Wednesday Morning At 6 O'Clock As DAVE'S Show Begins

[Phil theStalker]

Helloooooooooooooooo, BAYBEE!

Tit's 6:00am in da mmmorning and I'm PHIL THE STALKER LIVE on da INtwatnet.

I'm UP, UP, UP wit DAVE agin.

Dis is gonna bee da same as da last t2wo days, I cun't tell.

I just got up 10 minutes ago.

No script.

Butt yeeasterday I wanTITed t2o talk aboot

1) Hia Karate

2) Jessica Simpson

3) Brown M&Ms

I got t2wo aff them out bef4ore DAVE brought up HIA KAARATE cuntmmercials.

DAVE and I are on da same page, BAYBEE@!

DAVE talks t2o angels.

I'm here, tit's WEDNESDAY, Cato is mmmy co-host and cuntimes Golden AWe who's at werk in Funland and cun't hear DAVE.

Golden AWe talks t2o angels, t2oo.

Now enuff aff dat and let's git t2o mmmy show.

Be right back after dis.

[Phil theStalker]

T2oday's t2opics:

Candida How T2o Git Rid Aff Tit

Breast enlargements

Voodoo punnanny (mmy fav)

And aff course MY MEAN MORNING SHIT!

We can also talk aboot GAY GHETTOS like in West Palm Beach, Key West, and Lakewood-OHIO.

Send in yer posts.

Turn up da music.

I"ve got no mmusic.

I'll bee back afta dis.

[Phil theStalker]

Okay, I'll be taking yer posts.

I don't know where da fak Cato is.

Aff I'd have known I"d bee alone in da mmornings like dis I wouldn't have takcunt tit.

I"m listening t2o DAVE talking t2o mme LIVE from NYC!

DAVE, doon't question yer sexistance...Mosses was o1nce a BASKET CASE, t2oo.

DAVE sounds like he used a broom t2o git t2o da studio dis mmorning.

A limo broom.

DAVE is studdering and burping up REd Bull sugar free on da air.

I'll bee back wit Cato or Golden AWe, I hope.

[ELVIS]

I'm here this morning for a few minutes before running off t2o work...

Dave's show is at it's best so far t2oday...

Full of energy...

[Phil theStalker]

Morning radio.

Let's talk aboot PETA or People Eating Tasty Animals as I like t2o call tit.

Don't git mme wrong.

I LOVE ANIMALS.

I love sausages, bacon, ham, steeak in da mmornings, a feew animal eggs, da whole gammet...y'know mmy studdering and speeling.

TIT'S PARTY TIME!

Will DAVE cuntplain aboot his mike dis mmmoring?

Mman, t2oo mmany freaks in da mmornings and not enuff circuses.

Sasha's not DAVE'S type.

She's not an inflatable hooker!

I'M FUNNY!

Dip mmme in honey and throw mme t2o da LESBIANS!

Lick, lick, lcik, hookkers are optional.

Wot da hell are yoo all looking at?

Where are yoo Cato?

I am gooing t2o abuse da entire Intwatnet dis mmmorning.

TIt's early.

There's a lot aff wiggle room.

Let's starTIT dis agin.


BRB

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by ELVIS
I'm here this morning for a few minutes before running off t2o work...

Dave's show is at it's best so far t2oday...

Full of energy...

Good t2o hear from yoo ELVIS.

Your name's in all caps like DAVE'S name.

Hey, mmaybe yoo're relaTITed!

Doo yoo drink Red Bull while yer having sex, ELVIS?

yOO're a lousy liar.

[Cato]

good morning phil kun. Cato san is here.

[ELVIS]

I do drink sugar freee Red BULL!

[Phil theStalker]

I'm back BOLDLY GOOING NOWHERE.

DAVE sounds like he's in a phone booth.

Aren't ya glad ya got mme f4or yer early mmorning TRASH TALKING?

Ok

I don't know where Cato is, butt here is BRUTUS!

He's crying.

I'll try t2o git him t2o post.

SEnd a search dog out f4or Cato.

Give da dog a liter aff rum, y'know in o1ne aff those rescure dog things under his neck.

They could have used those things in New Orleans.

Man, da whole flooded city wouldn't have left at ALL!

REscue dogs wit rum in 'O'leens.

Tit would have been, could have been, butt tit's t2oo late.

My virginity is da line.

Dis is Wednesday anthing can happun day.

I didn't invent Sin, I'm just trying t2o perfect tit.

[ELVIS]

Kajitsu Cato !!

[Phil theStalker]

Let's talk aboot da American Ecuntomy.

Bush says tit's growning...like his delusional ego.

Joe Rogan says da werld will end in 2012.

No kidding.

TIME MMACHINE: "Granpa wot's a line?" "A line is something we stood in t2o get meat and bread after the American economy collapsed."

"Granpa, wot is meat and bread."

