VEnillE FridEy Wit PHIL and DAVE!

[Phil theStalker]

Welcome, hi.

I see t2wo aff mmy co-hosts have shown up Golden AWe and Cato. Let's see aff they know dat mmy PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW inda mmornings onda INTWATNET has starTITed.

F4or those aff yoo whoo know mme yoo know I'm not a mmorning person. I'm neva here in da mmornings. I hate mmornings.

Fak.

Tit's VEnillE FridEy. JUst as I promised.

I alreedy t2ook a shit.

Tit was an Olympic shit. Dat' has nothing t2o doo wit da size aff da turd or da altheleetic strain on da boody. Mmainly da rectal mmuscles.

And Olympic shit is o1ne da yoo take 30 mminutes prior t2o any event.

Well, 30 mminutes ago I woke up bef4ore da PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW and took and Olympic shit. Tit was slightly a mmemorable o1ne so later on I'm gooing t2o bee telling yoo aboot dat.

NOw let's hear in from mmy t2wo amazing co-hosts. They've been wit mme all week.

WELCOME T2O

VEnillE FridEy.

I'll bee back.

[Phil theStalker]

LIVE IN DA STUDIO, MOMMA!

WEE BAD, WEE BAD.

PHIL THE STALKER in da studio, BAYBEE.

Let's hear sum mmusick, say GOOBA, GOOBA, GOOBA, baybee.

While Golden AWe is typing sum lyrics, wee cun't figure out how t2o post mp3s evun though da board says yoo can post 'em.

Let's see, DAVE is trying t2o sing wit a bad logo, loop, ID, guitar.

I may neva bee known as da mmorning mman, or da mman in da mmorning, butt I will be known f4or dis.

I neva feel like suicide cuntil aboot afternoon so dat's out as a LIVE gig.

Tit's like a BRITISH term dat I use so peeps know I goo all ova da place.

Dat's been mmy life.

Dat's mmy life.

Dis is a realTITy series, BAYBEE.

Bee rite back.

[Cato]

HEIL PHIL!

[Phil theStalker]

Where da fak are mmy co-host.

I see them here.

I'm not mmyself.

I hate Fridays.

I hate 'em.

When I goo t2o a restaurant they say, MR. STALKER, HOW MMANY AFF THERE ARE YOO," I'm schizophenic so I say, there will be 6 aff us. Dat way noboody says anything when I drink 60 beers.

Dis is PHIL THE STALKER in da mmorning.

[Phil theStalker]

Tit's lonesum wit out mmy co-host, butt I starTITed dis gig alone.

Like aff flappo called mme and said, PHIL...SUNDAY.

flappo's a mman aff very few werds.

I'd sexcept dat.

PHIL...SUNDAY.

Yoo got tit, BAYBEE.

VEnillE FridEy

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Cato
HEIL PHIL!

HEIL, CATO!

wE poosTITed at da same time.

Kinda like punk sex.

Dis is just like over priced sex.

Yoo should bee so hip, Cato.

Are yoo gonna stay wit mme f4or da whole PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW or are yoo gonna punk out on mme like yoo did yesterday.

Like mmy last girlfriend.

Well, she wasn't a girl.

Butt tit was a relationship.

[Phil theStalker]

I know so mmany peeps I cun't rememba all their names.

I've bonded wit da gal who sells hotdogs on da street corner.

Tit's a phallic things.

Me and DAVE are CELEBUTARDS!

Dat's got t2o goo on a T-shirt.

Right along wit mmy ROGAN'S PENIS T-shirt.

aND da award gooes t2o...CELEBUTARDS!

[Phil theStalker]

Let's doo a show aboot STALKING.

Dis is gooing t2o bee a mmad dash f4or da WEEKCUNT STATE AFF MMIND.

Right here on da PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW.

VEnillE FridEy

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

I thought wee were gooing t2o have guest dis week.

I got Twiggy da Skiing Squirrel comming on board.

Butt he says I've got t2o have sum peanuts and sum RED BULL sugar free in da studio.

