"The Ched Chunkhead Opens His Insufferable Piehole And Inserts Both Feet" Thread

[Hardrock69]

Heh....I found a recent photo of Spamulus Flatulus

[Panamark]

He would be fucked if he couldnt talk about Van Halen.

Forever,

"The replacement singer that almost killed Van Halen"

[Nitro Express]

Dave inspires, Sammy depresses. "I need a job!" whine, cry, boo hoo, sniff. Are the aliens here yet?

[Panamark]

Why do I always feel the need to shit when I read what this fucker says ?

I just need a list of "Sammy media comments on Van Halen"
and I will be able to play "Pull my finger" with my son for hours !!!
May aswell put it to positive use .....

[kwame k]

Frankly, he's starting to remind me of the guy you date a few times, then decide it's not going to work. But he can't accept that. He constantly shows up outside your home, your job, school, etc. He will run into people you know and talk trash about how he can't stand you anyway, is glad you're not dating any longer and how awful you are. But he just cannot stop talking about you and trying to run into you.

So basically my ex-wife's male counterpart, so to speak

[IceCreamBlondie]

If there was ever a man who just needed to shut the fuck up... it's Hagar...

Well stated.
-----------



BTW, is Cack Blabbath a real name?

[DavidLeeNatra]

so predictable...wonder that he didn't say how much better the stuff would have been with HIM...yeah Sam, whatever...

[Panamark]

Strange that he didnt mention his "invented" album sales.
Maybe someone finally showed him what they really were ?
Perhaps that info was included in the last Alian Firmware update (finally)

[KoolKamper]

No one here bought Van Halen records when Hagar was in the band?

[Sensible Shoes]

Not me!!!!! just that first debacle so I could learn they SUCKED!

[Jetstream]

I bought some just to hear Eddie, but I bought them fuckers used at a small record store so Sammy would not have no extra sales to his credit

[FORD]

I owned them all at one point or another, but 5150 was the only one I ever paid retail price for. And was sorry I did.

The Rolling Stones Dirty Work was released the exact same day. I've never been so disappointed by two great bands in one day before or since.

[Nitro Express]

I bought the cassette of 5150 and stuck it in the tape player in the car and the first thing I heard was "Hello Baybeee!" Then after hearing the childish lyrics of some horny guys hitting up a waitress I became ill and shit my pants.

[Nitro Express]

Why do I always feel the need to shit when I read what this fucker says ?

I just need a list of "Sammy media comments on Van Halen"
and I will be able to play "Pull my finger" with my son for hours !!!
May aswell put it to positive use .....

Ha! ha! I hadn't read your post until after I made the post above but yes, as I stated above, Sammy Hagar may make you let go of your bowels. I'm expecting to see a Cabo Wabo line of adult diapers coming out for the Sammy fans to wear.

[Sensible Shoes]

I, for one, will refuse to wear his adult diapers.

[Nitro Express]

I, for one, will refuse to wear his adult diapers.

I think Sammy gathers up the ones at nursing homes and squeezes out the contents into his tequila bottles. Golden fluids but if they come out of an extra old diaper Sam charges more for it, especially the browner the color.

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[Halen High]

This fucking twit really needs to STFU


Sammy Hagar has heard ‘Tattoo,’ the first Van Halen song with David Lee Roth in over 15 years, and he doesn’t seem all that impressed.

During an interview with Cack Blabbath, the one-time VH frontman continues to give honest answers to questions about the band’s reunion with Roth, even if it means widening the chasm between him and his former bandmates.

“I personally don’t think that what they have just released, what I have seen and heard, is great at all,” Hagar says. “It should be better than it is but hey, it is what it is and at least they got together and at least they came out with something.”

So far, our readers seem to agree, giving the edge to the Hagar-fronted Chickenfoot and their new single ‘Different Devil‘ in a readers’ poll battle against ‘Tattoo.’

In the past Hagar has criticized Eddie Van Halen as a songwriter, and these most recent comments add further detail to that argument. In comparing his former guitarist with Chickenfoot guitarist Joe Satriani, Hagar says there’s no arguing who is easier to work with.

“Eddie is a genius guitar player and he can really play and he’s got a million things he can lay on you but you’ve got to try to make a song out of it,” he says. “Joe comes with the song, done, all I have to do is write lyrics and figure out what I’m going to sing to it.”

As for his current band Chickenfoot, Hagar says he hopes to record new music in the future, but has to wait for drummer Chad Smith to wrap up obligations with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He adds that he and Satriani have a writing relationship that is just beginning to bear fruit.

