Eddie's Ready to Tour

[gslinger]

As reported in the Kamanawanalayu Times today, Eddie Van Halen is ready for the new Tour and is confident he will give the fans a show they will never forget.

[gslinger]

Response from Mr. Roth:

"Why would anyone listen to a band in the pasture, when I’m here and am the future" – Diamond David Lee Roth

[Sarge]

Ed's drinking has caused him to have a nose like WC Fields

[gslinger]

Yeah, Sarge lookin at those recent Eddie pics made me immediatelhy start whistling:

"Sharp Dressed Man"
by ZZ Top

Clean shirt, new shoes
and I don't know where I am goin' to.
Silk suit, black tie,
I don't need a reason why.
They come runnin' just as fast as they can
'cos every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

Gold watch, diamond ring,
I ain't missin' not a single thing.
Cufflinks, stick pin,
when I step out I'm gonna do you in.
They come runnin' just as fast as they can
'Coz every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

Top coat, top hat,
And I don't worry coz my wallet's fat.
Black shades, white gloves,
lookin' sharp lookin' for love.
They come runnin' just as fast as they can
'Coz every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

--------------
All that song needs is Diamond Dave doing a back-track "that suit is youuuu...how do you dooooo" bit and it would be ready to go for the big Eddie showwww.

[gslinger]

I'm in fighting shape & ready for this 4 month Van Spammy Tour!! I even just finished a movie role where I played "death warmed over". My best friends Johnny Red and Johnny Black loved my acting part!

[gslinger]

“Pistttt......Hey you guys don’t tell anyone I am giving away 1,000 of tickets for each show, so the place will look at least ½ full when we play”

[gslinger]

“As you can see, I am a perfect picture of health, that David Lee Roth could only dream of”

[gslinger]

“Ummmmm, damn, ummmm how do you play a C Chord…..more importantly…what year is it?”

[gslinger]

“It’s About Time”…yeah right, we wrote that song for our new younger joining fan members. Here is one now ............

[gslinger]

Oh, ammm here's fan member

[gslinger]

NBC Nightly News, Live Interview with Tom Brokaw – “You got it Tom….as soon as I finish this stinking Tour, and clean the last penny out of my ingrate fans, I’m joining the Smashing Pumpkins as a backup Jews-Harp player………

Look Tommy boy, no more f—king questions, its been 20 seconds since I had a cigarette. Billy will answer the rest of your shit, I’m controlling all his strings back here anyway…………

[gslinger]

“You think all my fans will get off my ass, if I pretend I am pissed off at me too!”

[gslinger]

“Hey Ryan, you really think if we keep cruising the airport in my Slash disguise, that I might finally get to sign an autograph?......I’ve been sooo lonely without any fans”

[gslinger]

Nooo it’s not a cigarette jerk. It’s some growth that grew from what was left of my tongue after the docs cut the cancer out!

[gslinger]

Stoned? …How’s Stoned!…I’m working on my Angus Young look to see if AC/DC will pick me up as a third guitarist! They’ve sold 20 million albums more than we have anyway.

[gslinger]

The last time Van Halen received a vigorous and rousing standing ovation:

1996 MTV Video Music Awards when David Lee Roth took the stage.

[gslinger]

The next time Van Halen receives a vigorous and rousing standing ovation:

2004 Van Halen Reunion Tour when David Lee Roth takes the stage to stop the massive $10 of millions financial loss being sustained by the Tour's promotors and the Tour's record label (1)

(1) Who have control decisions for this Tour, not members of Van Halen.

[lms]

he he

[Mezro]

Originally posted by gslinger
As reported in the Kamanawanalayu Times today, Eddie Van Halen is ready for the new Tour and is confident he will give the fans a show they will never forget.

A whore is always ready to hustle for a quick buck.

Mezro...betting Ed will not make it through the whole tour

[gslinger]

Sir Eddie’s brillant performance at the Peavey Booth - NAMM 2003

Article
-------
http://www.knac.com/article.asp?ArticleID=1796

Pictures:
---------

Sir Eddie in all his glory!

----------------------

I was at the Peavey booth at NAMM when Sir Eddie made a totally f--king ass of himself...and I am a huge Eddie fan since I first saw VH play one night in 1977.

Everyone there was totally, jaw on the floor, shocked by EVH's behavior (and smell!) with Peavey reps and top brass so mad there were about to explode. I have said it before on this forum, Spammy is not the problem here, Eddie is!!

[gslinger]

Peavey Dumps Eddie - See Here:

http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showt...&threadid=5671

[gslinger]

Welllllllllll Eddie................

[rustoffa]

There's Kilroy!!!!!!

[Hummarstra]

Gslinger, you're killin' with that shit!!!! LMFAO!!

[bru87tr]

boy, and people say DLR looks bad. I dont know how!

Ed looks a million times older than DLR. Ed looks about 65 years old!

Dave looks damn good for his age and still in the same shape he was back in the 80's.

Ed looks terrible.

[DavidLeeNatra]

"washed up" is still a compliment for ed's condition...

[street_lethal]

I don't think Roth looks too good either. He stayed in shape but he looks like Neil Diamond/Sting with straw hair now.

Eddie and Dave were a good team both lost something when they split up.

Dave hasn't written anything that's on par with old VH and neither has Eddie.

