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Thread: Poll: In Match-up Between Hillary And Kerry, Most Democrats Would Choose Suicide

  1. #1
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    Talking Poll: In Match-up Between Hillary And Kerry, Most Democrats Would Choose Suicide

    A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.

    The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.

    “Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus” was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with “jumping off the roof of a really tall building or bridge” coming in second at 17%.

    According to pollster Rockwell Pritchard, the surging popularity of suicide bodes ill for both Sen. Clinton and Sen. Kerry as potential presidential candidates in 2008.

    “It’s still very early, but even at this stage of the game the prospect of one of those two being nominated shouldn’t be making Democrats want to kill themselves in these numbers,” Mr. Pritchard said.

    Reached at his home in Massachusetts, Sen. Kerry pointed out that while he did not do as well as suicide, he still polled higher than Sen. Clinton, adding, “That’s better than a sharp stick in the eye.”

    But Mr. Pritchard was quick to throw cold water on Mr. Kerry’s upbeat assessment: “In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin.”

    Elsewhere, at his confirmation hearings yesterday, Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales said, “You call this an interrogation? Where the heck are the hoods?”

    Link: here

  2. #2
    Fuck this and fuck that
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    I'm not sure about suicide, but moving to New Zealand would sure look a lot more feasible at that point.

    The DLC must be annihilated or there will be no two party system in this country. And in case any Republicans think that's a "good" thing, I suggest you take another look at what YOUR party's core values are supposed to be and realize that these traitorous neocon shitbag war criminals don't represent you either.
    Eat Us And Smile

    Cenk For America 2024!!

    Justice Democrats


    "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

  3. #3
    Fuck this and fuck that
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    And yes, I realize this article was satire. but the scenario it proposes is all too serious in the minds of the shitbags controlling both political parties.

  4. #4
    The Guided Ninja
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    Awh, baby For needs his bottle. He's getting cranky.
    "The security around the hotel was ridiculous. This chick was pounding and screaming at my door until four or five in the morning....finally I said fuck it, and let her out of the room"

  5. #5
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    We really need multiple views fighting for control to maintain our democracy/republic. It frightens me when one side tries to silence the other, which is what we are seeing now.

    My ultimate Democratic ticket would have been Kucinich/Sharpton. I even printed up some Kucinich/Sharpton 2004 bumper stickers and put them up around work. People flipped out and thought they were real!

    I saw Kucinich near Seattle and he was articulate and could address any subject he was asked about. Sharpton was the funniest Dem of the bunch and he spoke the truth, which always scares the shit out of people. I found his speach at the convention to the the most inspiring!

    I am NOT a Democrat!

  6. #6
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    Don't worry, Dubya is a "uniter, not a divider." Iraq is going to kill The Republicants starting in 06.'

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    Alread starting with the predictions, huh?

    How'd they go last time around? And the time before that?

  8. #8
    Loon
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    Originally posted by John Ashcroft
    Alread starting with the predictions, huh?

    How'd they go last time around? And the time before that?
    Which one? The one about the quick victory and weapons of mass destruction?

  9. #9
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    What in the hell are we coming to when FORD has the most well though out post from the LEFT?
    “If bullshit was currency, Joe Biden would be a billionaire.” - George W. Bush

  10. #10
    The Guided Ninja
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    Originally posted by DEMON CUNT
    I am NOT a Democrat!
    Yes, you are!

  11. #11
    Atomic Jerk
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    Originally posted by McCarrens
    Yes, you are!

    You're an idiot. No one cares what you think.
    gnaw on it

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