Dating a shy girl...

[NATEDOG001976]

Wow, Where to start.

I've been dating this girl now since early June, and in this time we have had a pretty good time. We have been on about 6 dates, all were fun. And this weekend she came up to my cabin for boating on the lake and to have some fun. In this time I have only kissed her 1 time! She is very, very shy......the one time I did kiss her, I kinda had to sneek it and it was just a peck. I figured i would just play it cool this weekend, I didn't make any moves at all and just showed her a good time. I'm just running out of idea's, she seems like she really likes me but I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out, she gladly accepts going out with me, she must trust me if she rode along 300 miles in my car to my cabin. I'm lost here!

[Ally_Kat]

So she's shy. If she's willing to hang out with ya, then she must like ya.

I don't understand what the confusion is about. The only thing I can think of is that you are confused because you haven't gotten into her pants yet. If so, then you need to re-evaluate why you're with her, hun.

[Dan]

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
Wow, Where to start.

I've been dating this girl now since early June, and in this time we have had a pretty good time. We have been on about 6 dates, all were fun. And this weekend she came up to my cabin for boating on the lake and to have some fun. In this time I have only kissed her 1 time! She is very, very shy......the one time I did kiss her, I kinda had to sneek it and it was just a peck. I figured i would just play it cool this weekend, I didn't make any moves at all and just showed her a good time. I'm just running out of idea's, she seems like she really likes me but I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out, she gladly accepts going out with me, she must trust me if she rode along 300 miles in my car to my cabin. I'm lost here!

Being Shy is Good.

[Nickdfresh]

Maybe it's time you had "the talk" with her?

[shaggydoo]

Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

[NATEDOG001976]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
So she's shy. If she's willing to hang out with ya, then she must like ya.

I don't understand what the confusion is about. The only thing I can think of is that you are confused because you haven't gotten into her pants yet. If so, then you need to re-evaluate why you're with her, hun.

Yes, I'd like to get in her pants, she's dam fine! But that's not all I'm looking for, I like her.

[Dan]

Originally posted by shaggydoo
Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

Holy Shit,This Is A Great Post.

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by shaggydoo
Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

Dude, as a shy/goody-two-shoes girl myself, that will do nothing but clam her up.

It's a self esteem thing. What you need to do is build up her confidence. Tell her she's pretty, compliment on stuff (like, "shit, I didn't know you could throw a curveball like that.") and all that stuff. Once you've done that and once you've gotten her to talk a bit about other stuff more freely on her own accord, can you even approach the whole, "hey, you're kinda shy. What gives?"

If Nate's problem is that his dick hasn't gotten wet yet, which it's kinda coming off as, he needs to re-evaulate why he's in this relationship and possible not be with her, because that's not the kind of relationship a shy girl needs. It'll just fuck her up worse for the next guy who rolls around.

[shaggydoo]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
So she's shy. If she's willing to hang out with ya, then she must like ya.

I don't understand what the confusion is about. The only thing I can think of is that you are confused because you haven't gotten into her pants yet. If so, then you need to re-evaluate why you're with her, hun.

He hasn't gotten into her pants yet because he has ethics and integrity, and because he obviously cares about this girl. Getting into her pants is not as important as getting into her heart... and staying there!

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
Yes, I'd like to get in her pants, she's dam fine! But that's not all I'm looking for, I like her.

Then get it out of your head, cuz it'll take longer than your current 2 1/2 months to do it.

If you really like her, then you are going to have to have a lot of patience and be forgiving. She'll probably mentally beat herself up during the course of a date. When she gets all quiet and clams up, she's most likely doing just that. DOn't point it out to or ask if she's ding that. Make a mental note and try to re-engage her.

You are going to have to be the initiator for conversation and activities. And you are going to have to be the re-assurer and build up confidence and trust.

This isn't an overnight thing.

[NATEDOG001976]

Originally posted by shaggydoo
Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

That was a great post! Thanks!

But I think it would be a bad move on my part to ask her to "take it the the next level" at this point. From my experience, women start the relationship, and 99% of the time end it too. I've fucked up doing that once before, spilling my guts after like 3 months.

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by shaggydoo
He hasn't gotten into her pants yet because he has ethics and integrity, and because he obviously cares about this girl. Getting into her pants is not as important as getting into her heart... and staying there!

Dude, how do you even know that's the reason? Seriously. Do you go on their dates with them? Did you go to elementary school with Nate or something? This is the internet.

The girl is shy. That's going to stall any plans of getting into her pants.

Hell, maybe she's religious. (Could also be part of the dating shyness, Nate. If you don't know, you should check it out).

[NATEDOG001976]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
Dude, how do you even know that's the reason? Seriously. Do you go on their dates with them? Did you go to elementary school with Nate or something? This is the internet.

