(I don't give a shit if this was previously posted, or something similar, enjoy)
Van Halen
Van Halen [Warner Bros., 1978] C
Van Halen II [Warner Bros., 1979] C+
Women and Children First [Warner Bros., 1980] B
Fair Warning [Warner Bros., 1981] B-
Diver Down [Warner Bros., 1982] B-
1984 [Warner Bros., 1984] B+
Van Halen [Warner Bros., 1978]
For some reason Warners wants us to know that this is the biggest bar band in the San Fernando Valley. This doesn't mean much--all new bands are bar bands, unless they're Boston. The term becomes honorific when the music belongs in a bar. This music belongs on an aircraft carrier. C
Van Halen II [Warner Bros., 1979]
Never let it be said that popular styles don't evolve--in the wake of Kiss and Boston, this is heavy metal that's pure, fast, and clean. No mythopoeia, no bombast, and even the guitar features are defined as just that. So how come formalists don't love the shit out of these guys? Not because they're into dominating women, I'm sure. C+
Women and Children First [Warner Bros., 1980]
Eddie VH's quicksilver whomp earns the Hendrix comparisons, and he's no clone--he's faster, colder, more structural. David Lee Roth adds a wild-ass sophistication to the usual macho--no mortal arena singer would even think of the goofy country blues takeoff that provides the title. But the message of the music isn't the exuberance of untrammeled skill, it's the arrogance of unchallenged mastery. Without being pompous about it, which is a plus, these guys show as little feeling for their zonked, hopelessly adoring fans as Queen. They're kings of the hill and we're not. B
Fair Warning [Warner Bros., 1981]
Pretty impressive show-off stuff--not just Eddie's latest sound effects, but a few good jokes along with the mean ones and a rhythm section that can handle punk speed emotionally and technically. At times Eddie could even be said to play an expressive--lyrical?--role. Of course, what he's expressing is hard to say. Technocracy putting a patina on cynicism, a critic might say. B-
Diver Down [Warner Bros., 1982]
Less impressive, if only because hangloose covers like "Big Bad Bill" and "Happy Trails" are for more attractive bands. More attractive, if only because the Ray Davies and Roy Orbison covers are so carefully conceived. Attractive sexist original, unatttractive (hence unimpressive) sexist original, guitar as cathedral organ. And so it goes. B-
1984 [Warner Bros., 1984]
Side one is pure up, and not only that, it sticks to the ears: their pop move avoids fluff because they're heavy and schlock because they're built for speed, finally creating an all-purpose mise-en-scene for Brother Eddie's hair-raising, stomach-churning chops. Side two is consolation for their loyal fans--a little sexism, a lot of pyrotechnics, and a standard HM bass attack on something called "House of Pain." B+
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Truer words have never been spoken...
From OU812 Review: "Not that they give a shit, but trading Dave for Sammy sure wrecked their shot at Led Zep of the '80s--master guitarist, signature vocalist, underrated rhythm section."
Best of Van Halen, Volume 1 Review: "preening for the spotlight, they can be funny and spectacular--until Sammy Hagar horns in ("Jump," "Runnin' With the Devil")"
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