"The Ched Chunkhead Opens His Insufferable Piehole And Inserts Both Feet" Thread

[VAiN]

I appreciate that Natra but I'm pretty sure many of us came up with it on some level during the last week.


It shows restraint that Sam waited 7 days to trash the new music.

I have to admit, I was surprised by this myself.. I figure there must have been one helluva line at the buffet.

[Seshmeister]

Since we are going to have one place for the Hagar bullshit I'd like to quote this excellent post by Adam at the VHND website.

http://www.vhnd.com/2011/04/26/qa-with-sammy-hagar-autobiography-author-joel-selvin/

I'm a longtime fan of BOTH VH singers and longtime commenter at VHND. I thought I knew Sammy before this book came out, but I simply can not believe how much he lies in the book! Is he lying about Eddie? I don't know because I wasn't there. All the lies that I spotted are lies that any knowledgeable fan could spot. He is shamelessly rewriting history. I have numbered the lies I spotted below:

1) Page 54: "...the first Montrose album has sold more than 4 million records over the years." According to the RIAA, it's certified just ONE million. (Worldwide sales are barely more than USA sales for all Hagar's albums).

2) PAGE 78: "I sold out the Oakland Coliseum that Fourth of July" [1980]. He fails to mention that he was on the bill with 4 other bands, three of which were hugely popular at the time: Blue Oyster Cult, REO Speedwagen, and Triumph, (and also Randy Hanson). Hagar conveniently implies he sold it out by himself.

3) PAGE 80: [In 1982]: “We went out on tour, headlining arenas, double nights in a lot of places.” From my years working in concert promotion at Electric Factory in Philly in the ’80?s (a huge concert promoter back then), I have the list of Sammy’s 1982 tour dates straight from Pollstar. There was only ONE city listed where he played twice: San Francisco. Again, he is lying through his fake teeth.

4-7) Page 90 contains one incredible paragraph that is the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever read relating to Van Halen in my life!:

“The tour for VOA was my most successful. I sold out arenas everywhere, two, three, or four nights some places, one of the top grossing tours in 1984–right up there with Van Halen, who broke at the same time with “Jump” and all that. I remember getting an award in Portland, Oregon. I sold out two nights and got the Show of the year. Van Halen was runner-up. We were neck-and-neck on the road. My album was 1.6 million, but they ended up selling 10 million records.”

4) “VAN HALEN “BROKE” WITH JUMP IN 1984?? How he belittles VH's earlier success! I was under the impression that they broke in 1978, when they exploded with their earth-shattering debut, rewriting the rules for rock music and sold 2 million copies right out of the gate! Ed was winning every guitar player award in site. In only their first year, VH far eclipsed everything that Montrose & Hagar ever did. Everyone was talking about VH in ’78, and NO ONE was talking about Hagar or Montrose.

5) “I SOLD OUT ARENAS EVERYWHERE, TWO, THREE, FOUR NIGHTS IN SOME PLACES, ONE OF THE TOP GROSSING TOURS IN 1984–RIGHT UP THERE WITH VAN HALEN”.

Wow. With this statement, Hagar completely abandons any mindset that the “truth” is sacred. He is SHAMELESSLY rewriting history here. VAN HALEN was the monster that was selling out multiple arenas, not him! Hagar COULDN’T EVEN PLAY most cities on the east coast because he simply wasn’t popular over there. Hagar could sell out arenas in the midwest and in California, and that’s practically it. His VOA tour was his biggest tour ever, yet he played ONE night in each city except for places where he was big, such as St. Louis, Dallas, and San Fran, where he played two nights. He was playing ONE night in virtually every city (not 2-4), and overall, he played smaller venues than where VH was booked, and sold far less tickets in those venues. The VH tour was a 100% sell-out virtually everywhere, and on the other hand, Hagar had plenty of cities where he could only sell 30%-50% of the tickets, even after “I Can’t Drive 55".

