Asshole of the Week: Artie Lange

[Mr Walker]

Artie Lange Arrested for Suspicion of DUI

Posted Jul 10th 2009 2:33PM by TMZ Staff

Artie Lange Arrested for Suspicion of DUIWe've just learned Artie Lange was busted for suspicion of DUI moments ago in New Jersey.

Law enforcement sources tell us the "Howard Stern Show" veteran was arrested about a half hour ago in Toms River after he got into a minor car accident.

Story developing...

[Mr Walker]

Loser!

Drunk driving in my hometown... what a dick!

[sadaist]

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

[High Life Man]

Clean?

Bullshit.

[TAKIN WHISKEY]

That's what he gets for being such a dick on Joe Bucks show.

[bueno bob]

I like Artie Lange, but DUI?

FUCK THAT

[ELVIS]

Get Some Help, Artie Lange!

Jul. 10, 2009

by Natalie Finn

This is getting too serious for our taste.



Funnyman Artie Lange, whose heaviness, history of drug abuse and overall mental health are constant fodder for some unfortunately hilarious banter on The Howard Stern Show, was busted Friday on suspicion of DUI after being involved in a fender bender in New Jersey.

Police found no indication that Lange was "under the influence of illicit drugs" when his 2009 Nissan rear-ended another vehicle, Toms River Police Capt. Steve Henry told the Asbury Park Press.

But the officer who responded to the report of a minor traffic collision at around 1:30 p.m. determined that Lange was under the influence of something. After he was taken into custody, a sample of one fluid or another was taken at the police station and sent off to the lab for analysis.

Meanwhile, Lange has been charged with driving under the influence of an intoxicant and careless driving. He was issued a court summons for July 16 and sent on his way.

Lange was "100 percent cooperative," Henry said.

That's all well and good, but maybe this will finally be the misstep that gets Lange into the more intensive rehab he seems to really, really need.

And what will Howard and Robin say about this on Monday?

[hideyoursheep]

That's what he gets for being such a dick on Joe Bucks show.

Artie is pretty much a dick on every show.

Stern seems to love this guinea pig idea of watching how far Artie can sink. If it were anyone else, they would have been fired for doing H on the show and falling asleep, throwing shit at people, not showing up on time, not showing up at all...

They love to bust balls on that show, but this hack is always given a pass.

Sal and Richard should get in line to beat him with a shovel, then just quit the fucking show....I would.


His shtick is played out.

For fuck sakes, PAY Billy West and Jackie some fucking money and break this whale turd off!

[hideyoursheep]

[fryingdutchman]

Is anybody really surprised at this?

It's Artie FUCKING Lange.

His entire life is one big overindulgence of food, booze, and drugs.

Only difference this time is he got caught!

His days are numbered. He'll check out soon in a manner not unlike that of Chris Farley or John Belushi.

[letsrock]

At least Chris Farley or John Belushi were cool and had a legit career.
Not 15 minutes that have been dragged on for a decade.

[Mr Walker]

Artie said that this incident he had wasn't' even an accident. He's not sure what he can say about it though. Artie said that he was arrested but he's pretty familiar with those surroundings.

Artie said he was on his way to get his mother some antibiotics when this thing happened. He said that his poor mother is sick and he ends up getting arrested on his way back from picking that up. Artie said that he was arrested, that was in the paper, and they arrested him under the suspicion of DUI. Artie said that they gave him a Breathalyzer and it was a 0.0. He said that he's not sure what he can or can't say but he'll talk about it when he can.

Artie said that his lawyer has a number that Howard 100 News can call to find out. Artie said that they gave him a urine test and he was glad to give them whatever they needed. Artie said that he cooperated with them completely. He said he thinks that this will go away. He said that everyone was fine in the ''accident.''

Artie said that the other car was making a left hand turn when this thing happened. He said that they were really cool about the whole thing and they recognized him so they were all good. Artie said that he has to go to court this week over the whole thing. He said there will be a trial but just the judge and no jury.

Artie said that the car was impounded and it was a rental. He said that someone hit him in the Mercedes so he has this other car. He said that the Benz was smashed at the airport when he flew out for the Captain Janks benefit show.

Artie said that he was driving a Nissan Sentra and his buddy Frank Sebastiano was telling him that was the embarrassing part of the story.

