CHEF MAXIMUS' KITCHEN or THE OFFICIAL ROTHARMY COOKBOOK

[Viking]

Here, my carnivorous companions. Viking's very own wild game meatloaf, or as I call it: Buffaloaf. Guaranteed to pressurize your hydraulics better than a Viagra milkshake.


Three pounds of ground beast (1 lb. minimum of ground bison - you can play mix-n-match with ground venison, turkey, and/or any other good game, to suit yourself; yes, you can use hamburger, but get the good cuts)

3 eggs

Approx. 1/2 sleeve of Garden Vegetable Ritz crackers (these really bring out flavor)

At least 8 oz. of pepper-onion relish (Harry & David, Cracker Barrel pepper-onion-apple relish, or whatever is closest on the supermarket shelf)

Ketchup

1 large sweet onion

1 medium-to-large green bell pepper

3 tbls. of Worchestershire sauce and/or (for the bold and manly!) 1 tbls. liquid hickory smoke.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Chop onion and bell pepper into 1/2" pieces, and set aside. Mix all three pounds of meat in a large mixing bowl. Add eggs. Finely crush Ritz crackers, and add. Add 6 oz. of pepper-onion relish, and Worchestershire sauce or liquid smoke. Coarsely mix ingredients by hand. Add onion and bell pepper, then mix through completely and thoroughly. Take mixture, and form into a loaf in a covered, oven-safe (preferably Corning or other glass) dish. Take ketchup (NOT Heinz, you pinkos!), and make a 3:1 mixture with remaining relish, and set aside. Bake for approx. 75-85 minutes, or until done, adding glaze during the last third of cooking time. Serve with mashed potatoes and hot rolls, or whatever suits you personally.

[blonddgirl777]

Was that just a Burger receipe???

[MAX]

Got another one for y'all...

It 'tis a burga recipe...

It's a spin off one they make for thirty bones at Tavern on the Green.

This one's called a mock 21 burger cos I guess the derpensive one at TOTG has "21" exclusive spices and seasonings? lol

Anyhoo, I gave it a go two nights ago and it rocked. However, I said fuck it to their sauce and made up my own thingy cos the burger's already seasoned enough and doesn't need to be dipped in some Elmer's Glue sauce.

K, first things first, to make four burgaaz, let's go with two pounds of ground beef. Bare with me cos I'm wingin' this and also for goodness sakes... Don't be cheap with the meat you purchase cos these are "gourmet" bugaaz heeya!!!

Again, take the ground beef, put it in a bowl (cos you have to mush this with your hands like meatloaf) and combine a packet of powdered AU JUS mix and about a teaspoon of worstershire.

Next and in a small skillet or fry pan, take two tablespoons of butter and saute four finely chopped sticks of celery. Hence, one stalk for each burger. K, finely chop said celery and saute in the butter with just a dash of salt and freshly ground pepper.

Once done with the sauteed celery, dump it along with the meleted butter into the seasoned beef. Squirsh it in good and again just like makin' a meatloaf. Then make four patties.

Now, get your grill to 350 degrees and keep it there cos we're gonna slow cook the fuckers to keep them nice, juicy and seasoned.

NOTE!!! DON'T EVER PRESS ON A BURGER WITH YOUR SPATULA WHILST GRILLING!!! WHEN YOU PULL THAT SHIT, ALL YOU DO IS PRESS ALL OF THE NATURAL JUICES AND FLAVORS OUT!!! Hence as to why the grill engulfs the meat in flames when people fucking press on the shit!!! Fuck, this goes for steaks, chicken or whatever. Seriously, it dries the shit out. Fuck being impatient when it only saves about five minutes of cooking time!!! HINT!!! HINT!!! Seriously, only use the spatula for flipping and serving. I promise you'll thank me cos you'll never have dry meats again.

So we wanna grill these fuckers about seven minutes on each side. They'll get good and dark on the outside but we're locking in all of the flavor.

Next, let's do the buns...

Buy some decent ones. Just give them a quick drizzle of olive oil and toast them on the grill prior to serving the burgers. They'll be nice and toasted goldenly.

Also, about a minute before my burgers are done, I throw on a thick slice of a mellow cheese, like swiss, provederlone or mozzerella and have it melt atop the burger.

Now onto what conderments go on this...