“Joe is the only musician I have ever worked with that won’t do his guitar solo until he knows what my lyrics are. I asked him why and he said, ‘Well I want to know what you’re singing about, and I want to play that,’” Hagar says. “I can’t name another guitar player, Eddie Van Halen, anyone that really cared about what the lyrics were for his solo.”

Sammy Hagar needs to STFU

In some respects, I enjoyed reading this, as its a clear indication of how tortured Sammy is over the demise of Van Hagar and the triumphant return of Dave since 2007 - relegating him to obscurity. In his own words, he paints himself as pathetic and he's too stupid to realise that's exactly what the journalist was hoping for. As for some meaningless poll......who cares if a few bitter Van Hagar types are motivated enough to vote for their fallen hero on a website few people have ever heard of, let alone bothered to visit. Meanwhile, Van Halen will once again pack the arenas, sell huge quantities of albums and introduce another generation of fans to a Roth-fronted Van Halen.

[Hardrock69]

Why do I always feel the need to shit when I read what this fucker says ?

Simple, Mark. When he is interviewed, he opens his asshole and shit comes out. Post-hypnotic suggestion. But since you have only one asshole, well, there you go.

Spambot The Insignificant has TWO assholes. One to communicate with.

[Halen High]

Strange that he didnt mention his "invented" album sales.
Maybe someone finally showed him what they really were ?
Perhaps that info was included in the last Alian Firmware update (finally)

I think a journalist from The Examiner tackled Sammy's ghostwriter over certain claims involving album sales in his book. Since then, Sammy hasn't mentioned album sales again.

[Dave's Bitch]

I was sure Sammy would love Tattoo

[Halen High]

Dude...that's not true...

they could open for Van Halen...then they wouldn't even have to book to get booed...

Seriously...imagine that shit...

Chickenfoot opening for Van Halen...honest to god...I would pay TRIPLE to watch the fucking carnage...

Some people on other sites have regularly posed the question, wouldn't it be great to see Chickenfoot open for Van Halen? The reality is, most people in the stadium would be sickened to see Hagar and yes, they would get booed off the stage night after night - I'm convinced of that - and it could get even uglier than just booing. Such is the angst towards Hagar, I reckon he'd cop a few tomatoes. He knows that - and that's why it will never happen.

[binnie]

In related news, Gary Cherone has just tweeted to say that 'Tattoo' makes him want to finger-fuck his ass......

[ashstralia]

why joe, why??

oh yeah, $$$

[Panamark]

Sammy should do a deal with Immodium.

Guaranteed sales increase !

[DavidLeeNatra]

man...it's really funny to go over to the linx for a couple of minutes and read how the hagaritas go apeshit because of their abortion of the band getting kicked into a chickenfootnote of the band's history with only one little song...

tat-too! tat-too...motherfuckers!!!

[guwapo_rocker]

chickenfootnote

HA!

I like it!!

[Carmine]

man...it's really funny to go over to the linx for a couple of minutes and read how the hagaritas go apeshit because of their abortion of the band getting kicked into a chickenfootnote of the band's history with only one little song...

tat-too! tat-too...motherfuckers!!!

"Chickenfootnote", bahaahahahahaa...that's awesome.

[DavidLeeNatra]

"Chickenfootnote", bahaahahahahaa...that's awesome.

thrillsnspills came up with it

http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showt...te#post1592670

[Panamark]

Is he still turning to Mikey now and laughing about how Van Halen
cant get their shit together ?

[ThrillsNSpills]

thrillsnspills came up with it

http://www.rotharmy.com/forums/showt...te#post1592670

I appreciate that Natra but I'm pretty sure many of us came up with it on some level during the last week.


It shows restraint that Sam waited 7 days to trash the new music. This is the same guy that gives himself no more than five to seven minutes to write anything and declare it on the same level as Zeppelin.

[VAiN]

I appreciate that Natra but I'm pretty sure many of us came up with it on some level during the last week.


It shows restraint that Sam waited 7 days to trash the new music.

I have to admit, I was surprised by this myself.. I figure there must have been one helluva line at the buffet.

[Seshmeister]

Since we are going to have one place for the Hagar bullshit I'd like to quote this excellent post by Adam at the VHND website.

http://www.vhnd.com/2011/04/26/qa-wi...r-joel-selvin/

I'm a longtime fan of BOTH VH singers and longtime commenter at VHND. I thought I knew Sammy before this book came out, but I simply can not believe how much he lies in the book! Is he lying about Eddie? I don't know because I wasn't there. All the lies that I spotted are lies that any knowledgeable fan could spot. He is shamelessly rewriting history. I have numbered the lies I spotted below:

1) Page 54: "...the first Montrose album has sold more than 4 million records over the years." According to the RIAA, it's certified just ONE million. (Worldwide sales are barely more than USA sales for all Hagar's albums).

