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Thread: Official "A Different Kind of Truth" Album Review Thread

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    But a song like "Honeybabysweetiedoll" is just overstuffed with notes.
    Reminds me of a line from the movie "Amadeus" where the Dutch king (or whatever he is) tells Mozart that the piece he's commissioned is OK but it has "too many notes".

    Oh dear.

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    I think using the metaphor "it's MJ with the Wizards at the end of a six-game road trip" is a bit harsh.

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    Quote Originally Posted by fryingdutchman View Post
    Really dude? You must have overdosed on Hasselhoff over there in Germany....

    Apparently Natra is the only German here with taste.

    Dirk...tune this bitch up.
    eat your burger and fuck your fat american bitch. For more you are not good
    There are no great progresses and discoveries, so long as one unhappy child is on this world.

  4. #1124
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    Eat Us And Smile - The Originals

    "I have a very belligerent enthusiasm or an enthusiastic belligerence. I’m an intellectual slut." - David Lee Roth

    "We are part of the, not just the culture, but the geography. Van Halen music goes along with like fries with the burger." - David Lee Roth

  5. #1125
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    Well, I got my copy of ADKOT on Wednesday 8th, whereas Amazon had announced the 6th, but due to the fucking freeze, I suppose,
    I received it 2 days late. Anyway...

    Before it came out, and for months, I had feared of being disappointed with the album, and it eventually amazed me.
    ADKOT can easily be shelved right next to or under (depends on how you keep your CDs) 1984, IMO. There's some continuity.
    The sound is huge and clear music is hyperexciting, fun, brilliant, ballsy, and so are Dave's lyrics - I count his voice as part of the music.
    The proverbial virtuosity is here, immaculate!
    It's more than I expected for them to do at best, and it feels awesome!

    ‘Tattoo’ : Still great to listen to, despite I overplayed it throughout January. It's so solid a tune, Dave's story and words kick ass! Who would have guessed the rest of the album would be so heavy, though?
    I really dig the high-low loop in the end of Eddie's solo. Dave's vocals sound damn great.

    ‘She’s the Woman’ : I wasn't convinced that reworking the "Zero" tunes was such a good idea, but I changed my mind as soon as my CD player started track 02. I loved the 1977 Simmons produced version, but this one was worth being done! The slight changes in the vocal placements are pertinent, make the song even more percussive.
    Ah, and that funk-hard rock riff, the tight, powerful interaction guitar/bass/drums...

    ‘You and Your Blues’ : They could have used this track instead of 'Tattoo' as the first single - but I dig 'Tattoo' just as much. Dave really sings his lungs out - "Everybody suffers.........".

    ‘China Town’ : the tune starts tremendously with Ed playing the incredible intro... The riff and bass/drums are awesome... Playing it live is a real challenge. It's my least fave track on the album, I confess, because of the pre-chorus and chorus, the only moments I don't really like.

    ‘Blood and Fire’ : Beautiful intro - then the verse made me first think of a Men at Work tune... Before the chorus explosion, "Ooooh YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAH"... A classic one, already, but almost every track is too.

    ‘Bullethead’ : Their Sabbath side is in there, but of course at VH speed and flamboyance - b-b-b-b-ballsy!!!

    ‘As Is’ : one of my top fave in the album - Al's "1-2-3-4", the insane riff and vocals, 'Hot For Teacher' 's little brother. I'm fond of this one. Ed's solo, the break and the outro are HUGE!! Full of ideas, just like CVH, and most of the album is.

    ‘Honeybabysweetiedoll’ : another one of my top fave tunes - the opening sounds, kind of mad, and the Indian-like, tremendous riff following... Dave's voice with the backing of Ed's and Wolf's... Top stuff, from the Top Band... Nothing Could sound more kickass IMO. Nothing but WOW!!!

    ‘The Trouble With Never’ : The intro and riff kick fucking ass, the tune is killer too. The chorus is more "classic" - but I'm no fan of chorusses. Ed's solo is another killer - but he delivered nothing else than killers on this record. The break is brilliant, the calm part with Dave singing very low, then the riff towards the chorus, the outro till the clear stop... Fucking great!

    ‘Outta Space’ : My second least fave of the album - bu I dig it anyway, just a little less than the other tracks -, this one delivers too, Wolf is amazing, Ed riffs like hell, the band is tight - but well, I'll surely dig this one as much in a few weeks.

    ‘Stay Frosty’ : one of, if not my top fave tunes, this one is an immediate classic! There's everything in there, the sound, the riffs, the story, the huge solo and outro... Already legendary!

    ‘Big River’ : Ah... The beat, the riff - funk-hard-rock like they used to play in the early days - Dave's vocals are huge there too... The solo and bridge before the last chorus are stellar! One of my top faves.