Fak dat.

No fakking squirrel.

Who dooes he think he is a CELEBUTARD?

I'm not evun dooing da WEEATHER and TRAFFIC t2oday.

Dis Friday show is f4or MME.

Nexxt segment's t2opic: Why doo energy drinks mmake yoo crash?

[Golden AWe]

we have a special quest here too

a lonely boy from italy, JOHN HOLMES!!!

he's very shy but let's sing a song for him!

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

No squirrel. Let's look f4or love in all da wrong places sumwhere else.

flappo wood bee a grate host.

I'd fall asleep f4or lack aff company.

I wish yoo all could hear mme.

I sound like VINCENT PRICE, flappo says.

"let mme get yoo and mmy raven a drink"

Dis show is aboot as sexciting as a wrist wwatch cuntvention.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
we have a special quest here too

a lonely boy from italy, JOHN HOLMES!!!

he's very shy but let's sing a song for him!

Is he stalking yoo wit his big penis and his fat gut?

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

I was in Europe f4or da whole summer and I neva saw Golden AWe or flappo.

Butt flappo's sister who is proficient in da martial arts was in America.

She didn't want t2o see Boston were all da 'troubles' starTITed.

Tit's Friday...WOT EVA!

Alright, here wee goo agin.

I'm typing LIVE on da INTWATNET.

Tit's mmeant t2o cuntertain.

Tit doesn't matter anyway.

Tit's just werds I write.

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Hey, PHIL THE STALKER just checking in.

Still aloof.

I think I broke a cuntmandment.

THOU T2OO ALOOF

Sumthing like dat.

Dis is like an Iraqi snuff video.

AFF WIT fLAPPO'S HEAD!

I'm t2oo hip.

I know I've done otha stuff. I'm COCK ROBIN, I'm da aluminum siding salesman, I can save yoo 60% aff yer nexxt meal.

Y'know when yoo've got yer own show tit's reely hard.

Yoo've got t2o hold da w-hole thing up.

I might as well have Janis Joplin as a co-host.

She'd bee just as lively.

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Did I say I'm not doing and TRAFFIC?

I'm not.

Let's ask Golden AWe aboot da chick TRAFFIC outside aff his window.

And wot kinda name is Golden AWe?

I know aboot da poems yoo write and they are golden, butt where is da AWe?

This is PHIL THE STALKER in da mmorning.

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Why is dis called Vanilla Friday?

I f4orgot.

Where's dat NIGGIN MAYOR?

wEE should have him f4or a guest.

Peeps in Cleveland want t2o lynch him.

No, no, no, dat's not a racial thang.

Here are peeps who are getting FREE, FREE, free housing and food in CLEVELAND from Katrina and they're robbing pizza delivery guys.

GO BACK T2O AFRICA.

OR JUST GO BACK T2O NEW ORLEANS.

I came outta da '60s.

I got da rap on da black dudes.

These guys need a psychedelic soul raising.

Dis is PHIL THE STALKER LIVE growling in da mmorning.

[Golden AWe]

Originally posted by Phil theStalker
VEnillE FridEy

Did I say I'm not doing and TRAFFIC?

I'm not.

Let's ask Golden AWe aboot da chick TRAFFIC outside aff his window.

And wot kinda name is Golden AWe?

I know aboot da poems yoo write and they are golden, butt where is da AWe?

This is PHIL THE STALKER in da mmorning.

AWe cums from parts of my first and last name, you know

I used to sign my drawings as "AWe"

and when Dave is Diamond, i had to cum up with some expensive metal too, like my hero

John Holmes, I think da boy is a little lost, at his age he has already grown a stomach so big he can't see his penis without a mirror

it's a pity, isn't it?

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Wee need flappo's sister t2o show up as a guest.

I wunda aff wee can sent UPPITTY BLACKS bakk t2o NOR-lens?

There r no pizza in Nor'lens.

There are no pizza delivery honkeys.

Did yoo know pizza was a WHITE thang?

No pizza in Africa f4or da brothas.

Dis is da feel good thread.

