Hagar Predictably Runs His Boorish Yap In Revisionist History Memoir, 'Red'

[Kristy]

At some stage in your life, though, you go "I want my story to be told," and here it is. I think that’s why people are gonna be surprised when they read. You know we know all about Tommy Lee. We know all about Keith Richards. But, we don’t know that much about Sammy.

I can't speak for the rest of you but I'm fine with not knowing a god damn thing about Sammy. I mean, I can live out the rest of my years without knowing. I am more than at peace with that.

[hambon4lif]

I bet it pisses him off that they put that monosyllabic 80-proof nuclear Cheetoh on the cover instead of him.

No Dr. Hook song for fatso!

[Kristy]

I bet it pisses him off that they put that monosyllabic 80-proof nuclear Cheetoh on the cover instead of him.

That is beyond the pale of disgusting. Eeeew. Gigantor thighs riding a phallic rocket with an ass the size of Montana to match. And where did those boots come from? Texas State Fair flag girl team? Circa 1985?

There is only so much whale meat they can put on the cover, hambon.

[kwame k]

I bet it pisses him off that they put that monosyllabic 80-proof nuclear Cheetoh on the cover instead of him.

No Dr. Hook song for fatso!

...that and Van Halen has a huge font with Spammy's name in tiny letters......notice in the article that all the links/photos are to the current Van Halen lineup.

Considering the guy only did 10 years in Van Halen you'd think he'd get upset that in any interview, anywhere that's all that's mentioned.

[BITEYOASS]

HELLO? WINNING!

[chefcraig]

That is beyond the pale of disgusting. Eeeew. Gigantor thighs riding a phallic rocket with an ass the size of Montana to match.

Imagine the amount of thrust needed just to get that rocket off the launch pad with her straddling it.

[BITEYOASS]

DAVE'S SHIT EATTIN' GRINNING....



....RHYMES WITH WINNING!

[BITEYOASS]

Imagine the amount of thrust needed just to get that rocket off the launch pad with her straddling it.

I don't even think a Saturn V can pull that off.

[Terry]

Fuckin' Hagar.

Just has to try and keep his hand in the game with VH.

Probably figures it's been nearly three years since VH's last tour ended and the boys are having problems with Dave...that they can't get a record together with Roth, and since Mike's no longer in the band and therefore unable to personally carry Sammy's water to the Van Halens that he needs to send these messages via the media.

What a creative way for him to let the Van Halens know he's still available. It's very helpful of Sammy to let everyone know he's up for the gig. I wonder if he'd tour with the Van Halens if Ed said to him "um, okay, but Wolfie's still the bassplayer. Biff Malibu is not invited, and I don't want him showing up backstage, either."

[vanhalen1r2]

fuck him 100%

+1, Spambo is such a fucking cunt when talking about his jilted relationship with all things VH.

[Va Beach VH Fan]

How many times is Sambo gonna try to bullshit everyone with that 50-60 million albums crap ??

OK, here we go again:

5150 - 6 Million
OU812 - 4 Million
F.U.C.K. - 3 Million
Balance - 3 Million

That's 16 million fucking albums Bette !!!

But knowing Bette, he'll come back with "oh, the other 40 million came from overseas....

Yes, the Indonesian Van Hagarita demand is huge !!

[Hardrock69]

I really wish someone would say if they ran into Spamulus in person:

"Hey, quite a difference between the reality of 16 million Van Hagar albums ACTUALLY SOLD vs. your constant BS about '50-60 million' "

[Nitro Express]

That is beyond the pale of disgusting. Eeeew. Gigantor thighs riding a phallic rocket with an ass the size of Montana to match. And where did those boots come from? Texas State Fair flag girl team? Circa 1985?

There is only so much whale meat they can put on the cover, hambon.

It looks like she's fucking the tin man from the Wizard of Oz.

[ashstralia]

naaah, that's bender's penis.

[Seshmeister]

That is beyond the pale of disgusting. Eeeew. Gigantor thighs riding a phallic rocket with an ass the size of Montana to match. And where did those boots come from? Texas State Fair flag girl team? Circa 1985?

There is only so much whale meat they can put on the cover, hambon.

What happened to the sisterhood calling for realistic sized women on the covers of magazines?

[ashstralia]

yeah, was a bit rrreeoouw there, kristy.

[BITEYOASS]

BTW! Check out the dictionary for these definitions:

LOSING!



WINNING!

[ace diamond]

BTW! Check out the dictionary for these definitions:

LOSING!



