ALinChainz Christmas Ditty - Happy Holidays Army!!!

[MAX]

Originally posted by ALinChainz
The night before Christmas, and at the Army of Roth,
There is no Santa, no one aloud in any RED CLOTH.

We gather round the Army tree and the presents that are under,
one of them for sure is the freshly kicked ass of THUNDER.

No Katy or Fab, or none of her crew,
and none of their bullshit, that just wont do.

The best present of all is obviously the site,
Which is home to all of us, all day and into the night.

Right before Santa, and after giving thanks,
We need to scroll down, and give shouts out through the ranks.

It all has to start with the officers in charge,
And here late in the year, we welcome back Sarge.

From Brownsound and conmee, POJO and Mezro,
What they say goes, no matter who says so.

Gotta mention The Franchise Playa when talkin’ bout brass,
No doubt that the legend number 2 kicks some ass.

Absent but not forgotten, and what are the chances,
They’re still honeymooning, P-Mark and Mary Frances.

With all the owning that goes on, that sooner or later,
The joint would have to make MAX its resident “Gladiator”.

7884, rustoffa, WARF, and Dave’s PA Rental,
Keep Main clean and the red rockers from being mental.

Tunes, tits ‘n’ ass, from bootlegs to pics,
Cato and Warham make we have them and without DICKS.

In the Front Line, Dr. Love, ELVIS, and FORD,
Keep the political know-it-alls from getting bored.

Natra in Albums and ALLY in NON,
While Matt White rules Gear Street with The Don.

The DMs keep the Hitchworld Dump from going stale,
flappo, Golden Awe, REV, and the missing Grimsdale.

The House of Music, from Phoenix and Badguy,
They’ll tell you it’s good or it sucks, and WHY.

VA Beach, AL, and the freaks of the Locker Room,
decide what sports stay and what gets the broom.

Rikk and the Pen Admins sheer all Sheep,
Use them and abuse them, make them feel cheap.

All newbies are greeted by Lounge and Nick,
And can spot a Hagarita or alias lightning quick.

Some of the ladies … DG, NG, BG and CG,
Army babes so hot, your monitor needs a squeegee.

Most apologies to anyone I missed,
I know were it me, I would be PISSED.

Celebrate classic Van Halen and David Lee Roth,
We all may be different, but from the same cloth.

So the night before Christmas, and drunk all the while,
From the Army to you … Eat Us and Smile.

Nice one Al.

WARF, where are yours? :confused:

Merry MaXmas to you all. lol

[WARF]

Fucking kiss ass AL!

I'm not sure if this was intentional or not... but the first Christmas EUAS celebrated... and this was even before my time... Pojo and the gang did the "The Night before xmas thread".

[ALinChainz]

Completely unintentional and innocent or any foresight.

Had a few drinks ...

[ALinChainz]

Wasn't enough edge to it.

Should have had where some mods had to pull Thunder off humping a plastic reindeer in the yard.

[rustoffa]

Thudner, the girl-clothed lame queer
sucks alot of nasty hose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say this blows.

All of the other lame queers
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Thudner
join in any lame queer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Ritetool came to say:
"Thudner with your clothes so bright,
won't you suck my dick tonight?"

Then all the lame queers loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Thudner the girl-clothed lame queer,
you'll go down on our pee-pees'!

[MAX]

Hey, I suck with lyrics. However, I just came up with this and wanted to add it. lol

Fuck, still better than anything The Chedd Rocker has ever written, no? lol

Hagar's nuts sucking in Edward's open mouth,
Michael Anthony dripping brown from his nose,
Van Hagar ballads being sung by Up Front Fanatics,
And sheep dressed up like Wabozos...

Everybody knows the cheddar and some Cabo Wabo,
Help to make the capri's tight.
Mindless trolls with their thighs all acellulite,
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that EUAS 'tis on it's way;
They've loaded lots of wool and sheers on their sleigh.
And every Hagar fan 'tis going to cry,
To see if eagles really know how to fly.

And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
To sheep with IQ's from fifty one to to fifty two,
Although its been said many times, many ways,
A very Merry MaXmas to you...

[MAX]

Has anyone done a "Little Drummer Boy" one yet?

Fuck, imagine the possibilities?

Alex, "Hump a big bum..." "Hump a bbbbbumm..... Until I cum..."

WARF? FORD? Anyone???

[ALinChainz]

Ahhh ... The Roth Army and the holidays ...