6) “We [VH & his band in 1984] were neck-and-neck on the road.” On what planet? Anyone who was alive during the ’80's knows that Van Halen was infinitely more popular than Hagar. Perhaps Hagar was the only person on EARTH who didn’t see it that way. In 1984, Van Halen was through the stratosphere – their tour absolutely dwarfed all other rock band's tours, especially Hagar’s.

7) “I remember getting an award in Portland, Oregon. I sold out two nights and got the Show of the Year.” Again, from my years working in concert promotion, I have here Sammy’s 1982 tour dates. He played ONE night in Portland, Oregon, on 3/19/82, at the Memorial Coliseum. The dates before and after were both in Washington. No other Portland dates.

8 ) Page 113: "Before I joined the band, Van Halen didn't have a particularly tight show. Roth would talk. They'd do another song. Ed would play a 20 minute guitar solo. They would do another song. Roth would talk some more, another song, Al would do a drum solo for 30 minutes. On the 1984 tour...they were doing 8 songs in a 2 hour show. They ended every song the same way."

Any fan who reads this who either saw Van Halen before Sammy joined, or owns ANY amount of old Van Halen bootlegs, knows that every single thing Sammy said in that paragraph is complete bullshit. EVH's solo was always around 10 minutes. Alex's was always 3-4 minutes. They always did 16 songs, not counting solos. VH was a well-oiled machine, a stellar production, and tightly choreographed - the exact opposite of what Sam describes. Again, he is shamelessly rewriting history to try to diminish what Van Halen was before he joined.

9) Page 121: "The record [Sammy's solo album "I Never Said Goodbye"] went platinum immediately."

As of today, 4/26/11, it has only been certified Gold status w/ the RIAA.

10) Page 122: "We [VH in 1986] were selling out four nights in arenas anywhere." Although the 5150 tour was a smashing success, and they occasionally would sell 2, 3 or even 4 nights in certain cities, the band played ONE night vast majority of cities. Also, the 5150 tour wasn't as big as the 1984 tour, which had the band playing one additional night in several cities than they were on the 5150 tour.

11) Page 173: "The fans went against Roth. He died a quick death as a solo artist." [When he went solo in 1985]

I would say that most current VH fans are under the impression that Hagar's solo career has been more successful than Roth's. However, if you want to measure the success with ALBUM SALES, Roth's solo career has actually been more successful than Hagar's! Roth's first 3 albums went Platinum (Crazy From The Heat in '85, Eat 'EM And Smile in '86, and Skyscraper in '87). Hagar, however, never had could match that success - he never had 3 consecutive Platinum solo albums... just 3 consecutive GOLD albums, and then later in 1987 released another one that only went gold, with the help of Eddie playing bass. Hagar's solo career simply was never as big as Roth's was in the '80's. Roth was consistently platinum, while Hagar was consistently gold.

12) Page 222: When Irving Azoff told Hagar that the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame wanted to induct Van Halen, but only the Roth-version of the band, Hagar says, "I went nuts on Irving. I was in the band longer than Roth. He was in Van Halen seven years. I was with them eleven years. I sold more records than he did. How could they do that to me?"

He is wrong on both counts. Roth was in VH for 12 years ('74-'85) and VH sold twice as many albums with Roth than with Hagar. (See RIAA.com).

13) Page 234: Sammy says that, before he joined VH, "I was selling out multiple arenas, had five platinum albums in a row on Geffen, and I was ripe to join Van Halen when they asked..."

I already went over the "multiple arenas" bull. As for "5 platinum albums in a row on Geffen"? He had only 3 Geffen albums, and none were platinum:

1981 Standing Hampton - Gold as of 1985.

1982 Three Lock Box - Gold to this day.

1984 V.O.A. - Gold as of mid-1985.

Those are all the major lies that I can detect, just as a fan. I can't even imagine how many more lies are in the book that the fans would have no way of detecting.

