Know Your Mods: The Mr Badguy Interview
Let The Mod Interviews Begin!
I asked myself a simple question: how well do I know the fuckers who help run the mighty Army? In some cases, not that well and I assume many of our members feel the same way.
So in the name of journalism (gossip) I knew it was time to ask some probing questions about the brave souls who rule the Forums with an iron fist fuck.
Up first, that true man of mystery and malice, Mr Fucking Badguy!
Mezro: You are kind of like a Roth Army mystery Mr B. How does that feel?
Badguy: I am a mystery? I suppose, maybe but I don`t mind.
Mezro: So are you a bad guy Badguy? Ever do anything bad to a small goat with a fork?
Badguy: Am I a bad guy? Not really. I`m a prick.
M: Glasgow women: grass smoking cows with astroturf laps or a good way to empty the bags on a Friday night?
B: Glasgow women? Dunno. My wife`s Irish and she`s an angry mofo.
M: What is the story behind the Adolf avatar?
B: The Hitler avatar was just something that happened. It was a picture I got off
Flappo way back in the day and I used it as my avatar. I got used to it and people
used to really freak. If my grandfathers were still alive they would kick my ass.
If you`re going to be "Mr Badguy" then there aren`t many more worse than
that cunt.
M: Ever see that 3 Stooges episode where Moe dressed like Hitler?
B: No, maybe years ago and I can`t remember.
M: If you locked Rob Halford, Steve Grimmett, Rock 'n' Rolf and Udo Dirkschneider in a trailer overnight, who would wake up with an anal fissure in the morning?
B: Rob, Udo, Steve and Rock n Rolf would form a bum chain and there would be a hell of a smell of beef and onion.
M: Finish this sentence: Frosted Lucky Charms are ????
B: Frosted lucky charms are...more expensive than Cornflakes.
M: Most if us in the states can' t tell a Scot from an Irishman (to us, they are all drunks who make a living as painters or roofers) - how the fuck do we figure out which is which?
B: The difference between Scotch and Irish is that Irish fuckers could start a fight
in an empty house. Look what they`ve done to their own country. Blowing each other up? Wankers. I don`t drink but I smoke a lot of dope.
M: When Geoff Tate was dressing for the Rage For Order promo shoot, what the fuck was he thinking?
B: Maybe he wanted to be at the front of the bum chain with Rob, Udo, Steve and Rock n Rolf. He`s wearing black mascara
for the new "OM2" shows. WTF?
M: Look out the window and tell me exactly what you see
B: I see my back garden and it`s pissing rain. That`s good because it`s bonfire
night tonight so maybe they`ll cancel it. They have the bonfire about 100 yards
from my front door.
M: Who is your favorite Roth Army member and why? Which one do you hate the most and why? Don't pull any punches or I will call you a leaking bitch.
B: Me. Wait, maybe Cato. He`s game for a laugh. And Rustoffa. He sent me a DVD and he didn`t have to. He`s cool. Who do I hate? I can
honestly say I don`t hate anyone. I`ve had the odd run in over the years but I don`t have a problem with anyone that I probably won`t ever meet face to face.
M: Flip 4 CD titles our way that are absolutely brilliant yet were pretty much ignored by music fans.
B: "Overkill" by Motorhead", Diamond Head "The white album", Giuffria "Giuffria" and Magnum "Chase the dragon".
M: In high school, did you ever play the old "human lip gloss" trick on a date?
B: Human lip gloss? Yes and yes.
M: What era of David Lee Roth hair replacement is your favorite?
B: The Jimmy Saville do that he had around 2002. Or that ridiculous comb over that he had in the late 90`s. Gee, there are so many to choose from.
M: Did you ever see that Kane Roberts video called "Rock Doll" where he had the bargain basement drummer that looked like a Muppet on crack?
B: I think so. All of his videos were hilarious, it`s hard to tell which was which.
M: Without using Google, can you tell me what a spongmonkey is?
B: A spongmonkey? A jizz rag?
M: Why does every death metal band have some big, Mr. Creosote looking fucker behind the drums?
B: You`d think the speed those fuckers play at would cause the drummer to shed some pounds. No idea.
M: Ever feast on some nose pickings, get the swimmer stuck in a rear molar crevice and rejoice at being able to savor the flavor later?
B: All the time. Especially when driving.
M: When Mr Badguy pulls on little Mr Stumpyguy, what is your favorite target to launch onto?
B: Right up onto the telly screen. YEAH, GET SOME!
M: Not a question, but I just saw a homeless guy shamble by that looked like King Diamond! Hold on for a second...pause...pause...pause...nope, not him.
B: (the sound of silence)
M: If we met you in person, which one of your features would cause us to piss ourselves with crabby laughter?
B: My false teeth or my inability to grow leg hair.
M: The UPS guy told me this joke today: what do you call a melted, brown crayon? a suppository! Funny or not? Those UPS guys really take their brown seriously.
B: Not funny. What do you think of this? Why was the Egyptian confused? Beacause his Mummy was his Daddy. Now THAT`S funny.
M: Are you behind on any child support payments?
B: No, both my daughters live with me (and my fucking wife).
M: Ever inject a bleach/coffee mixture down your own urethra?
B: I hate Coffee. Don`t mind bleach, though.
M: What is it about the Roth Army that you find so appealing? It is not like we are giving away free haggis fritters or anything.
B: I love the Roth Army because...I dunno. I stumbled upon it one day back in 2001 and couldn`t stop going back. All the regulars are really cool guys. They`re all funny and a lot more interesting than any other board I`ve seen. If they weren`t then nutters like Grim and Flappo wouldn`t have stayed around to annoy them so long. And I love Roth/CVH.
M: And finally, give us your own opinion on why Dave and The Brothers Grimm can't get back together.
B: Dave and the brothers can`t get back together because they are obviously stupid. There`s a shit load of money to be made out there and those guys are too dumb to take it.
M: Any final thoughts?
B: Well Mez, this has been a fun way to spend a Saturday morning. Now I`m off to fry everything in my Kitchen and eat loads of sweets, just like a real Scotchman. See you on the boards.
Mezro...for a Badguy, he is one hell of a good guy for playing along...thanks man...and who is next?...stay tuned true believers...
Reply With Quote
