Whooooa, WhoooaaAAA, I'm still Alive!!!

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 09:20 PM

Greetings my fellow Roth-maniacs!

First of all, a big shout-out to RG, MAX, RIKK, and NG for sending me PMs and messages wondering where I've been. Thanks! It means a lot!

So WHERE have I been?

Laid up in bed with the fuckin' CHICKEN POX!!! Yup, 35, and just now getting dosed!!! FUCKERS!!!

Even worse, I wasn't even laid up in my OWN bed! I was travelling on business when the outbreak first occurred. And because you can't get on a plane while you're still contagious, I had to stay in the fuckin' HOSPITAL for the past two weeks! AAAAHHH!!! Talk about a recipe for losing your mind!!! No decent food, no true privacy, no friends in the area, no INTERNET!!!

So as a direct consequence, I have been completely cut off from the world at large...now I'm out of my gig (freelance), I'm having a shit-time with my insurance provider b/c this all happened out-of-state, and I was out of my coverage area, etc etc.

SOMEBODY....HEAL ME!!!

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 09:21 PM

Dude, WELCOME THE FUCK BACK!! We were starting to get kinda worried about you...

btw, WE'RE AT 10,000+ BRO!!

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 09:27 PM

shit...see what happens when I'm gone..? 10,000 and you're begging for eleven votes...what a world...

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 09:28 PM

Amazing, ain't it? Well, at last look, I was 3 away from the big 100...

BTW, I took post 10,000

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 09:32 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob

BTW, I took post 10,000

I wouldn't have had it any other way...

so what's been going on around here? anything new? have you seen sith yet?

**vanzilla** · 05-21-2005, 09:34 PM

Welcome back man! I was seriously concerned something bad may have happend. It made me realized how strong my feelings are for you. I think when you get healed, you need to come down to Nashville and move into an apartment with me.

Don't ever leave me like that again. I missed you.

WAIT A MINUTE, chicken pox? How old are you? 7?
I take it back. I could never love a man covered in open sores.

Unless it was bob.

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 09:41 PM

yup...chicken pox...at 35.

After years and years of telling my mom and family doc that I should get the vaccine, and them telling me "no, no, you've been exposed, your sister had them, so you must've too", here I get my revenge...after a fashion.

Here's a conversation from when I was sixteen:

Mom: "Son, what would you like for your birthday?"

Me: "Chicken pox!"

Mom: "NO, don't be silly. How about a brand new Camaro instead?"

Me: "I really think it'd be a good idea for me to get the vaccine..."

Mom: "Tell ya what, I'll make that a convertible, AND I'll give you a state of the art computer."

Me: "But..."

Mom: "And an evening with MAX's goat. All right? Now shut up and eat your vegetables."

Me: "Awwwww..."

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 09:43 PM

Oh, here'a nother li'l fun factoid:

The doctor prescribed VALTREX, the herpes medication. Worked pretty effectively, too.

(also something for the itch, but with a side effect that makes you feel - AND LOOK - like Terri Schiavo. Not pretty. At all.)

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 09:45 PM

ack!

nah, i gotta wait on sith til the crowds clear out...i'm clausterphobic.

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 09:47 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob
ack!

nah, i gotta wait on sith til the crowds clear out...i'm clausterphobic.

If you're so claustrophobic, how can you stand to be surrounded by so many votes for ya?

**MAX** · 05-21-2005, 09:49 PM

I dunno? Sounds suspicious to me.

I still think you had a nasty case of Goat-Clap. :p

Welcome back fucker.

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 09:51 PM

goat-clap, chicken-pox, pre-med, pre-law, what's the difference...

**Dan** · 05-21-2005, 09:56 PM

Welcome back A.P.Did you get Chicken-poxs on your balls?

**vanzilla** · 05-21-2005, 09:56 PM

Are you in pre-law AP?

My wife's a lawyer.

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 09:56 PM

None, really

**Nickdfresh** · 05-21-2005, 10:00 PM

Dude! Welcome back my man! I am happy and it is truly a joyous occasion that you have returned.

I was thinking that maybe you pissed off the RUSSIAN MAFIA, and was abducted off the streets of MOSCOW after you had mad, wild sex with the Ruskie Don's main squeeze. Perhaps you were thrown into a small cell and tortured by your captors, until you lure a guard by offering an stellar American cigarette, then snapped his neck, stole his keys, his AK-74R carbine, and then wiped out the entire cell of gangsters.

Then you liberated the Russian beauty and allayed her fears my giving her a passionate kiss, the only kind given when facing possible, even imminent death.