Use butterleaf lettuce instead of the typical iceberg. Sure, it's a lot more spendy but hey, we're doing something different here, no?

Sliced Bermuda (red) onion, freshly sliced tomatoes (now is prime cos of the fresh tomatoes available) and pickles are always good as well.

Now for the sauce...

Use two tablespoons of spicy brown mustard or Dijon but we want a strong mustard flava. Two tablespoons of mayo, teaspoon of Catsup, dash of worstershire and Tobasco. Whisk that together really well and slab it on both buns.

After that, ENJOY one tasty burger and a nice break from the atypical one's we do on the grill in the summertime.

[Viking]

Originally posted by blonddgirl777:

Was that just a Burger receipe???

Hmmm. Nope - it was meatloaf with buffalo, or buffalo, ground sirloin, and venison, or whatever other kind of wild game you want to put in it. It never occurred to me to grill burgers out of it. LOL Ought to turn out damn good like that though, but I'd suggest mincing the onion and peppers pretty finely so the burgers didn't cook apart then fall through the grate and into the coals. I'd give you my recipe for slow-cooked, BBQ teriyaki squirrel (it does taste like chicken ), but I'm still livid with that sonofabitch outdoors editor in my hometown newspaper. Last October, I sent him my squirrel recipe for the annual fall rod & gun magazine pullout, and that sneaky little shit lifted my entire recipe - AND OUTRIGHT PLAGARIZED PART OF IT, WORD FOR WORD - in his article, then credited me for some semi-coherent entry for a plate of goo that I wouldn't feed my neighbor's dog, and I'd like to kick that mutt in the ass sometimes.

[MAX]

Hey, I have another but it's on the lighter side...

First off though... Hey DG, how'd my burgaz turn out? You irresistable angelface!!! Muhuwahhh...

K, back to my newy...

It's a recipe for FRESH Chilean Sea Bass. However, it's a very expensive fish (in my parts but luckily, I have connections. lol) so unless you live where there are fresh fish mongers, substitute halibut. It will have the same dynamic, it's just fresh sea bass can be difficult to find in certain parts. Plus, you need a thick white filet in order to do this recipe.

K, this 'tis yet another one where I'm just going to explain it cos I know how to make it. After that and like most everything I post, just read it and configure how many you wanna make, etc. I derpologize for this but this is how I learned this one. One fish at a time... lol

First, you need a 10 oz filet of fresh Chilean Sea Bass or Halderbut.

Next and this 'tis a stellar trick for the grill and will save the age old dilema of your fish falling apart inbetween the grates. Take a pie tin, squeeze one whole lemon's worth of juice, a little olive oil, six ounces of good old H2O and put it in the pie tin. Get the grill or oven to 400 degrees. That being preheated.

Next season your fish with pnly salt and freshly ground black pepper. Once you've reached the desired temp, place the filet into said pie tin. You'll wanna keep an eye on it cos cooking temps vary (as we already know) depending on the oven or whether you're doing this on the grill. Anyway, cook the fish for at least ten minutes. Fifteen maximum. Never fret though cos by making the lemon water, it helps keep the fish moist and it prevents overcooking. Little trick I learned a few miles back.

Now for the sauce...

It's a banana curry butter sauce. I fucking HATE bananas with a passion!!! Yet, I love this sauce so bare with me and it's NOT gross. Infact, this 'tis a dish for you to use to impress both friends and family.

K, for the curry butter and for four filets, this will do. take one yellow onion diced, one banana, mashed, a tablespoon of honey, a tablespoon and a half of curry powder, salt and white pepper, season both to taste and a stick of butter. Throw it all in a food processor and blend the living fuck out of it. You'll end up with a tasty compound butter that when put over the hot fish will instantaniously turn into a sauce.

I'll have to post a few compound butter recipes cos they're so easy, can be frozen and are an instant sauce for fish, chicken and whatever.

Anyway, there's more to this one to make it super purdy. lol

In a separate frypan, take some vegetable oil, slice up some sweet potatoes like razor thin. I'm talkin' like shoestring fries or shredded cheese like. You want thin strips. Like this...



You wanna get them crunchy and deep fried, so to speak. So, make them like thinly grated and deep fry them in the oil. Once done, set on a papre towel to shed excess grease and season them with salt.

When you're ready to serve this beautiful fish, put about a tablespoon of the banana curry butter on the bottom of the plate. Secondly, place your fish on it whilse it's still hot so the butter can melt underneath the fish.

