The "Only In Florida" Police Blotter - Living Proof That Hell Is Other People

[chefcraig]

The places I've been in Florida where a lot of New Yorker transplants and upscale hispanics. Actually it was sophisticated. In the more sleepy areas it was much like you would find in any other beach area in the world. I really didn't see a big hick factor there. Maybe that's up in the panhandle more or in places like Jacksonville? I never made it that far north.

Exactly what type of space suit do you wear when traveling, Major Matt Mason? At your nearest opportunity, you might wish to readjust your oxygen supply or at the very least, clean off your helmet visor.

[VAiN]

Shit does roll downhill...

http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/M...179355821.html

Man Cut Almost All of Girlfriend's Nose Off: Police

A man was arrested for cutting almost all of his girlfriend's nose off after she refused to have sex with him, Fort Lauderdale Police said.

Ricardo Salamanca, from Plantation, faces a charge of aggravated battery causing bodily harm and remains in jail on $75,000 bond on Wednesday. It wasn't immediately known if he had an attorney. On Oct. 28, the victim was taken to North Broward Hospital for surgery to have her nose reattached. "The victim's nose was severed down to the sinus cavity where the victim's nose was only attached by a thread," the complaint affidavit said. The woman identified Salamanca as the person who did this to her, authorities said. She said that she had been in a relationship with him, and they lived together, the report said. That night, she had seen him at a Plantation nightclub but went home alone, the affidavit said. Later, he knocked on the door and she let him in, but he started yelling when she would not have sexual intercourse with him, and he threw her down, trying to place her in a chokehold, the affidavit said. She told authorities that he couldn't place her in a chokehold and she was ran to the front door, according to the affidavit. She remembered being thrown across the room, and then saw that she was bleeding from her face, authorities said."That's what you deserve, b****," the affidavit quoted the defendant as saying. Salamanca left, and she drove herself to the hospital, the report said. She told authorities that she had been a victim of domestic violence from Salamanca in the past.

[Seshmeister]

'Don't move or the nose gets it!'

[chefcraig]

That night, she had seen him at a Plantation nightclub but went home alone, the affidavit said.

Ummm...we don't have nightclubs in Plantation. For shit's sake, we don't even have a McDonald's franchise. WTF?

[qikgts]

Ummm...we don't have nightclubs in Plantation. For shit's sake, we don't even have a McDonald's franchise. WTF?

There actually is a McDonald's in Plantation. University just north of 595. West side of the road...

[VAiN]

I'm just more impressed with her driving herself to the hospital with her nose hanging off..

[chefcraig]

There actually is a McDonald's in Plantation. University just north of 595. West side of the road...

Yeah, but in terms of conveniance it might as well be in Davie. And you certainly don't want to go eat anywhere East of the turnpike, ya know? Which means going North into Sunrise or waaay the hell West out beyond Plantation Acres, by the ghastly Sawgrass Mills Mall.

[ODShowtime]

Go to the Primanti Brothers in Oakland park or where ever the hell it is. Get a sandwich with some french fries. That's a weird ass area of the world and I've spent way too much time there. Davie is really weird.

[chefcraig]

Go to the Primanti Brothers in Oakland park or where ever the hell it is. Get a sandwich with some french fries. That's a weird ass area of the world and I've spent way too much time there. Davie is really weird.

Ya know OD, a Primanti Brothers opened up in Sunrise on University Drive, just North of Sunrise. (It's located on the west side of University.) And speaking of fries, a 5 Guys recently opened up in the Fountains shopping center. But as far as good fast food goes, that's about it. Thankfully, the city has a handful of mom & pop pizzerias still going strong, all within home delivery or work distance.

[VAiN]

Go to the Primanti Brothers in Oakland park or where ever the hell it is. Get a sandwich with some french fries. That's a weird ass area of the world and I've spent way too much time there. Davie is really weird.

They make a nice pizza, but I just can't get into the sandwiches with slaw and fries on them..

[Nickdfresh]

Your football fans ain't the brightest either:

[chefcraig]

Your football fans ain't the brightest either:

Perhaps, yet you have to admit it was one hell of an entertaining game.

[Blaze]

Florida man who died in cockroach-eating contest choked to death, autopsy says





By NBC News staff
A man who collapsed after winning a cockroach-eating contest last month at a Florida pet store choked to death, according to a Broward County Medical Examiner report released Monday.
Edward Archbold, 32, of West Palm Beach, and several other contestants signed up to eat a variety of insects at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Deerfield Beach on Oct. 6. After eating dozens of giant cockroaches, Archbold was declared the winner of an ivory-ball python.

Earlier in the night, he had also entered a superworm-eating contest.

But after winning, Archbold felt sick and started vomiting. He then collapsed in the store and was later pronounced dead. The medical examiner’s office conducted tests to determine the cause of death, which was revealed more than a month later.

