Open letter to Alcohol.

**twonabomber** · 11-12-2009, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by Shoes, Sensible

Ah this shit came from therapy didn't it. Subtle humor won't work - I'm still getting shitfaced when I want to. And just to prove that point, I'm going to go make some lovely vodka thing suitable for early afternoon.

is that bottle of Jack still in the van?

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-12-2009, 07:58 AM

Long gone, babe.

**ELVIS** · 11-12-2009, 08:09 AM

Originally Posted by Shoes, Sensible

Sorry to open a can of worms. Sore subject right now. And no, I'm not an alcoholic.

Hmmm...

You sure about that ??

Nothing wrong or suprising about it, and i'm not trying to be an a-hole...

**ELVIS** · 11-12-2009, 08:11 AM

BTW, i've NEVER met anyone who likes to, or get's "shitfaced" that isn't an alcoholic...

**Seshmeister** · 11-12-2009, 09:35 AM

Define shitfaced...

**Golden AWe** · 11-12-2009, 09:52 AM

I had to quit drinking again. I've been only drinking on weekends during the summer, but with my epilepsy pills my liver blood rates are getting bad again...this also happened to me when I started taking the medicine ~4 years ago, back then I was not drunk for 8 months or so, then started to drink only on special occasions.

Now last summer, this year, the funny thing is, I only drank for "a good reason" during the summer, weddings, babies being born, someone's new home, birthdays. Too bad there's a "good reason" all the time! So, only a glass of wine or a shot of vodka a day are allowed now.

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-12-2009, 10:56 AM

Originally Posted by ELVIS

Hmmm...

You sure about that ??

Nothing wrong or suprising about it, and i'm not trying to be an a-hole...

Yes I'm sure. I can't have more than 2 drinks or I get sick drunk because of medication I'm taking - and I hate vomiting worse than anything on the planet. If I have a drink more than twice a week, something's wrong. I didn't inherit the genes. Also WAY too freaked out about DUI

**sonrisa salvaje** · 11-12-2009, 12:12 PM

Originally Posted by Seshmeister

Define shitfaced...

I'll do it. I used to throw these massive parties. I would go to the back and strip down to nothing but my under shorts. I would hang my private out of the hole in the front and then go shake hands and greet guests as if nothing was unusual.

**jharp84** · 11-12-2009, 12:17 PM

I best keep my "trap" shut on this thread!

**standin** · 11-12-2009, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by sonrisa salvaje

I'll do it. I used to throw these massive parties. I would go to the back and strip down to nothing but my under shorts. I would hang my private out of the hole in the front and then go shake hands and greet guests as if nothing was unusual.

Oh, that is just odd behavior....

Shit faced...

Taking the couch outside to be comfortable while "safety watching" the over-sized bonfire created that night and waking with dew on ya the next morning, then stoking the fire for fresh flames.

**standin** · 11-12-2009, 01:06 PM

Originally Posted by FORD

Beer is made from grain. Chickens eat grain. Seems like a natural fit when you think about it.

Probably doesn't take much to get them shit-beaked either, since chickens don't have a whole hell of a lot upstairs to begin with.

I had not thought of that..
Chickens can be cool pets....
Chicken Jokes!!!!!

Chicken and the Egg

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... Well, I guess we finally answered "THAT question!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chicken and the Horse

Once upon a time there was a horse and a chicken who were good friends. They lived on a farmyard with lots of other animals and were very happy. One day, while they were playing near the farm's pond, the horse stepped into a hole of quicksand. The horse rapidly sank and was yelling for his friend, the chicken, to save him. The chicken thought for a minute, then ran back to the farmhouse, and jumped into the farmer's 735csi BMW. Luckily, the keys were in the ignition, and the chicken managed to start the car, and put it in gear. It raced over to the sinkhole, where the horse had almost disappeared by now. The smart chicken tied a rope around the back of the BMW and threw the other end around the front legs of the horse. The chicken hopped back in the driver's seat and stepped on the gas. Ever so slowly, the horse eased out of the quicksand and jumped to safety. The horse, still on shaky legs, stuttered: "You just saved my life. Thank you!" The chicken just said, "Don't mention it - That's what friends are for!!" They returned the BMW and went out to dinner together in the barn yard.
A few days later, the horse got up from a good night's rest, and heard some muffled cries for help coming from the backyard. The horse followed the sounds and came upon a terrible scene. There was his best friend, the chicken, stuck in a hole of quicksand! The sand was already up to its neck-feathers and the cries for help had almost stopped. The horse took a quick look around: No rope in sight And the farmer had gone to town with his BMW. What to do? The horse took a deep breath and spread his body and legs out over the hole. His member was dangling down right above the poor chicken. "Here, my friend, grab my thingie and I will pull you to safety!". With its last bit of energy, the chicken grabbed a hold of the big horse-thingie and the horse straightened its body, pulling the chicken from its trap. With one big step, both were on solid ground and safe. The chicken slumped down on the ground, exhausted: "Now You saved my life, my friend!!" The horse just smiled. And what is the moral of this story? ... If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That said....

I wonder if the squirrels would like a bit of hazelnut liqueur on occaision?

**ELVIS** · 11-12-2009, 02:09 PM

Chicken make lousy house pet!

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-12-2009, 06:59 PM

Originally Posted by Imapus_Sylicker

True, true.

A thread is born to be derailed. You start a subject, and everyone else has its way with it. It's the grand scheme of things, and what makes it worthwhile to start a thread in the first place.