Howard said he had a barrage of Artie Lange news stories. Artie said that he can't talk about it but he has a lot to say about the whole thing. He said that he wasn't drinking and he wasn't on any drugs. He said he's on prescription meds but that should be it. He said he's kind of embarrassed about that though. He said that he's more open about the heroin than about an anti-depressant.

Howard played some of the news reports about Artie's alleged DUI and accident. They had a ton of reports that they stitched together.

Howard asked Artie about being out in Vegas the week before. Artie said that there are a lot of extremes out there. He said that he was staying sober out there though. Howard said that's why he told him he shouldn't' be out there. Artie said he didn't get high out there but he gambled quite a bit. Artie said that he didn't have any police activity out there at all.

Artie said that when he had the accident in Jersey he did everything right when they asked him to recite the alphabet and stuff like that. He said that he got the alphabet right and he's really not sure where he flunked.

Dominic Barbara called in and said that he thinks that Artie isn't making a joke out of this story. He said that he hopes everyone knows this. He said he hopes the lawyer he hired will work to get things worked out. Artie said that driving drunk is a serious thing and it's not something to joke about. He said that they have to have a trial over it.

Artie said that he's innocent and he's not going to take a deal. Dominic said that there are times when you shouldn't be driving with certain prescription drugs so that's the kind of thing the attorney is going to take care of.

Artie said that the papers were right when they said it was the suspicion of DUI. He said that it was also careless driving. Artie said that he had a mug shot taken too but he's had those before. Artie said that he hadn't showered yet and hadn't shaved so he must have looked like a mess.

Howard asked what they're looking for in the urine test. Dominic said that they're looking for cocaine or something like that. Artie said he's pretty confident that no illegal drugs are going to show up in that urine test. He said that Lexipro may show up but that's a prescription drug. He said he's still wondering when that stuff is going to kick in though.

Artie said that when he's able to talk about this, he's got a lot to say about it. He said it's going to be a complicated thing.

[twonabomber]

if i had a Benz there is no way i'd accept a Sentra as a rental car.

[letsrock]

if i had a Benz there is no way i'd accept a Sentra as a rental car.

You'd think that he would spring for a better ride.

[Mr Walker]

You'd think that he would spring for a better ride.

I know the 'Enterprise' where he rented it from... there aren't any better rides.
I don't know how he got his fat belly in one.

[hideyoursheep]

I haven't bothered to listen so far this week.

Mr.Walker, how much of the last 2 days have they wasted talking (once again) about the Adventures of Artie?

[Mr Walker]

I haven't bothered to listen so far this week.

Mr.Walker, how much of the last 2 days have they wasted talking (once again) about the Adventures of Artie?

Just that segment... it hasn't come up since... apart from a few veiled ribs from Stern.

[Nickdfresh]

I know the 'Enterprise' where he rented it from... there aren't any better rides.
I don't know how he got his fat belly in one.

How he smash his Benz up? Did he hit a pink elephant with it?

[twonabomber]

he says it was hit while parked at the airport.

[Mr Walker]

Artie Lange Pleads Not Guilty

Posted Jul 14th 2009 2:30PM by TMZ Staff

Artie Lange Artie Lange just pled not guilty to driving under the influence.

As we first reported, Lange was arrested on Friday after rear-ending another car in Toms River, NJ. Lange's lawyer says he passed an alcohol screening test after the crash -- but cops thought he was under the influence anyway and requested a urine sample. The results of that test aren't in yet.

Artie is due back in court on Aug. 26.

[Nickdfresh]

he says it was hit while parked at the airport.

Yeah, sure! I guess it was trampled by a pink elephant then.

[High Life Man]

He's gonna walk.

Lucky bastard.

[Nickdfresh]

Is it his first offense?

[letsrock]

he says it was hit while parked at the airport.

Where he was drinking.

[High Life Man]

Is it his first offense?

I don't think so. I think he got one when he was with MadTV or before.

He's got plenty of FU money. He'll get a good lawyer, there will be a "mistake" with the process, he'll walk.

[hideyoursheep]

he'll walk.

Just like on the show.

Another free pass.

[binnie]

Drink-driving makes you an asshole.

Here's what the rules should be:

1) If you are driving, you should be allowed any alcohol in your system. None at all.

2) If you are found to be over the limit, you should have an automatic 10 year ban from driving and your vehicle should be confiscated and crushed. I don't care how much it is worth.

I think DUIs would drop dramatically if that were to be brought in.

[letsrock]

Just like on the show.

Another free pass.

Just like Donte Stallworth.
Amazing he kills a guy with a car and does 24 days.