Hagar wants all the fans to think that he was hugely successful BEFORE he joined VH, as if joining them wasn't necessarily the thing that catapulted his career. In countless interviews, he states that his solo albums were going platinum before VH.

This is all a lie. In reality, NONE of his solo albums went platinum by the time he joined VH in mid 1985. Sure, as of 2011, 3 of his albums have gone platinum (Montrose, Standing Hampton, and V.O.A.). But Hampton didn't go platinum 'till 1992, V.O.A. didn't go platinum until Nov. '85, and Montrose didn't until many years later, either.

YES, Hagar was (moderately) successful before VH, and good for him!! Why can't he just be satisfied with the success that he truly DID have and just be HONEST about everything in his book? It's because his ego and his insecurity can't handle the truth.

Sammy's all about HIMSELF. He belittles Roth and Eddie to try to seem better than them. He belittles the legacy that Roth, Ed, Al, & Mike created together, just to make HIS years in VH seem better. I find his behavior disgusting and immoral. Nothing outside of HIMSELF is sacred to him, and certainly not Van Halen! Ironically, his very own autobiography shattered my respect of him.

[Golden AWe]

I feel bad for the envious and jealous Sammy.

NOT!!!

[Seshmeister]

From the sleeve of Hagar's book.

"“Sammy’s no bullsh*tter. If Sammy says it happened, it did. There’s nobody else anywhere like him.” (Michael Anthony )"

[ELVIS]

"Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy!"

[DavidLeeNatra]

Since we are going to have one place for the Hagar bullshit I'd like to quote this excellent post by Adam at the VHND website.

http://www.vhnd.com/2011/04/26/qa-wi...r-joel-selvin/

there you go...

[ThrillsNSpills]

"Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy!"

And all you guys know he will be making that same expression when he listens to the new Van Halen album on February 7th.

[DavidLeeNatra]

"Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy!"

[guwapo_rocker]

In related news, Gary Cherone has just tweeted to say that 'Tattoo' makes him want to finger-fuck his ass......

What doesn't??

[Seshmeister]

Ooops...



SUBJECT: Your review of Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock could not be posted to Amazon.com

Dear Sesh,

Thanks for submitting a customer review on Amazon. Your review could not be posted to the website in its current form. While we appreciate your time and comments, reviews must adhere to the following guidelines:

http://www.amazon.com/review-guidelines

We encourage you to revise your review and submit it again. A few common issues to keep in mind:



• Written reviews must be at least 20 words long. The ideal length is 75 to 500 words.
• Your review should focus on specific features of the product and your experience with it. Feedback on the seller or your shipment experience should be provided at www.amazon.com/feedback.
• We do not allow profane or obscene content. This applies to adult products too.

[Seshmeister]

What doesn't??

I know the punchline is 'Nuno's black nail polish' but I don't seem to be able to come up with the feed...

[ThrillsNSpills]

Ooops...



SUBJECT: Your review of Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock could not be posted to Amazon.com

Dear Sesh,

Thanks for submitting a customer review on Amazon. Your review could not be posted to the website in its current form. While we appreciate your time and comments, reviews must adhere to the following guidelines:

http://www.amazon.com/review-guidelines

We encourage you to revise your review and submit it again. A few common issues to keep in mind:



• Written reviews must be at least 20 words long. The ideal length is 75 to 500 words.
• Your review should focus on specific features of the product and your experience with it. Feedback on the seller or your shipment experience should be provided at www.amazon.com/feedback.
• We do not allow profane or obscene content. This applies to adult products too.

hahahahaha Go get em Sesh.
Sammy Hagar: My uncensored Lies in Rock.

[GreenEyedMurder]

No one here bought Van Halen records when Hagar was in the band?

The only VH I bought during that dark era were CD releases of the original Classic VH Sixpack that I'd originally bought on vinyl.

I bought NOTHING with Hagar (or Cherone).

[GreenEyedMurder]

"Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy!"

Arrested for stalking?

[twonabomber]

arrested for impersonating a lyricist.