Oh Christ? Another Repuke Debate?? (Live from the MonSatan "corn" fields on FAUX)

[FORD]

Well, now that Trump's two ring circus has been mercifully cancelled, at least this should be the last one of these freak shows. Let's see if they can maintain the same degree of comedic value without the Pizza Man..

FAUX Noize's "moderator" for the evening: Alfred E. Neuman (can any form of the word moderate truly be used on a channel dedicated to right wing extremist propaganda??)

[Unchainme]

Don't "Worry", I'm sure "Bot" will take the place of whatever "lunatic", the "GOP" will make "sure" that they fulfill their "quota" of "whackjobs" in the "field"

[Nickdfresh]

Michelle Bachman's character would be very funny on "The Office."

[Nickdfresh]

Her proven track record is her "spending five years going toe-to-toe with Barrack Obama."

BTW, Rick Perry's character would be even funnier on "The Office." He's the Tim Tebow of the Iowa Caucasuses...

[FORD]

**Begin unofficial transcript**

Topic: "electability"

NEWT: Of course I'm electable! I'm not a Mormon wackjob, I'm just a manwhore. Corporate and otherwise. (Invokes the sacred holy name of Messiah Ronald Reagan) I'm a goddamn conservative, except for when it comes to marriage vows. Blah blah blah....war......

RON PAUL: I'd be electable if y'all would pull your heads out of your asses. Ah, who am I kidding? You dumbshits live for this warmongering police state shit.

MAN ON DOG SANTORUM: It's all the homosexuals' fault that nobody takes me seriously!! Do you like my candy cane tie?

MITTENS ROMNEY: I'm a better candidate than Newt, because I'm rich. I'm a "job creator". Just ask the Chinese. I've helped them create thousands of jobs!

BATSHIT BACHMANN: Google boy is right. The queers are to blame for everything. (No Marcus, not you. Sit down) God damn it, I work hard being this fucking crazy? Do you think this is easy??

pRICK PERRY: I wanna share somethin' with you. I know I'm a dumbass. Shit, I'll admit it. You morons nominated one idiot from Texas, so why not another one? Tim Tebow Rules!!

JON HUNTSMAN: I am the consistent Conservative. But that's not what you idiots want. You want a teabagging, Trump blowing, Koch sucking, warmongering moron. After tonight, you'll never have to listen to me again. Your loss, motherfuckers.

[FORD]

Topic: Leadership

MAN ON DOG: Free Markets, Free People, Concentration Camps for Queers

pRICK: Goddamn I'm drunk.... what was the question?

MITT: I'm a leader. Elohim told me so.

NEWT: Obama's a terrorist radical. I'm a hobbit who's had three wives. Who do you trust?

PAUL: Cut everything. Deregulate everything. Ayn Rand is GOD.

BACHMANN: Don't tax the rich. Let everybody starve.

HUNTSMAN: I like flat taxes. Hell, I'm rich, so why wouldn't I?

[FORD]

Topic: Economic corruption and shit like that

MITTENS: Not every business succeeds. When they do, I buy them, and outsource all the jobs to China. Would anybody like a Dunkin Donut or some Baskin Robbins Ice Cream?

NEWT: Yeah, I made a shit load of money off the housing bubble, but I'm gonna blame everything on that fag Barney Frank. Look, I know about housing. I'm paying three mortgages, one for each ex wife!

PAUL: Cut all government sponsored anything. Let's all live in a Randtard fairytale!! Fuck jobs!

NEWT: But if we did that, how could ex politicians become lobbyists...er uh.... did I mention I have three ex wives to support?

BATSHIT: I've seen the checks Newt. You know you were on their payroll. And I want to abolish Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac, because they help gay couples buy houses.

NEWT: That crazy bitch is lying. I'm not a lobbyist. I made sure I had a different job title to cover my ass!

BATSHIT: Shut down the government enterprises! If you need money to buy a house, open up a religious clinic to "cure" homosexuality like I did.

[FORD]

NEWT: Sure I flip flopped on that Paul Ryan idiocy, but Mitt flipped flopped on it first! Blame him!

MITT: Fuck Medicare. I'm a billionaire, so I'll never need it.

PAUL: Cut spending, cut taxes, but don't mess with Texas... or at least my district. Hey, I'm a disciple of Ayn Rand, so I don't need to live in reality, right ? I don't vote for earmarks, but I'll take 'em!

pRICK: Cut Congress down to part time. Hell, they can be lobbyists the rest of the year.

MAN ON DOG: Cut corporate taxes to ZERO, because people like Mitt don't have enough money. And fuck "obamacare". Not that it has anything to do with this topic, I just wanted to say that.