2) PAGE 78: "I sold out the Oakland Coliseum that Fourth of July"� [1980]. He fails to mention that he was on the bill with 4 other bands, three of which were hugely popular at the time: Blue Oyster Cult, REO Speedwagen, and Triumph, (and also Randy Hanson). Hagar conveniently implies he sold it out by himself.

3) PAGE 80: [In 1982]: “We went out on tour, headlining arenas, double nights in a lot of places.” From my years working in concert promotion at Electric Factory in Philly in the ’80?s (a huge concert promoter back then), I have the list of Sammy’s 1982 tour dates straight from Pollstar. There was only ONE city listed where he played twice: San Francisco. Again, he is lying through his fake teeth.

4-7) Page 90 contains one incredible paragraph that is the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever read relating to Van Halen in my life!:

“The tour for VOA was my most successful. I sold out arenas everywhere, two, three, or four nights some places, one of the top grossing tours in 1984–right up there with Van Halen, who broke at the same time with “Jump” and all that. I remember getting an award in Portland, Oregon. I sold out two nights and got the Show of the year. Van Halen was runner-up. We were neck-and-neck on the road. My album was 1.6 million, but they ended up selling 10 million records.”

4) “VAN HALEN “BROKE” WITH JUMP IN 1984?? How he belittles VH's earlier success! I was under the impression that they broke in 1978, when they exploded with their earth-shattering debut, rewriting the rules for rock music and sold 2 million copies right out of the gate! Ed was winning every guitar player award in site. In only their first year, VH far eclipsed everything that Montrose & Hagar ever did. Everyone was talking about VH in ’78, and NO ONE was talking about Hagar or Montrose.

5) “I SOLD OUT ARENAS EVERYWHERE, TWO, THREE, FOUR NIGHTS IN SOME PLACES, ONE OF THE TOP GROSSING TOURS IN 1984–RIGHT UP THERE WITH VAN HALEN”.

Wow. With this statement, Hagar completely abandons any mindset that the “truth” is sacred. He is SHAMELESSLY rewriting history here. VAN HALEN was the monster that was selling out multiple arenas, not him! Hagar COULDN’T EVEN PLAY most cities on the east coast because he simply wasn’t popular over there. Hagar could sell out arenas in the midwest and in California, and that’s practically it. His VOA tour was his biggest tour ever, yet he played ONE night in each city except for places where he was big, such as St. Louis, Dallas, and San Fran, where he played two nights. He was playing ONE night in virtually every city (not 2-4), and overall, he played smaller venues than where VH was booked, and sold far less tickets in those venues. The VH tour was a 100% sell-out virtually everywhere, and on the other hand, Hagar had plenty of cities where he could only sell 30%-50% of the tickets, even after “I Can’t Drive 55".

6) “We [VH & his band in 1984] were neck-and-neck on the road.” On what planet? Anyone who was alive during the ’80's knows that Van Halen was infinitely more popular than Hagar. Perhaps Hagar was the only person on EARTH who didn’t see it that way. In 1984, Van Halen was through the stratosphere – their tour absolutely dwarfed all other rock band's tours, especially Hagar’s.

7) “I remember getting an award in Portland, Oregon. I sold out two nights and got the Show of the Year.” Again, from my years working in concert promotion, I have here Sammy’s 1982 tour dates. He played ONE night in Portland, Oregon, on 3/19/82, at the Memorial Coliseum. The dates before and after were both in Washington. No other Portland dates.

8 ) Page 113: "Before I joined the band, Van Halen didn't have a particularly tight show. Roth would talk. They'd do another song. Ed would play a 20 minute guitar solo. They would do another song. Roth would talk some more, another song, Al would do a drum solo for 30 minutes. On the 1984 tour...they were doing 8 songs in a 2 hour show. They ended every song the same way."

Any fan who reads this who either saw Van Halen before Sammy joined, or owns ANY amount of old Van Halen bootlegs, knows that every single thing Sammy said in that paragraph is complete bullshit. EVH's solo was always around 10 minutes. Alex's was always 3-4 minutes. They always did 16 songs, not counting solos. VH was a well-oiled machine, a stellar production, and tightly choreographed - the exact opposite of what Sam describes. Again, he is shamelessly rewriting history to try to diminish what Van Halen was before he joined.

