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Thread: My shitass job

  1. #1
    Flash Bastard
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    My shitass job

    Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? My workplace is just like it is in the movie. I hate my job and I've been trying to get fired for some weeks now.

    I come in late, leave early and take 2 hour lunches. No one seems to notice or care. Today I played video games all day and did zero work. No one noticed.

    I can't think of any creative ways to get fired without being arrested or sued by someone. Anyone have any ideas?
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  2. #2
    Elitest
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    try sabotaging the catering equipment


  3. #3
    Flash Bastard
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    Originally posted by Elitest
    try sabotaging the catering equipment
    We don't have any. Maybe I could go to work naked and drunk.

    hmmmmmmmmm........

  4. #4
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    You`re lucky.

    I am a driver for one of Great Britain`s finest and oldest institutions (whom we won`t name) and I hate it.

    Unfortunately I can`t pack it in thanks to my lovely wife, children and mortgage.
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  5. #5
    diamond den™
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    Re: My shitass job

    Originally posted by Flash Bastard
    Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? My workplace is just like it is in the movie. I hate my job and I've been trying to get fired for some weeks now.

    I come in late, leave early and take 2 hour lunches. No one seems to notice or care. Today I played video games all day and did zero work. No one noticed.

    I can't think of any creative ways to get fired without being arrested or sued by someone. Anyone have any ideas?
    Don't get fired. Just do the job really half assed. That's my advice.

  6. #6
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    take a dump on the copy machine. make sure the lid's up, then make copies and post them on everyone's desk.
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  7. #7
    Skills That Thrill
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    Send the boss a fax of your ass..
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  8. #8
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    Originally posted by Mr Badguy
    You`re lucky.

    I am a driver for one of Great Britain`s finest and oldest institutions (whom we won`t name) and I hate it.
    Carstairs???

    Cheers!

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  9. #9
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    Re: My shitass job

    Originally posted by Flash Bastard
    Have you ever seen the movie Office Space? My workplace is just like it is in the movie. I hate my job and I've been trying to get fired for some weeks now.

    I come in late, leave early and take 2 hour lunches. No one seems to notice or care. Today I played video games all day and did zero work. No one noticed.

    I can't think of any creative ways to get fired without being arrested or sued by someone. Anyone have any ideas?
    Just get later and later and take longer and longer lunches. If they still dont fire you, fuckit ! You've got a great job !!
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  10. #10
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    If you wanna pull

    GAR'S SPEC OPS CLANDESTINE OFFICE PISSING

    ..HERE'S WHAT CHA DO:

    1. Go to the Lil' Boys Room
    2. Take your empty lunch soda cup, and straw with you in the stall
    3. Remove lid
    4. Fill cup as much as possible
    5. Replace lid.
    6. Visiting victims' office or cubicle, you remove lid & scatter urine splashingly, aiming for the uppermost inaccessible corner of ceiling tiles and walls.
    7. Dispose of unused drink container in the appropriate trash receptacle in/near victims' workspace.
    8. Return to restroom and wash hands before leaving again.

    This should succeed in getting you fired. Or beaten. THEN you can go to your doctor and sue for workmans' compensation and get double money: unemployment AND disability insurance.

    Please consider the loving care which I chose to document this with all my e-Friends, by emailing this to others.

    Tell them GAR7884@KNAC.COM wrote it, so I can dispose of THEIR eLove in the appropriate receptacle.

    But remember I love you all here most because I shared it here first. >Gar
    Last edited by GAR; 01-05-2004 at 02:48 AM.
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  11. #11
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    Originally posted by Seshmeister
    Carstairs???

    Cheers!

    I`ll just say that involves having to get up at 4:00 every morning.

    Oh well, only about another 30 years until I retire.

  12. #12
    SensibleShoes
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    [QUOTE]Originally posted by GAR
    [B]If you wanna pull

    GAR'S SPEC OPS CLANDESTINE OFFICE PISSING

    Now why in the world wouldn't you use feces????? Sometimes the way those cubes smell, you can't tell if you splash urine - I vote for SHIT!

    How bout DOG SHIT? MY God if it becomes popular, I've just hit the jackpot on my retirement fund. 10 bucks a bag, peeple. Get you fired in no time.

