1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, buddy ... where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is, dipshit? I didn't think so.
2. The Pillsbury Doughboy is way too happy, considering that he doesn't have a dick.
3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the damn TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change it manually.
4. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Fuck off, spanky. What good is a damn piece of cake if you can't eat it? What should I do ... eat someone else's piece of cake instead? Selfish prick.
5. When people say, "It's always the last place you look." No shit, Sherlock. Why the fuck would you keep looking for it after you've already found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Why aren't they in treatment?
6. When people say, while watching a movie, "Did you see that?" No, dicknose, I paid $7.50 to come to a theater and stare at the fucking ceiling up there. What did you fucking come here for?
7. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?
8. When something is "New & Improved". Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. You should know, asshole, you're the one that fucking pulled me over.
And here's the tenth thing that really fucking bugs me:
10. Chain letters! Who the hell thinks that by annoying other people with stupid mail with no meaning, that you will be granted a wish, or make your long-lost love fall into your arms, or have your significant other perform oral sex on demand. It's all fucking bullshit! I'm so sure that by breaking a stupid chain letter that the computer gods are going to curse me. Oh, the terror and horror. What a crock of shit.
By the way, if you send this to ten people, shit won't happen, and that
person you're in love with won't come crawling to you. So if you feel this is funny, go on and send it to someone else, but don't expect one fucking thing in return!
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Originally Posted by Panamark
