Van Halen Announce New Vocalist

[Shaun Ponsonby]

According to Classic Rock Magazine-and this is completely true-Van Halen's new singer and frontman will be...the cancer tumour removed from Eddie's tounge.

The Tumour said-

"I don't CARE if Roth called it 'Jump', I'm gonna call it 'Lump'...And, we're gonna need a back up singer once you FINALLY work up the nerve to DUMP Michael Anthony...'DUMP'? There's another song idea...DUMP...Now shut up and smoke another packet of MARLBOROS."

[(C) 2005 Future Publications.]

Seriously, though, I think that the tumour will do a better job than Hagar.

[moose]

Fuckin funny!!

[The Scatologist]

na Na na na na naaaa, Na Ne, Na Na na naaaaa


Everybody just DUMP! Everybody just take a Duuuump. DUMP!

When you're jogging and you feel the weight in your pants fall to your knees.......

It's brown can't you seeeee?

[bedrockboy]

Originally posted by Shaun Ponsonby
According to Classic Rock Magazine-and this is completely true-Van Halen's new singer and frontman will be...the cancer tumour removed from Eddie's tounge.

The Tumour said-

"I don't CARE if Roth called it 'Jump', I'm gonna call it 'Lump'...And, we're gonna need a back up singer once you FINALLY work up the nerve to DUMP Michael Anthony...'DUMP'? There's another song idea...DUMP...Now shut up and smoke another packet of MARLBOROS."

[(C) 2005 Future Publications.]

Seriously, though, I think that the tumour will do a better job than Hagar.

really fucking classy shaun. real classy.

[Nickdfresh]

[BenJammin]

Originally posted by Shaun Ponsonby

"I don't CARE if Roth called it 'Jump', I'm gonna call it 'Lump'...

Very funny, although the Presidents of The United States beat you to that song title.

[Cathedral]

Well, here's my opportunity, funny thread by the way.

People, i don't know how many of you smoke cigarettes but i just want to inject a personal message to you all.

Smoke that last one before you go to bed tonight and when you wake up in the morning DO NOT LIGHT UP THAT FIRST ONE OF THE DAY!

Kick them to the curb NOW, the old "I'll finish this pack and be done" shit does not work.

Get up in the morning and before the urge even hits, get your ass in the car and go buy a case of Jolly Ranchers.
When the urge hits just pop a Rancher in the mouth and focus on something constructive.

At about day 10 you will notice the thuoghts of sticking that nasty shit in your mouth will be less intense, KEEP JOLLY RANCHERS IN STOCK!

I'm serious, it's all fun and games until the day you don't feel quite right and go see a Dr. only to hear you are in deep shit.

Give them up, walk the fuck away, think of a cigarette as Spammy Hagar....Do you want to be puffing on a Hagar?

I didn't think so, it's mind over matter and your health is ALL that matters.

If you don't thank me later its because you beat cancer to the punch and i'll be happy not to hear from you.

Don't become an early Obituary.....................

[Bandit02]

Originally posted by Shaun Ponsonby
According to Classic Rock Magazine-and this is completely true-Van Halen's new singer and frontman will be...the cancer tumour removed from Eddie's tounge.

The Tumour said-

"I don't CARE if Roth called it 'Jump', I'm gonna call it 'Lump'...And, we're gonna need a back up singer once you FINALLY work up the nerve to DUMP Michael Anthony...'DUMP'? There's another song idea...DUMP...Now shut up and smoke another packet of MARLBOROS."

[(C) 2005 Future Publications.]

Seriously, though, I think that the tumour will do a better job than Hagar.

Not fucking funny! I will bet that if CVH got back together all would be forgiven and Eddie would be the guitar god he has always been. Having someone die because of cancer would even change your stuck on stupid ass!

[Shaun Ponsonby]

Originally posted by Bandit02
Not fucking funny! I will bet that if CVH got back together all would be forgiven and Eddie would be the guitar god he has always been. Having someone die because of cancer would even change your stuck on stupid ass!

You've missed the point.

That was SERIOUSLY in Classic Rock Magazine. Underneath the crossword, there is a little comic strip. Last month it said "Classic Rock wants to know-why did YOU get punched by Vince Neil?"

I didn't come up with ANY of that, it was all quoted.

[zeronumber]

No, that egotistical maniac would not take shit out of something that came out of his tounge and work with,a nd the tour would be canceled...

Besides, There is 1 person ED and Al Would pick, if they could, and that would be wolfgang.

[DrMaddVibe]

Go to hell zeromember!

They'd work with Wolfie because they could pay him with hamburgers!

DAVE OR THE GRAVE SHEEP MUTHAFUCKAS!

Sheep NEVER fuckin' learn!

How'd it feel changing the profile to say DD is THE man...Van Hagar/Gay Halen lover?