[Blaze]

Trump is a God be damning grifting idiot, why it has taken this long to surface is beyond me.

[Blaze]

And so is his fucking family ~`~

[FORD]

Topic: judiciary stuff

NEWT: Judges are fascist dictators. Well, the Liberal ones are anyway. But not my friends Fat Tony Scalia, Clarence the Clown, or Opie Roberts.

BATSHIT: I agree with Newt. I'm scared of any judge who disagrees with my right wing extremist views. Look at what the Liberal judges did here in Iowa, they let QUEERS get married!!

PAUL: What the fuck are you talking about, abolishing courts? Shut up, you dumb bitch.

MITTENS: Yeah I nominated Democrats as judges in Massachusetts, but it wasn't my fault. Blame Ted Kennedy. I'll only nominate conservative Mormon judges as President.

MAN ON DOG: Courts kill babies, and I love Clarence the Clown!

pRICK: No life time terms for Librul judges

NEWT: Fat Tony Scalia is an intellectual giant.

BATSHIT: Yeah, and Opie Roberts is cool too.

[ThrillsNSpills]

Something went horribly wrong with Ron Paul's right eyebrow.

[FORD]

Topic: "foreign policy" (Bomb Iran)

PAUL: Fuck this imperialistic AIPAC/Likud horseshit. There are NO nuclear weapons in Iran. And if they did have them, do you idiots really think they're scarier than the goddamn Soviet Union???
(FAUX tool tries to trick him into supporting war on Iran. He fails.....)

MAN ON DOG: I blame Iran for everything that's happened since 1979, even though I have absolutely no evidence to back up that idiotic statement. So I'll just blab away here with bullshit about how "extremist Iranian theology" means we should bomb the shit out of them.

MITTENS: I think we should kill them all, and then baptize them after they're dead. But only in a way that makes me money.

BATSHIT: Obama made a mistake ending the stupid war in Iraq that Chimpy made a mistake starting. Iran and Syria want to take over the world, kill all our babies, and force us into homosexuality. Pat Robertson told me so!

PAUL: Michelle, you are so full of shit. Can we stop it with all this "they kill us for our freedoms crap"?? They want to kill us because we invaded their fucking country.

BATSHIT: I'm scared of Ahmadinnerjacket, because I believe NuttyYahoo's bullshit.

PAUL: Well, there's your first mistake. Ever heard of the Cuban Missile Crisis, you dumb cunt? I'm no fan of Libruls, but goddamn it, look how JFK handled that.

[FORD]

Topic: energy

NEWT: If we don't build a pipeline across the country and destroy the environment of the whole goddamned midwest, and create the world's largest terrorist target, then them Hosers are gonna sell OUR oil to Mitt's business partners, the Chinese

HUNTSMAN: We need to get off our addiction to Arab oil and replace it with an addiction to Canadian tar sand oil.

BATSHIT: BP and Halliburton destroying the Gulf of Mexico doesn't bother me. The Keystone pipeline destroying the Midwest doesn't bother me. It doesn't matter, because Jesus will rapture me, and I don't care how much the sinners suffer.

pRICK: Invokes 10th Amendment as an excuse to destroy the planet. Abolish all regulation of energy. Hell, I agree with Michele. Fuck this planet, I'm on the Jesus express to Heaven YEEEHAAWW.

[Unchainme]

I believe Reagan had a quote about how he didn't quit being a democrat and saying that he didn't "leave the party", but the "party left him". This about describes the way I feel with my current political beliefs.

Yes, the only thing that matters to the GOP are keeping gays unmarried, cutting taxes for a select few group of Americans, and calling anyone who supports any sort of form of Gov't "Socialists". Fucking bullshit. Fix the economy, quit starting wars and make sure that big business, special interest and gov't aren't in bed with each other. That's all I ask.

Jesus Christ...the GOP couldn't find one remotely good to run. None of these folks have any shot at beating Obama.

[Unchainme]

Topic: energy

NEWT: If we don't build a pipeline across the country and destroy the environment of the whole goddamned midwest, and create the world's largest terrorist target, then them Hosers are gonna sell OUR oil to Mitt's business partners, the Chinese

HUNTSMAN: We need to get off our addiction to Arab oil and replace it with an addiction to Canadian tar sand oil.

BATSHIT: BP and Halliburton destroying the Gulf of Mexico doesn't bother me. The Keystone pipeline destroying the Midwest doesn't bother me. It doesn't matter, because Jesus will rapture me, and I don't care how much the sinners suffer.

pRICK: Invokes 10th Amendment as an excuse to destroy the planet. Abolish all regulation of energy. Hell, I agree with Michele. Fuck this planet, I'm on the Jesus express to Heaven YEEEHAAWW.