:bottle:

[WARF]

I'll do it

[WARF]

Little Gary Boy

Cum Ed told me, in my ba bum bum bum bum Ray Danniels put him up to III, pa rum pum pum pum
Like Sammy he tries to sing, pa rum pum pum pum
Where is the brownsound our king? pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Mike Posts productions sounds flat, pa rum pum pum pum,
Alex's drums sound like shit pa rum pum pum pum

Why did that fag take the stage?, pa rum pum pum pum
I heard Dave fucked Alex's wife, pa rum pum pum pum
I saw Valerie in redbook magazine, pa rum pum pum pum
She's a washed up cunt, ca cunt cunt cunt cunt
cunt cunt cunt cunt , cunt cunt cunt cunt

Can I shove my guitar up your ass on MTV's ten spot, pa rum pum pum pum,
In Gary's Bum

Ed's drivin' drunk in a golf cart again, pa rum pum pum pum
Smokin' cigarettes with cancer, pa rum pum pum pum
He's a fucking washed up piece of shit, pa rum pum pum pum
He looks like Mr. Furley too, pa rum pum pum pum,
rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum,

Then he fired me, pa rum pum pum pum
Ed and Gary's bum

[MAX]

Hahahahahahaha!!!

MORE!!! MORE!!!

[WARF]

Red, Black & White Christmas

I'm dreaming of a Red, Black and White Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know.
When Dave's buttless chaps glistened,
And Women And Children First we listened
Back when the band sniffed alot of snow.
I'm dreaming of a Red, Black and White Christmas
With every passing year for the reunion I wait.
Cuz it's Sammy Hagar I hate
And may all your Christmases be Red, Black and White

[MAX]

Are you just making these up or are they oldies but goodies?

Regardless, they're classic and should prolly be posted in the UFF thread... For old times sake, you know?

Plus, we gotta whole lotta Rothin' comin' up in 2006.

'Tis EUAS time - The New Generation

We should deck their balls with Roth's glory!!! Fa la la la la la lalala

[ALinChainz]

WARF UNLEASHED!

[MAX]

Unleash Hell!!!

[WARF]

(I'm writing these as we speak... ALL ORIGINAL!!!)

Sammy Got Ran Over By A Reindeer

Sammy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from cabo Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Van Hagar,
But as for Brett and seenbad, they believe.

Sam's been drinkin' too much Cabo Wabo,
And Mikey begged him not to go.
But he left his Ronald McDonald sandals,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found him Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack,
There was "5150" logo on his forehead,
And incriminatin' Cum stains on his back.

(Chorus 2X)

Now we're all so proud of Eddie,
He's been takin' this so well.
Seen him dressed up as hobo at NAMM,
Drinkin beer and playin' cards and eating ham.

It's not Christmas without Sammy.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should they hire another singer, or hire David back?

(Chorus 2x)

(Eddie Solo)

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a big bright yellow candle
That would have just matched the hair in David's wig.

I've warned all of ddlr.com and my neighbors.
"Sammy would have made a much better fidler!"
Cuz They should've never gave a license,
To a man who can't drive 55 and looks like Bette Midler."

Sammy got runned over by a reindeer
Walking home from cabo Christmas Eve.
(Minding his own business)
You can say there's no such thing as Van Hagar,
(What do you mean there's no Van Hagar?)
But as for Brett and Seenbad, they believe.

[MAX]

Classic...

I saw Sammy eating Santa Claus?

[rustoffa]

Ed's nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Shit dripping on Sam's nose
Gay pride Garys' being hung by a liar
And folks dressed up like Trannyhos'
Everybody knows a flunky and some mistletoe
Help to make Al's season shite
Orca fat Wolfie with eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Mikey's on his way
He's loaded with hotsauce and roofies' on his sleigh
And even Avy Roth is gonna spy
To see if Al's dickbroom will get skeet in his eye

So I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Sammy Hagar's a fool
He eats his own poo

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by WARF
(I'm writing these as we speak... ALL ORIGINAL!!!)

Sammy Got Ran Over By A Reindeer

Sammy got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from cabo Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Van Hagar,
But as for Brett and seenbad, they believe.

Sam's been drinkin' too much Cabo Wabo,
And Mikey begged him not to go.
But he left his Ronald McDonald sandals,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found him Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack,
There was "5150" logo on his forehead,
And incriminatin' Cum stains on his back.

(Chorus 2X)

Now we're all so proud of Eddie,
He's been takin' this so well.
Seen him dressed up as hobo at NAMM,
Drinkin beer and playin' cards and eating ham.

It's not Christmas without Sammy.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:
Should they hire another singer, or hire David back?

(Chorus 2x)

(Eddie Solo)

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a big bright yellow candle
That would have just matched the hair in David's wig.

I've warned all of ddlr.com and my neighbors.
"Sammy would have made a much better fidler!"
Cuz They should've never gave a license,
To a man who can't drive 55 and looks like Bette Midler."