According to the report, the death was deemed an accident as a result of "arthropod body parts" blocking Archbold's airways. The autopsy tested negative for toxic substances.

[VAiN]

Uhh... just full of fucking chomped up bugs. Fucking gross. And I was there to boot.

[Blaze]

Uhh... just full of fucking chomped up bugs. Fucking gross. And I was there to boot.

Did you place and were the bugs better with mustard? o.0

[VAiN]

Did you place and were the bugs better with mustard? o.0

Oh hell no!! I saw that shit and left. I enjoyed chicken wings that night.

[WARF]

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Good God Y'all

[WARF]

Gregory Matthew Bruni



WTF!?

[PETE'S BROTHER]

OCALA, Fla. — Police in north Florida cited country music singer David Allen Coe for running a red light before being struck by a tractor-trailer near downtown Ocala.

[private parts]

We live in a strange world

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documen...-heist-9182345

[Sensible Shoes]

No. You can't.

[FORD]

Why would anybody keep dildos in a storage unit? They don't take up that much space.

[DLR Bridge]

The article title starts off sounding like a tale of reconciliation.

[chefcraig]

Why would anybody keep dildos in a storage unit? They don't take up that much space.

This would have been interesting if it had shown up on that Storage Wars show on A&E.

[FORD]

This is obviously just speculation, but I'm guessing the woman in question, who would presumably be the "butch" in the relationship, judging by her picture, might have recently begun a new relationship and may not be sure yet how the new girlfriend feels about "meat substitutes", so she wanted to hide them until she gets an answer to that question. Some Lesbians don't even like fake dick, and might freak out if they saw an arsenal of strapons hanging from the walls in their new girlfriend's bedroom.

So then, the new girl says she's OK with the plastic penis... butch goes to retrieve her tools of pleasure, and finds out the ex has run off with them. Guess they should have split custody when they broke up?

[ELVIS]

Isn't this Mr Maddow ??

[ODShowtime]

dildoes

[private parts]

Isn't this Mr Maddow ??

[Seshmeister]

Old but I just spotted it...

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2007-06-2...headache/83320

Florida man shot in head, complains of headache
Posted Thu 28 Jun 2007, 11:33am AEST



A Florida man woke up with a severe headache and asked his wife to drive him to a hospital, where doctors found a bullet lodged behind his right ear.

"The nurse looked at him and said, 'It appears that you've been shot,'" the Fort Pierce Tribune quoted St Lucie County Sheriff Ken Mascara as saying.

"And he said, 'No way.'"

The man's wife, April Moylan, fled the emergency room when the bullet was discovered but later told deputies she had accidentally shot her husband as he slept early on Tuesday.

She was jailed on a weapons violation charge while deputies pursued additional charges.

The husband, 45-year-old Michael Moylan, woke up with a head pain so severe he suspected he was having an aneurism and asked his wife to take him to the emergency room.

Police arrested the wife after obtaining a search warrant and finding a gun and bloody rags in the couple's home near the Atlantic coastal town of Port St Lucie.

The husband is in hospital in stable condition.

- Reuters

[Satan]

Posted: 6:29 a.m. Wednesday, Oct. 16, 2013

WFTV - Orlando

PALM BAY, Fla. —

A Florida man was hospitalized with serious burns he suffered while decorating his home for Halloween Tuesday night, according to police.

According to his wife and friends, the 50-year-old man was using gas to light a wooden cross as a joke when he set himself on fire at his Palm Bay home.

Investigators said the man's wife used a water hose to douse the flames.

The man was taken to Orlando Regional Medical Center with burns over 40 percent of his body and suffered second-degree burns to his upper torso.

Police said the man had been drinking.

His name was not released.

[jhale667]

Wow, where's a GIF file of the self-immolating Klansman from Harold and Kumar when you need one...?

[Satan]

Wow, where's a GIF file of the self-immolating Klansman from Harold and Kumar when you need one...?

Will this tool do?

[jhale667]

Will this tool do?

Sure!

[chefcraig]

Police said the man had been drinking.

OK, who didn't see that one coming?

[Terry]

Every Thanksgiving down here I await the local news reports of someone burning their house to the ground because they decided to deep-fry a turkey in their kitchen using a frying apparatus that was designed to be used exclusively outdoors. It happens every year without fail, and I've been down here 13 years now.

[FORD]

By David Edwards
Wednesday, November 6, 2013 15:49 EST

A Florida teacher was recently suspended without pay for five days after school officials said that she forced a fourth grade student to violate his religious beliefs and say the Pledge of Allegiance.

The Tampa Bay Times reported that the student, whose Jehovah’s Witness religion forbids him from worshiping objects, was used to standing silent while the other students put their hands over their hearts and recited the pledge.