Let's talke aboot death camps.

Time f4or a cuntmercial break.

This is PHIL THE STALKER LIVE in da moaning.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
AWe cums from parts of my first and last name, you know

I used to sign my drawings as "AWe"

and when Dave is Diamond, i had to cum up with some expensive metal too, like my hero

John Holmes, I think da boy is a little lost, at his age he has already grown a stomach so big he can't see his penis without a mirror

it's a pity, isn't it?

Butt are yoo reedy t2o take a stand against yoor poor vision?

Take a stand against CELEBUTARD art.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
AWe cums from parts of my first and last name, you know

I used to sign my drawings as "AWe"

and when Dave is Diamond, i had to cum up with some expensive metal too, like my hero

John Holmes, I think da boy is a little lost, at his age he has already grown a stomach so big he can't see his penis without a mirror

it's a pity, isn't it?

Did anyo1ne pay yoo f4or dis art?

[Golden AWe]

i'm always ready, phil, always ready!

ready to go...ready to rock....ready to roll!

(boy that would make a grate 80's hair metal song)

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
i'm always ready, phil, always ready!

ready to go...ready to rock....ready to roll!

(boy that would make a grate 80's hair metal song)

DAt's classick rock there, Golden AWe.

So wot's da mmost amount aff mmoney yoo eva got f4or o1ne aff yoor 'art' werks?

Dis is PHIL THE STALKER LIVE in da studio.

[Golden AWe]

my art...if you talk about my spoken word or music i have performed with my bands, i've done it for beer mostly...and yesss, i have even managed to get a girl every now and then...to hold hands under the blanket, in the bed, in the dark

isn't this wild?

my paintings and drawings...i was mostly doing it for the fun of it, and the pleasure of my friends enjoying them

i'm such a good humanoid being

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Dis is mmy Friday show.

On Mmonday I'll bee saying tit's all allegations.

I'll still bee hung ova.

I don't vote.

Well, not in dis country.

I need a chimp called Bubbles or Farts.

Wot's tit smell llike when a mmonkey drops a stink bomb?

Anyway..

Send in yer posts.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
my art...if you talk about my spoken word or music i have performed with my bands, i've done it for beer mostly...and yesss, i have even managed to get a girl every now and then...to hold hands under the blanket, in the bed, in the dark

isn't this wild?

my paintings and drawings...i was mostly doing it for the fun of it, and the pleasure of my friends enjoying them

i'm such a good humanoid being

Playing f4or da beer, huh?

Dat mmeans yer not any goode.

Did yoo write yer own songs?

Who did yoo get t2o play them f4or yoo?

Painting, drawing, music, yoo sound just like Johnn Lennon.

Now all yoo need is a Jap wife and half-breed son and a stalker.

I'm stalking yer brain.

There's a lotta room t2o mmove around inside there.


Dis is PHIL THE STALKER live show in da mmorning.

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

See how empty da show is when I doon't have mmy shit t2o talk aboot.

I mean mmy real shit, shat, toilet crap.

I took an Olymic shit t2oday so there mmay or mmay not bee a segment aboot mmy early mmoring shit.

Butt I did wake up wit a hard-on and I'm masturbating.

I've been masturbating f4or da past 15 mminutes and I didn't evun know I was dooing tit.

Send in yer posts.

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

I'm listening t2o DAVE'S show.

His show is not as goode as mmy show, butt he's got a goode show.

He's got an agent.

At leest I've got mmy health.

And I doon't evun have dat.

Mmy throats scratchy from all aff da early mmorning cigarettes I'm smoking.

Fak.

Let's start a love train.

Wooo wooo wooo (mmaking love train sounds)

I'm PHIL THE STALKER alive and jive.

[Golden AWe]

i'm verrry good...but the gigs we had were during the school times in denmark...the ultimate school band, ERASMUS ORGASMUS...i called it "the european tour", because the bars and happenings were abroad, for a finn

isn't this exciting?

i have written songs and we have played them but not with that band...

