"The Ched Chunkhead Opens His Insufferable Piehole And Inserts Both Feet" Thread

[ThrillsNSpills]

Fuck'n Classic, Thanks Bro

Trust me, it's my pleasure.
But I guess the punchline behind the punchline is that these pictures were from the Chickenfoot Facebook page, that people keep posting on the page, along with comments of constructive criticism to Hagar about shutting up about the VH disc because it's incredible.

[lesfunk]

I have not read every post in this 26 page manifesto but I think what we are missing is the understanding of why hagar (I refuse to capitalize his name on purpose) does not like the Great new VH record. He feels that it lacks inspiration (or whatever the fuck he said) because what inspires hagar produces mediocrity in spades. There's no way he could ever understand what this album is about. For him to approve of ADKOT it would have to sound faceless and forgettable. Essentially like EVERYTHING he's ever done in his entire career.
Well this record ain't mediocre at all. If fact I consider this album to be the Anti hagar Record whether is was meant to be or not. The fact that hagar hates this record is rock solid Proof that VH has done something right in a big way. I'll bet every member of chicken foot like this record and that must upset shit head sam greatly. I'm sure Mikey likes it.
I'm not gushing over this album because it's VH. I'm typing this because it's a LEGITAMATE VAN HALEN RECORD FULL OF TOP SHITE MATERIAL. Christ, I'm fucking proud of Van Halen for making it and I'm completely satisfied to see the door closed on the hagar/Van Halen connection for once and for all.

[robg8888]

Is Sammy insecure? Bottom line Sam, you were an employee; Dave is family

After reading his book, this is what I have concluded. First off, I hated that any success he has had, he feels was all because of him. Any failures were someone else's fault. I despise the fact that he came off like he rescued VH, and that he was every bit as big as them when they merged. Does he think we all have bad memories? Sam was an opening act, plain and simple. VH was historic. And he tried to make it sound like Dave was broke and destitute, and that Sam saved him by offering the Sam and Dave tour. Personally, I have communicated with his sister 4 times, discussing real estate. I tried to keep it mostly professional, but she did mention that Dave was smart enough to invest in real estate a long time ago, and still does. He purchases in the name of a trust for legal protection. I hardly think he was broke. His mansion in CA is paid off, and he paid cash for a NYC apartment. Those aren't cheap.

Also, as a VH fan who accepted Sam into OUR family, I don't like him trying to ruin my image of Dave. "Here he walks in, this tall rock God, and then I notice he's wearing 8 inch heels, and here I am just in flip flops. I was disappointed. I really thought he was taller". Dude, Dave is every bit of 6' tall, boots or no boots. You are about 5' 7. Sam sounds like he has a Napolean complex. Only short guys who are insecure about their height would make a point to check out a guy's shoes, and then try to bring him down to their size. I am 5'9 by the way, and 100% secure with what look like. Sam on the other hand really needs to stop trying to put people down, and instead, just be who he is.

[DLR Bridge]

I've posted before how I can't recommend enough reading (get it from a library or spend some time in a book store) Sam's book. He is soooo full of shit and himself (coincidence, I think not) that it's quite an entertaining read. Delusional. Totally fucking delusional. He makes himself out to be the messiah of rock and roll, especially around '91 when he was supposedly banging 5 chicks at once under the stage during his boss's guitar solo. Ass clown.

[Jetstream]

Sammy is insecure about his height and his tiny dick as well

[Zing!]

I am currently reading Dave's book for like the sixth or seventh time (I've lost count) because I feel like I learn something new every time I pick it up - about Dave and about myself.

I wonder what I'd learn - if I'd find a single redeeming quality - if I actually read Sammy's ghost written memoir. I can't imagine it benefiting me in any positive way. That's the thing about negativity. Funny how that works. Keep meaning to give it a go - but I'd have to be pretty hard up for reading material. Any Maxim or Playboy will be more culturally relevant and spiritually enlightening than Ched's tome.