I'm actually serious.

Cheers! :bottle:

Yeah somebody derailed my Swedish Tribute band thread and nobody ever even LOOKED at it. Guy looks so much like Roth it's spooky and doesn't sound bad either. Oh well.

Oh wait - am I derailing this thread????

**FORD** · 11-13-2009, 02:55 AM

Originally Posted by ELVIS

Chicken make lousy house pet!

Unless it's a rooster and you're using him as a "natural alarm clock".

I actually had a neighbor with a rooster a few years back - within city limits, no less. And I swear the goddamn bird was blind, because he would fucking crow in the middle of the night.

**ELVIS** · 11-13-2009, 07:58 AM

My baby's house is across the street from some Vietnamese folks who raise chickens and have well over 50 roosters...

It's kinda nice to hear in the early morning once you get used to it...

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 08:35 AM

Originally Posted by FORD

Unless it's a rooster and you're using him as a "natural alarm clock".

I actually had a neighbor with a rooster a few years back - within city limits, no less. And I swear the goddamn bird was blind, because he would fucking crow in the middle of the night.

He was a watchcock.

**ELVIS** · 11-13-2009, 08:42 AM

It is in the middle of the night for most people...

The roosters start way before 5am...

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 08:54 AM

......watch....COCK.......

Sigh.

**ELVIS** · 11-13-2009, 08:58 AM

I'm sure you like it...

At least, I hope so...

**Seshmeister** · 11-13-2009, 09:05 AM

All this talk reminds me of my Holy Shit cock troll.

hitchWORLD1969© Discussion Forums - Operation Holy Shit!

**TAKIN WHISKEY** · 11-13-2009, 11:07 AM

Heineken, Makers, Patron. Yes sir!

**standin** · 11-13-2009, 11:17 AM

I didn't know you kept birds as house pets Elvis. Most large birds require some sort of aviary if you are going to keep them inside. One of the coolest pet chickens I met was a rooster. He had wondered up to a friends house after a hurricane. My friend lived in town. The rooster never left after wondering there. He roosted the first evening in the laundry room and that became his aviary. It was right off of the back door leading to the back yard. He was not cooped, he just never left and would come in get up on his little area and watch. If you scratched his head he would be a friend for life.

We, my family, also had a banny hen and rooster for pets. They were not as cool as that one rooster. And we had 2 tom turkeys, name Christmas and Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving took to flying. One night down the block or so at a small watering hole. One of the guys came out and Thanksgiving was on top of his Cadillac. Not being from there, he went back in and told the bartender in disbelief and kinda shook up. The guy had bit of a buzz. Everybody kinda laughed at him. The bar patrons went outside gathered up Thanksgiving brought him inside, sat him on the bar and fed him drinks. Dad wandered in later that evening and there was Thanksgiving sitting on the barstool having cocktails. Thanksgiving never went back to the bar. He must have gotten a hangover and decided that was not a good feeding place.

I also knew this lady that kept a pet duck in the French Quarter. She literally would take him for a walk. Both she and her duck was pretty cool.

As for birds as pets, I have only had one of these.

Toni was his name. He had quite an attitude and a bit of a bully. His favorite treat was coffee beans.

He was great. He kept his aviary very clean. He would march down his cage exit ramp and poo in the waste basket. He learned that on his own. I was impressed.

**standin** · 11-13-2009, 11:22 AM

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 12:12 PM

Better version.

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**Nitro Express** · 11-13-2009, 12:56 PM

My dog will steal my beer. If you leave an open beer around that dog will tip it over and start lapping it up. If you have pizza and beer, this dog will shadow you, observing for the slightest mistake and then she moves in to steal your pizza and beer.

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 12:58 PM

Mine are scotch drinkers.

**Nitro Express** · 11-13-2009, 01:01 PM

Don't try and drive the tractor drunk.

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**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 01:08 PM

Dear Alcohol - don't ever let me look like this

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**standin** · 11-13-2009, 01:24 PM

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 01:35 PM

This drunk woman on the tracks was here - we've been watching it all week - she admitted she had a few too many and says she's now quit drinking. Jesus Christ. Make sure you catch the part where she touches the third rail with her foot - knocks her out.

**standin** · 11-13-2009, 01:38 PM

That is a scary video.

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by Seshmeister

You gave up far too quickly Sesh - My goodness. Not like you.

**Sensible Shoes** · 11-13-2009, 03:44 PM

The video portion of this is good enough to make its own thread.

**Seshmeister** · 11-13-2009, 09:26 PM

Originally Posted by Shoes, Sensible

You gave up far too quickly Sesh - My goodness. Not like you.

Poor organization I'm afraid.

There were more posts there and I had a couple of priests saying cock all over the place but I forgot to save them and then a couple of days later everything had been deleted.

Someone at the priest site must have realized it was a troll.

**Panamark** · 11-14-2009, 11:19 AM

I think "shitfaced" comes from where you are so drunk, you end up
with your head down the shitter for the rest of the night ???

As Dean Martin once quoted:

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink.
They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day."

What happens when you hate feeling "normal" ???
Do you live your life in misery until you are old and senile ???
Or do you enjoy a drink, and knock those ten years off your life
when your senility and old age illnesses becomes a burden to society ???

(And enjoy your life more ???)

Im a hyper fuck. I need to slow down. Alcohol is one thing that helps.

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