Here's a good one.
Once there was a man named Mr.Fanatic and his PM box was so full
(how full was it?!!!!)
so full that no one could send him PMs
get it?
LOL
Here's a good one.
Once there was a man named Mr.Fanatic and his PM box was so full
(how full was it?!!!!)
so full that no one could send him PMs
get it?
LOL
“Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding” ― Betty White
LOL!Originally posted by diamondsgirl
Here's a good one.
Once there was a man named Mr.Fanatic and his PM box was so full
(how full was it?!!!!)
so full that no one could send him PMs
get it?
LOL
Check your PM's sweetie.
Talk Classic Rock - The Official Message Board For Classic Rock -- Now on XenForo!
This man pulls up in his Merc beside a little boy.
He opens the door, holds out a brown paper bag of sweets and says, "Hey kid, if I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car."
To which the kid replies, "Gimme the bag and I'll come in your mouth!"
Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and 10 hens he kept
in the hen house behind the church.
But one Saturday night,the cock went missing!
The priest knew that cockfights happened in the village, so he started
to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no!" he exclaimed. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a
cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, no!" he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock
that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, no!" he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests, and a goat stood up.
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!
Paki boards a bus carrying a bucket of shit. Just before he pays the
fare, the bus driver says 'that'll be 2 dollars for you and 50 cents for your friend in the bucket!'.
An unhappy couple approach a wishing well and the husband throws in a penny and makes a wish. Nothing. Just shrugs his shoulders and walks away. The wife walks up and winds up tripping over her head and drowns in the water. The husband with astonishment on his face
says 'Oh, shit! it worked!'.
A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.
The blonde promptly replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small - what room are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But Miss, computers do not need curtains!"
The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo. I've got Windoooooows!"
When Pedro and Maria got married, he was a very experienced man, but she was totally naïve. On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria said, "Pedro! What is that?" Pedro was a quick thinker. "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these." And then he proudly showed her what it was for. Maria was happy. When Pedro returned to work, he returned home to find an upset Maria waiting on their front porch. "Pedro, you said you were the only man in the world with one of those and yet today, when I saw Gonzalez changing his clothes behind the shed, he had one, too!" Ever fast on his feet, Pedro said, "Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my best friend. Since I had two, I gave him one. So he is the only other man in the world with one." A skeptical Maria accepted this answer, but when Pedro returned home the next day, an agitated Maria was waiting on the porch. "Maria? Now what's wrong?" "Dammit, Pedro. You gave the best one to Gonzalez!"
Why settle for something you have, if it's not as good as something you're out to get?
Originally Posted by Seshmeister
It's like putting up a YouTube of Bach and playing Chopstix on your Bontempi...
Before Bambi left for Texas, she confided to her city pals her three goals for the trip: to taste some Texas BBQ, to see a Texas rodeo, and to make love to a Texas cowboy.
As soon as she returned, the girls asked her how she fared. She replied, "Oh, they slow-cooked brisket over a wood called mesquite and it was so tasty! The rodeo was amazing: cowboys rode at full gallop, jumped off their horse, grabbed a bull by the horns, and threw it to the ground!"
"Yeah, but tell the rest! Did you make love to a Texas cowboy?" Bambi frowned. "No way! Not after I saw the size of the outline in the back pocket of their jeans. If they need condoms that big, well…"
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out witha load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This
is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?"
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that.
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up seven times...."
An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to
place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her
lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the
sake of decency, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her
skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's
$20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt
over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta
affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o
Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
Bwahahahahaha.......
A few words from the visionary Steven Wright:
--------------------------------------------------------
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Change is inevitable... except from vending machines.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
a few goodies.....
"Hear that O.F.? If old school Army gals with solid track records of contribution choose to bless us with their tits, ass, vagina, or just sexy eye shots, leave them be (at least until I've had a chance to rub one out)..."
That is all.
Icon.
"we've always known that van hagar fans are the stupidest people on the planet but my god! "
My wife left me...
I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker maybe a 12 pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup. I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"
I don't think she'll be back....
FOUR FRIENDS AT A PARTY
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years,
reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest
room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He
started working at a successful company at the bottom of the
barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to
climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the
company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a
top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
> >>>> >
> >>>> >The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is
also my pride and joy. He started working for a big
airline,then went to flight school to become a pilot . Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son
studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he
started his own construction company and is now a
multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and
expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square
foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the
fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the
congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride
we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a
living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub, under the name RITETOOLFORJOB..."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a
disappointment."
