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The Rolling Stone Dissing of Edward Van Halen
October 1, 2003
by Craig Curtice
©EddieVanHalen.com
Perhaps it’s the Entertainment Media’s last chance to throw old history in your face, but it seems that every music magazine lining supermarket aisles is trolling out “Best-ever,” “Greatest” or “All Time” rankings. Recent examples are plenty – “1001 Greatest Songs to Download,” “Sleaziest Moments in Rock,” and “Essential Albums To Own Before You Die.” Obviously the intention is to sell magazines, but Rolling Stone’s subjective ranking of the “100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time” does nothing but irritate, annoy, and perturb. It’s expected when fluff rags like Teen People compile “Awesomist CD’s to Actually Buy at a Store,” but this is Rolling Stone, the authoritative Granddaddy publication that’s hard to ignore.
First, are we talking all time all time? Even going back to medieval days? I hear there were some really kick-ass lute players throwing down in the 16th Century, like John Dowland and Francis Cutting. This is like the original NFL sack record, which should belong to Deacon Jones, but the NFL refuses to acknowledge his “quarterback tackles behind the line of scrimmage” as sacks. Can the 100 greatest guitarists even be ranked in an order to satisfy most everyone? Is it really possible to rank the hottest women of all time? How about the best buzzer-beater, prettiest sunsets, or cutest puppies of all time?
So let’s see here, if Johnny Ramone is really #16 and Ron Asheton is #29, then I figure that mythic gods David St. Hubbins and Nigel Tufnel should be around #15 and #14 respectively. Jack White ranked at #17? If he’s so great, how come “of the White Stripes” is written below his name – if that really even is his real name, who knows, he might be married to his sister. Other head-scratchers include Tom Morello #26, Vernon Reid #66, Eddie Hazel #43, and Kirk Hammett #11? Should Joan Jett (#87) or Randy Rhoads (#85) even be there? It’s possible to make another list of those that didn’t make the list – Al DiMeola, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, George Benson, or how about Charo (no one ever played sexy cuchi-cuchi guitar better). And now really, is Jimi Hendrix the greatest guitarist of all time? For a dead guy he sure releases a lot of records, I don’t know, maybe he is. But what is our impossible fascination with ranking them?
Chuck Berry seems a confusing pick at #6? Sure he’s a legend, but top ten? A few years ago, I listened to the entire Chuck Berry box set, but by the end of the third disc it became tedious hearing the same lick over and over. Yes, yes, again, Berry’s a pioneer, but also remember that his last hit was the simpleton “My Ding-a-Ling” in 1972. Interestingly in the film Back To The Future, there’s a scene when Marty McFly plays “Johnny B. Goode” at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance, and guess what? He finishes big-time with a blistering Van Halen-esque solo.
Which finally brings me to the insanely stupefying ranking of Eddie Van Halen at #70, which by the way, is weaker than Vince Neil’s puny vehicular manslaughter sentence. Now I’m not one of those freaks that think he’s tops, but c’mon, #70? We’re talking about Eddie Van Halen, the groundbreaking party legend from Pasadena, the man Frank Zappa (# 45), thanked for “reinventing the guitar.” His innovative fretwork tapping and speedy technique baffled wannabe’s for decades. The apocalyptic “Eruption” became the new “Stairway To Heaven,” although Guitar Legends “100 Greatest Guitar Solos” would have you believe that “Stairway” is first and “Eruption” is second. The winged VH logo, the onstage leaping in goofy outfits, the cigarette burning in the headstock, the rock and roll hair, those ripped abs; how many guitarists can be recognized merely by the sight of their guitar? His signature red, white, and black striping on homemade Kramers is as instantly recognizable as his funky brown sound.
Further adding an intangible mystique, Van Halen has also been oddly canonized in pop culture lore with references in the legendary films Fast Times At Ridgemont High and its snot-nosed little brother, Better Off Dead. Jeff Spicoli saves Brooke Shields from drowning and spends his reward money hiring Van Halen to play his birthday party, while Better Off Dead achieves mad cinematic genius with a claymation scene depicting a cheeseburger dancing among a vat of french fries singing the VH classic, “Everybody Wants Some!” Don’t forget SNL’s Schmitt’s Gay Beer, the million-dollar payday at the ’83 US Festival, “no brown M&M’s,” and a one-take solo on Michael Jackson’s billion-seller “Beat It.” For a band that formed in 1974, it’s a damn shame how little David Lee Roth-era Van Halen material exists commercially in a golden age of box sets, remastered rare & live albums, and DVD’s.
It’s been a rough couple of years for Mr. Van Halen. He’s parted ways with Warner Brothers Records (the only label he’s ever known), battled and conquered tongue cancer, and sadly split with wife Valerie Bertinelli. His feuds and reunion rumors with Diamond Dave and Sammy Hagar are stuff of legend, and his self-imposed, five-year absence is frustrating. At this rate, next time Rolling Stone puts another ridiculous 100 Greatest Guitarists list together, Dave Matthews and John Mayer will bump Eddie Van Halen off completely. I leave you with a classic line from Better Off Dead, “Man, now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.”
(Craig Curtice is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)
Found this one while surfing...I laughed...I cried...blah blah blah...
