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"Ya know what they say about angels... An angel is a supernatural being or spirit, usually humanoid in form, found in various religions and mythologies. Plus Roth fan boards..."- ZahZoo April 2013
Why do dogs often lick their own dick?
Because they CAN!
I know a better version...
Boudreaux and Thibodaux, while walking down street, see a dog cleaning himself...
Boudreaux says to Thibodaux, "Mais, I wish I could do dat, yeah."
Thibodaux replies, "dat dog will bite you, yeah!
Or something like that...
I don't do innuendos, but slipping alternative names for poo into sentences is something I do do.
fuck your fucking framing
A better version?Originally Posted by ELVIS
I know a better version...
Boudreaux and Thibodaux, while walking down street, see a dog cleaning himself...
Boudreaux says to Thibodaux, "Mais, I wish I could do dat, yeah."
Thibodaux replies, "dat dog will bite you, yeah!
Or something like that...
Making it racist and then removing the thing that makes the joke work, the licking balls part, did not make it better - you ruined it completely.
Richard Pryor would've made a great president...
Why settle for something you have, if it's not as good as something you're out to get?
It's like putting up a YouTube of Bach and playing Chopstix on your Bontempi...
how 'bout this one ??
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux took a trip to Scotland and walked into a pub, and after several hours of steady drinking, they witnessed a Scot who suddenly fell backwards off of the barstool and onto the floor, passed out cold, kilt over his head, and a Steel Panther backstage pass rammed up his arse. Boudreaux looks at Thib, looks up at the bartender, and remarks, "Dat's what I like about dem Scots. Dey knows when dey done had enough to drink."
Elvis is a gentleman when regaling his sexual conquests...
Whats the difference between a blow job and a corvette?
Your mother didnt give me a corvette.
Two very uptight chicks are talking about their deep wish and pride of never ever having sex.
One of them is obviously pregnant, so the other goes:
Bertha: I thought you would never have sex just like I never will?
Margaret: I've found a doctor who can help you get pregnant without having to.
He is repellently ugly, but very efficient - just look at me...
Bertha: Oh, really? Give me his address, I must try!
So Bertha gets an appointment with that doctor, who is very ugly indeed.
Doc: So, are you sure you want to have a baby?
Bertha: Absolutely. I've always wanted to be a mother,
but could never bear the idea of succumbing to flesh...
Doc: I have what you need. Are you attracted to men
anyway? Do you have any ideal of man?
Bertha: Oh, sure! I'm fond of Brad Pitt.
Doc: All right. Take this pill and think really hard about Brad Pitt.
Then Bertha collapses, and the doctor rushes to abuse her like a beast:
Doc: I'll give you some Brad Pitt, I'll give you some uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh...
Newflash...Jokes are supposed to be funny...rape is not funny.
It is not. But it can be, when imaginary in a joke, can't it?
No. Never.It is not. But it can be, when imaginary in a joke, can't it?
The scene takes place in a Buddhist temple.
Disciple : Master, could you teach me the difference between a woman and a pearl?
Master : The difference, humble little beetle, is that you can slip into a pearl at both ends, whereas you can only slip into a woman at one..
Disciple (confuzed) : But, Master, shame on me to contradict your Himalayan wisdom, but I heard some women let themselves slip into at both ends...
Master (slightly smiling back): Those aren't women, they're pearls.
Last edited by Jérôme Frenchise; 04-29-2014 at 11:16 AM.
I stole this but it made me think of here
This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’
Some of the finalists for funniest joke of the Fringe Festival 2014
1. "I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust" - Tim Vine.
2. "I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set" - Masai Graham.
3. "Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson.
4. "I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number ones and number twos" - Bec Hill.
5. "I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me" - Ria Lina.
6. "Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal" - Paul F Taylor.
7. "Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying" - Scott Capurro.
8. "I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven" - Jason Cook.
9. "This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it" - Felicity Ward.
#1 won
The thing about #1 - it sucks.
A desperate 13-year-old girl is calling a desperate hearts radio show.
Girl: I feel desperate. Really, really badly desperate...
Host: What's going on sweetie?
Girl: I'm a 13-year-old gipsy girl, and I'm still a virgin you see...
Host: Well, I don't see anything wrong. Many 13-year-olds are still virgins you know.
Girl: Well, I do feel damn desperate: my daddy might be gay.
St Peter's taking in three newcomers. Women.
The first one comes to him and he says: "Were you a sinner down on earth?"
"Well, i wasn't a saint, but I never ever cheated on my husband."
"All right, well done, here is a golden key. Up there, at the end of the corridor."
The second one: "I was what could be called a semi-sinner: I was no she-devil, but I used to sin a little and..."
"And?..."
"... and I cheated on my husband a couple of times. I am sorry..."
"Here's a silver key: up there past the corridor."
The Third one: "I made the most of the most of it! I fucked and fucked again and again, with any guy I met. Couldn't help it, I'm a sex addict."
(whispering) "Here's the key of my room. First on your left past the corridor."
Ghey.
Here's my firstfrom you. With a joke from my in-law... Serves me right.Ghey.
A customer walks into a store and asks, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy , clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."
Eat Us And Smile
Cenk For America 2024!!
Justice Democrats
"If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992
A short one from the (sub-par IMO) movie "Will Hunting" that I saw the other day.
From the cockpit, a pilot tells the co-pilot "Aaah. Now I'm craving for a cup of coffe and a blowjob...",
unaware that his mike is on and the whole plane can hear him.
In dismay, a stewardess then starts rushing to the cockpit. When she's half-way, a passenger yells "Hey! You forgot the cup of coffee!"
Damned, that last one kicked ass, didn't?
Here's another:
A coarse guy tells his wife: "Mmmmh... your ass looks as wide and hot as a BBQ!"
She doesn't reply.
In the evening, once he slips under the sheets to stick right behind her, she says:
"Oh hon, we aren't starting the BBQ for such a small sausage, are we?"
A woman to her husband:
"Darling, you love sodomy porn and candid cameras so much, don't you? You're gonna be happy as I took an appointment for you. Colonoscopy."
What do you hear when you hold a white seashell to your ear?
The ocean.
What do you hear when you hold a black seashell to your ear?
The Billy Ocean.
A Texan is meeting a Russian in a bar. Both are boasting about their skills.
The Texan goes: "I can shoot through six 50-cent coins with 6 bullets."
The Russian says: "I don't believe you."
So the Texan throws six 50-cent coins up in the air and makes a hole right in the middle of each of them with his gun and goes:
"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."
The Russian says: "I'm not impressed at all. I have 3 dicks and 3 pairs of bollocks."
The Texan says: "I don't believe you."
Then the Russian pulls his pants and all down, and the Texan stares in dismay.
The Russian goes: "My name is Bill. Tcherno Bill."
I had to look up the word Tcherno because I didn't get it. We don't spell that word with a T here.
Beware of Dog
Cap.jpg
There's a bunch of other strips at https://grogcomics.com
posted by Ellyllions Men say, "I'll never understand women." That's a very lonely place to be if you're a woman because we don't understand half of what we do either.posted by ALinChainz Katy, Pipe down, pump off, and fly back to your cave you old bat.
Krusty
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