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my
son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either.
His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000
square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes
from his three boyfriends."
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: .
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
A New Wives store opened across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
Voted Best Joke of the Year:
A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Baby,
this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache".
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a
sheep, you idiot".
The guy says: "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you".
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"
My daughter is a member of the same sailing club as the host of a popular early-morning radio program. One evening at the club, she suggested to him that more frequent time checks should be given. "I get so interested in the people you're interviewing that I get frozen in time," she told him. "Then I suddenly realize I'm going to be late for work, because I'm still in the tub and it's 7:30."
The next morning, listeners to the program, including my daughter, were startled to hear this unusual time check following the news, sports and weather: "That brings the time to 7:15. Alice, get out of the bathtub."
The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.
The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.
The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive ; with NO memory
The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting
The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did
The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back
The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes
The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB
The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted
The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care
The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files
The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy... then discards it through Windows
Roth Army MP
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each others
likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,
"It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton
balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some
tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent
my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,
and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling
papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ......... so does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job,
and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
The Tax Inspector
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an
inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was
checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and
said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles.What do you do
with the candle drippings?"
Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up
and send them back to the candle makers, and every now
and then they send us a free box of candles."
Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that
his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he
went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit
purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the
inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable
question. "We collect them and send them back to the
manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box
of holy biscuits."
I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how
he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he
went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from
the circumcisions you perform?"
Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi.
"What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to
the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a
complete dick."
Hillary Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, she asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying you was blown up by a bomb, it would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Hillary beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee met him at the door. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words", he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well", she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar."
"The breakfast was my idea," she added.
> A girl came skipping home from school one day.
> "Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the
other
> kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See?
> 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"
>
> "Very good," said her mother.
> "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.
> "Yes, It's because you're blonde."
>
> The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
> "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and
> all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?
> A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
>
> "Very good," said her mother.
> "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
> "Yes, It's because you're blonde."
>
> The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
> "Mommy Mommy! !" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when
we
> were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have
these!"
> She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36D'S
>
> "Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
> "Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"
>
> "No Honey, Its because you're 24."
Knowing and believing are two very different things.
It is the difference between the knowledge we accrue... ...and the knowledge we apply.
Subject: Fortunate ski trip
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So
they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the
attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I
have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she
explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep
in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got
on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected
letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he
finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive
widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do
you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the
night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed
about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of
telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look,
I'm sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did...why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
(And you thought the ending would be different,
didn't you?)
Little known Mr. T facts
Current mood: fucking weird!
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
All that glitters is not gold: If it's not being worn by Mr. T, then it's just jibba jabba, and Mr. T pities the fool who can't tell the difference. This is where the phrase "fool's gold" comes from.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T once beat Mike Tyson in a boxing match with only his left thumb. After the three second match was over, Mr. T pitied Mike Tyson so bad that he began to talk funny.
When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angry look. Seeing Mr. T's anger broke every bone in Sly's face, left him mildly retarded and unable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he shits his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.
Michael Jackson is the only fool that Mr. T refuses to pity. He finds that it would be insulting to the pity.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.
Mr. T didn't know Rocky was a movie. He just wanted to kick the shit out of a white guy and steal his bitch, A-team style.
Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.
Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.
Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.
Like King Midas, everything Mr. T touches turns to gold, even food. Unlike King Midas, Mr. T has learned to ingest gold, like a real man would.
Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.Little known Mr. T facts
Current mood: fucking weird!
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
All that glitters is not gold: If it's not being worn by Mr. T, then it's just jibba jabba, and Mr. T pities the fool who can't tell the difference. This is where the phrase "fool's gold" comes from.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T once beat Mike Tyson in a boxing match with only his left thumb. After the three second match was over, Mr. T pitied Mike Tyson so bad that he began to talk funny.
When he found out he would lose the rematch while making Rocky III, Mr. T administered to Sylvester Stallone an angry look. Seeing Mr. T's anger broke every bone in Sly's face, left him mildly retarded and unable to remember the incident. To this day, Sly has no idea why he shits his pants at the mere sight of a black man with a mohawk.
