What's the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during an orgasm.
What's the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during an orgasm.
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They are both really depressed. The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed." "What a coincidence!" he said, "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too."
So they start talking and they find that they have much in common so they decide to go to the woman's apartment and have kinky sex.
When they arrive at her apartment, she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more comfortable. She comes out of the bathroom with a tight, black leather outfit with a whip, handcuffs, a strap-on cock, and a 12 inch studded dildo. Then she hurries into the kitchen and comes out with tabasco sauce, whipped cream, and a rolling pin.
Then she notices that the man is putting on his coat and is walking towards the door. "What's going on?", she asks. "I thought you wanted to get kinky?" He turns around and says, "I just fucked your dog and shit in your purse. I'm all done"
Last edited by sambo; 10-19-2004 at 10:13 PM.
A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance & see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that:
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fullfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying his eyes out.
"My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."
and now for my 500th post...why not a joke..
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time....and maybe do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.
When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year....maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, "Fuck You", and I holler back, "Fuck you too."
Why wasn't Jesus born at Cabo Wabo?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny
How many queers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Queers don't screw they butt fuck
Did you hear about the girl who went fishing with 5 guys?
She came home with a red snapper
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?
A flame thrower
i have tons more but can't think of any right now.
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
One of all time favorite Rodney quotes: "My wife wanted me to make her scream during sex. So I did. I wiped my dick on the curtains."Originally posted by diamondsgirl
Seeing as he was the master of jokes...
I get no respect ...
- A tribute to Rodney . (RIP)
I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, 'There goes the neighborhood!'"
"When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother."
"When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream."
"Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'"
"When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up."
"I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, `Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. There was nobody home."
"When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me."
"When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names — hers and her mother's."
"With my wife, I don't get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet."
"With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it."
.
.
.
The guy cracked me up
I used to love his HBO specials, where I heard that one.
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured
alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She
seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.
Friends of women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.
Last edited by sambo; 10-27-2004 at 07:21 PM.
Three guys were sitting in a bar, talking. One was a doctor,
one was a lawyer, and one was a biker. After a sip of his martini,
the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my
wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn't
like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedes, and she
will know that I love her."
After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied, "Well, on my
last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the
Bahamas. I figured that if she didn't like the pearls, she would at
least like the trip, and she would know that I love her."
The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah?
well, for my anniversary, I got my old lady a T-shirt and a vibrator.
I figured that if she didn't like the T-shirt, she could go screw
herself."
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
Let's Drink To That
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon.
With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
There were these two fellars standin' on a bridge, a-goin' to the bathroom. One fellar said, "The water's cold" and the other fellar said, "The water's deep". I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Get it?
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
> > > > >
***** How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at
her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the
whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel,
shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
If there is anyone among you who did not recognize yourself in these
statements, you're lying like a dog....
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
Here's my favorite Yo Momma Joke:
You're Momma's SO FAT, ev'ry time bitch turns around IT'S HER BIRTHDAY!!
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
Yo Momma SO FAT, bitch fell in love AND BROKE IT!!
Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!
Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "
Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!!
Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"
Yo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo momma is so fat her waist size is equator!
Yo momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!
Yo momma so fat shes on both side of the family.
Yo momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ole ass over!
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Last edited by scottydabodi; 11-06-2004 at 07:40 PM.
Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!
Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!! "
Yo momma so fat, when she runs she makes the cd played skip, at the radio station!!!
Yo momma so fat, when she went out side in a red dress, everyone yelled, "HEY, KOOL-AID!"
Yo momma fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
Yo momma is so fat her waist size is equator!
Yo momma so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!
Yo momma so fat shes on both side of the family.
Yo momma so fat when she walks around in Texas in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
Yo momma so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ole ass over!
Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo momma so fat she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."
Yo momma so fat her nickname is, "DAY-UM!"
Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo momma so fat we're in her right now.
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
Yo momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
Yo mamma so fat, you have to roll over twice to get off her...
Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling, "Free Willy!"
Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"
Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Yo momma so fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo momma so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!
Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear, "Caution! Wide Turn."
Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read, "One at a time, please."
Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!
Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo momma so fat , her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!
Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.
Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
Yo momma so fat her belly button's got an echo.
Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo momma so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo momma so fat her blood type is ragu.
Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whoelband skips!
Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma so fat that she can't tie her own shoes.
Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcomn-X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo momma so fat she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide.
Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!
Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship.
Yo momma so fat she accidently got a 757 caught in her teeth.
Yo momma so fat to her, "light food," means under 4 Tons!
Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and cameback with sandals!
Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!
Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development.
Yo momma so fat she won, "Miss Bessie the Cow 94."
Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans.
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo momma so fat she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."
Yo momma so fat her nickname is, "DAY-UM!"
Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo momma so fat we're in her right now.
Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.
Yo momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
Yo mamma so fat, you have to roll over twice to get off her...
Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.
Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling, "Free Willy!"
Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Yo momma so fat, she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"
Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
Yo momma so fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway.
Yo momma so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!
Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear, "Caution! Wide Turn."
Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read, "One at a time, please."
Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!
Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo momma so fat , her legs are like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!
Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of George Washington's nose.
Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
Yo momma so fat her belly button's got an echo.
Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo momma so fat she uses a pillow case as a sock.
Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo momma so fat her blood type is ragu.
Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whoelband skips!
Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma so fat that she can't tie her own shoes.
Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket.
Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcomn-X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.
Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo momma so fat she uses I-95 for a Slip 'n Slide.
Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!
Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo momma so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship.
Yo momma so fat she accidently got a 757 caught in her teeth.
Yo momma so fat to her, "light food," means under 4 Tons!
Yo momma so fat she went on a date with high heels on and cameback with sandals!
