled to buy a crummy German bootleg of out-takes primarily to get this song sometime in the late 1980s-early 90s

2. How come the professor could build a radio out of coconuts, yet not fix the boat?

Oh, and the answer to Mary Ann or Ginger is Mary Ann.

[Kristy]

The Plagiarical Barffiti "remaster" is alleged to arrive later this month. I may review that pile of sludge.


Or, I may not. Who cares?

[chefcraig]

The Plagiarical Barffiti "remaster" is alleged to arrive later this month. I may review that pile of sludge.


Or, I may not. Who cares?

Personally, I would not bother. All you are going to hear is the original album (somewhat louder and compressed for a CD format), with seven sloppy tacked on demos/alt. mixes. Yup, that's worth a car payment.

[Kristy]

As I understand it, I don't think this so-called "new 2013 (or whatever) remastering technology" really compresses tracks as much as cleans them up; the remastering is not a louder mirrored copy of the master itself but rather one done from the original source tape(s). Not sure if that made any sense. On the Dreppy II there is a clarity to the instruments that a mirrored remaster doesn't bring. Problem is, this new-fangled process is can only go so far to actually reproduce the archaic recording technology of 1968, 1970, 1975 what have you. So I guess what you're really hearing is the recording limitations only clearer. That gave me a headache.


Also as I understand it, this is the exact reason why Bruce Springsteen held off on having his back catalog remastered due to numerous request from his fan base. Now I am no fan of his, but listening to The River, Nebraska, and Born In The USA they sound like complete shit: thin with a thready pulse.
http://cdn3.pitchfork.com/news/56842/d1c36c95.jpeg

Back somewhere in the mid 2000thunsands (yes, I coined that) when Sony was remastering just about every artist on their catalog Bruce told the suits to fuck off knowing this new technology that Page employed was a better deal. Plus, I think he also wanted the lion's share of the remastering royalties as well. Still, I'm interested in hearing this not as a Springsteen fan but more out of curiosity see that studio technology did improve somewhat during his recording heyday and if this new process is really worth the hype.


There are also rumors CD's will now be in 24-bit over the 16-bit standard process. Eh, wait and see if that happens.

[Mushroom]

Guess what Led Zeppelin is releasing tomorrow?????? FUCK YEAH!