The girl is shy. That's going to stall any plans of getting into her pants.

Hell, maybe she's religious. (Could also be part of the dating shyness, Nate. If you don't know, you should check it out).

No she is not overly religious. I've never dated anyone this shy before, so I'd thought I ask you all. And I'm not just looking for a roll in the hay....so we can put that to rest!

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
No she is not overly religious. I've never dated anyone this shy before, so I'd thought I ask you all. And I'm not just looking for a roll in the hay....so we can put that to rest!

Then do as I said before: Compliment her, but genuine compliments. You don't want to come off as fake. If you see that she's claming up and being quiet for a long time, re-engage her with something. Ask for help. Share personal things/stories with her. Build up a sense of trust. Ask her questions that'll get her to talk about/explain what she's doing or how she went about something, topics that'll get her to talk. The best topics are ones where she has to explain things to you, like if she knows how to knit and asking her to show you how to do it (gay, I know, but run with me here. lol) But most importantly, be patient and never let her see frustration.

Once you build up trust, and you'll notice it because she won't be as shy around you, THEN you can have a heart-to-heart about why she tends to be a lil shy and what you can do as a couple to work this out.

And if you're looking to give affection, give lots of hugs with a kiss on the cheek. Soon enough, I'm willing to bet you won't have to sneak the smooches.

[binnie]

I wouldn't worry about it Nate, as this girl clearly really likes you: as time passes she's bound to become a little more open.

Sounds like you're really happy here, so it's worth investing the time. Don't blow it by pressuring her.....

[shaggydoo]

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
That was a great post! Thanks!

But I think it would be a bad move on my part to ask her to "take it the the next level" at this point. From my experience, women start the relationship, and 99% of the time end it too. I've fucked up doing that once before, spilling my guts after like 3 months.

Nate, I did not say that you must ask her "to take it to the next level"... that would be pressuring her. I think you do need to show her that you are interested in taking it further, but you also need to determine *if she wants* to take it further. The only way to do that is talk to her!

In talking with her, really LISTEN to what she has to say because if you have listened you will show her you have valued her opinion as important. This will do so much more to build her confidence than any bullshit about "throwing great curve-balls". You already said she is very shy so if she is interested to take it further then ask her for her help in doing so, what is she comfortable with, what pace she is comfortable with, etc. Also ask her how you can help her! Show you care, make her feel important and her opinions too, that will boost her confidence in your relationship. But don't pressure her.

I also think you need to ask yourself how much you really care about this girl. Are you prepared to tell her you want to go further but can wait for her to feel comfortable about it? Knowing that you want to go further but care enough to wait for her would probably be a major ego boost! People can suffer from shyness for their entire life, as you are not a psycho-analyst you can not expect to overcome it in any known time frame or even at all.

[shaggydoo]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
Dude, how do you even know that's the reason? Seriously. Do you go on their dates with them? Did you go to elementary school with Nate or something? This is the internet....

I know because I have read Nate's posts.

From what I have read in your posts, I'm not sure you have really read Nate's posts.

I have offered my opinion based on what I have read. It is my opinion only. Maybe it is wrong, afterall I have recently loved and lost, so what would I know! At the end of the day Nate must search his own feelings as to what is right for him, but hopefully he will consider his Girl's feelings too. I hope he can succeed, I want him to succeed. Nate, I wish you success!

[shaggydoo]

shy girl, shy girl

shy girl, shy girl

shy girl, shy girl

gotta keep things movin' til my personality starts improvin'

[delta5150]

Don't think just to do it, the more you think about it, the more likely it's not going to happen, stop behaving like young virgins and get on with it, get stuck in my friend, life is short

[delta5150]

by the way ALWAYS be nice to her, very important ... but like I said, don't delay, if she's shy, then that's nice therefore take the initiative remember others are waiting

[Nickdfresh]

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
Yes, I'd like to get in her pants, she's dam fine! But that's not all I'm looking for, I like her.

Then why not tell her - in not so many words? Tell her you think she's very sweet and cute, and that the time you spend together means something to you and that you hope she feels that way too. And maybe it could be so much more. Also, try making subtle physical contacts. Gently caress her arms, hold her hand, and find excuses to get close to her...

And if that doesn't work, start leaving condoms and bottles of personal lubricant around.

[binnie]

Originally posted by Nickdfresh


And if that doesn't work, start leaving condoms and bottles of personal lubricant around.

[tajmahal]

Dude, life is too short for a shy girl. If she is in her 30's its time to really talk to her and find out what is her deal. My experience with shy girls is there are some family issues growing up or there was a really bad boyfriend. I would do this soon or you are really going to get aggravated.

