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Thread: The "Only In Florida" Police Blotter - Living Proof That Hell Is Other People

  1. #121
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    Haha!

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  3. #122
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    Woman made up rape story to cover for missing work, deputies say



    A woman who didn't want to get in trouble for skipping work fabricated a story about being sexually assaulted on the side of the highway, leading investigators from multiple agencies to waste more than 100 hours searching for a suspect who didn't exist, deputies say.

    LINK

    Wow.. this was her best solution to get out of going to work. What a fucking retard.
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  5. #124
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    Wait a minute.... isn't that the same chick from the "Toy Yoda" story above?

    Looks like it could be.......

  6. #125
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    Florida man had sex with pit bull as neighbors begged him to stop

    By Adrienne Cutway, Orlando Sentinel

    12:35 p.m. EST, March 5, 2014



    Shocked neighbors begged and pleaded as they watched a Florida man have sex with a pit bull in his yard, The Tampa Tribune is reporting.

    Bernard Marsonek, 57, of Tampa was arrested Wednesday morning and charged with aggravated animal cruelty, sexual activity involving animals and two counts of being a felon in possession of a firearm, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office.

    Locals who saw the alleged sex act yelled at Marsonek but he ignored them. Witnesses flagged down an officer who interviewed and arrested Marsonek.

    Tampa man has sex with pit bull as neighbors beg him to stop.

    Eight pit bulls were taken from the home.

  7. #126
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    http://www.uproxx.com/up/2014/03/flo...-driver-video/

    "This happened to me on SR 41 in Tampa on Monday March 24th. This pathetic excuse for a human being tailgated me for about three minutes. After about a minute, and me shaking my head, I pulled out my phone and started recording. I couldn’t move over because there were trucks in the right lane, and I sure as heck wasn’t going to speed on a rainy day with the roads being as slick as they were. I was turning left in about a half-mile when this happened. [...]

    He initially fled the scene of the accident, but thanks to this video he has been caught and charged. Massive props to the Sheriffs Department and most especially the Highway Patrol who responded to the scene. This moron could have easily killed somebody with his moronic behavior, and my laughing at the end would have been replaced with tears. Needless to say though, I’ve never seen Karma come back so fast."

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  9. #127
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    What a dumbass. Good thing his stupidity didn't take out anybody else

  10. #128
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    Why not slow down...go behind the other "right lane" trucks....allow the jack ass to pass and take an extra 45 seconds to make your left turn?

    Guess "machismo" applies to right lane drivers in the "passing lane". Not impressed by this person's solution when she could have been the cause by encouraging someone's road rage to cross into other traffic and kill other people in oncoming traffic. This "go on girl" shit must have meant she was a doctor trying to get to an emergency room triage where she was indispensable. Not impressed.

    As a pilot....this mentality gets everyone killed. Let a jackass be one...take an extra 1.5 minutes to let the road rage idiot do their thing. Guess this is funny because of what did not happen. The video chick still might deserve a ticket.
    Last edited by SunisinuS; 03-28-2014 at 02:35 AM. Reason: but again that might be the sensible, mature, patient thing to do....so the republicans might hate it.
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    He wrecked daddy's Ford pickup. Daddy is going to be pissed.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunisinuS View Post
    Why not slow down...go behind the other "right lane" trucks....allow the jack ass to pass and take an extra 45 seconds to make your left turn?

    Guess "machismo" applies to right lane drivers in the "passing lane". Not impressed by this person's solution when she could have been the cause by encouraging someone's road rage to cross into other traffic and kill other people in oncoming traffic. This "go on girl" shit must have meant she was a doctor trying to get to an emergency room triage where she was indispensable. Not impressed.

    As a pilot....this mentality gets everyone killed. Let a jackass be one...take an extra 1.5 minutes to let the road rage idiot do their thing. Guess this is funny because of what did not happen. The video chick still might deserve a ticket.
    Yup. If someone gets on my tail like that and there is room to get in the right lane I let them through. It's the fast lane and I hate it when there is a slowpoke in it when I want to barrel on through. In Germany on the autobahn you can get ticketed for doing what that lady was doing. Get your slow ass over to the right!

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  14. #131
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    It's a war every day to get to work in Tampa Bay. Fucking old people straight chillin' in the left lane, macho assholes up your ass while you're driving behind the slow people, morons weaving in and out.

    I have two philosophies; 1) golden rule and 2) get the fuck out of my way. I absolutely yield to fast drivers whenever I can because I hate having to drive behind slow people.

    It's just a big asshole festival down here.
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  16. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by ODShowtime View Post
    It's just a big asshole festival down here.
    No shit man.. Pound for pound S. Florida has the worst drivers in the country. Probably because most of them aren't from this country.