Next, put another spoonful of the curry butter atop the fish as it will melt instantaniously. Top the fish with a good amount of the deep fried sweet potatoes. Make it extra fancy, throw some freshly chopped parsley on top as well.

Tell y'all what, I'll cook one over the next few days and post a pic so you can see how pretty it is.

Indeed this one's a little more difficult with both the prep and presentation but it's still fucking easy.

Anyway, if you already know how to cook, this shouldn't be a problem whatsoever.

[diamondsgirl]

Originally posted by MAX
Anyhoo, I gave it a go two nights ago and it rocked.

I made these and they were sooo friggin gooood. The only mistake I made was making them too small. Next time, which will be soon, I will make them bigger.

Now thats a tasty burger!

[MAX]

DGWANNYWANWAN,

I'm sooooooooooooooooooo happy you guys liked the boogies. I was thinkin', instead of doin' the celredry with buvter, you could easily suvstertoot unyunz, green pepvers or something else? Just get to get the vegterbvle in theeya, you know?

Anyhoo, couldn't find a pic that does mine justice nor the way I derscrived it to you. but heeyas what a chile relleno (I'll post a recipe soon) 'tis supposed to look like. Except mine has waaay more melted cheese and sauce. Mmmmmm....



K and now onto the French Dip (french dick with oh jew sauce :p ) with au jus...

Dolly-Doo...

Just so you get the idea...



Also, since I know how much you lubz onions and peffders, you could also saute them and throw them on the sand. Don't forget the horseradish either. Also, either do the buns/rolls with the olderve oil or the mayo way I showed you.

Good stuff but not as good as you!!!

[diamondsgirl]

Both of those dishes look yummy. Can not wait to try that mex dish...hopefully by years end.

[MAX]

Dollywans...

And I'm gonna make this for your derservbt.



It's a peavnut buvter, chocolate and ice cream thingy. Has spuvngecake soaked with frangelico and freshly crushed peavnuts as well. Doubt you'd like that, no?

Muhuwan

[MAX]

Originally posted by diamondsgirl
I made these and they were sooo friggin gooood. The only mistake I made was making them too small. Next time, which will be soon, I will make them bigger.

Now thats a tasty burger!

K, gonna make these on sunday and I think you'll like them or I hope so...

Bleu Bacon Swiss Boogies...

These require a lot more work but they're well fucking worth it.

For the patties themselves, heeya we go.

2 pounds ground beef
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper - You can just use regular salt but I've always liked real salt better.
Worstershire Sauce
Bleu cheese crumbles
Garlic Paste, recipe follows ***

***ROASTED GARLIC PASTE***

1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 pound peeled garlic cloves, store bought
Gray sea salt and freshly ground peppe

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
Heat an ovenproof saucepan on the stovetop. When it's hot, add the extra-virgin olive oil. Next, add the cloves and season with salt and pepper. Let the cloves begin to caramelize, then put the pan in the preheated oven.

Roast cloves in the oven for about 30 minutes or until they are nicely browned. (Starting the garlic on the stove will save at least 20 minutes of roasting time). Let cool.

When cool enough to handle easily, put the roasted garlic into a small bowl, mash with a fork and add oil from the pan until a paste forms. Store, tightly covered, in the refrigerator, for up to 1 week.

Now, heeyas what we'll do will all of the yummies...

In a bowl, mix the meat with salt, pepper and a dash of worstershire. Form 4 (3-ounce patties) by using a scoop. Push them down and make little indentations in the middle to hold the flavors. Place a teaspoon of garlic paste in the middle of each patty and add a little chunk of blue cheese crumbles tucked right on top of the garlic paste. Add a good twist of black pepper. Take another 3 ounce scoop of meat, make it flat in your hand and place right on top of the other half.
Take your fingers and just seal the 2 patties up and refrigerate until you are ready to throw on the preheated grill.

Just grill them as you would any other burger. Don't EVER press on them whilst cooking or you'll lose the epic juices and awesome garlic flava.

When almost cooked on both sides place the bacon slices atop the patties, blanket with the thick slices of swiss, cover the bbq lid until the cheese melts all over the burger.

Now for the conderments that I like to put on the bugies...