I can see tit now.

I'm LIVE in da mmornings, twisted humor in da mmorning.

Before Bush America used t2o be a GRATE cuntry.

Bush is always saying, in America everything is da best.

He says in America has da best jobs, da best food, da best toys f4or kids, da best aff everything.

I'm crying.

I want t2o go t2o da U.S.A..

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by ELVIS
I do drink sugar freee Red BULL!

ELVIS, yoo can bee my cunt-host in da mmornings?

Can yoo play wit mme?

I'm getting reedy t2o take a mean shit.

[Phil theStalker]

Dis is PHIL THE STALKER RADIO

Mmy readers ask mme aboot Bush's economic plans.

"Will we have money when da New WErld Order comes?"

Some will, some won't.

"Is tit possible to build da NWO in America?"

It's possible, butt who will we by oil from?

"When da final f=phase aff da NWO is built will there still bee stealing and corruption in government?"

No, becayse everything will be alreedy stolen and corrupt.

There yoo go.

[Phil theStalker]

Mean shit coming out!

BRB

Y'cee, dis is when I need Cato.

Or Golden AWe.

Golden AWe is very sexxxy.

Tell all da girls in Funland I said, hello, G=AWe.

[Phil theStalker]

When I come back from mmy mmean shit let's talk about HOW BAD IS LIFE UNDER DA BUSH REGIME.

Okay, doon't bee shy.

brb MORNING SHIITING TIME, BAYBEE!

[Cato]

phil, how da fak can I speAk like yoo?

[Phil theStalker]

I'm bak.

I shat.

T2oday was a nice shit.

Tit just plopped out.

Nothing fancy.

No straining, no blood, no bleeding.

I'm listining t2o brother DAVE while I'm doing mmmy PHIL THE STALKER IN DA MORNING SHOW.

My gene pool could use a liTITle chlorine.

I f4orgot da Cleveland WeEather and Traffic reports.

WEEATHER: Tit's snowing

TRAFFIC: Small craft warnings on Euclid Ave.

NEWS: We have been at war f4or f4our years and wee haven't won.

ok, nuff aff dat shit.

I wish I had sponsors.

I cun't beelieve I'm getting up dis early t2o do dis and I'm not getting paid.

Aff I got aff this early I'd have been AIMing flappo NAKED GRANNY PICS.

I think I'm alreedy living in NAKED GRANNY CITY, baybee.

CLEVELAND IS A CHOCOLATE CITY!

Wee got a CHOCOLATE mayor...agin.

BAck ON t2opic.

I'm gooing t2o do da rest aff mmy show in CHOCOLATE.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Cato
phil, how da fak can I speAk like yoo?

Yoo doon't have t2o spEEK like mme.

Talk CHOCOLATE.

[Phil theStalker]

So, where were yoo earlier?

I needed sumboody t2o talk t2o da peeps while I took mmy early mmorning shit LIVE on da INTWATNET.

So where were yoo at 6am?

Y'know I''M not getting paid t2o doo dis gig and I"M here.

Wot's yer PROFESSIONAL eggcuse?

Try and weasle outta dis o1ne, Cato.

And, git mme a producer.

Dis is da ROTH ARMY and I'm eating CHOCOALATE.

My keyboard's got sticky, crushy splooge and a producer wood bee nice.

[Phil theStalker]

I"m not CHOC, I'm a whitey.

flappo knows dat.

CAn I talk aboot flapppo?

Does da whole werld know aboot flappo?

I can hear them saying rite now:

"I KNOW NOTHING ABOOT fLAPPO, PHIL THE STALKER."

And, I'm drinking a lot aff coffee.

flappo posts a lotta jew jokes.

O1nce flappo posTITed: Condi Rice A New Uncle Ben's Flavor

Is flappo a racist?

[Phil theStalker]

I like dis PHIL THE STALKER LIVE IN DDA MORNINGS gig.

Give mme ambiguity or give me sumthing else.

POint blank PERiod, BAYBEE.

Does da Cunstituion say, "We da peoples"? "We da peeps"?

Then how does da cunsTITution include blacks?

Y'gotta talk down t2o CHOCOCOLATE peeps I've notice.

Only da American o1nes.

[Phil theStalker]

Where are yoo, Cato?

Okay, I'm flying by da seat aff mmy ass here.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

Dat's who I AM, bayBEE!

[Phil theStalker]

Let's talk aboot UFOs and alien invasion.

Reagan talked aboot tit.

He wanTITed t2o unite da werld against a global threat.

He knew aboot da Bush family.

I say wee doon't spend so mmuch mmoney.

I say wee just built a big sign dat says:

EARTH FULL - GO HOME.

Tit might werk.

[Phil theStalker]

Okay, I woke up 15 mminutes beeF4ore gooing LIVE and on da Intwatnet and I thought I'd talke aboot VOODOO.