    ‘Beats Workin” : another of my top fave tunes - makes me think of 'In a simple rhyme' a lot - the riff is just awesomely-fuckin' excitingly brilliant!! Dave sounds even more at his best here IMO. What a kickass sound... The bridge before the last chorus, and then the last chorus, how Ed fills the gaps and... PLAYS!! Tremendous!!

    Throughout the record there's everything I dig in VH: their why-just-play-it-let's-put-everything-we-can approach, invention, virtuosity, fun, balls, drive...
    They managed to produce genuinely new stuff with a some partially old stuff, without self-parody. It's a real feat, I don't think they could have done any better than this.
    The best gift they could offer their fans, for sure.

    'A Different Kind Of Truth' I am gladly a believer of.

  6. #1126
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    I have listened to this LP in its entirety and can make a pretty accurate comment on all the other reviews out there...they are still not given this LP proper consideration because there is like some overly critical exception when dealing with Van Halen now. Any other group, any group, which would have released this would not just get a 'great effort' stamp or 'its pretty good (with the all purpose add on 'with things consider bs) but a DAMN THIS IS FANTASTIC. If you want to have an accurate rating of these reviews...add two points. 1 for the slights towards Dave and 1 towards the Van Halens. You know that constant 7 most give the LP, it is really a 9. This LP is superb and there are NO weak points.

  7. #1127
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    Well, the best statement that I've heard when discussing the various reviews of the album was made before the VH show at the Forum by Jeff of VHND....

    He said, "if you don't think this (VH) album isn't good, then just what new album do you think IS good??"

  8. #1128
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    I fucking LOVE this album!!! I've listened to it five times since buying it yesterday. I'm completely blown away, they have delivered the goods tenfold. What a rush!
    "What we've been doing, which is great and certainly cost saving, is I train in the sand pit in McDonald's. I do a few laps. I go through the tunnel a few times. The kids don't mind if I smoke. Plus, when I'm done, lunch is right there."- DLR 2003

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    I'm finally going to go buy it today I think.

  10. #1130
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    The live version of Trouble with Never is unbelievable. The solo (Henson studio?) is mindblowing .

  11. #1131
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThrillsNSpills View Post
    The live version of Trouble with Never is unbelievable. The solo (Henson studio?) is mindblowing .
    Where is it?
    Now who`s that babe with the fab-u-lous shad-ow?

  12. #1132
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    Quote Originally Posted by So this is love View Post
    Where is it?


    was in the JHale/Bantonelli thread. I think this was from Brett.

  13. #1133
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    Asked my eight year old: "What's your favorite Van Halen song?' Kid promptly responds without missing a beat: "Chinatown, Trouble With Never, and Blood & uhhh..." Me: "Fire?" "Yeah, Blood and Fire!"

    Chip off the old block, god bless the child.
    Last edited by Zing!; 02-10-2012 at 06:38 PM.
    My karma just ran over your dogma.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zing! View Post
    Asked my eight year old: "What's your favorite Van Halen song?' Kid promptly responds without missing a beat: "Chinatown, Trouble With Never, and Blood & uhhh..." Me: "Fire?" "Yeah, Blood and Fire!"

    Chip off the old block, god bless the child.
    Teaching them young I love it! GOOD JOB, help navigate todays youth to some actual good music

  15. #1135
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    ADKOT gets 4 stars from The Buffalo News:

    "For the first time in 28 years, a new Van Halen album features original singer and
    frontman nonpareil David Lee Roth. And guess what? It’s the best Van Halen record
    released in 28 years. Maybe even longer.

    “A Different Kind of Truth” is the equal of all but the first two of the original Rothera
    Van Halen albums. "

    link to full review
    Quote Originally Posted by sadaist View Post
    I don't mind that one Nickelback song. I just hate the fact that they put it on every album 10 times.

  16. #1136
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    I fucking love this album. The louder I play it, the more I love it. My 13 year old Son loves it.

    It made me go back and listen to the Gene Simmons demo's again.

    Stay Frosty is just fucking classic Van Halen at it's finest. There isn't another band from the past, or the future, that could get away with putting out an album like this. This album is why there is, and always has been, only ONE mighty Van HALEN!

  17. #1137
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    It's nice to not have to keep living off all the unreleased tunes anymore like I've been doing for the last 20 years!!! I still love all the rarities and unreleased stuff I have amassed over the years but I am currently listening to ADKOT EXCLUSIVELY.

  18. #1138
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jérôme Frenchise View Post
    Well, I got my copy of ADKOT on Wednesday 8th, whereas Amazon had announced the 6th, but due to the fucking freeze, I suppose,
    I received it 2 days late. Anyway...

