"The Ched Chunkhead Opens His Insufferable Piehole And Inserts Both Feet" Thread

[gbranton]

Well I'm gonna to go then! And I don't need any of this! I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this angel and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this angel. And this paddle game, the angel and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The angel, the paddle game and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The angel, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The angel, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this! The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that's all I need. The angel, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

[ToraToraTora]

And the Award for the Biggest Cry Baby of the year goes to...................

[VAiN]

And the Award for the Biggest Cry Baby of the year goes to...................

We have a winner!!!!

[VAiN]

This was too easy...

[JJtheVagPounder]

Classic

[Seshmeister]

Gone already I think.

Noticed that Satriani is bringing out a solo video.

Maybe he is less sure that he is in the greatest band of all time...

[JJtheVagPounder]

I think I'm hilarious.

[Nitro Express]

At the end of the day, Dave, Eddie, Alex, and Wolfgang pulled it off. There's not one bad song on the new album and at the Cafe Wha? they proved they can do it live. It's Van Halen again and I'm just fine with it.

[VAiN]

If only they'd listen....

[VAiN]

At the end of the day, Dave, Eddie, Alex, and Wolfgang pulled it off. There's not one bad song on the new album and at the Cafe Wha? they proved they can do it live. It's Van Halen again and I'm just fine with it.

Totally agree... this is just fun!

[VAiN]

Gone already I think.

Noticed that Satriani is bringing out a solo video.

Maybe he is less sure that he is in the greatest band of all time...

No, still there... they don't seem to monitor the threads as much. The wall postings are a different story.

I hope he reads it.

[wiseguy]

You guys are bad. Holy fuck. Tee hee hee.
It feels like I'm watching big kids beat up on the little kid at school.....
No...no...no........it feels like your beating up the retarded kid who dresses up like a clown at the psych hospital. "kick him in the face!"

Ya, that's better.

[DONNIEP]

The ONLY thing that has maintained Sammy's career thus far has been his tenuous tie to Van Halen...Period. At this point in time no one would have given two shits about Sammy except for the fact that he was the lead singer, for a time, of Dave's former backing band. Over, done with, gone. Other than that, he would be done. I can't wait until someone interviews his fat ass and says "well, Van Halen's new record was the biggest selling album of 2012"...

[DavidLeeNatra]

I’ve been in both bands, I can tell you right now. Take the new albums and compare them track-by-track and then tell me.

Okay...I did that...really! I've gone through the whole Chickenpoof III just for the record (okay...maybe I stopped 2 or 11 songs after a minute or so)

I give you that...this album has some moments. and there is even a song ("something's going wrong") I can stand sam's singing (did I really write that?). overall it's a solid album for those who like that kind of rock.

solid...average...

how about: KILLER! MIND BLOWING! PHENOMENAL! OUTSTANDING! this is what I think when I listen to A DIFFERENT KIND OF TRUTH!!! which I have to do again now...to get the chickenshit off my mind...

[DavidLeeNatra]

I think in Chickenfoot, we’ve raised the bar a little bit on what a four-piece rock band can do, and I think they chose to take the easy route and take some of their old stuff and and re-record it instead of writing new songs. Who is Van Halen today?

far beyond everything you could ever do...you want to compare your four-piece rock band? leave alone led zep or the mighty =VH=...try Poison...hard enough for you!

[sadaist]

He's gonna flip when he hears this new album. Holy shit!!!!

HAHA!

I was thinking the same thing. And even if he is in denial & somehow makes himself believe it's bad, the overall reception & reviews & sales numbers are gonna make him cry at night. So funny.

He should have just stuck to..."I hope the new music is great. The fans deserve it & I'm really glad my old friend Eddie is healthy again. I hope someday we can mend our friendship. Now, back to my band...." And it would be done with. Only reason reporters keep asking him about VH is every time his answers get more & more acidic & crybabyish. Makes for a more entertaining article when the guy is having a meltdown.