But on the morning of Sept. 11, Explorer K-8 School teacher Anne Daigle-McDonald forcibly placed the boy’s hand over his heart.

“You are an American, and you are supposed to salute the flag,” she said, turning to the class. “In my classroom, everyone will do the pledge; no religion says that you can’t do the pledge.”

“If you can’t put your hand on your heart, then you need to move out of the country,” the teacher reportedly added.

Hernando County Schools Division of Business Services-Heather Martin Executive Director later told Daigle-McDonald that nearly all of the students in her fourth grade class had recalled her telling them the next day to move back to their home country if they didn’t want to say the pledge.

“But that’s not what I said,” Daigle-McDonald insisted. “It was directed at citizenship. I was talking about pledging allegiance to our country, and if you don’t want to pledge to our country, you should go to your home country.”

The teacher said that she had no idea that the boy was a Jehovah’s Witness but admitted that the mother had told her he did not celebrate holidays.

“[I] just wanted all of the students to respect the day,” she remarked. “It wasn’t a holiday, so I didn’t see why the whole class couldn’t say the pledge.”

In its 1943 West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette ruling, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional to force students to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

Watch this video from WTSP, broadcast Nov. 5, 2013.



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[Seshmeister]

The Tampa Bay Times reported that the student, whose Jehovah’s Witness religion forbids him from worshiping objects,

That sentence actually does the almost impossible by making the JW religion sound quite sensible...

[jacksmar]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documen...ty-plea-675432

NOVEMBER 20--The narcotics trafficking defendant who attended a Florida court hearing wearing a sweatshirt imprinted with a cartoon-like recipe for producing crack cocaine was convicted last week of a pair of felonies and sentenced to three years in state prison.

Christopher Patterson, a convicted felon who previously served time for cocaine possession, entered no contest pleas last Tuesday to distribution and conspiracy charges related to the sale of the painkiller Oxycodone to an undercover cop.

The 27-year-old Patterson, who was jailed following his plea, has an August 2016 release date. He is pictured below in a Florida Department of Corrections mug shot.

[Satan]

By Amy Pavuk, Orlando Sentinel

5:40 PM EST, December 30, 2013

A man whose parenting plan was detailed during a graphic child-sex trial in Orlando federal court this year will soon learn how much prison time he will serve for his crimes.

Jonathan Adleta, a 26-year-old former Marine officer who once lived in Central Florida, was accused of sexually abusing his children, as well as a girlfriend's daughter.

He was convicted of two child-sex charges during his weeklong trial in September and will be sentenced Jan. 6. He faces up to life in prison.

His ex-wife, 29-year-old Sarah Adleta, served as a key witness for prosecutors, explaining how having sex with their two children was part of their family parenting plan — even after they divorced.

Prosecutors said Jonathan Adleta had a "sexual appetite" for his own daughter and dreamed of the day when he could have "daddy-daughter sex."

After Sarah Adleta had a son, she was expected to have sexual encounters with him.

Sarah said she needed Jonathan's financial security, loved him, and did whatever it took to not lose him. They married in 2010.

Jonathan Adleta sexually abused the couple's daughter while they were stationed in California, his wife said. By late 2011, he filed for divorce and Sarah Adleta returned to Oviedo with the children.

But the parents stayed in close contact, and Sarah Adleta said she allowed her ex-husband to continue to prey on their daughter through the videoconference program Skype.

By the spring of 2012, he met a new girlfriend, Samantha Bryant, who also had a daughter. Bryant testified she too let Jonathan Adleta molest her daughter.

Months later, in December 2012, Sarah Adleta and her two children traveled to Oklahoma to spend time with her ex-husband and Bryant.

Sarah Adleta and her two children returned to Oviedo after Christmas, and weeks later, Jonathan Adleta suggested she find another man to sexually abuse their daughter so the girl would become more comfortable with being assaulted.

At that time, Sarah Adleta was communicating with Aaron Dixon, a North Carolina man who was later arrested on child-sex charges in an unrelated case.

FBI agents received a tip that Sarah Adleta was communicating with Dixon, and learned she performed sex acts on her children while Dixon watched via Skype.

Sarah Adleta, who was a student at University of Central Florida, was arrested after that discovery and subsequently pleaded guilty in Orlando federal court, admitting she too sexually abused her children.

After testifying against her ex-husband, Sarah Adleta was sentenced to 54 years in federal prison — more than twice as much time she was hoping to receive as part of her plea deal.

Bryant, Jonathan Adleta's girlfriend, was also charged with and pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting her daughter and allowing him to abuse the girl.

apavuk@tribune.com or 407-420-5735

Copyright © 2013, Orlando Sentinel

[PETE'S BROTHER]

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