    Before it came out, and for months, I had feared of being disappointed with the album, and it eventually amazed me.
    ADKOT can easily be shelved right next to or under (depends on how you keep your CDs) 1984, IMO. There's some continuity.
    The sound is huge and clear music is hyperexciting, fun, brilliant, ballsy, and so are Dave's lyrics - I count his voice as part of the music.
    The proverbial virtuosity is here, immaculate!
    It's more than I expected for them to do at best, and it feels awesome!

    ‘Tattoo’ : Still great to listen to, despite I overplayed it throughout January. It's so solid a tune, Dave's story and words kick ass! Who would have guessed the rest of the album would be so heavy, though?
    I really dig the high-low loop in the end of Eddie's solo. Dave's vocals sound damn great.

    ‘She’s the Woman’ : I wasn't convinced that reworking the "Zero" tunes was such a good idea, but I changed my mind as soon as my CD player started track 02. I loved the 1977 Simmons produced version, but this one was worth being done! The slight changes in the vocal placements are pertinent, make the song even more percussive.
    Ah, and that funk-hard rock riff, the tight, powerful interaction guitar/bass/drums...

    ‘You and Your Blues’ : They could have used this track instead of 'Tattoo' as the first single - but I dig 'Tattoo' just as much. Dave really sings his lungs out - "Everybody suffers.........".

    ‘China Town’ : the tune starts tremendously with Ed playing the incredible intro... The riff and bass/drums are awesome... Playing it live is a real challenge. It's my least fave track on the album, I confess, because of the pre-chorus and chorus, the only moments I don't really like.

    ‘Blood and Fire’ : Beautiful intro - then the verse made me first think of a Men at Work tune... Before the chorus explosion, "Ooooh YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAH"... A classic one, already, but almost every track is too.

    ‘Bullethead’ : Their Sabbath side is in there, but of course at VH speed and flamboyance - b-b-b-b-ballsy!!!

    ‘As Is’ : one of my top fave in the album - Al's "1-2-3-4", the insane riff and vocals, 'Hot For Teacher' 's little brother. I'm fond of this one. Ed's solo, the break and the outro are HUGE!! Full of ideas, just like CVH, and most of the album is.

    ‘Honeybabysweetiedoll’ : another one of my top fave tunes - the opening sounds, kind of mad, and the Indian-like, tremendous riff following... Dave's voice with the backing of Ed's and Wolf's... Top stuff, from the Top Band... Nothing Could sound more kickass IMO. Nothing but WOW!!!

    ‘The Trouble With Never’ : The intro and riff kick fucking ass, the tune is killer too. The chorus is more "classic" - but I'm no fan of chorusses. Ed's solo is another killer - but he delivered nothing else than killers on this record. The break is brilliant, the calm part with Dave singing very low, then the riff towards the chorus, the outro till the clear stop... Fucking great!

    ‘Outta Space’ : My second least fave of the album - bu I dig it anyway, just a little less than the other tracks -, this one delivers too, Wolf is amazing, Ed riffs like hell, the band is tight - but well, I'll surely dig this one as much in a few weeks.

    ‘Stay Frosty’ : one of, if not my top fave tunes, this one is an immediate classic! There's everything in there, the sound, the riffs, the story, the huge solo and outro... Already legendary!

    ‘Big River’ : Ah... The beat, the riff - funk-hard-rock like they used to play in the early days - Dave's vocals are huge there too... The solo and bridge before the last chorus are stellar! One of my top faves.

    ‘Beats Workin” : another of my top fave tunes - makes me think of 'In a simple rhyme' a lot - the riff is just awesomely-fuckin' excitingly brilliant!! Dave sounds even more at his best here IMO. What a kickass sound... The bridge before the last chorus, and then the last chorus, how Ed fills the gaps and... PLAYS!! Tremendous!!

    Throughout the record there's everything I dig in VH: their why-just-play-it-let's-put-everything-we-can approach, invention, virtuosity, fun, balls, drive...
    They managed to produce genuinely new stuff with a some partially old stuff, without self-parody. It's a real feat, I don't think they could have done any better than this.
    The best gift they could offer their fans, for sure.

    'A Different Kind Of Truth' I am gladly a believer of.
    great review
    fuck your fucking framing

  19. #1139
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    everyday i have a new favorite...the sign of a masterpiece

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    Just wanted to punch in real quick and say I finally hot it. Fucking kick ass.
    Stand outs big river, outta space , stay frosty. I'm very happy!

  21. #1141
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    I'm having so much fun listening to this album over and over, just cranking the shit out of my home and car stereos. This has given such me a happiness rush, laughing and walking on air constantly. What a lift to the spirit. Thank you, VH!!!

  22. #1142
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    When was the last time you did something for the first time.....Hello!!!!

  23. #1143
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    AWESOME!