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
i'm verrry good...but the gigs we had were during the school times in denmark...the ultimate school band, ERASMUS ORGASMUS...i called it "the european tour", because the bars and happenings were abroad, for a finn

isn't this exciting?

i have written songs and we have played them but not with that band...

I did a European tour.

I got a French flag, put tit up in my basement, and played Jerry Lewis telethon songs.

"When yoo crawl throw a storm keep yer I-Vs held high."

Then da French surrendered.

[Cato]

phil, have you ever eaten whales?

[Golden AWe]

the brits didn't like jerry lee lewis for marrying such a young grrrl...

i don't know what's wrong with that either...what do you think aboot tit Phil?

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Did any aff yoo eva hear aff a band called Fairweather?

Paulie Fairweather (catchy name) is like Bon Jovi who neva left CLEVELAND f4or 35 years. Dat guy mmust bee a 100.

Not so fair.

Stop wot yer doing and send in yer posts and I'll add tickets t2o a hot Fairweather show. Free admission. Called aaff f4or rain.

Wit out mmy early mmoaning shit dis show is fakking looong.

Aff i walk aff dis gig doo I have a 'golden parapoopchute'?

I'm gonna check dat out bef4ore I ruin mmy career like DAVE is dooing.

Like wot o1ne aff mmy new gurus wood say t2o mme.

I'm a slut.

Yoo're reading PHIL THE STALKER in da mmoaning.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
the brits didn't like jerry lee lewis for marrying such a young grrrl...

i don't know what's wrong with that either...what do you think aboot tit Phil?

I doon't know.

I beelieve in marriage.

I diddled mmy liTITle sister when she was 2 and I had t2o marry her.

Mmy son is mmy brotha.

[Golden AWe]

oh me gawd...now you're lying phil

she cun't get pregnant at that age

are you talking about a toy instead of a real baby?

i believe in "no marriage before sex"

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

No 9/11 talk t2oday.

9/11 didn't happun.

I'm still living in da booming Clinton 90s.

I'm booming.

Boom.

Besides, 9/11 was an INSIDE job.

And Osama is probably getting bored sitting in a cave dooing crosswerd puzzles.

Can yoo see him talking t2o da guy nexxt t2o him in da cave, "Umm, yoo got an eraser?"

"Let's erase the Pentagon."

"And then let's delete the White how."

"Where's mmy curry?"

"I need some more crackers."

PHIL THE STALKER SHOW mornings.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
oh me gawd...now you're lying phil

she cun't get pregnant at that age

are you talking about a toy instead of a real baby?

i believe in "no marriage before sex"

How mmany girls have yoo asked t2o mmarry yoo, Golden AWe?

Did any aff them say, yes?

I had a girl say yes t2o mme o1nce.

We were in high school.

She's been mmarried AND divorced 4 FAKKING TIMES.

Dat's bigtime American hillbilly, BAYBEE!

Now I'm afraid t2o fall in love.

Or take a canoe ride down a river in West Virginia wit Burt Reynolds.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Cato
phil, have you ever eaten whales?

No, butt I ate a ball of yarn o1nce.

Wot's dis line aff questioning all aboot, Cato?

[Golden AWe]

i have one arrangement for a marriage

it will happen in 11,5 years, when i turn 40

how very, very romatic

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Dis is da fir1st truly LIVE Intwatnet message board show.

Doo da loop, ID, loo, guitar, Golden AWe.

Tit's so professional aroond here.

NUMBEER 9 NUMBEER 9 NUMBEER 9 NUMBEER 9 NUMBEER 9

Say dat backwards.

War is a disintegration aff all reason.

And so is dis show.

I am in a posTITion a power.

Just like BRAVEHEART.

I have da knock out punch.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
i have one arrangement for a marriage

it will happen in 11,5 years, when i turn 40

how very, very romatic

Mme t2oo.

I'm gooing t2o get mmarried 5 minutes bef4ore I die just t2o see wot tit's like.

I doon't think I can handle mmore than 5 mminutes.

Marriage is like a bad date dat neva ends.