  13. #13
    Flash Bastard
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    All of these are good ideas. I'll consider the ramifications of each one and choose appropriately.

    Today I went to work at 11 and left at 2.

  14. #14
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    Sheesh, a 15 hour shift!

    That sucks, you must be a real company man.

  15. #15
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    [QUOTE]Originally posted by SensibleShoes
    [B]
    Originally posted by GAR
    If you wanna pull

    GAR'S SPEC OPS CLANDESTINE OFFICE PISSING

    Now why in the world wouldn't you use feces????? Sometimes the way those cubes smell, you can't tell if you splash urine - I vote for SHIT!

    How bout DOG SHIT? MY God if it becomes popular, I've just hit the jackpot on my retirement fund. 10 bucks a bag, peeple. Get you fired in no time.
    go for the dog shit. don't leave any DNA in the victim's office.

  16. #16
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    Originally posted by Flash Bastard
    All of these are good ideas. I'll consider the ramifications of each one and choose appropriately.

    Today I went to work at 11 and left at 2.

    And hopefully fitted in your lunchbreak too ! If they keep paying you for that, you got it made dude !!

  17. #17
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    I've had 2 shitty civillian jobs in a row! The first one being a telemarketer for Buckmasters Deer Hunting association and the second being a banquet server at Embassy Suites. The last job made me work 12 to 15 hour shifts most of the time. Thank god I got activated a month after I quit!
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  18. #18
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    Fuck your boss's wife, make a video of it, and lay the video on your boss's desk with a note stating to play the tape. If that won't get you fired, NOTHING will!
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  19. #19
    Flash Bastard
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    I'm going to continue working 3 hour days with 2 hour lunches for the time being until I can find a good job that I enjoy going to day in and day out. I have some interviews lined up.

    And when it's time to leave my current employer, my supervisor will get a shit salad from yours truly.

  20. #20
    Flash Bastard
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    Originally posted by Little Texan
    Fuck your boss's wife, make a video of it, and lay the video on your boss's desk with a note stating to play the tape. If that won't get you fired, NOTHING will!
    The closest thing to a wife my boss ever had was his hand.

    He's one of those computer geeks who never leaves the house.

  21. #21
    One Voice
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    If i could come in late ,leave early and take two hour lunches
    i would stay where i was at.
    This place must really suck.

  22. #22
    Flash Bastard
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    Originally posted by One Voice
    If i could come in late ,leave early and take two hour lunches
    i would stay where i was at.
    This place must really suck.
    Sitting in a cube all day gets old. It's sucking the life out of me.

  23. #23
    Flash Bastard
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    We we last saw this thread I was stuck in a shitass job in the I.T. field. Much has happened since then.

    I quit. On the way out the door I whipped out the ole pecker and pissed in the fountain that sits in our reception area.

    Anyhooo.... I got a nice job with a government contractor. Basically I work for the Air Force in a high security job dealing with missle defense systems.

    The problem is... I'm the youngest employee there and I feel slightly isolated. Wait wait wait... let me back up a bit.

    As a child I was what they call 'gifted'. I graduated high school at 14 and college at 18. So almost my entire life has been spent amongst those older than me. I never really was allowed to be a kid. Not that I'm really complaining....

    So anyway... i'm finally in a job I love, even though some people still won't take me seriously. Fuck 'em, I say.

    My dick is bigger than theirs.
    Last edited by Flash Bastard; 01-31-2004 at 11:18 PM.

  24. #24
    Flash Bastard
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    Sarge, that spell check isn't working right. I'm counting two misspelled words.

    Goddamn Jim Beam. Makes you stupid and shit and stuff.

  25. #25
    Bring Back Flappo!
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    Being stupid makes you spell shit wrong. Moron.
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  26. #26
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    Talking

    Come in late?

    Leave early?

    2 hour lunches?

    Play video games all day?

    If you're getting more than $15 an hour to do it, consider yourself on a paid vacation.
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  27. #27
    Flash Bastard
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    Originally posted by Julius
    Being stupid makes you spell shit wrong. Moron.
    Ahh Julius....

    Who's drunken alter-ego are you?

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