WINNING!

this is the single greatest post ever made on this site!
if i ever see you in the bar, i'll buy you the adult beverage of your choice!
:bottle:

[Blaze]

He tells Rolling Stone, 'If they do make a record, it better be f-ing good'

By Andy Greene
MARCH 3, 2011 5:00 PM ET


The new issue of Rolling Stone - on stands and in the digital archives now - has an exclusive excerpt from Sammy Hagar's new book Red: My Uncensored Life In Rock. In the book Hagar reveals what a mess Eddie Van Halen was when he first met with the guitarist to discuss a reunion tour in 2004. "He finally invited me over to this giant, extravagant house that he and Valerie had built before she split," Hagar writes. "It looked like vampires lived there. There were bottles and cans all over the floor. The handle was broken off the refrigerator door. There were spider webs everywhere."

Eddie also told Hagar how he cured his tongue cancer. "He told me he cured himself by having pieces of his tongue liquified and injected into his body," Hagar wrote. "He also told me when he had his hip replacement, he stayed awake through the operation and helped the doctors drill a hole. What a fruitcake."

Photo Gallery: Van Halen Through The Years

Earlier this week we posted the first part of our interview with Hagar – he talked about why he wrote the book and his belief that he'd one day front Van Halen again.

Here's part two, where he speaks out some more about Eddie Van Halen and the future of the band.

The last new Van Halen record came out 13 years ago.
It seems crazy when you say that. I've been out of the band longer than that and the record we made was '92 or '93.

I was talking about the Gary Cherone album in 1998.
Oh. [Laughs]. I didn't know that counted [Laughs hysterically].

Eddie keeps saying that he's recording a new album with David Lee Roth. Do you think that's ever coming out?
I hope so, but I don’t have a lot of faith in those guys’ work ethic. It just seems like they’ve had every opportunity in the world to make a record. They’ve had two singers, and three singers if you want to count Gary. Gary’s a good singer, there’s nothing wrong with him as a singer, he’s a good guy.

They’ve had Dave or me these past few years. If they wanted to be reasonable either one of us would have done a record with that band. I love that band. Eddie’s got his own studio, his brother lives about two miles away, plays drums, Eddie plays guitar, bass, keyboards... Why wouldn’t they make a record in all that time? Something’s really wrong. So to think that that’s fixed now all of a sudden... I have a hard time believing that.

Photo Gallery: Van Halen Reunion Rehearsals

Eddie always claims to have a lot of riffs. I don't know whether they have any actual songs.
That’s what Dave’s job is. That’s what my job was. Eddie was always telling me that Wolfie had all these great song ideas, which I believed. For God’s sake, he’s a kid! He’s fresh as a daisy, man. Bring him in. Let him write all the material and you just kind of produce it and arrange it. But there's some quirk that I don’t quite understand, and I kind of brought it up in the book. I don’t really understand quite where these guys are coming from sometimes. There’s just some quirky problem. They are so dysfunctional over there, and the organization is Ed now. You know? [Laughs] I don’t think there’s much to come.

I will make one statement that you will love: If they do make a record, it better be fucking good. We’ve waited a long time and it better be fucking good, man. Do not make a mediocre record, folks. Because if you do, not only am I gonna be on your ass, but everybody else is too, because it’s been a long time, you’ve had time to put together something great.

Eddie and Dave both seem pretty eccentric these days, but in very different ways. Can you imagine them working together on an album?
Nah, I can’t. They took a long time to get it back together. They aborted about 20 reunions, as we all know. But the last one, I was betting against that too. I thought, ‘Oh this will never happen.’ After I went out and did some shows with Dave and said, ‘Wow, now I understand why these guys can’t get back together.’ You know, they’re both quirky.

They did the reunion, they finally got that done so maybe they’ll finally get a record out. It would be great – the fans deserve some new Van Halen music. And as great a musician as Ed is, he really needs to be more prolific because we need more great music out there. There’s a lot of bad music out there. We need guys like Eddie Van Halen.

Sammy Hagar: "I Would Love to Make Another Record With Van Halen"

[Diamondjimi]

"He also told me when he had his hip replacement, he stayed awake through the operation and helped the doctors drill a hole. What a fruitcake."

LMAO!

[Hardrock69]

...and his belief that he'd one day front Van Halen again.

Sammy Hagar: "I Would Love to Make Another Record With Van Halen"

FAT FUCKING CHANCE YOU FUCKING RONALD MCDONALD WANNABE!

[Hardrock69]

BTW! Check out the dictionary for these definitions:

LOSING!

[ace diamond]

[ace diamond]

[DavidLeeNatra]

[BITEYOASS]

this is the single greatest post ever made on this site!
if i ever see you in the bar, i'll buy you the adult beverage of your choice!
:bottle:

I don't know if I'll be able to get in the bar. Because I'm an F-18 bro!


BTW, that's a real pic of me in an F-18 with a bad-ass paint scheme. No BS!

[Unchainme]

From a Cleveland sports fansite I frequent:

"I don't know what Red Rocker thought he was doing, but is sure as fuck wasn't Van Halen.