9) Page 121: "The record [Sammy's solo album "I Never Said Goodbye"] went platinum immediately."

As of today, 4/26/11, it has only been certified Gold status w/ the RIAA.

10) Page 122: "We [VH in 1986] were selling out four nights in arenas anywhere." Although the 5150 tour was a smashing success, and they occasionally would sell 2, 3 or even 4 nights in certain cities, the band played ONE night vast majority of cities. Also, the 5150 tour wasn't as big as the 1984 tour, which had the band playing one additional night in several cities than they were on the 5150 tour.

11) Page 173: "The fans went against Roth. He died a quick death as a solo artist." [When he went solo in 1985]

I would say that most current VH fans are under the impression that Hagar's solo career has been more successful than Roth's. However, if you want to measure the success with ALBUM SALES, Roth's solo career has actually been more successful than Hagar's! Roth's first 3 albums went Platinum (Crazy From The Heat in '85, Eat 'EM And Smile in '86, and Skyscraper in '87). Hagar, however, never had could match that success - he never had 3 consecutive Platinum solo albums... just 3 consecutive GOLD albums, and then later in 1987 released another one that only went gold, with the help of Eddie playing bass. Hagar's solo career simply was never as big as Roth's was in the '80's. Roth was consistently platinum, while Hagar was consistently gold.

12) Page 222: When Irving Azoff told Hagar that the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame wanted to induct Van Halen, but only the Roth-version of the band, Hagar says, "I went nuts on Irving. I was in the band longer than Roth. He was in Van Halen seven years. I was with them eleven years. I sold more records than he did. How could they do that to me?"

He is wrong on both counts. Roth was in VH for 12 years ('74-'85) and VH sold twice as many albums with Roth than with Hagar. (See RIAA.com).

13) Page 234: Sammy says that, before he joined VH, "I was selling out multiple arenas, had five platinum albums in a row on Geffen, and I was ripe to join Van Halen when they asked..."

I already went over the "multiple arenas" bull. As for "5 platinum albums in a row on Geffen"? He had only 3 Geffen albums, and none were platinum:

1981 Standing Hampton - Gold as of 1985.

1982 Three Lock Box - Gold to this day.

1984 V.O.A. - Gold as of mid-1985.

Those are all the major lies that I can detect, just as a fan. I can't even imagine how many more lies are in the book that the fans would have no way of detecting.

Hagar wants all the fans to think that he was hugely successful BEFORE he joined VH, as if joining them wasn't necessarily the thing that catapulted his career. In countless interviews, he states that his solo albums were going platinum before VH.

This is all a lie. In reality, NONE of his solo albums went platinum by the time he joined VH in mid 1985. Sure, as of 2011, 3 of his albums have gone platinum (Montrose, Standing Hampton, and V.O.A.). But Hampton didn't go platinum 'till 1992, V.O.A. didn't go platinum until Nov. '85, and Montrose didn't until many years later, either.

YES, Hagar was (moderately) successful before VH, and good for him!! Why can't he just be satisfied with the success that he truly DID have and just be HONEST about everything in his book? It's because his ego and his insecurity can't handle the truth.

Sammy's all about HIMSELF. He belittles Roth and Eddie to try to seem better than them. He belittles the legacy that Roth, Ed, Al, & Mike created together, just to make HIS years in VH seem better. I find his behavior disgusting and immoral. Nothing outside of HIMSELF is sacred to him, and certainly not Van Halen! Ironically, his very own autobiography shattered my respect of him.

[Golden AWe]

I feel bad for the envious and jealous Sammy.

NOT!!!

[Seshmeister]

From the sleeve of Hagar's book.

"“Sammy’s no bullsh*tter. If Sammy says it happened, it did. There’s nobody else anywhere like him.” (Michael Anthony )"

[ELVIS]

"Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy!"

[DavidLeeNatra]

Since we are going to have one place for the Hagar bullshit I'd like to quote this excellent post by Adam at the VHND website.

http://www.vhnd.com/2011/04/26/qa-wi...r-joel-selvin/

there you go...

[ThrillsNSpills]

"Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy!"

And all you guys know he will be making that same expression when he listens to the new Van Halen album on February 7th.

[DavidLeeNatra]

"Your Love Is Driving Me Crazy!"

[guwapo_rocker]

In related news, Gary Cherone has just tweeted to say that 'Tattoo' makes him want to finger-fuck his ass......

What doesn't??

[Seshmeister]

Ooops...



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