Swiss Cheese
Three Slices of thick, cooked bacon (per hamburger)
Red or Bermuda Onion slices
Sliced Dill Pickle (Personally, I prefer using those Klaussen chilled ones. Sure, they're a little more spendy but, we're not making a Big Mac heeya.)
Butterleaf lettuce
Sliced Tomato
Bleu Cheese Dressing (K, I also like to top these with my grandmother's homemade bleu cheese dressing. So, heeyas the recipe for it...)

Carm's Bleu Cheese Dressing

1 pint Best Foods or Hellman's Mayonaise
1/2 pint buttermilk
4 to 5 oz bleu cheese crumbles (less or more, depending on how chunky you like the dressing)
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon coarse ground pepper

Wisk mayo, buttermilk, garlic powder and pepper until both smooth and creamy. Add cheese crumbles, fold into mixture, chill and serve.

Lastly, buy some decent bakery haburger buns or rolls cos this burger's kinda messy and needs thick quality buns to hold it all. lol

As usual, either drizzle olive oil inbetween the bun slices or spread mayo on them. Proceed to put them face down on the grill for a minute to lightly toast them prior to serving.

Then to finish, put bottom (toasted) bun on plate, burger on top of that, then stack the rest of the condiments accordingly and enjoy!!!

[MAX]

Straying from a recipe for a sec but need to show these to my DGWAN.

Looksie heeya!!!

GRAFE!!!





K, these are blue razdeberry, green affle, wabvdermeglon and I think arange.









Bernilly, lemvon, derlime, arange and cherry flavored tootsie rolls...

[diamondsgirl]

Originally posted by MAX
Straying from a recipe for a sec but need to show these to my DGWAN.

Looksie heeya!!!

GRAFE!!!





K, these are blue razdeberry, green affle, wabvdermeglon and I think arange.









Bernilly, lemvon, derlime, arange and cherry flavored tootsie rolls...

I'll have one of each please :p

[MAX]

Originally posted by diamondsgirl
I'll have one of each please :p

You KNOW I'll get them for you.

I'm gonna make you that milk chocolate peavnut buvter ice cream, frangelico soaked angelfood cake, Chocolate sauce, chopped peanuts and fresh whipped cream derservt on Mon my deeya. Sound good?

[Viking]

Here's another good one - nothing too fancy, but it's great. I whipped this up one evening on the fly: Portabello Mushroom Caps Stuffed With Crab Imperial. Get about 10-12 oz. of good lump crabmeat. Take four large portobello caps, a half chopoed small sweet onion, a half a chopped green bell pepper, and saute them in butter until soft. Mix the crabmeat, pepper, onion, about a half-teaspoon of Old Bay seasoning, a dash of Worchestershire sauce, and a little lemon juice with just enough mayonnaise to hold it together. Spoon it into the mushroom caps, put them on a baking sheet, and sprinkle them with Parmesan cheese. Bake in the oven at 350 until hot all the way through, and the filling just starts to bubble. You can always tweak the ingredient list and measurements to your liking (some of you poor souls out there may not even know what Old Bay is), as crab imperial probably has a hundred slight variations, but believe me, stuffed into sauteed portobello caps, it's incredible.

BTW - Old Bay is what we Marylanders douse all our seafood in. I like my shrimp beer-steamed and Old Bay caked on so thick, you have to shake the shrimp off just to shell it. And Chesapeake Bay blue crabs were born for it. You don't crack open a jimmy unless it got a good dusting of it first. Why, it's heresy. LOL

[Susie Q]

Max, a bit off subject n' all...but....Are you watching Hells Kitchen? Who do you think will take it? I'm gonna guess Rock. The final showdown is next monday!! I was blown away by Gordon's heart to send Julia to Cuinary school.

K.....go on with the recipes and makin' stuff!

P.S.

Susie's Cheesecake

Ingredients:

Cream Cheese (4 packages)
Sweet condensed milk (1/2 can or to taste)
Lemon juice (a few caps full or to taste)

Graham Cracker Crust pie tin thingys or make your own, either one.

Soften the cheese to room temp, beat the three ingredients together (the batter should be kinda thick, definitely not runny and thin. If you have a good palate, just taste as you go along. I never measure, I just go by what is right to me), put in crust, let set for a few hours in fridge. Serve with any berries you want or plain.

Quick, delicious, and no baking in oven!!

Just wanted to put the Cook Book back on track n' all :p