This was a feature at the old Army so I thought I would post it here, a huge list of Dave Quotes, ect.....Pure Dave all the way.....I actually have had this bookmarked for about 4 years...
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-Definition Of Rothism-
"The world according to Diamond Dave delivered in an over-the-top, sensational, technicolor display of words and world wisdom that transcends just mere understanding but is a way of life summed up in 15 words or less."
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When they make my gravestone," says David Lee Roth, "it's going to be a cement copy of Huckleberry Finn with a pair of cement handcuffs on top of it.
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"Solitude is a pretty sweet drug, but if you try it
for more than a couple of days, you're an odds- on candidate for the Keith Richards Hall of Fame." Penthouse 1986
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DLR On "Livewire" 1980
" Do you know what I am going to have put on my gravestone when I die? Here have one on me... I told you I didn't feel good"!
Interviewer- David Lee you have pretty much I say everything that you have ever wanted up to now up until this point and have you thought of a goal that is out there like ...acting"
DLR- "No...not acting. If you are talking about goals something that you work for, something that you strive and that you have to work for... I want a motorcycle"
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From "Innerview" 1980
" Michael is a connoisseur of Jack Daniels...his best line is he likes a woman who knows what she is doing, cause after he finishes a bottle of Jack...he don't"
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From MTV's Hot Seat 1991
"A Little Ain't Enough, Yeah..its the Honda principle baby. If 2 is good...the 4 is better! A working title for single, pretty good. As theme song for an entire career.. even a little bit better!
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From Rock Line 1986
Viewer Call In --"You put on such an incredible live show with Van Halen and solo and I was wondering because you are so visual how come you never have released a live video, and are you ever going to do so?"
Dave's Reply--- "Well it's Like my Pants.. Its hard to squeeze it all in!"
Various Quotes
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"The girls will turn your shorts into grilled cheese, man!"
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"Yes, I don't discriminate. I've slept with black women and Chinese women. In fact, I've slept with a black Chinese woman."
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"You mean that hot dog I just ate was Sammy Hagar?"
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"Van Halen is the 'Get the fuck of the sidewalk if ya don't like our drivin' ' kinda music!"
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"I remember being on the very first 'Joan Rivers Show' and I remember it vividly 'cause she was saying, 'At the Van Halen shows these days, people are holding up signs saying 'Screw David Lee Roth!''--and I'm thinkin', 'Is that advice?'"
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"I don't care what Ed Van Halen says about me--all's I know is that Howard Stern and Mr. Rogers like me just the way I fucking am!"
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"These two new songs on the "Best Of," for example, should come with a kit including a bong, a thesaurus, and a driver's side air-bag!"
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"The hood ornament on your car is for telling you where you're going. The rear-view-mirror is for showing you how good you look while you're getting there."
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"Do I ever get turned down by women? I never ask."
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"We took these two little people with us on tour, Jimmy and Danny, as my bodyguards. They're probably 3 1/2, 4 1/2 feet tall. We had 'em in 'S.W.A.T." uniforms. If nothing else, I can wake up in Tunafish, Wyoming, nine in the morning, hung-over; even if I'm miserable, I can look out the door to the hallway and there goes a midget in a bath towel holding the hand of a girl he was with last night--and I know I'm in rock 'n' roll!"
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"When you're on the road for nine months a year and you always have these cute little chiquitas running around in their halter tops, it's kind of hard to worry about things like nuclear proliferation."
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"I have three answers I give to interviewers. The first one is: 'Yeah, I think you're trying to ask me this, but I'm gonna talk about whatever the fuck I want.' The second is: 'I see what you're see what you're asking but I'm gonna talk about whatever the fuck I want.' And the third one is: 'Oh, I see. You're asking me this, lemme say something first and then I'm gonna talk about whatever the fuck I want.' It's quite an open forum."
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"After you take out the managers' percentage, the agents' percentage, the money for the roadies, the lighting, the trucks, the buses, the sound and everything, the most I'll probably see as far as money goes after it's all said and done, is...an island."
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"Hey, your girlfriend was partying with us backstage before the show, and she had a message for ya: 'mmfp mmf umf fmff mmm.'"
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"People are always asking me, 'Dave, what's it mean when you say somebody's rockin' or somebody's not rockin'?' and I say, 'I'll illustrate: a guy with black shoes, black socks, blue and white bermuda shorts, a Hawaiian luau shirt, a 'Nikon' and a jackknife around his neck, zinc oxide on his nose, a pair of sunglasses, a fishing hat with all the badges on it, and he's staring up at buildings--that's rock 'n' roll.'"
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"She leaned over the table at the bar and said to me 'Dave...everybody wants some...would you like some too? So one thing lead to another and another and another and we ended up going to my hotel room. I walked inside the room...I turned off the liiiiights, and sat down at the edge of the bed. And I started to, I started to say something to her as I felt her hand reach across, and grab me by myyyyyyy...she gently, gently but firmly grabbed myyyyyyyy...she grabbed my by my hand [crowd boos]...ALRIGHT SHE GRABBED MY DICK, WHADDYA WANT MAN?! What are you laughin' at Al? You didn't get your dick grabbed all last week, man?!"
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"Would I join Van Halen again if they asked me? Not without a team of lawyers and a valuum!"
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"'DLR Band' means Dave, Lowery, and Ray. I named it that because it sounds more like a band then 'David Lee Roth,' which just sounds like a person. When you hear 'David Lee Roth'--you think of a person. When you hear 'DLR Band'--you think of a band. Just like when you hear 'Eddie Van Halen' you think of a person, and when you hear 'Van Halen'--you think of David Lee Roth."
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"We're simply throwing up a defense against becoming so insulated from our fans and dying face down in the bathroom poisoned by a banana split like Elvis" DLR on groupies.Donated by Petronius.
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"We're just trying to interact with our audience on a socio-cultural level!"DLR on groupies. Donated by Petronius.
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When asked to describe himself in six words or less:
"Sugar, starch, fat, grease and alcohol!"
"Sugar", he mimed holding a girl, "Starch" he flexed his biceps, "Fat" he rubbed his stomach, "Grease" he rubbed his fingers in the 'money' sign, and "Alcohol" needed no explaining. Donated by Petronius.
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