Sammy : Rog Moore :: Dave : S Connery

Every single classic VH song featured Dave. Every. Single. One.

Van Hager was just another bloated boring corporate rock band. Van Halen was the back drop of a wasted teen aged youth too dumb to know punk existed. Bondo Cutlesses & Chevvies, Mikey's wide mouths, a little weed, and chicks that dressed like Fast Times at Ridgemont, and crusing LS Blvd from 185th to Eastlake.

That's Van Halen.

Shitty MTV videos and Eddie's thumb in his mouth = van hagar"

Classic, and this guy is a primarily a hip-hop fan.

[Kristy]

What a meathead. You know Sammy, it's bad enough when women wear capri pants but to see you in them gives new meaning to the term fashion disaster. Did you get those at Eddie Bauer or Goodwill? Your gut, rat-faced goatee and stingy unwashed hair also leave a lot to the imagination of a so-called "rock star." You look more like an out-of-shape homeless serial killer who sucks on Vegas Cabo-Wabo burger grease from dumpster bins. As for your interview, I couldn't be bothered. 25 seconds in and I was about to put my fist through the monitor.

[Unchainme]

What a meathead. You know Sammy, it's bad enough when women wear capri pants but to see you in them gives new meaning to the term fashion disaster. Did you get those at Eddie Bauer or Goodwill? Your gut, rat-faced goatee and stingy unwashed hair also leave a lot to the imagination of a so-called "rock star." You look more like an out-of-shape homeless serial killer who sucks on Vegas Cabo-Wabo burger grease from dumpster bins. As for your interview, I couldn't be bothered. 25 seconds in and I was about to put my fist through the monitor.

I may disagree with you often on topics of classic rock. But that was pretty amazing.

[hambon4lif]

He's actually wearing a fucking pair of red CROCS after he accuses Dave of "looking gay".....

[Kristy]

yeah, was a bit rrreeoouw there, kristy.

I'll be completely honest with you and say I have no idea who she is. Not a clue. I rarely watch TV. So I'm judgmental - from one look at her she reminds of all those bar fly girls who have incredibly fat asses that they somehow manage to fit into $300 designer jeans, drive BMW convertibles and hit on doctors when daddy's money run out; the type of girl that order over $100 in high-calorie sugary drinks only to call me an "anorexia model wannabe bitch" as I walk by without saying a word. Not surprising when not gold digging they're in their gynecologist office being treated for every manageable infection under the sun.

[Kristy]

I may disagree with you often on topics of classic rock. But that was pretty amazing.

I'm sorry. The guy is just disgusting on so many levels.

[Kristy]

Okay, took the road of humility and Googled. This is what I found:



Yep, an abused daddy's girl who will be an AA spokesperson Queen if she lives to turn 30. And don't those Prada (guessing) slingbacks make up the leaden fat dripping from her tanning bed thighs? Lips permanently perched from endless under the table blowjobs and hair straight out of a salon done by a failed horror movie make up artist. Hey Snooki honey, can you spell the word "Bob" backwards without engaging in a brain aneurysm? Again, no surprise she's on the cover with an article on Sammy. These are end times, indeed.

[Kristy]

Somehow double posted there.

[ace diamond]

I don't know if I'll be able to get in the bar. Because I'm an F-18 bro!


BTW, that's a real pic of me in an F-18 with a bad-ass paint scheme. No BS!

those tiger stripes on that F/A-18 hornet looks like a fucking badass motherfucker!
i['d bet enemy aircraft get one look at your jet, and go "I don't wanna fuck with this dude" and then bug out real quick!

[Kristy]

Another deep and profound statement there, Ace.

[CROWBAR]

I....am....a......cool.....motherf....wait....how does that go again?

[BITEYOASS]

those tiger stripes on that F/A-18 hornet looks like a fucking badass motherfucker!
i['d bet enemy aircraft get one look at your jet, and go "I don't wanna fuck with this dude" and then bug out real quick!

Well I didn't fly it, but I did assembled the weaponry that goes on this badass son of a bitch. JDAMs, Laser Guided bombs, 5" & 2.75" rockets, GP bombs, Mk-77 firebombs, Illumination flares, you name it I built it.

The VMFA's ordnance division lets us marines from MALS ordnance and our forklift/crane operator get in the cockpit and take pictures.

[CROWBAR]

Little old lady with the right idea...

[ace diamond]

Well I didn't fly it, but I did assembled the weaponry that goes on this badass son of a bitch. JDAMs, Laser Guided bombs, 5" & 2.75" rockets, GP bombs, Mk-77 firebombs, Illumination flares, you name it I built it.

The VMFA's ordnance division lets us marines from MALS ordnance and our forklift/crane operator get in the cockpit and take pictures.

that's still some cool fucking shit, man.