[guwapo_rocker]

Dave hasn't written anything that's on par with old VH

EEAS!!
'Nuff said newbie!!:fucku2:

[street_lethal]

Originally posted by guwapo_rocker
EEAS!!
'Nuff said newbie!!:fucku2:

Name one tune that Roth recorded on his solo records that is as good as Mean street, I'm The One, Outta Love Again, Everybody Wants Some, Little Guitars, Push Comes To Shove, Girl Gone Bad, Drop Dead legs, Somebody Get Me a Doctor, ..etc..it goes on and on. Best solo album Roth ever did was Eat 'Em and Smile in my opinion. And I don't think the best tunes off that album were as good as the best tunes off any of the VH albums. Even Roth himself complained about Vai's songwriting. Skyscraper was crap, it was let's let Steve mix Zappa with Roth and see if it works. Just like Paradise was a commercial tune but was uber pussy sounding. The best thing about that album was the mix.

Only album worth a shit that Dave has recorded since Eat 'Em and Smile was A Lil' ain't Enough. Every album he has recorded since that album was a piece of shit in my opinion. Now he's redoing Steve Miller tunes? WTF?

Dave is famous for his time with VH and will be remembered for his time with VH. Anybody who thinks otherwise is a idiot of mammoth proportions. If Dave played no VH tunes in his current tours, nobody would go see him.

In fact I challenge Dave to just put a set list together of just his solo shit and see who would show up. Crickets. He would have to play every fucking tune off of Eat 'Em and Smile to make the 6 people there happy.

I've been a VH fan for over twenty years so I respect Dave and Eddie for the music they created together. No i'm not a Hagar fan, in fact his voice annoys the shit out of me but i'm not going to kid myself into thinking anything they did seperately is as good as the stuff they created together.

In the end it's all a matter of opinion anyway.

You can stick your middle finger up your ass now.

[guwapo_rocker]

You can stick your middle finger up your ass now.

Yankee Rose...Hot Dog and a shake...Shyboy.....A Lil' Ain't enough....
Goin Crazy..........
Suck my dick Mr. 3 posts!!!

[ELVIS]

Ouch

[street_lethal]

Originally posted by guwapo_rocker
Yankee Rose...Hot Dog and a shake...Shyboy.....A Lil' Ain't enough....
Goin Crazy..........
Suck my dick Mr. 3 posts!!!

If you believe the tunes you listed are as good as the ones I listed from VH than do another line. Please.

That's not even worth responding to.

[DavidLeeNatra]

hey chris...new alias? how many are there to come?

(and this is my 1000st post)

[classicdude]

Originally posted by gslinger
I'm in fighting shape & ready for this 4 month Van Spammy Tour!! I even just finished a movie role where I played "death warmed over". My best friends Johnny Red and Johnny Black loved my acting part!

LMAO!! Hilarious - looks like George Carlin just crawled out of the drunk tank at the county jail after spending a night or two...

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by street_lethal
I've been a VH fan for over twenty years so I respect Dave and Eddie for the music they created together. No i'm not a Hagar fan, in fact his voice annoys the shit out of me but i'm not going to kid myself into thinking anything they did seperately is as good as the stuff they created together.

In the end it's all a matter of opinion anyway.

You can stick your middle finger up your ass now.

Look at the sign...it doesn't say the "Dave and Eddie Army". If you wanna wax philosophical on weight carrying or DLR solo efforts (btw, you didn't even mention the DLR Band record) just go the fuck over to the goddamned links. Look at the goddamned sign and shut the FUCK up.

[street_lethal]

Originally posted by rustoffa
Look at the sign...it doesn't say the "Dave and Eddie Army". If you wanna wax philosophical on weight carrying or DLR solo efforts (btw, you didn't even mention the DLR Band record) just go the fuck over to the goddamned links. Look at the goddamned sign and shut the FUCK up.

Look at the name of this forum ...Main VH/DLR Discussion....

Now, please, shut the FUCK up.

There's a reason I didn't mention the DLR band record, it's not worth mentioning.

[madraoul]

Originally posted by street_lethal
Look at the name of this forum ...Main VH/DLR Discussion....

Now, please, shut the FUCK up.

There's a reason I didn't mention the DLR band record, it's not worth mentioning.

Is everyone on Mars as musically astute as you are? Is it true your ears are made of tin? Why did you download Hagarita's brain? Are the reports true about your kind parading in front of the mirror while wearing red jump suits and screeching out the lyrics to "Plain
Jane?" Are you not going to leave earth until Hagarita and the Drunk Dutchmen have Journey-like success?

Morbo demands answers!!!!!!!!

[street_lethal]

Originally posted by madraoul
Is everyone on Mars as musically astute as you are? Is it true your ears are made of tin? Why did you download Hagarita's brain? Are the reports true about your kind parading in front of the mirror while wearing red jump suits and screeching out the lyrics to "Plain
Jane?" Are you not going to leave earth until Hagarita and the Drunk Dutchmen have Journey-like success?

Morbo demands answers!!!!!!!!

I have no idea and don't care about WTF you're talking about.

Take another hit off the bong.

Main VH/DLR Discussion

[madraoul]

Is everyone on Mars as witty as you are? By the way, how do you "march to Mars?"

[pete]

Originally posted by madraoul
Is everyone on Mars as witty as you are? By the way, how do you "march to Mars?"

Oh NO!!!

This guy is good!

ROFLMAO