Michael Jackson is the only fool that Mr. T refuses to pity. He finds that it would be insulting to the pity.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
You can lead Mr. T to water, but chances are that you will die there.
Mr. T didn't know Rocky was a movie. He just wanted to kick the shit out of a white guy and steal his bitch, A-team style.
Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
If you were born before 1980, there is a good chance that Mr. T is your father. If you were born after, it's guaranteed.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.
Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool". No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.
Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you.
Like King Midas, everything Mr. T touches turns to gold, even food. Unlike King Midas, Mr. T has learned to ingest gold, like a real man would.
"I decided to name my new band DLR because when you say David Lee Roth people think of an individual, but when you say DLR you think of a band. Its just like when you say Edward Van Halen, people think of an individual, but when you say Van Halen, you think of…David Lee Roth, baby!"!
just little known fact about mr t.
1. Chuck Norris lost his virginity exactly 10 minutes before his father.
2. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
3. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
4. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
5. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong!
6. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
8. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
9. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
10. One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
11. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
12. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
13. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
14. Every time Chuck Norris throws a roundhouse kick, all women within 5 miles of Chuck immediately achieve orgasm.
15. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
16. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'.
17. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
18. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
19. Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.
20. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
21. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
1) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2) Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed
Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.
5) If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he
roundhouse kicks you in the face.
6) Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
7) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil
in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates
irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.
8) Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then
shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!"
and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody
throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't FUCK with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred
mile radius of the blast went deaf.
9) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
10) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to
stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all
three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head
exploded out of sheer amazement.
11) Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.
12) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist. 13) Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a
high school football game. When the football went flat, he
persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3
month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards
through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in
the stadium.
14) The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in
disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who
defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could
turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a
single show, however, so it was divided.
15) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
16) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
17) It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris
himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very
smart.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.1. Chuck Norris lost his virginity exactly 10 minutes before his father.
2. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
3. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
4. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
5. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong!
6. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
8. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
9. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
10. One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
11. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
12. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
13. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
14. Every time Chuck Norris throws a roundhouse kick, all women within 5 miles of Chuck immediately achieve orgasm.
15. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
16. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'.
17. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
18. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
19. Helen Keller's favorite color was Chuck Norris.
20. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
21. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
1) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2) Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but
Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his
foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed
Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he
gets the information he wants.
5) If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he
roundhouse kicks you in the face.
6) Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
7) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil
in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates
irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it
coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the
month.
8) Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then
shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!"
and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody
throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't FUCK with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred
mile radius of the blast went deaf.
9) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
10) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to
stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all
three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head
exploded out of sheer amazement.
11) Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the
pleasure.
12) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only
another fist. 13) Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a
high school football game. When the football went flat, he
persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3
month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards
through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in
the stadium.
14) The original theme song to the Transformers was actually
"Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in
disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who
defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could
turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a
single show, however, so it was divided.
15) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
16) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order
are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
17) It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight
to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris
himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very
smart.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Jurak
My wife left me...
I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker maybe a 12 pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day she came home from grocery shopping and when I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup. I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."
I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"
I don't think she'll be back....
"If anyone came here hoping to hear Sammy Hagar Van Halen, there's the fucking door, man!" Ralph Saenz, Atomic Punks
"Carpe Mammarium"
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.
The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies,
"I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"
George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a
quickie this morning?"
"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're starting to
act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for
a year! ''
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."
The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.
George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."
Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."
Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 400 million people very happy."
this joke has a visual
A Mexican drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Mexico our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink from the same glass twice."
An Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In my part of the world we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Texas cowboy, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the Mexican and the Arab, and catches his glass. He says, "In America we have so many illegal Mexicans and Arabs that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice."
GOD BLESS AMERICA
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman
replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"
The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was
impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"
"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my
testicles are not square."
"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could
consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"
We had just finished eating a beautiful dinner that my mother had prepared for our 28-member family. As I glanced up at the chandelier over the table, I was mesmerized by the creative handiwork a spider had woven around the prisms and lightbulbs. "Don't look up there!" my mother screamed. "It's the one thing I was too tired to clean!"
"Don't look where?" my brother asked.
"There!" my mother pointed. "It's my own personal web sight!"
How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 to hijack the thread and ask how to change the horn
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
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