[bastardog]

You have been 2 and a half months to kiss her by telling her the truth.............so
is time to start with the lies

[binnie]

Originally posted by bastardog
so
is time to start with the lies

Ha Ha!!

If he just wanted to fuck her, then that would be good advice.

But as Nate says he wants a serious relationship with this girl, I would say lying will only damage that.

[Nickdfresh]

There are no 'lies' needed...

She either feels that way about you or not. And if she's hung around this long, I think what you both need is some truth and a long conversation in a very gentle, low-pressure setting (as Shaggy stated). She just might be waiting to know that you care, and are not JUST out to "hit it."

[WACF]

If you have gone this long and she seems into you....you need to talk to her about where "you guys are at".

She will appreciate your question and you will find out if she thinks you guys are potentialy "exclusive" or just hanging out.

Perhaps she has been burned...you never know...live and learn.

DO NOT ask about sex...if she wants to date you and only you then it will come...do not put the horse in front of the cart.

[Hardrock69]

Just flat out aske her if she will suck your dick!

Either she slaps your face, or she kneels.

None of this 'wondering what she is thinking' bullshit!

[NATEDOG001976]

Originally posted by delta5150
by the way ALWAYS be nice to her, very important ... but like I said, don't delay, if she's shy, then that's nice therefore take the initiative remember others are waiting

I'm very nice to her. I recently was on vacation in San Franciso, CA and I got her a t-shirt from the motorcycle race that I was at in Monterey. I tell her she looks nice too, I just don't over do it.

[Antman]

Being recently divorced, I'm really no one to give advice. But here's some anyway. Take it slow. It seems like you're becoming friends first. That will bring a comfort level between you two. Then just take it from there. You don't want to come on too strong. Just play it by ear and see what happens. She seems to like you. Good luck dude.

[Susie Q]

What I am wondering from your posts is, if she has been hurt BIG TIME? Afraid of that deep emotional commitment? Thing is, you are giving her the space and gentle coddling that she would need to 'trust' again. I would bet that she will soften up soon.
There are not a lot of men like you Nate that nurture a relationship and show respect and care like you do. Like Shaggydoo said, "Getting into her pants is not as important as getting into her heart... and staying there!"

As the saying goes, "There are chicks out there that you just bang for the sport of it. Then there are ladies out there that you take home to Mama."

[Nitro Express]

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
Wow, Where to start.

I've been dating this girl now since early June, and in this time we have had a pretty good time. We have been on about 6 dates, all were fun. And this weekend she came up to my cabin for boating on the lake and to have some fun. In this time I have only kissed her 1 time! She is very, very shy......the one time I did kiss her, I kinda had to sneek it and it was just a peck. I figured i would just play it cool this weekend, I didn't make any moves at all and just showed her a good time. I'm just running out of idea's, she seems like she really likes me but I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out, she gladly accepts going out with me, she must trust me if she rode along 300 miles in my car to my cabin. I'm lost here!

Sounds like you like her. Just take your time and be patient. You're a guy and want to get laid but women are different and as far as getting some they are the boss whether we like it or not.

What you need to do is just make her feel relaxed enough around you where she isn't so shy. One girl I dated was the same way because she had small tits and was really self-conciouse about it. She was beautiful though and had a great ass and I'm an ass man anyways. Once we got past the tit thing, it was all cool. She had a great big smile everytime we fucked and man is that a turn on!

There could be many reasons why she is shy. Former boy friends. How she was raised. Religiouse issues. Lot's of things. What you have to ask yourself is are you willing to go on with her. Is there some magic there you want to pursue. It really is a vibe thing.

[frets5150]

Come on already just ask her if she will go down on the ole Braciola.
If she says no hit her with a brick and move on.

[kentuckyklira]

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
Wow, Where to start.

I've been dating this girl now since early June, and in this time we have had a pretty good time. We have been on about 6 dates, all were fun. And this weekend she came up to my cabin for boating on the lake and to have some fun. In this time I have only kissed her 1 time! She is very, very shy......the one time I did kiss her, I kinda had to sneek it and it was just a peck. I figured i would just play it cool this weekend, I didn't make any moves at all and just showed her a good time. I'm just running out of idea's, she seems like she really likes me but I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out, she gladly accepts going out with me, she must trust me if she rode along 300 miles in my car to my cabin. I'm lost here!

You´re 31 and you need advice on this??

:confused:

Whip out some of Dave´s lyrics and learn.

Seriously man, tell her you like her and you´d like to kiss her and move on from there.

[Hardrock69]

"Lyrics! Recite some lyrics dude!"

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by shaggydoo
I know because I have read Nate's posts.

From what I have read in your posts, I'm not sure you have really read Nate's posts.

I have. This isn't my first "Nate has a girl and he needs advice from the RothArmy to get with her" thread. And I'm sure it won't be the last