the Whizzinator

[Mushroom]

I have a cool job opportunity which is why I need to take a piss test. I've been smoking joints and taking bong hits for 20 years. mary juana, and very good stuff at that. I need to take a drug exam to get this job. what is the best product out on the market? I refuse to carry anything physical like a bag of urine or a strap-on contraption. any suggestsions for supplements? any to avoid? thanks

see kids, another good reason to say no to drugs!

[kwame k]

Most of the supplements are useless.....Creatinine levels that are low usually indicate you've taken something to beat a drug test. Although, low levels are common for vegetarians.

Pot can stay in your system for months, depending on body fat and other things......

Quit now, drink a shit ton of water and buy one of the self testing kits.....if your fail that, take someone else's pee.

I've heard of too many things that work and have also heard the exact opposite. I'd never risk a job over "urban myths" or clean out kits.

[thome]

I have a cool job opportunity which is why I need to take a piss test. I've been smoking joints and taking bong hits for 20 years. mary juana, and very good stuff at that. I need to take a drug exam to get this job. what is the best product out on the market? I refuse to carry anything physical like a bag of urine or a strap-on contraption. any suggestsions for supplements? any to avoid? thanks

see kids, another good reason to say no to drugs!

They The Them That Would Be The They ...test for anything that masks drugs such as chemicles that show a masked -No Nothing- result.

That also means no job no pass no 200$.

You say, hey you didin't find drugs, they say take the test again and on and on and on...

Here is a real important test result that I alone understand .


I have found this thru years and tens of thousands of government dollars for research.

Billions of scientist from different more "Advanced" worlds that I ALONE!! recruited for this most important of hypothysis.

Ok here it is..... this takes real comprehension...this is M.I.T. TYPE INFO!!!!!

I don't know if I should lay this heavy stuff on the people of this world...?

Ok whew *wipes brow riddled with sweat*.....

If you want to work for a company that requires you to take a drug test to deterrmine your ability to work for them...here it is....stop taking drugs...


YES !!!! I layed it DOWN!!!!....whew lots of smarts going into that answer I hope you are worthy.


Ok here is the best part whew *wipes brow again*...If you want to continue taking drugs that some companies screen for as a determining factor of your eligebility to work there....work for some else who doesn't......

OMG!!! I DID IT!!!! The Knowlege that went into these asweres is amazingly complex..


*signs the cross * ...Go in peace my son, I must rest now.....

[kwame k]

Oh yeah.....sweat like a motherfucker, too. Sauna or anything to sweat as much as possible......it cleanses the tissues that store THC.

[Doctor Dude]

Do the things Kwame mentioned, and on the day of the test they will usually ask if you're taking any medications. Tell them you have been using an over the counter cough medication such as NyQuil. My buddy swears by this, he's never failed a drug test and he rocks the ganja like a mofo.

Good luck.

[thome]

No.... here is a better system; when presented with the consent form to be tested, tell your ex future employer that never was..... to SUKKIT!!.

The constitution has no provision for the giving up of personal information of that level.


If you are willing to piss in a bucket while the HR pervert scopes your cock and technique, you should also be the kind of pansie who would work for the nazis that request it.

Then the 10$ Question: when you get busted later when they catch you with a dirty UA.

Who are you going to bitch about at the bar later that night. The nazis you used to work for or yourself for working with the nazis and not beign smart enough to comply with the provision they stated at time of employment..?

FIGHT THE POWER!

[kwame k]

Do the things Kwame mentioned, and on the day of the test they will usually ask if you're taking any medications. Tell them you have been using an over the counter cough medication such as NyQuil. My buddy swears by this, he's never failed a drug test and he rocks the ganja like a mofo.

Good luck.

The only thing I'd say about the over the counter thing is......some of that shit they make meth out of. Ever notice you can't buy certain ones off the rack, you have to get it from them behind the counter.

[thome]

No here is a better system..

1. Completely shave youself bald assed and get a brazilian wax of your ass, so they cannot get a hair sample that can identify everything you have eaten or taken as long as your hair has been growing.

2. Drink a raw herbal green tea powder colon cleanser everyday, can be purchased at GNC, that blows everything inside you out your ass with hurricane velocity.

3. Work out non stop "create lots of sweat" to the point that you become obsessed with 0% body fat that stores THC and other drugs.

Here is how you do it, spend all day shoving Tea hay in your mouth while sitting on the toilet and working out with a soloflex attatched to the back of your crapper.

You will be one gett'n over mf'r...

[hambon4lif]

The only thing I'd say about the over the counter thing is......some of that shit they make meth out of. Ever notice you can't buy certain ones off the rack, you have to get it from them behind the counter.

That would be Sudafed with ephedrine. Now they have a limit to how many packs a person can buy at one time. You can't buy them by the case anymore.

....I'm almost ashamed of the fact that I even know that!

[kwame k]

Wonder if I should ruin Thome's day and tell him that they do in fact test to see if people sniff glue and huff paint


Nah.......

[kwame k]

That would be Sudafed with ephedrine. Now they have a limit to how many packs a person can buy at one time. You can't buy them by the case anymore.

....I'm almost ashamed of the fact that I even know that!

No shame in admitting that, Ham.......as long as you don't mix it with Smoking Loon you're alright

Wow, I remember when ephedrine was all the rage for dieting and as a legal speed.......

[thome]

Here is a better system go buy a big rubber dick and drill a hole in it and then get a clean person to piss in a syringe for you then get the syringe to a certain temp then insert the syringe in the base of the dildo shove it all in your pants go piss infront of HR dude then you win.

...there could be a few perks besides keeping your 9$ a hr job.. you may get a date from HR dude due to your impressiveness or you can simply shove the rubber dick up your ass...win win..

[hambon4lif]

I'm more of a weed person myself. I'm wired differently than other folks, they take a certain ammount of tokes to get stoned, and I have to take a certain ammount of tokes just to get 'normal'.

While we're on that subject....
Mushroom...prior to your test, GNC has the best 24-hour cleansing solutions. They're a little pricey ($45 a bottle) but they absolutely work. Along with that? Cranberry juice....tons of it. To the point where you can't stand the fuckin' taste of it any more...and then a bit more.
And as mentioned before, sweat it out! By sauna, or by sitting in your bathroom with the hot water cranked full-blast in your shower, and just sitting in the steam. When the pores are fully opened, the toxins will flow right out.
Last time I did this, it was at the same time I had quit smoking cigarettes, and I could actually smell the nicotine exiting through my pores.

My suggestion is a combination of all three. I used to work in a place where all employees were subjected to random drug testing, and often were, and I've never failed one yet.
That's my 2 cents.

[Nitro Express]

Ever notice after you eat Sugar Smacks cereal you piss smells like Sugar Smacks.

[Nitro Express]

I remember when I was 12 and got really drunk for the first time. All that clear piss amazed me.

[Doctor Dude]

Ever notice after you eat Sugar Smacks cereal you piss smells like Sugar Smacks.

I often thought the same thing about honey nut cheerios, malt liquor had the same smell too.

[tojoro]

Then why does my pee smell like asparagus, when I don't even eat the stuff?

[sadaist]

I remember when I was 12 and got really drunk for the first time. All that clear piss amazed me.

And right there is the answer!

Many friends of mine have passed the same way. They used one of the marijuana cleansing kits found at head shops. Followed instructions by the book. However, the day of the test, they had a friend drive them to & from. The drank as much watery beer as they could the day of the test. They were shitfaced, but they were peeing very quickly, often, and clear. They passed the drug test. YES, they were legally drunk at the time, but they passed..


Don't use something like Sierra Nevada or especially Guinness types. You won't be able to drink enough to do it. More along the lines of a Coors Light.

[kwame k]

...showing up plastered for a piss test.....that's a new one.

They don't test for alcohol?

[chefcraig]

The kits available at Whole Foods are the most reliable out there. Like everything else at the store, these products can be costly (anywhere from twenty bucks up to seventy in some cases). Basically, these cleansing kits are pretty much all the same. You'll get some teabags for brewing up around a gallon and a half of herbal tea, along with some vitamins. You'll need to time things just right, so you'll be able to go at the right time and have any measure of success.

These are for piss tests, but there is a product that has recently become available for hair tests. It's a shampoo called Ultra Clean, made by an outfit called ZYDOT. I have not heard much about how reliable the stuff is, so I'm pretty skeptical about it. For that matter, there is also a chewable tablet available for surprise tests. It's called Q Clean Chewable, and features a money back guarantee.

Your best bet is to stop smoking at least a week before the test. This will not remove much of the trace evidence, as you've admitted to smoking for some twenty years. But it will increase your chances. Having needed to resort to these measures myself in the past, I can tell you that the kits do work. Follow the package instructions to the letter, and as I said above, try to plan out and time your attack.

Best of luck to ya.

[Mushroom]

thanks for the input everybody. I'll give Thome a gold star for his creative writing. I still have to get through the interview on Thursday. that's the easy part! I'll plan accordingly, and put away the billabong for a while. I'm confident it will all work out!

[kwame k]

thanks for the input everybody. I'll give Thome a gold star for his creative writing. I still have to get through the interview on Thursday. that's the easy part! I'll plan accordingly, and put away the billabong for a while. I'm confident it will all work out!

Good luck, bro.....hope you get it

[ODShowtime]

Don't listen to all this BS. A few posters above are correct, but there is some bullshit up there. Really the only thing that works is water and time. How much and how often you smoke, how fat you are and how often you exercise will affect the time. If you drink too much water, you'll dilute the test and have to come back.

If you are going for a normal civilian job, they will most likely send you to a commercial lab where the techs don't give a shit. Keep a bottle of Urine Luck in your pocket and when you pee behind a closed door you perform the substitution. They don't pat you down or watch. Keeping it the right temp is easy.

I've heard rare stories of pre-employment screenings being held on-site, but that's mostly for really large organizations with clinics on campus. I can tell you from personal experience that I've had repeated success with this method.

read up here:

Urine Testing - Marijuana.com

Drug screens on jobs that shouldn't require them (unlike jobs such as pilots, cops, etc) are a violation of the Constitution and there is nothing wrong with negating them.

[LoungeMachine]

The kits available at Whole Foods are the most reliable out there. Like everything else at the store, ....]

imported from China?

Whole Foods = The New Wal-Mart

[LoungeMachine]

If you want to work for a company that requires you to take a drug test to deterrmine your ability to work for them...here it is....stop taking drugs...

.....

Better yet......

Don't bother applying for ANY company that would require this sort of invasion in the FIRST place...



Just what kind of corporate atmosphere are you getting yourself into anyway?

fuck that.

[Seshmeister]

These are for piss tests, but there is a product that has recently become available for hair tests. It's a shampoo called Ultra Clean, made by an outfit called ZYDOT. I have not heard much about how reliable the stuff is, so I'm pretty skeptical about it.

I was about to post that the shampoo must be snake oil but it actually it looks as though it may work - at least some of the time.

Methods To Beat A Hair Drug Test

[Mushroom]

Better yet......

Don't bother applying for ANY company that would require this sort of invasion in the FIRST place...



Just what kind of corporate atmosphere are you getting yourself into anyway?

fuck that.

In my case, the opportunity to manage a division within a geothermal energy company, and travel the world sounds appealing.

I do not look at this as an invasion of my privacy. I'm applying to work for somebody's company, they can run it however they want.

[standin]

Many companies do not get to choose if or if not to drug test. The insurance companies require it.

Not all corporate cultures even the very high security and high volume subscribe to anything more than least needed for insurance and regulation. The testing you experience will tell you how the culture of that section of that corporation is.

[LoungeMachine]

In my case, the opportunity to manage a division within a geothermal energy company, and travel the world sounds appealing.

I do not look at this as an invasion of my privacy. I'm applying to work for somebody's company, they can run it however they want.

Well then....

Guess you should have laid off the bong ....

[ELVIS]

Exactly...

[standin]

Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee.
of a clean test.

[chefcraig]

Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee.
of a clean test.

How would you know this?

[kwame k]

'cause she has a prescription?

[LoungeMachine]

Abstinence is the only 100% guarantee.
of a clean test.

wrong.



Second hand smoke will show up as well......

[LoungeMachine]

'cause she has a prescription?

One of many, many.......



My money says she rattles when she walks.

[standin]

How would you know this?

I reckoned if you do not smoke weed, you do not test positive for weed.
They ain’t asking if he has had legal weed, they testing for any weed.
He could have just returned from a trip to Amsterdam.

[chefcraig]

I reckoned if you do not smoke weed, you do not test positive for weed.
They ain’t asking if he has had legal weed, they testing for any weed.
He could have just returned from a trip to Amsterdam.

Nope. Eating a poppy seeded bagel can result in a positive test. Witness how many grandmothers have tested positive for pot use, that have never even seen a joint in their entire lives.

[standin]

wrong.



Second hand smoke will show up as well......

Partially correct.

I have been throughly briefed on exactly what the tests could and could not "do."

One would need to be in a heavily weed smoked filled room. A casual encounter of brief smoke will not show on the test. You actually kind of have to smoke it. If the room is smoky enough to get you high, you are smoking it second hand or not.

Walking into a smoke filled room and turning around and leaving will not test positive. Walking in staying and getting a "contact high", you are smoking it, indirectly. Pee will test positive.

[LoungeMachine]

Thank you for saying exactly what I said, but taking three paragraphs to do so.....



YOUR assertion that abstinence was a 100% failsafe was INCORRECT, however....

[standin]

Change words to consume
Nit pik all you want, still the same.
Don't eat,drink or smoke drugs that are to be tested for and you will not test positive for drugs.

Poppy seeds are the seed from the plant that makes opium.