Alberta=Texas from what I've heard. I mean look at the name of their hockey teams for gods sake.

[Seshmeister]

There is something absolutely and completely bullshit about anyone at all who claims to be against big government getting involved in any way at all at any point in adult sexuality.

I have never ever at any point heard any of these bozos try to defend the complete ridiculousness of that.

[FORD]

Topic: immigration

pRICK: I've been the governator of Texas for over 10 years, but it's goddamn Obama's fault that Arab terrorists from Hamas (WTF???) are dealin' drugs along my border.

MAN ON DOG: I'm gonna change it up a little here and throw some generic Chavez hate in here, and throw out some completely fictional claim that he's in league with Iran and Syria. What? We're talking about Mexico? Oh... who's going to Taco Bell, I'll take a 7 layer burrito and a side of Super Nachos.

MITTENS: We need a national ID card. Did I mention that Bain Capital just bought the company that makes them?

NEWT: If I can buy some shares of that company, I'm in. And I support the fascist laws in Arizona and South Carolina.

HUNTSMAN: Why are we worried about this? The economy is so fucked, the Mexicans aren't even bothering anymore. Of course 30 years of fucked up policies are to blame for that, but since this is FAUX, I'll blame it on Obama.

[FORD]

Topic: gay rights & abortion

MITTENS: Damn it, I've flip flopped on these issues so many times, even I forget what my stand is on them. Oh, and I only supported the assault weapons ban because the NRA told me I could.

MAN ON DOG: Mitt is a fag lover, and he knows it. He let those Sodomites get married in Massachusetts and wrote the marriage licenses himself!

MITTENS: Oh, go Google yourself, you frothy mix of lying bastard.

BATSHIT: Newt Gingrich is going to BURN IN HELL because he didn't defund Planned Parenthood.

NEWT: Suck it bitch. I've got a 98.5% rating from.... uh whichever right wing fringe group rates us on stupid shit like this.

BATSHIT: I'm a serious candidate! Marcus tells me so every night, as I'm doing him up the ass with a strap-on. Newt, stop lying about me.

NEWT: I tried to get rid of abortion, but Clinton vetoed it.

[FORD]

Topic: Reagan's 11th commandment (Thou shalt not bash a fellow Repuke)

MAN ON DOG: Bash away! Hell, what can they say about me that hasn't already been said for years?

pRICK: What do I care, I'm so drunk right now, I won't remember this tomorrow.

MITTENS: Don't bash me, bash Obama.

NEWT: Bashing? I'm not bashing anyone. These fucking idiots on this stage are all my friends, honest!

BATSHIT: You guys don't know what you're talking about. Reagan bashed all the time, so will I.

HUNTSMAN: I knew Ronald Reagan. I worked for Ronald Reagan. None of you dumbasses are Ronald Reagan.

[FORD]

Well thank Christ that's over..... now over to Current TV for "post game analysis"

[LoungeMachine]

Can we PLEASE stop calling these things "Debates" ????



And let your hair down, Michelle.....it's the only reason to pay attention to you when you speak.

[lesfunk]

I watched it for a little while and the only thing I came away with is the realization that every one of those motherfuckers has "crazy eye". I swear to Christ. They are all crazed.

[Unchainme]

I watched it for a little while and the only thing I came away with is the realization that every one of those motherfuckers has "crazy eye". I swear to Christ. They are all crazed.

It's like Satan has assembled an all-star team of candidates to lead us into the apocalypse.

[Nitro Express]

I'm just glad Nancy Reagan had the good sense to bury her husband under a big slab of concrete. It keeps the Republican Party from digging up the corpse and making it the new party leader.

[Nitro Express]

It's like Satan has assembled an all-star team of candidates to lead us into the apocalypse.

I'm waiting for the day when people will finally wake up to the fact that Israel is nothing but a shit hole not worth defending or fighting over and if Iran was really going to get us, they would have smuggled the nukes up in a shipment of drugs and Mexican migrant workers.

I used to have a neighbor who was born and grew up in Egypt. He always used to say there is nothing in the middle east worth killing our kids over. He became a resident of the US, married one of his students, and made some kids and was glad to be out of Egypt and always said Americans had no idea how good they have it.

[FORD]

I'm just glad Nancy Reagan had the good sense to bury her husband under a big slab of concrete. It keeps the Republican Party from digging up the corpse and making it the new party leader.

How do you know they haven't??

[Nitro Express]

I watched it for a little while and the only thing I came away with is the realization that every one of those motherfuckers has "crazy eye". I swear to Christ. They are all crazed.

Strange people and strange days indeed.