And guess wot?

DAVE is talking aboot VOODOO.

Doo yoo see any copyright problems?

[Phil theStalker]

I doon't believe dis, I gotta take another mmean shit.

Dis is SHIT HEAVEN in da mmmorning!!!

Okay, while I"m taking mmy SECUNT shit aff da mmorning I want yoo t2o send in yer posts.

Remember yoo have da right t2o remain silent.

And anything yoo say will be misquoted, then used against yoo.

[Phil theStalker]

Wee're back wit PHIL THE STALKER LIVE on da Intwatnet.

Dat was a false shit.

Tit's like a plantation aroond here.

HJow can he git away wit saying CHOCOLATE CITY?? huh

Wot is a FALSE SHIT?

Send in yoor posts aboot wot is a false shit.

Cunstipation mmaybe, butt I just shat 45 mmintue ago.

Dis is not reatarded.

DAVE is a Jew and he wants yoo t2o know NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST.

Lookie Moses, BAYBEE.

wE're GONNa mmake Cleveland a VANILLA CITY agin like bak in da day, homey.

Da only black in town was JIM BROWN aff da CLEVELAND BROWNS.

And he knew his place.

[Golden AWe]

yessss, i am very sexy.

and the grrrls here know it.

no, i don't think flappo is a racist.

he's a realistic kinda guy, who bases his stories in dA faCtsss

[Golden AWe]

i should have my own smilie.

maybe something aboot a polar bear, or something aboot james t. kirk.

we're all so very, very sexy.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
yessss, i am very sexy.

and the grrrls here know it.

no, i don't think flappo is a racist.

he's a realistic kinda guy, who bases his stories in dA faCtsss

flappo is a racist.

T2o flappo he's BRITISH and everyboody else is GOYIM shit.

We cun't talk aboot flappo aff everybody who is LIVE wit mme on da INTWATnet dooesn't know who flappo is.


IT'S PHIL THE STALKER LIVE ON ROTH ARMY IN THE MORNINGS

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
i should have my own smilie.

maybe something aboot a polar bear, or something aboot james t. kirk.

we're all so very, very sexy.

Yoo're lowerin mmy temperature, Golden AWe.

CURRENTLY: A liTITle lite snow cuming down and Golden AAAAAwe just eclipsed.

At leest I have a co-host now.

Where's Cato?

I sent da search and rescue dog f4or him.

I put anti-freeze in da dog's jug insteed aff Rum.

I wunda aff Cato noTITiced.

[Phil theStalker]

Golden AWe is mmy corpse-host, becayse he is in a dead end job.

Get yer career on track, GAWe.

Co-host agin

Aand mmake tit a better t2omorrow.

[Golden AWe]

i'll put on some music.

like a friend said two weeks ago, when we had a little pre-party at my place, with my former classmates, "this is nothing new, we're sitting at awe's place, drinking beer and listening to some strange music"

STRANGE.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
i'll put on some music.

like a friend said two weeks ago, when we had a little pre-party at my place, with my former classmates, "this is nothing new, we're sitting at awe's place, drinking beer and listening to some strange music"

STRANGE.

I think music wood mmake mmy mmorning SHOW a better show.

I've always tried t2o post musick file links.

Try mp3's, mmy Funland Brotha.

PHIL THE STALKER LIVE ON DA INTWATNET

Yer on, brother.

[Golden AWe]

i'm the tall blonde with A117 breasts

they're firm, as they're implants

naah, they're actually real as i have lifted a lot of weights

i've got a black dog on my shoulder and it's heavy you know

[Phil theStalker]

Y'see, DAVE'S having phone problems and he's playying musick now.

Wee cud doo dat went wee're slow wit peeps posts.

A liTITle musick CUNTERMISSION.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
i'm the tall blonde with A117 breasts

they're firm, as they're implants

naah, they're actually real as i have lifted a lot of weights

i've got a black dog on my shoulder and it's heavy you know

See how mmuch betta tit is when yoo have a co-host, folks.




And musick CUNTERMISSION, baybee.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
i'm the tall blonde with A117 breasts

they're firm, as they're implants

naah, they're actually real as i have lifted a lot of weights

i've got a black dog on my shoulder and it's heavy you know

Black dog?

Is dat a Zepp reference, Golden AWe, or a Thule Society tattoo?

[Golden AWe]

oops, i have clients cummin' into my office any minute now!

i have to do two jobs simultaneously

may'be i'll interview them?

[Golden AWe]

Originally posted by Phil theStalker
Black dog?

Is dat a Zepp reference, Golden AWe, or a Thule Society tattoo?

maybe it's a mental weight, i do carry a lot of thoughts with me

[Phil theStalker]

There are no CHOCOLATE CITIES in Funland.

All VANILLA wit a few Kenyan chips and a cuntplementary jew!