  17. #133
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    Florida woman arrested in topless rampage at McDonald's


    Reuters April 8, 2014 6:30 PM

    MIAMI (Reuters) - A bare-breasted woman wearing only bikini bottoms was observed by security cameras vandalizing a Florida McDonald's.

    In the video, which went viral on Tuesday, the woman is seen shoving cash registers onto the floor, overturning a drinks dispenser and throwing items at staff before helping herself to some ice cream.

    Sandra Suarez, 41, entered the McDonald's in Pinellas Park on Florida's west coast on March 24, and when an employee asked her to put on some clothes, she refused and became destructive, according to a police report obtained by the Tampa Bay Times.

    "She destroys it," Pinellas Park police spokesman Sgt. Adam Geissenberger, told the newspaper. "You name it, she's turning it over."

    The police report said she caused about $10,000 in damage.

    Suarez was taken to a local hospital and was charged with felony criminal mischief and resisting arrest.


    (Reporting by David Adams and Kevin Gray; editing by Gunna Dickson)

    By the way, the idiotic employees gleefully enjoying the footage in the background of the clip have since (deservedly) been fired.

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  18. #134
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    I don't know if anyone has been following this outside of Florida, but basically an underage nitwit with a suspended license went out after work, got hammered and got on the highway going the wrong direction causing a head-on collision and killed 2 girls in the process.. this is the follow-up story. I cannot believe that there is a lawyer shiesty enough to actually employ the 'involuntary intoxication' defense... just mind blowing and sad on so many levels. Fuck this bitch, she deserves to rot in jail.

    Cry me a river, bitch.


    A woman accused of drunken driving in a wrong-way crash that killed two 21-year-old friends from Coral Springs says she has no recollection of the accident. She also questions why the head-on crash didn't kill her.

    LINK

  19. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by VAiN View Post
    No shit man.. Pound for pound S. Florida has the worst drivers in the country. Probably because most of them aren't from this country.
    I went to Miami once.

    Once.

    F that hellhole. The traffic was so nuts I felt lucky to get out of there alive. Hopefully global warming sinks the place and its crappy baseball team.
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  21. #136
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    I thought it must be a great place to pick up girls since every guy on South Beach seemed to be a self obsessed flaming homo.

  22. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    I thought it must be a great place to pick up girls since every guy on South Beach seemed to be a self obsessed flaming homo.
    There's that for sure.. Although the women are pretty much gold-digging filthy whores.

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    They're all nasty as hell...
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  24. #139
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    Ok guys I officially win this thread!



    http://jezebel.com/woman-who-shot-mi...-e-1589467389?


    Woman Who Shot Missile Into Car Has Most Florida Name EVER





    A Florida woman was arrested in May for shooting a missile into a vehicle. While this already raises some interesting questions (how did someone get access to a missile and why would she waste it on a car instead of selling it to the Russians), what's even more interesting is the woman's name, which appears on her booking record as, well, here's a photo:



    While I couldn't get any information on the actual arrest, I had to confirm that the name was real so I put on my reporter hat and started making phone calls. After talking to a worker who wouldn't give me her name at the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, I was directed to the Polk County Sheriff's Office, where I spoke with Sharon (not interested in talking to me) and Linda, tireless public servant. keeper of the records and star of this particular story.

    Here's how our conversation went:

    Me: Hi, I'm calling to ask about a name of one of the people you booked and released in May.

    Linda: Not yesterday?

    Me: No, May.

    Linda: Okay, what is her name?

    Me: Crystal Metheney.

    Linda: Hmmm. And what is your question, sir? (Linda calling me sir was the highlight of my day because usually my high-pitched nasal twang gets a "ma'am" or an "are your parents home?")

    Me: Is that her real name? And was she arrested for shooting a missile?

    Linda: That's what it says here.

    Me: Not an alias?

    Linda: No.

    Me: That's a pretty amazing name.

    Linda: (Sighs) Sir, this is Florida. We have a lot of interesting names here.

    It's unlikely that we'll ever know more about Metheney — she was released on a $5000 bond and is hopefully not using her money to buy any more missiles — but Linda will live on through the ages. In fact, if anyone deserves a sitcom (or a documentary on TRU TV) it's Linda.

    Premise from an editor: It will be a new FX sitcom starring Elisabeth Shue as Linda, a small-town florida sheriff trying to keep control of her team of madcap meth-fighting officers. Brilliant!

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  26. #140
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    Quote Originally Posted by VAiN View Post
    There's that for sure.. Although the women are pretty much gold-digging filthy whores.
    Yes they are it's awesome!

