T'was 2007 and all through the year
Not a creature was buying this climate of fear
The stockings were hung in a foreclosure scare
In hopes that the Banks would forget we were there!
The soldiers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of extended tours messed with their heads
And Dick and Lynn Cheney with shotguns in lap
Had just pardoned Scooter for shutting his yap
When down at the White House there arose such a clatter
I sprang out the door to see what was the matter!
Away to the protest I flew like a flash
I marched for a while and got tazed in the clash
Then soon I was arrested – for what I don't know
But the ACLU said that “This just won't go!”
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a miniature Cheney and eight dead reindeer
With his pacemaker pumping, so lively and quick
I knew in a moment it must be St. Dick!
Faster than subpoenas, his minions they came
He waterboarded and tortured and called them by name:
“Now Halliburton! Now Exxon! Now Conoco! Now Shell!
On Blackwater! On Bechtel! – Let's all go to Hell!”
To the top of the West Wing, to the top of The Wall
"Now stash away! Stash away! Stash way All!"
As voters are wondering why their vote doesn't fly
Here comes Karl Rove and he'll tell you why
So up to the White House the CEOs flew
With a sleighful of cash and Dick Cheney too!
And then, in a twinkling I heard on the roof
Was the hemming and hawing of the ultimate Goof (heh heh heh heh)
I raised just one finger and jumped all around
Coz there on the roof Ol "Dubya" came round
He was dressed all in fur that Cheney had killed
He looked rather dapper on the taxpayers' bill
A bundle of cash he had flung on his back
Looked happy as Cheney right before an attack
His eyes — how they twinkled, but his manners were weary
Coz Alberto Gonzales has so much to bury!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer
Like all of those press conferences he holds so dear
The stump of a crack pipe he held in his teeth
He said: "Laura, I'm sorry! I've relapsed — I'm weak!"
And his friend had a Wide Stance and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed in a toilet so smelly
Dim-witted and dumb a right jolly old elf
And I laughed when I saw him, giving way my own stealth
A wink of his eye and a snap of his finger
Soon gave me to know I shouldn't loiter or linger
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
Put the cash in his stockings, then turned with a jerk
And laying his finger aside of his nose
Thumbs up! And a nod for the coke that he chose
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
"And away to Iran like a nuclear missile!'
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:
"Happy Christmas to no one — Impeachment's not right!"

Al "Alien" Jourgensen