October 1, 2003
by Craig Curtice
©EddieVanHalen.com
Perhaps it’s the Entertainment Media’s last chance to throw old history in your face, but it seems that every music magazine lining supermarket aisles is trolling out “Best-ever,” “Greatest” or “All Time” rankings. Recent examples are plenty – “1001 Greatest Songs to Download,” “Sleaziest Moments in Rock,” and “Essential Albums To Own Before You Die.” Obviously the intention is to sell magazines, but Rolling Stone’s subjective ranking of the “100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time” does nothing but irritate, annoy, and perturb. It’s expected when fluff rags like Teen People compile “Awesomist CD’s to Actually Buy at a Store,” but this is Rolling Stone, the authoritative Granddaddy publication that’s hard to ignore.
First, are we talking all time all time? Even going back to medieval days? I hear there were some really kick-ass lute players throwing down in the 16th Century, like John Dowland and Francis Cutting. This is like the original NFL sack record, which should belong to Deacon Jones, but the NFL refuses to acknowledge his “quarterback tackles behind the line of scrimmage” as sacks. Can the 100 greatest guitarists even be ranked in an order to satisfy most everyone? Is it really possible to rank the hottest women of all time? How about the best buzzer-beater, prettiest sunsets, or cutest puppies of all time?
So let’s see here, if Johnny Ramone is really #16 and Ron Asheton is #29, then I figure that mythic gods David St. Hubbins and Nigel Tufnel should be around #15 and #14 respectively. Jack White ranked at #17? If he’s so great, how come “of the White Stripes” is written below his name – if that really even is his real name, who knows, he might be married to his sister. Other head-scratchers include Tom Morello #26, Vernon Reid #66, Eddie Hazel #43, and Kirk Hammett #11? Should Joan Jett (#87) or Randy Rhoads (#85) even be there? It’s possible to make another list of those that didn’t make the list – Al DiMeola, Joe Satriani, Steve Vai, George Benson, or how about Charo (no one ever played sexy cuchi-cuchi guitar better). And now really, is Jimi Hendrix the greatest guitarist of all time? For a dead guy he sure releases a lot of records, I don’t know, maybe he is. But what is our impossible fascination with ranking them?
Chuck Berry seems a confusing pick at #6? Sure he’s a legend, but top ten? A few years ago, I listened to the entire Chuck Berry box set, but by the end of the third disc it became tedious hearing the same lick over and over. Yes, yes, again, Berry’s a pioneer, but also remember that his last hit was the simpleton “My Ding-a-Ling” in 1972. Interestingly in the film Back To The Future, there’s a scene when Marty McFly plays “Johnny B. Goode” at the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance, and guess what? He finishes big-time with a blistering Van Halen-esque solo.
Which finally brings me to the insanely stupefying ranking of Eddie Van Halen at #70, which by the way, is weaker than Vince Neil’s puny vehicular manslaughter sentence. Now I’m not one of those freaks that think he’s tops, but c’mon, #70? We’re talking about Eddie Van Halen, the groundbreaking party legend from Pasadena, the man Frank Zappa (# 45), thanked for “reinventing the guitar.” His innovative fretwork tapping and speedy technique baffled wannabe’s for decades. The apocalyptic “Eruption” became the new “Stairway To Heaven,” although Guitar Legends “100 Greatest Guitar Solos” would have you believe that “Stairway” is first and “Eruption” is second. The winged VH logo, the onstage leaping in goofy outfits, the cigarette burning in the headstock, the rock and roll hair, those ripped abs; how many guitarists can be recognized merely by the sight of their guitar? His signature red, white, and black striping on homemade Kramers is as instantly recognizable as his funky brown sound.
Further adding an intangible mystique, Van Halen has also been oddly canonized in pop culture lore with references in the legendary films Fast Times At Ridgemont High and its snot-nosed little brother, Better Off Dead. Jeff Spicoli saves Brooke Shields from drowning and spends his reward money hiring Van Halen to play his birthday party, while Better Off Dead achieves mad cinematic genius with a claymation scene depicting a cheeseburger dancing among a vat of french fries singing the VH classic, “Everybody Wants Some!” Don’t forget SNL’s Schmitt’s Gay Beer, the million-dollar payday at the ’83 US Festival, “no brown M&M’s,” and a one-take solo on Michael Jackson’s billion-seller “Beat It.” For a band that formed in 1974, it’s a damn shame how little David Lee Roth-era Van Halen material exists commercially in a golden age of box sets, remastered rare & live albums, and DVD’s.
It’s been a rough couple of years for Mr. Van Halen. He’s parted ways with Warner Brothers Records (the only label he’s ever known), battled and conquered tongue cancer, and sadly split with wife Valerie Bertinelli. His feuds and reunion rumors with Diamond Dave and Sammy Hagar are stuff of legend, and his self-imposed, five-year absence is frustrating. At this rate, next time Rolling Stone puts another ridiculous 100 Greatest Guitarists list together, Dave Matthews and John Mayer will bump Eddie Van Halen off completely. I leave you with a classic line from Better Off Dead, “Man, now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.”
(Craig Curtice is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)
Found this one while surfing...I laughed...I cried...blah blah blah...
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