  27. #141
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Ok guys I officially win this thread!
    If you really wanna have some fun, read about Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd. He's quite a character. He's always preening for cameras. He also likes to preach from his high horse. He's a son of a bitch. I live in the next county over and I don't even fuck around over there at all. Nobody does he has that shit on lockdown. It's worthless meth country anyway.

    I think you would like this guy Sesh

    A man in Colorado a couple of months ago published a book called The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure, and he didn't get arrested for it, and this made Grady Judd mad.

    So the sheriff of Polk County, whose job is to protect and serve the roughly 500,000 people who live in the mostly agricultural area between Tampa and Orlando, had one of his undercover detectives contact Phillip Greaves of Pueblo, Colo., and ask to buy his book. Greaves sent a signed copy back to Polk, where Judd got a search warrant, and then sent two of his men 1,856 miles to arrest him the week before Christmas.

    After the news broke, Judd sat in the studio of a country radio station in Lakeland and told two nodding disc jockeys, "He had porn plastered — ugly, nasty porn — plastered all over his room.

    "I mean," he added, leaning in toward the microphone, "he's a real weeeiiirdo."

    The episode was no surprise to those who have watched the public ascent of this man's career. Judd, who turns 57 next month, envisions himself as not just a local enforcer of laws but a more universal arbiter of morals. He inserts himself into some of the most sensitive fissures in the country's culture wars, a "true believer," as his friends say, or a savvy opportunist, or both, and then goes on television to state his case. It has made him a face on a screen as much as a man in a uniform.

    How did Grady Judd become Sheriff America?

    Is it because his mother was a Sunday school teacher? Is it because he counts as two of his closest friends a Catholic priest and a Baptist pastor? Is it because he keeps a Bible on his desk?

    Is it because he has planted at the base of his driveway a sign that says MAYBERRY?

    Judd won't say, but his son will: "I think it has to do with honestly just the strong belief of what's right and what's wrong," said Graham Judd, 30, the younger of his two boys. "He's been quoted as saying the only time there's a gray area is when people try to justify their wrong actions."

    In 2007, commenting on a case in which he had arrested a man who was running a porn site out of his home in Polk, he said: "No normal person could even imagine what's depicted in those videos and in those photographs." A sexual behavior expert from the University of Central Florida said in a motion in the man's court file that it was run-of-the-mill erotica available anywhere on the Internet to anyone who wanted it.

    "Normal people," Judd insisted, "don't have the ability to imagine how perverse and horrific these images were."

    All of this has gotten him on Tampa TV, Orlando TV, Fox News, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and CNN.

    His certitude plays well on the screen. He uses words like "never," "ever" and "absolutely." He sends "messages" and calls for "outrage." He traffics in vivid images and stark contrasts. Drug dealers are thugs. Inmates are criminals. Sex offenders are perverts. And they don't just show up. They show up with "condoms in one hand and candy bars in the other." As for his critics? "Radical, mean-spirited dissidents," he told Bay News 9 last year.

    He was re-elected in 2008 in a landslide. His supporters say he'll be Polk County's sheriff for as long as he wants to be. So do his critics.

    There's a lot more

    http://www.tampabay.com/news/publics...utrage/1149570

  28. #142
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    Florida Teen Charged with Masturbating With Stuffed Pony in Wal-Mart Aisle

    By Brian Shields

    Wed Nov 12th, 2014 9:26am America/Los_Angeles



    BROOKSVILLE, Florida (KRON) — A 19-year old Florida man is pleading not guilty to performing lewd acts with a stuffed animal in the comforter aisle at a Wal-Mart.

    Police say surveillance tape shows Scott Fredericksen walked into the Wal-Mart back in October, took a “brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department” and then proceeded to the aisle where they sell comforters and other bedspreads.

    According to the police report, Fredericksen “proceeded to pull out his genitals which were in an aroused state. The defendant then proceeded to hold the stuffed horse’s chest area to his genitals and proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements. The defendant continued this action until he achieved an orgasm and ejaculated on the stuffed horse’s chest area.”

    Witnesses say Fredericksen then put the stained stuffed horse inside a bag containing a comforter set and left the store.

    A Wal-Mart security officer watched the whole thing and testified he saw the teen’s penis during the incident.

    When police arrested Fredericksen, he reportedly told the officer, “I did unmentionables to a stuffed animal” adding “I need to think before what I do. I’m extremely sorry.”

    The teen is due back in court on misdemeanor indecent exposure and criminal mischief charges next month.

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    Gentleman with promising future found naked and masturbating outside home

    STUART, Fla. - Police say a man was arrested after he was found naked and masturbating outside of his Stuart home.



    According to tcpalm.com, the incident happened back on November 14.

    Police say the man, identified as 21-year-old Anthony Smith, told deputies that his mother won't let him watch pornography inside of the house.