Sammy got runned over by a reindeer
Walking home from cabo Christmas Eve.
(Minding his own business)
You can say there's no such thing as Van Hagar,
(What do you mean there's no Van Hagar?)
But as for Brett and Seenbad, they believe.

LMMFAO!

[ALinChainz]

Originally posted by WARF

You can say there's no such thing as Van Hagar,
But as for Brett and seenbad, they believe.

LMAO ...

[WARF]

Originally posted by rustoffa
Ed's nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Shit dripping on Sam's nose
Gay pride Garys' being hung by a liar
And folks dressed up like Trannyhos'
Everybody knows a flunky and some mistletoe
Help to make Al's season shite
Orca fat Wolfie with eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Mikey's on his way
He's loaded with hotsauce and roofies' on his sleigh
And even Avy Roth is gonna spy
To see if Al's dickbroom will get skeet in his eye

So I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Sammy Hagar's a fool
He eats his own poo

Yikes! LMAO!

[ALinChainz]

Originally posted by rustoffa
Ed's nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Shit dripping on Sam's nose
Gay pride Garys' being hung by a liar
And folks dressed up like Trannyhos'
Everybody knows a flunky and some mistletoe
Help to make Al's season shite
Orca fat Wolfie with eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Mikey's on his way
He's loaded with hotsauce and roofies' on his sleigh
And even Avy Roth is gonna spy
To see if Al's dickbroom will get skeet in his eye

So I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Sammy Hagar's a fool
He eats his own poo

Trannyho's and poo ... lol .... gotta love it ...

[MAX]

Originally posted by rustoffa
Ed's nuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Shit dripping on Sam's nose
Gay pride Garys' being hung by a liar
And folks dressed up like Trannyhos'
Everybody knows a flunky and some mistletoe
Help to make Al's season shite
Orca fat Wolfie with eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Mikey's on his way
He's loaded with hotsauce and roofies' on his sleigh
And even Avy Roth is gonna spy
To see if Al's dickbroom will get skeet in his eye

So I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Sammy Hagar's a fool
He eats his own poo

Indeed better than my version. My lyrical treatments are almost as bad as Hagar's.

[WARF]

Well thanks for the idea MAX... now that I altered LITTLE DRUMMER BOY on Christmas day... I think it's fair to say... I'm gonna burn in fucking hell!!!

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by MAX
Indeed better than my version. My lyrical treatments are almost as bad as Hagar's.

LMFAO! Just saw it.....fuck, it's better than mine by a long shot!

[WARF]

Both of you fuckers need to come up with your own shit!

[MAX]

Originally posted by WARF
I'm gonna burn in fucking hell!!!

We all are my friend.

[MAX]

Originally posted by WARF
Both of you fuckers need to come up with your own shit!

I'd like to Warf. Seriously, I'd really like to. I just don't have the talent.

I have a lot of good ideas. Problem is most of 'em suck.

[WARF]

You okay.. you just need to follow the formula...
You gotta have in mind what the PUNCHLINE word is gonna be...
So you can set up the rhyming verse.... the verse before...
It doesn't even has to be what the lyrics say.

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by MAX
I'd like to Warf. Seriously, I'd really like to. I just don't have the talent.

I have a lot of good ideas. Problem is most of 'em suck.

:confused:

WTF? Did you get a lump of coal or something? Snap out of it!!!

[diamondsgirl]

We got some talented folks in here

Nice stuff.

Merry maXmas to you too, sugie.

Glad you're feeling better.

[MAX]

Originally posted by rustoffa
:confused:

WTF? Did you get a lump of coal or something? Snap out of it!!!

Oh, no Stoff.

I'm not trying to be a bummer. I just don't have the talent for funny lyrics like Warf does.

I mean, I get a good idea for mocking a tune but when it comes to putting down words, my mind goes blank. lol

Merry Christmas btw.

[WARF]

Yo max what's the name of the group that sings that song in your sig.... you know... the "David Lee Roth" song?

[MAX]

Originally posted by WARF
Yo max what's the name of the group that sings that song in your sig.... you know... the "David Lee Roth" song?

They're called The Fuglees.

I've exchanged a few emails with their drummer. They hate Hagar more than we do. lol

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by MAX
Oh, no Stoff.

I'm not trying to be a bummer. I just don't have the talent for funny lyrics like Warf does.

I mean, I get a good idea for mocking a tune but when it comes to putting down words, my mind goes blank. lol

Merry Christmas btw.

Shit, me neither. I always just plug in crap to lyrics I copy from somewhere, and my mind still goes blank. Warf's "Enema" parody of "Panama" IMO, is the benchmark.

WARF, post that fucking thing. Show theses motherfuckers' what time it is.

Merry Christmas back atcha' !

[WARF]

I've posted enema here countless times!