[BenJammin]

Delusional. Totally fucking delusional. He makes himself out to be the messiah of rock and roll, especially around '91 when he was supposedly banging 5 chicks at once under the stage during his boss's guitar solo. Ass clown.

I just picture a scene [if it's even true] of an uncomfortable and sad bunch of either confused young women or some nasty skags having the man-pig sweating and snorting on them making rutting noises for what seemed like the longest 2 minutes of their lives and feeling dirty and hating themselves for it afterwards.


Whereas when Dave wrote about having multiple women in his hotel and dressing rooms, I picture scenes reminiscent of a well produced porno where everyone is having a good time and they actually wanted to be there because of Dave and not just to 'fuck any rocker' and wrote about it in their diaries and still cherish the moment to this day.

:happy64:

[Nigel]

Assume Sammy had the music for ADKOT/Warning Extreme Sarcasm

Dave always said Sammy "committed lyrical felonies"

Here's how this would go:

Sammy: There is no ballad material here. Ed these songs are too fast, can we do 3 instrumentals?

Ed: No fucking way; just take your most "butchered" song, "Up for Breakfast" as inspiration!

Sam: You're right, it's all about sex, food and tequila. By the way sorry about my book!

Ed: Just write you uninspired prick!

Track Listing:

1) Tofu, Tofu!
2) She's the Womb, Man!
3) You and Your Blueberries, melons and grapefruit
4) Chinese Food Town (Chickenfeet Soup)
5) Blood and the FirePitBBQ
6) Jimmy Buffethead
7) Gas Is (called farting!)
8) HoneyBunSweetieDonut
9) The Trouble with Gnocchi ("When was the last time you had dumplings for the first time!")
10) Outta Spice (Cake)
11) Stay Frosting (Poundcake reprised)
12) Big Ravioli
13) Beats Wankin"

[Va Beach VH Fan]

Merging with other Spam-related crap...

[jhale667]

If Spambot had a shred of class, credibility, integrity, or was a real MAN, he'd issue a retraction and apology statement for the pre-release slagging he did on ADKOT. If he still maintains they have "no spark, no creativity" then he's in complete f*cking denial (oh wait, he IS). But since he's a delusional mangina I wouldn't recommend anyone hold their breath waiting for him to do the right thing.

[chefcraig]

If Spambot had a shred of class, credibility, integrity, or was a real MAN, he'd issue a retraction and apology statement for the pre-release slagging he did on ADKOT. If he still maintains they have "no spark, no creativity" then he's in complete f*cking denial (oh wait, he IS). But since he's a delusional mangina I wouldn't recommend anyone hold their breath waiting for him to do the right thing.

Dunno why this never occurred to me before, but given the proper perspective, Sammy Hagar appears to be the ultimate Van Halen troll.

[NIN1211]

Funny as hell!!!!

[Nigel]

Thanks to the 4 people who enjoyed post #1028.

It took me all night to think of that.

Cheers

Nigel

[Romeo Delight]

1) Tofu, Tofu!
2) She's the Womb, Man!
3) You and Your Blueberries, melons and grapefruit
4) Chinese Food Town (Chickenfeet Soup)
5) Blood and the FirePitBBQ
6) Jimmy Buffethead
7) Gas Is (called farting!)
8) HoneyBunSweetieDonut
9) The Trouble with Gnocchi ("When was the last time you had dumplings for the first time!")
10) Outta Spice (Cake)
11) Stay Frosting (Poundcake reprised)
12) Big Ravioli
13) Beats Wankin"

That's pretty funny

[BenJammin]

Thanks to the 4 people who enjoyed post #1028.

It took me all night to think of that.

Cheers

Nigel

Yes, pretty creative, thank you.

Also along with the food related issues, have you noticed that when Ched tries to get a little bit raunchy in his lyrics (like he's trying to capture something from the CVH era) it just comes across as crass, boorish, and lewd?

Unlike Dave who could write plenty of sexual innuendo into his lyrics, yet have it came across with a not-so-serious fun vibe with a wink in his eye? Just another example of how they are worlds apart in class and songwriting abilities.