Do this and You'll fix her ass

[Ozzy Fudd]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart.
For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I
was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said,"That's fine, honey." She was almost ne ing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile..

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I can buy for you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
:confused:

[lms]

lmao. Surely you are making that up, aren't you? Good story anyway.

[Dan]

Ozzy,I'm sure you write stuff for Penthouse?

[turboblues]

I'm sure you'll be divorced very soon!

[Fabulous Shadow]

Diamond earrings and tennis braclets are not carried to the cashier along with shoes and clothes... Cool little story though...


Ladies... FYI... Pay for your clothes, move on to the shoes... Pay for the shoes... move on to the jewelry... Just incase *wink*

[Ozzy Fudd]

Diamond earrings and tennis braclets


Wholesale club :D

[Katydid]

Perhaps you need a makeover cause you are FUDD ugly.

[Cathedral]

I was sent this story about a year ago by a friend. I'm sure Ozzy wasn't trying to say this happened to him.

Anyway, The whole mars/venus thing is nothing but a scream for respect by women.
Truth is, if you treat your woman with respect and do the unexpected pampering things from time to time, she'll be more recpetive to your needs as a man.
What women don't understand is that respect goes both ways and those that are pampered to hell and back get to a point where they don't respect you and become spoiled.

Relationships should be give and take, take too much and your an asshole, give too much and she'll be humping Mr. Clean while you're at work.
Love is nothing more than practice in the art of compromise.
I'm crowding 40, and it took me this long and many broken hearts to find my Mrs. Right and you know what......We fit in every way a couple should fit. 6 months and not so much as a difference of opinion.

If you seek someone genuine and not the superficial types, your chances of finding true happiness are greatly increased.

[Ozzy Fudd]

Originally posted by Cathedral
I was sent this story about a year ago by a friend. I'm sure Ozzy wasn't trying to say this happened to him.

Anyway, The whole mars/venus thing is nothing but a scream for respect by women.
Truth is, if you treat your woman with respect and do the unexpected pampering things from time to time, she'll be more recpetive to your needs as a man.
What women don't understand is that respect goes both ways and those that are pampered to hell and back get to a point where they don't respect you and become spoiled.

Relationships should be give and take, take too much and your an asshole, give too much and she'll be humping Mr. Clean while you're at work.
Love is nothing more than practice in the art of compromise.
I'm crowding 40, and it took me this long and many broken hearts to find my Mrs. Right and you know what......We fit in every way a couple should fit. 6 months and not so much as a difference of opinion.

If you seek someone genuine and not the superficial types, your chances of finding true happiness are greatly increased.

ditto Cat Man
Sent to me ,and your words of wisdom are very true indeed. I thought this was so funny and i just had to post it here.
And to those who knew me as " Fargin Bastages " from the DLR Army (like you) know how i like to Goof on things.
Now buddy if you would be so kind to put your version of unchained up in here (ok people lets bug Cat until he does) i can see by the clock it's GUINNESS time

[Cathedral]

I looked for the MP3 file i posted before, but no luck finding it.
I'm gonna do some more recording and i'll throw that in the mix after vacation.
I'm heading to Columbus this weekend for the Mopar Nationals, so it won't be until next week.

I may even do "So this is love" for shits and giggles.

I was contemplating doing a "Video How To" of Classic Van Halen greats.
It worked for Curt Mitchell, but his "Little Guitars" lesson was way off.

[JCOOK]

Treat em like the filthy whores they are ....present company excluded

[Keeyth]

Originally posted by Ozzy Fudd
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart.
For example, one evening last week, my wife and I were getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love
me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I
was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said,"That's fine, honey." She was almost ne ing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile..

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I can buy for you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
:confused:

Now THAT'S funny! :D

[whodat]

SHOES, CLOTHES, TENNIS BRACELETS AND DIAMONDS CAN BE BOUGHT AT ONCE AT WALMART..

[ZahZoo]

Cathedral nailed it... wise words.

I'll only add one thing... hook up with someone who is on simular levels emotionally, intellectually, even career wise and it'll keep things more interesting and the gaps between you smaller. Doesn't mean you have to be the same on everything but at least in a similar ballpark.