[Yount]

He should have just stuck to..."I hope the new music is great. The fans deserve it & I'm really glad my old friend Eddie is healthy again. I hope someday we can mend our friendship. Now, back to my band...."

Yeah! Or he should 'fess up and tell the truth: "I have secretly always worshiped Van Halen!"

[Yount]

"Buy this now!"

... er sorry Americanos... in 5 days

[sadaist]

Still...the 'Supergroup' moniker is hilarious to me. It's like Joe Satriana took all the great bands worst players.

Peppers - hmm...cant get Kiedes or Flea...I know! The drummer. At least we can still say "...of the Peppers"

Van Halen - well can't be Ed, he would outdo me. And he never leaves his brothers side. Roth doesn't know who I am. Ooooh! I know! Michael Anthony. At least we can still say "...of Van Halen"

The only thing wrong about this 'supergroup' is instead of Joe the guitarist should be Vivian Campbell.

Supergroup = the weakest links from other great bands? Weird.


Me? I'll have the grouper soup instead.



Grouper Soup

Minutes to Prepare: 15
Minutes to Cook: 20
Number of Servings: 4

Ingredients

* Grouper (fish), 4 fillet (remove)
* Zucchini, baby, 1 large (remove)
* *Summer Squash, 1 medium (remove)
* Celery, raw, 2 medium (remove)
* Carrots, raw, 2 large (7-1/4" to 8-1/2" long) (remove)
* Stewed Tomatoes, 1 cup (remove)
* Water, tap, 5 cup (8 fl oz) (remove)
* Garlic, 1 clove (remove)
* Paprika, 1 tbsp (remove)
* Olive Oil, 1 tbsp (remove)
* Salt, 1 tsp (remove)
* Pepper, red or cayenne, 1 tsp (remove)
* Pepper, black, 1 tsp (remove)

[DavidLeeNatra]

Still...the 'Supergroup' moniker is hilarious to me. It's like Joe Satriana took all the great bands worst players.

Peppers - hmm...cant get Kiedes or Flea...I know! The drummer. At least we can still say "...of the Peppers"

Van Halen - well can't be Ed, he would outdo me. And he never leaves his brothers side. Roth doesn't know who I am. Ooooh! I know! Michael Anthony. At least we can still say "...of Van Halen"

The only thing wrong about this 'supergroup' is instead of Joe the guitarist should be Vivian Campbell.

Supergroup = the weakest links from other great bands? Weird.


Me? I'll have the grouper soup instead.



Grouper Soup

Minutes to Prepare: 15
Minutes to Cook: 20
Number of Servings: 4

Ingredients

* Grouper (fish), 4 fillet (remove)
* Zucchini, baby, 1 large (remove)
* *Summer Squash, 1 medium (remove)
* Celery, raw, 2 medium (remove)
* Carrots, raw, 2 large (7-1/4" to 8-1/2" long) (remove)
* Stewed Tomatoes, 1 cup (remove)
* Water, tap, 5 cup (8 fl oz) (remove)
* Garlic, 1 clove (remove)
* Paprika, 1 tbsp (remove)
* Olive Oil, 1 tbsp (remove)
* Salt, 1 tsp (remove)
* Pepper, red or cayenne, 1 tsp (remove)
* Pepper, black, 1 tsp (remove)

[Vinnie Velvet]

This was too easy...

Well done, soldiers.

[Vinnie Velvet]

I think I'm hilarious.

[1971Quarter]

Regarding Spammy Gaybar's career:

"It's all over but the shouting"

[gbranton]

there is even a song ("something's going wrong") I can stand sam's singing (did I really write that?).

There was something else about this song as well. Usually Satriani's playing, while technically excellent, leaves me cold but on this song I really connect to his playing. It's the only song I can really say that about, I found it interesting and I bought the song on I-tunes to listen to it some more for that reason.