You both steal away and manage to buy your way onto a cargo flight to La Guardia. On the flight back, you promise her to be a kind and loving husband and to love and cherish her forever.

That is until you pimp her out by selling her into prostitution.

But your chicken pox story is cool too.

Welcome back ACP!

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:05 PM

thanks nick!

unfortunately, the chicken pox weren't half as thrilling as that flight of fancy...

no, no chicken pox on my balls, thank chirst...and by the week mark I was so fuckin horny, but I had NO friggin' privacy in that damn hospital...and the nurses were horrors, one and all...

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 10:07 PM

You had no porn movie interaction with the nurses? Damn...kinda wrecks the fun of being in the hospital, doesn't it?

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:20 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob
You had no porn movie interaction with the nurses? Damn...kinda wrecks the fun of being in the hospital, doesn't it?

yes, it does, my friend...it most certainly does...

(Cue the sound of either the wail of a harmonica or a dog howling in the background...)

**Nickdfresh** · 05-21-2005, 10:27 PM

Originally posted by academic punk
thanks nick!

unfortunately, the chicken pox weren't half as thrilling as that flight of fancy...

no, no chicken pox on my balls, thank chirst...and by the week mark I was so fuckin horny, but I had NO friggin' privacy in that damn hospital...and the nurses were horrors, one and all...

So you didn't get any good sponge-bath action? You shoot a nurses eye out?

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:31 PM

nick -

The closest I got to any of that was receiving a box of aveeno oatmeal baths from my mom. how sad is that?

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 10:33 PM

Oh, the humanity!

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:37 PM

Actually, one of the nurses would come by and rub my back on occassion. and show me pictures of her dogs. one time she even brought in a mushroom and goat cheese quesadilla she made for me. which after a week of hospital food was BEYOND DELICIOUS.

Come to think of it, I never really considered the possibility that she wanted some action, b/c
a) I had a face full of open pustules.

b) she was no sandra bullock.

sigh...and the world keeps spinning 'round and 'round...

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 10:39 PM

Well, sometimes sacrifices have to be made, I guess...I'm just glad to hear you're doing better, bro, we were all getting kinda concerned about ya. In fact, I thought I had you traced down today...you should check the last couple of posts in the Sheep Pen and see where I was looking for you at.

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:43 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob
...you should check the last couple of posts in the Sheep Pen and see where I was looking for you at.

Where? I just found that mesmerizing psychedelic David Hasselhoff thong underwear thing and feel the need to stare at that...for a...very....long....time....

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 10:44 PM

Last page, #10236

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:46 PM

david hasselhoff...tong underwear...david hasselhofff...thing underwear....david hasselhofff...

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 10:48 PM

TURN AWAY, MAN!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TURN AWAY!!!

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:48 PM

whoa!!!! now that is one brillaintly named minnow supplier!!!!

all it needs is a little sign saying "deliviries accpted in the rear", and he's got my business for life!!!!

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 10:49 PM

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:49 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob
TURN AWAY, MAN!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TURN AWAY!!!

HOW??? I'M ONLY HUMAN, AFTER ALL!!!!

**bueno bob** · 05-21-2005, 10:51 PM

Hang on, I'll slap ya or something!

**academic punk** · 05-21-2005, 10:54 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob
Hang on, I'll slap ya or something!

NO!!! I'VE STILL GOT SCABS ALL OVER!!!

**LoungeMachine** · 05-21-2005, 11:01 PM

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya
(Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)

Here where we need ya
(Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot
cause he got chicken pox, welcome back,

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

**diamondsgirl** · 05-21-2005, 11:17 PM

Originally posted by LoungeMachine

Yeah we tease him a lot
cause he got chicken pox, welcome back,

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

LMAO. Glad you're back, AP. I can close my investigation.

**Rikk** · 05-22-2005, 01:54 AM

Wow. Glad you're alright, bro. We were all fucking worried. You seriously were a daily topic of convo around here.

**Matt White** · 05-22-2005, 02:13 AM

Good to see ya AP!!!

DAMN!! Chicken-pos, at yur age?!?

Ain't that some SHIT?!?

No Asian nurses either???
No "rubby-sucky"???

Harsh!

**academic punk** · 05-22-2005, 12:13 PM

Thanks RIKK and MATT! It's not too late to hire me a nurse to rub ointment all over me, y'know!

And LM: Nice turn of phrase on welcome back kotter! Didn't realize you had that much talent, Kip!

**Katydid** · 05-22-2005, 05:37 PM

Actually I thought Brueno Bob had you in the fridge.

**Anonymous** · 05-22-2005, 11:07 PM

Welcome back, bro! We were itching to know what had happened to you.

Cheers! :bottle:

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