Yo momma so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!
Yo momma so fat she was zoned for commercial development.
Yo momma so fat she won, "Miss Bessie the Cow 94."
Yo momma so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans.
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get
close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the
Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to
you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars
mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute".
lol good jokeOriginally posted by lms2
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get
close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the
Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to
you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars
mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute".
BTW you just got 69 votes
Did i ever tell you that i just LOVE that Number
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
because it's the age of your girlfriend?Originally posted by Ozzy Fudd
lol good joke
BTW you just got 69 votes
Did i ever tell you that i just LOVE that Number
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
do has mitch ?Originally posted by DavidLeeNatra
because it's the age of your girlfriend?
THE BONUS QUESTION
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A”
'Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
but I just couldn't sleep...
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned...the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
stuffing with gravy, green beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees...
Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please.
Four of Santa’s elves got sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones. Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.
"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous.
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home.
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is
wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too.
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."
True to her word when the Amish lady got home she told her husband
about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on
immediately.
"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."
At a recent job interview for a brunette, a red head and a blonde, the interviewer asked but one question: How many D's are in Indiana Jones?
The brunette answered quickly...."well, one of course". Thank you... send in the red head.
The red head answered quickly as well..." there is one D in Indiana Jones" Thank you, please send the next women in please.
The Blonde, when asked started to count on her fingers...2,4,6.....hmmmm, can I use your calculator, she said". The interviewer asked what was so difficult about the question? The blonde quickly answered 32! the interviewer says 32? How did you you come up with that?
The blonde starts to sing....da da da da, da da da, da da da da, da da da da da!
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
An irisman, a mexican and a blonde man were at the construction site of the new high rise buliding they were working at having their lunch.
The irishman opens his lunch box and says "Goddammit, Corned beef and cabbage again! If I have this one more time, I'll jump from the top of this building!
The Mexican opens his lunch and says " son of bitch, burrito again! If I have Burrito one more tine, I will leap off this building!
The blonde man opens his lunch and says" WTF! Bologne again! If I have Bologne again, I'm jumping off this buliding!
The next day all 3 find the same items in their lunch and all 3 leap to their deaths!
At their funeral, the wife of the Irishman says: Had I known he would do this I colud have made him something else! She feels terrible...
The mexicans wife says" I could have made him a taco or enchilada....she feels terrible as well.
The 2 wives look at the blondes wife.....she says.."what! Dont look at me, that stupid bastard packed his own lunches!
A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a "genie". But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works". "You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." Says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS agent."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and It
looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with
plentiful food and drink."
***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."
***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful women will want and need me."
***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story?
If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached!
PARENT - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product! Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you!
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a
ride!""
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very
taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a
client, named Wright, who was due to be hanged for
murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency
to the governor had
failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home his wife
started on him about, "What time of night do you call
this? Where have you been?" and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar
ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky
and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub...
pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the
wife answered and was told that her husband's client
had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she
decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the
sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over
naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed , "For crying out loud,
Woman, don't you ever stop!?"
A homeless dipshit passes out behind a gay bar.....
A faggot comes out back, sees him lying there passed out, and thinks "well, he ain't half-bad for a homeless dipshit", and fucks him while he's passed out.
The faggot feels kinda bad about it afterwards and shoves a twenty-spot in the homeless dipshit's shirt pocket.
The homeless dipshit wakes up the next day, finds the twenty-spot in his shirt pocket and goes directly to the liquor store, telling the guy behind the counter "gimme twenty dollars worth of the cheapest wine ya got".
The homeless dipshit proceeds to consume the cornucopia of cheap wine and ends up passed out behind the same gay bar.
The aforementioned faggot finds him there again and goes to find his friend..."this is the thing I was tellin' ya about....he ain't bad for a homeless dipshit eh"?
The aforementioned faggot and his friend both fuck the homeless dipshit and each leave a twenty-spot in his shirt pocket afterwards due to the aforementioned guilt
The homeless dipshit wakes up the next day, finds two twenty-spots in his shirt pocket and goes directly to the liquor store, telling the guy behind the counter " gimme forty dollars worth of the most expensive wine ya got".
The guy behind the counter goes "most expensive?....what the fuck is up with that?"
The homeless dipshit goes "that cheap shit is ok, but it sure tears your ass up the next day".
On a farm lived a chicken and a horse who loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his friend's life, the chicken began to think. Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend the horse. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the
chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?....................................
When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
Three couples went camping only to discover that only two tents were packed for the trip. After a short discussion it was decided that the men would sleep in one tent while the women would share the other.
At about 2:00 am John was awakened by Bob, who was sleeping beside him, with a huge erection in his hand.
"Look the size of this, it must be all the fresh air, I'm going over to visit my wife!" Bob exclaimed. "Would you like me to come with you?"
John asked. "Why would I want you to come?" Bob asked. "Because that's my cock your holding in your hand."
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion.
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man really gets into fucking this guy's wife so he works with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm.
Stubborn to the end, the husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him, triumphantly, "You see, THAT'S the way to wave a fucking towel!"
and for my 900th post...
A woman was in bed having sex with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she said, "Get your ass up and stand in the corner."
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an fucking idiot at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
There was a cuisine contest last week-end, consisting in answering to questions about recipes. I was a bit "forced" to take part in it. I don't know too much about cooking, but I was damned lucky because I made no mistake. This feat owed me the top prize: my weight in olive oil, plus... 20 euros a day! Ain't that luck, 20 euros per day...
Hey Jackass! You need to [Register] or log in to view signatures on ROTHARMY.COM!
There are currently 17 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 17 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote