This guy gets it.

[Unchainme]

Kurt Cobain killed rock and roll. He was a master songwriter and his band kicked a lot of fucking ass, but he still killed rock and roll. You see, Kurt Cobain made it okay for rock stars to be insecure, and to get in touch with their inner feelings. Which is a good thing, as long as the people doing that sort of thing are as talented as Kurt Cobain. And they aren’t. They so fucking aren’t, I want to mainline formaldehyde right into my system. Take a look at these dipshits:



This is the “rock” band Good Charlotte. These guys are fucking terrible. Simply looking at them makes you a lamer person. Tilted cap? Check. Spiked hair? Check. Lip ring? Check. Completely inane finger tattoos? Check. An alto for a lead singer? Check. Take a good look, parents of the world, because your kids will one day end up listening to the shitheaded output of this band, or some other Douche Rock band like it. That whole Israel/Lebanon scrape is mere appetizer to this battle.

If you want to teach your children about how to properly rock, you must ingrain in them the DFF Principle, which states that rock ‘n’ roll can only be considered truly rocking if it’s about the following three things:

-Drinking
-Fighting
-Fornicating

That’s the list. I make absolutely no exceptions to this, unless the song happens to be about ancient dragons, three-headed Satanic dogs, or some other crazy ass fantasy shit. Cocaine and other drugs can also be substituted for drinking, so long as you’re glorifying their use. But if you’re singing about your girlfriend who dumped you, you’re just James Taylor with a wallet chain. If you’re singing about world peace, you’re fucking Bono and you’ve stopped trying to make interesting music. You are not rocking.

The very term “rock and roll” was originally just another name for screwing. It’s inherently not rocking to get away from that. If you want to be a real ass rock star, you better be getting fucked up, fucking someone, or fucking someone up. I read about the band AFI the other day. Two of the members of that group are vegans. The lead singer of the Killers is Mormon. This is bullshit. I won’t stand for it. I’m a married man living with two females, and I demand rock stars that I can live vicariously through. Badass motherfuckers like Josh Homme, and James Hetfield (80’s James Hetfield, not the shell of a man you see today), and Slash. Would Slash write a song about how much he missed his dead mother? Hell no.

That’s what rock stars are supposed to be: selfish pricks with no regard for anything except their own vices. You know who does that now? Hip hop stars. All the cool shit about rock moved over to hip hop ten years ago, and rock has done nothing about it. Jay-Z is a badass motherfucker. I bet he could kill the dipshit from New Found Glory with his bare hands, or have an underling do it for him. That’s why hip hop rules the charts now. Oh, girls may say they love a sensitive guy, but what they really want to do is hang out at Big Boi’s house, get sloshed on Kool-Aid and vodka, smoke high-potency weed, dance on the stripper pole in the bedroom, get dogged by a crew member, and then get shown the door at 4AM. You won’t be seeing Coldplay treating women so poorly, and that’s why Coldplay sucks. We need rock stars that are willing to degrade themselves and everyone else around them.

That’s what I want my child to aspire to. Not this whiny ass “Wah! I was abused!” crap. If you had a rotten childhood and want to turn to music for salvation, you need to put up a completely false front of arrogance and compensate for your sadness by banging oceans of groupies and snorting untold amounts of cocaine. That’s being sweet. Anything less is being James Blunt. Screw you, you limey bastard. I want Lemmy from Motorhead to drive his Harley right over your underused penis.

And none of this indie rock shit, either. Oh, the Shins changed your life? Well then, your life needs more grain alcohol. I do not abide by Death Cab for Cutie, or Modest Mouse, or any other weakly-named record store clerk wet dream band. Those bands have shitty names. Real rock bands are named Thunderballs, or Love Pump, or Pussy Patrol. Death Cab for Cutie? That’s fucking refrigerator poetry.

The real problem is that there’s nothing on the horizon to suggest a turnaround. We’ve created a culture of mass douchebaggery, and this crap music is the end result of it. And to think I'm going to be called lame by my daughter for liking AC/DC. Are you fucking kidding me? This world is bullshit.

So kiss my ass, Kurt Cobain. I hope Courtney Love manages to find you again in the afterlife.

http://fatherknowsshit.blogspot.com/

[Anonymous]

Indeed he does. The above is an EXCELLENT piece of writing & an astounding take on the state of music today.

But THIS one... this one spoke RIGHT TO MY HEART!

EVERY little detail of it. It's like I was dictating this shit to the motherfucker, point by point. Except for the zucchini.
__________________________________________________

Midnight Questions And The Evil That Men Do

I do not get to sleep easily. In order to fall asleep, I have to do a few things. First off, I must have an orgasm in some way, shape or form. No problem. I can take care of that in two minutes flat. Second, I have to get whatever song lodged inside my head to go away. This is a fucking horrendous task, especially if I’ve been to Target that day and forced to listen to “Baby, Baby” by Amy Grant at least three times.

Third, I have to clear my head of all thought. You would think this would be easy. I am not a deep thinker. There are lots of people who spend time thinking about God, or death, or the state of world affairs. I am not one of those people. Mrs. Drew will sometimes ask me, “What are you thinking?” and it’ll occur to me that I was thinking of absolutely nothing at all. “I got nothing,” I’ll tell her, and it’s the God’s honest truth. And even if I were thinking about something, that something is likely to be animal crackers.

Yet, when I lay down to sleep, suddenly my brain turns on full throttle. “Hey Drew, what if Metallica got their shit together and made a decent album for a change?” “Hey Drew, do you like fried zucchini? We should make some!” “Hey Drew, when do we get to drink next?” Fucking brain. I have to get all that residual shit out of there before I go to sleep. The only way I know I’m getting to sleep is when I start thinking about random shit, like unicorns, or a blonde Liza Minelli. Shit like that.

And that’s the place I had reached the other night. I was all ready to drift off to sleep, when Mrs. Drew suddenly asks me this:

“Hey, where do you think the mailman goes to pee?”

Are you fucking kidding me, woman? I’m trying to sleep here! You just set the process back a good half-an-hour! Now I have to go jerk off again! Where does the mailman piss? I don’t know! At a fucking Starbucks, like everyone else! Guhhhhh. Women are masters of the Midnight Question. Mrs. Drew doesn’t do it often, but every woman will happily spring a difficult question on you just as you’re about to hit the hay. They could have asked this question any other time during the day. But noooooo, it’s gotta come out at 11:59PM EST. “What should we make for dinner tomorrow?” “Do you think the baby can dream?” “What are you itching?” Dammit, dammit, dammit, no thinking! It’s sleepytime! I demand silence!

This also brings up two other funny things about Mrs. Drew. First, she’ll happily continue a conversation that I assume had ended three days earlier. Apropos of nothing, she’ll say, “So, I think we’ll go with the Rosy Peach.” Huh? What? Is that code or something? “The paint. For the dining room.” Well shit, where did that come from? I need this shit prefaced! I need to be briefed on the details of what we discussed before! That shit goes right out of my brain to make room for all the Amy Grant lyrics. You know that!

Second, Mrs. Drew will project the evils of other men onto me. This is a universal thing that women do. If any man anywhere does something horrible and shitty, they’ll automatically assume that you’re capable of the same thing. Here’s an example. The other night we watched “Match Point”. Good movie, not enough nakedness. Anyway, the dude in this flick (SPOILER) takes a mistress, knocks her up, and then offs her with a sawed-off shotgun. Sweet. Later that night, in bed, Mrs. Drew says to me, “Don’t you go getting a mistress, then getting her pregnant, then killing her.” Well, why the fuck would I do that? I can barely remember to make a sandwich for lunch at work. What makes you think I’m a murderous psychopath prone to infidelity, woman? All of that shit takes effort. And ambition. No thanks.

All I’d like to do is get some rest. And some fried zucchini.
__________________________________________________

Cheers! :bottle:

[tojoro]

Both manifestos were quite good. I've definitely had some experience with the second, but the first hit the nail on the head...but with a laser-guided smart-bomb, not a hammer!

[ELVIS]

The second one has nothing to do with anything and it's written by a dumbass...

[ThrillsNSpills]

A dumbass that was ousted by the dumbasses in his community for being a rambling bumbling buffoon.

[ELVIS]

Much like Imapus...

[Anonymous]

Much like Imapus...

Big E., we're friends, dude. I'd NEVER take away your hard-earned place as village idiot.

Cheers! :bottle:

[Hardrock69]

Dude knows his shit.

[Unchainme]

I just think that rock has really gotten neutered and watered down since cobain's death.

I mean the whole singing about feelings shit, that's Van Hagar level garbage, unless again, you actually have the talent to back it up, hence why Cobain can get away with it, while some douche bucket from Nickelback who grew up in the fucking suburbs sounds like a whining little shit that didn't get his fucking ice cream.

And this is the garbage that gets passed off as "rock n' roll" on stations is just safe, crybaby bullshit.

I want David Lee Roth chugging a bottle of whiskey on stage stammering on about how he fucked a guy's girlfriend, I want Steven Tyler singing about banging a chick in an elevator, and I want to see Axl Rose get pissed cuz some guy happened to take a picture of him and then punch him out. THAT'S Rock N' Roll my friends.

[chefcraig]

Rock and roll used to be about characters, particularly unhinged ones. Case in point, Keith Moon...

[FORD]

Blaming Kurt Cobain for Nickelback or any of that shit is like blaming Van Halen for Poison and Slaughter.

Fact is, every era of music had a handful of good, original bands whose music stood up over time, and also every era had a bunch of pathetic shit wannabes whose music (even if it sounded good to you the day it was released) makes you embarrassed to say you own a copy a decade later.

Occasionally you get someone like Eddie Van Halen or Paul McCartney who managed to find themselves in BOTH categories, depending on which band they were in at the time.

[Unchainme]

Blaming Kurt Cobain for Nickelback or any of that shit is like blaming Van Halen for Poison and Slaughter.

Fact is, every era of music had a handful of good, original bands whose music stood up over time, and also every era had a bunch of pathetic shit wannabes whose music (even if it sounded good to you the day it was released) makes you embarrassed to say you own a copy a decade later.

Occasionally you get someone like Eddie Van Halen or Paul McCartney who managed to find themselves in BOTH categories, depending on which band they were in at the time.

Not really Cobain's fault, but it was just like a domino effect in a way to me, killing off the shit hair metal was a good thing, it allowed a lot of great bands to break through to a more mainstream audience (Alice In Chains, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, the Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, and Winger ), a shot in the arm was most definitely needed for that time, but after he died it sort of left a huge void in rock n' roll and the void was never filled, leaving it wide open for truly shitty music to dominate things.



I hold by that the 4 biggest events that have somewhat moved us into a rather lame point in music history are:

1.) Kurt Cobain getting killed by Courtney "the cunt" love
2.) Axl being a kaannnnnt by breaking up Guns N' Roses
3.) Biggie, Tupac and Eazy-E all dying off
4.) Van Halen's failed reunion in 1996.

Combine that with shit like Ticketmaster and Clear Channel sort of rollerballing what gets shown and what doesn't, and MTV catering to truly the lowest common denominator, and you have shit like this going down:

[ELVIS]

I totally disagree...

[Blaze]

One thing Rock is not about is labeling and conforming...................

[binnie]

Well, there is certainly a lot of balll-less crap being packaged under the name 'rock music' today, but then again there was in 80s when 'debauchery' was supposedly at its height - that decade may have given us Motley Crue, but it also gave us Bon Jovi and Pretty Boy Floyd.

A lot of this 'music died' mentality actually has more to do with memory than any actual decline in quality - there were tons and tons of shit, inspid, spineless bands in the '60s, '70s and '80s, it's just that no-one remembers them, no-one plays them on the radio. When you think of the list of the artists that encapsulate those decades, you're listing GREATS, the bands that stood out from the banal - they were not typical.

Grunge certainly changed the parameters of heavy music. By borrowing heavily from alt. rock, it certainly made it more acceptable for heavy bands to be introspective (the article calls it whinny). Was this a good or bad thing? I really think it was a positive step - I'm all for the vicarious nature of 'Sex, Drugs and Rock 'N' Roll', but when I hear the millioneth band to write songs aound those cliche's, I get bored quickly - to me, it's eqaully as contrived and fake as the bands that want you to 'Feel My Pain', when that pain is little more than angst.

Allowing metal to blossom into something with more lyrical depth is important, I think. It allows it to be cathartic, a release for so many people, a way of venting the troubles of the everyday. Without Cobain you don't have Pantera, Machine Head, Slipknot, Lamb Of God, Tool, A Perfect Circle, Mastodon, and so many others who have mixed it up, taking music from alternative rock and punk genres to broaden the pallette with which they paint. And if you don't think that there are any great bands today, it's because you're looking in the wrong place - great music is rarely played on the radio. By it's very nature, mass media serves to placate the banal.

What I DO think has changed, however, is the sense of FUN in Rock 'N' Roll. There are very few bands today who really celebrate life, celebrate ambition and freedom. That can be cathartic too.....

[Catfish]

I just think that rock has really gotten neutered and watered down since cobain's death.

I mean the whole singing about feelings shit, that's Van Hagar level garbage, unless again, you actually have the talent to back it up, hence why Cobain can get away with it, while some douche bucket from Nickelback who grew up in the fucking suburbs sounds like a whining little shit that didn't get his fucking ice cream.

And this is the garbage that gets passed off as "rock n' roll" on stations is just safe, crybaby bullshit.

I want David Lee Roth chugging a bottle of whiskey on stage stammering on about how he fucked a guy's girlfriend, I want Steven Tyler singing about banging a chick in an elevator, and I want to see Axl Rose get pissed cuz some guy happened to take a picture of him and then punch him out. THAT'S Rock N' Roll my friends.

The pro-Hagar argument I hear most is how [insert pussy-sounding voice] "he seems like a nice guy... I'd like to have a drink with him..."

FUCK THAT. I totally agree with whomever wrote the first post on this thread. Fucking brilliant. I don't need that shit from rock stars. I don't want a nice guy who will sign autographs during a fucking set. And I certainly don't want to hunker down with the bastard with a bottle of blue Mexican pisswater. Give me someone like DLR any day--he'd sooner break the fucking bottle over my head and tell me to go fuck myself before drilling my girlfriend in the ass.

THAT'S ROCK!