    He told officers that he goes outside naked hoping to be seen by neighbors.

    Smith faces exposure of sexual organs charges.

  30. #144
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    Thanks for nothing, asshole...

  31. #145
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    Masked robber shot dead by intended victim

    LINK

    At least this one has a happy ending.. this is a few miles from my place.. in the not-so-nice part of town.

  32. #146
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    Why oh why couldn't somebody have shot this Floridian bastard before he acted? Still sick over this one...

    http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2015/...5611420726436/
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  33. #147
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    No shit man.. that one is beyond sickening..

  34. #148
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    Crazy crazy crazy....


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    Quote Originally Posted by Seshmeister View Post
    Crazy crazy crazy....


    Look, the strained maternal relations I have regarding the battle over my circumcision aren't geographically specific: this would have happened regardless of location, so you can snip the Florida angle right off the top of it.

    Now, if you'll excuse me, Mother's inert body (referred to in technical medical jargon as a 'corpse' by those medical examiner dirty birdies) needs to be moved from the bed to the chair facing the window, enabling Mother to keep an eye on me while I go down the hill and open up the motel: she's my only friend and the sole buffer between me and those filthy whores who want to come between us.
    Last edited by Terry; 05-24-2015 at 11:04 AM.
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  39. #152
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    BiN THeRE/

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    Ah yes, wishing revenge on animals... So rational. Maybe it's because I live in FL, but this seems reasonable to me:

    "The witness heard Darwin say, “next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done. Now you’re my bitch forever.”"

    I mean come on! What else could he do after almost being eaten except fuck the thing forever?

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    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/n...ward/75507038/


    Florida cop turns up drunk to collect Mothers Against Drunk Driving award


    Call it dumb while intoxicated.

    A Florida police officer who was due to be honored at a Mothers Against Drunk Driving conference turned up drunk to collect his award, according to local media.

    So wasted, according to an internal affairs investigation, that he was found wandering in a hotel hallway stripped to his underwear. He also was described as "staggeringly drunk" by a witness at the Friday night banquet where he was set to receive the MADD accolade.

    Records obtained by two Tampa TV stations show that Michael Szeliga, a deputy from neighboring Pinellas County, packed a bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey in his patrol car before driving across the state to the Hyatt Regency Pier 66 Hotel in Fort Lauderdale with two other deputies.

    They were there in July for two days of training to combat drunken driving. Szeliga was also supposed to receive a MADD decoration for making more than 100 DUI arrests, WFLA reported.



    The bulging 274-page report detailed how a local police chief, Robert Vincent, encountered Szeliga outside the banquet and suggested it wasn't appropriate for him to attend due to his intoxication. That led to "disrespectful" comments, which prompted Vincent, who commands the Gulfport police, to tell one of Szeliga's supervisors that the deputy was "wasted."

    "I thought, 'Hmm, probably not the right place to be intoxicated,'" Vincent told WFTS. "I asked if he would tell me his name, and he said he wasn't going to tell me his name and I said well you probably don't want to be at a MADD awards banquet while you are intoxicated. He didn't take my advice – he kind of just walked away, so I reported that to his supervisor.


    "When you recognize someone who is a police chief in your home county who says you are too drunk to be going to a MADD conference and you ignore that, blatantly that's just not right."

    Szeliga's supervisor, according to the investigation seen by WFLA, said he smelled alcohol on Szeliga's breath and ordered him to return to his room and miss the banquet – and his award.

    But that wasn't all, the stations reported.

    According to the document, Szeliga signed in and attended a morning session of the DUI training but left with two other deputies following the first break, having decided it was no longer "relevant" to him since he was transferring to the child-protection unit. This despite the fact that MADD required attendance at all training in exchange for picking up expenses.

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    I'd probably have to be drunk to sit through a MADD conference, but I'd at least call a cab or a designated driver first.

  49. #159
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    http://www.wsvn.com/story/30492691/e...mpted-burglars

    Elderly Miami woman shoots at attempted burglars




    MIAMI (WSVN) -- Crooks picked the wrong place to attempt a break-in, after they were nearly shot by an elderly woman.

    Little did these burglars know that when the door of a Miami home was kicked in, 88-year-old Arlene Orms would be waiting behind it, locked and loaded.

    According to the Miami Police Department, burglars attempted to enter her home at 6060 N.W. 2nd St., around 10:30 p.m., Tuesday night. After kicking in the door, Orms fired her .25 caliber baretta pistol into the door from inside, sending the burglars running off. "He never made it in," said a responding Miami Police officer.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    lol,,,,,,,,,,,,,imagine ........................


    a woman in declining years................................

    88 yo woman.....................................

    having to defend herself..........................








    lol....................................
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  50. #160
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    only in florida








    lol

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