[DavidLeeNatra]

There was something else about this song as well. Usually Satriani's playing, while technically excellent, leaves me cold but on this song I really connect to his playing. It's the only song I can really say that about, I found it interesting and I bought the song on I-tunes to listen to it some more for that reason.

well...youtube was enough for me...really...won't spend a dime on hagar's shit...

[gbranton]

well...youtube was enough for me...really...won't spend a dime on hagar's shit...

It was before his recent comments, now I wouldn't give him the $0.99.

[DavidLeeNatra]

It was before his recent comments, now I wouldn't give him the $0.99.

go on his site and ask them back

[DavidLeeNatra]

double

[DLR Bridge]

I'm crying laugh tears at work over these Facebook posts. Thanks guys!

[chefcraig]

There was something else about this song as well. Usually Satriani's playing, while technically excellent, leaves me cold but on this song I really connect to his playing. It's the only song I can really say that about, I found it interesting and I bought the song on I-tunes to listen to it some more for that reason.

There has always been an almost clinical element to the guy's playing, that as you said, leaves a cold feeling. About the only time I've ever heard anything close to expressive playing from him was on that 2 CD Time Machine compilation featuring "Always with Me, Always with You."

By the way, if you've never heard this parody, prepare to laugh your ass off. This came out around the time the brilliant St. Sanders was getting started, performed by a guy named orland0. Seriously, you have to have some fairly decent skills in order to play this poorly.

[gbranton]

There has always been an almost clinical element to the guy's playing, that as you said, leaves a cold feeling.

That's why I'ne never been able to get into him that much. I appreciate it on a technical level but I listen to music to move me, take me places and stimulate my emotions and sadly his playing does none of those things.

[chefcraig]

That's why I'ne never been able to get into him that much. I appreciate it on a technical level but I listen to music to move me, take me places and stimulate my emotions and sadly his playing does none of those things.

I hear ya. Hell, you could randomly find more emotion on display in any of those those dozens of Mike Varney/Shrapnel shred-omatic albums that were dumped en-mass on the public in the 1980s (Vinnie Moore, I'm looking at you.) than in Satriani's entire catalog of recorded work. Sure, "Satch Boogie", "Summer Song" and "Surfing with the Alien" are pretty cool tunes (even if they are a bunch of recycled Beck, Bogert and Appice/Cactus/Grand Funk/Brownsville Station/VH "Hot For Teacher" rewrites), but the actual playing leaves you about as exited as an entree of Mrs. Paul's fish sticks.

[george]

I dropped a bloody stool that had more talent than Sam...

[wiseguy]

I dropped a bloody stool that had more talent than Sam...

Ahhhh the blood log...big fan. It does have a beat to it to.

[gbranton]

the actual playing leaves you about as exited as an entree of Mrs. Paul's fish sticks.

You can make a decent sandwich from fish sticks

but you can't make a great song from those licks.

[gbranton]

You can make a decent sandwich from fish sticks

but you can't make a great song from those licks.

But on the other hand, Sammy Hagar can write a whole song about fish sticks.

"Hey.....all right, I got a fish stick baby, can't catch it with a pole,

Uh......C'mon, wanna dive in your ocean find your tuna roll."

[chefcraig]

But on the other hand, Sammy Hagar can write a whole song about fish sticks.

"Hey.....all right, I got a fish stick baby, can't catch it with a pole,

Uh......C'mon, wanna dive in your ocean find your tuna roll."

Christ, that old joke about rolling the overweight girl in flour in order to find the moist spot just came to mind.

Well played, sir.

[DavidLeeNatra]

Christ, that old joke about rolling the overweight girl in flour in order to find the moist spot just came to mind.

Well played, sir.

[neuralfraud]

gbranton,

you SIR are WIN.



this also had me in stiches

samuel roy hagar, you are a terrible human being. I wish I could hate you into a coma. Eat shit and die.

[NIN1211]

Again I love this site...you guys all rule VH 2012.