    OK, that's the short version. Here's my full review on this materpiece of rock music. In short, this is an instant classic.

    I'll admit I heard these clips online before the release, but I still needed to get a hard copy. Purchased the limited edition LP but still had to get the deluxe edition of the CD. On my way home from work I stopped by the nearest Future Shop and grabbed the last deluxe CD on display (nice!). Lying on my sofa, I let it blast while following along to the lyrics. Here are my impressions, based on each member of the band.

    DLR: I really think this is the best piece of work that DLR has ever done. His singing is great, and the lyrics are super cool. Following along to the lyrics I caugt myself laughing out loud a couple of times at how well the music and lyrics worked together, and how witty they really are. That's the magic of Dave. He brings some fun and humour back to rock music, which IMO is sorely missing today.

    EVH: Well, Ed hasn't sounded this good since the 90s. His playing is razor sharp and his tone is just killer. Unlike some guitar heros who sometimes sound like guitar instructors giving a lesson on how to play rock guitar and rock solos, Ed has a lot of spirit and soul in his playing. It's not only fast and loud but it also GROOVES at the same time. Ferocious but at the same time melodic and delicate. Welcome back Ed!

    AVH: Awesome as always. I've always said Al is as good on the drums as Ed is on guitar. And like Ed, he's not only powerful but always has a sense of GROOVE in his playing. It rocks and swings at the same time. No one can really criticise the guy and no one really will. He is the backbone of Van Halen. The engine of an old car that just wont quit.

    WOLF: So, is Mikey missed on this CD? Well yes and no. Sure it would be cool to hear his back up vocals on Big River, or his deep pulsating bass lines at times. But Wolf is the real deal, and I really like what he does on this CD. Like some sceptical people, I thought maybe Ed played bass on this CD. After seeing these latest videos though, it sure is Wolf and he sure does kick ass. To use a classic hockey analogy, it's as if it's 1985 and VH traded Rod Langway for Paul Coffey. They lost a stay at home, conservative bassist and gained an offensive defenceman sniper in his place that can score goals while also holding down the fort. Whether it's the chords in Beats Workin' or the beginning of China Town, Wolf is impressive.

    As for the songs, there's not one that I don't like. And we have 13 full songs here - no instrumentals. Hands down, this is the best comeback in rock music. The question isn't how good it is, the question (or my question at least) is when is the next CD coming out? Sounds like they are just getting started.

  24. #1144
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jagermeister View Post
    Just wanted to punch in real quick and say I finally hot it. Fucking kick ass.
    Stand outs big river, outta space , stay frosty. I'm very happy!
    OK I wanted to write a review while my perspective was fresh It's an honest one. Perspective 1. No one but DLR can write lyrics like this. Perspective 2. Ed is on fire. Some of the best work he has ever done period. 3 I don't like the production. If you crank it it just feels like its lacking something. The drums are not up front when they need to be. The bass is to far back and the vocals are to mixed. It's not a deal breaker by any means but it could have been better. I love it. It's just a long time VH fans perspective and an opinion. This album is all Van Halen. It shits blood and pisses Van Halen. None of us should be disappointed.

    1. Tattoo: This is a great tune. It's catchy and the lyrics are awesome.

    2. She's The Woman: Well we asked for it and we got it several times. A boot FINALLY produced. I love this song. Has a great feel to it. I like the new bridge and the produced solo is kick ass. Not over the top it just well done.

    3. You and Your Blues: It's kinda like a movie song. Has a cool Van Halen feel to it. I think the back ground vocals sell it as a Van Halen tune to me. Love the wah Ed uses in this solo. LOVE it. Guitar is bad ass.

    4. China Town: When I hear this song I picture Dave back in the day flailing around with a mike stand and peeling layers of clothes off all over the place. The guitar solo is fucking awesome.

    5. Blood and Fire: If anyone has ever wondered what 5150 would have been like with Dave now you know. Needless to say in your face. This song will be a popular one. You heard it hear first and I wrote it. Say ya missed us. Say it like ya mean it! Again Great guitar work Ed.

    6. Bullet Head: lol. Fucking cool song. Not the best on the album for sure but it's cool. I wonder if Wolf had anything to do with this song?

    7. As Is: Again ask and ye shall receive. I love this song. Ed's on fire and it sounds like classic VH. If this song doesn't take you back in time your nuts have been cut off. Great Solo love the break down after it. Great tune. I want to smoke a fatty after listening to this.

    8. Honeybabysweetiedoll: This is a fun tune. I want to get a blow job listening to this song. Great arrangement. Great Dave. Great Band.

    9. The Trouble with Never: When you turn on your stereo does it return the favor? Fuck yes it does! And it plays Van Halen. I love this song. jhale is going to be trying to figure this one out for awhile. Guitar is kick ass with more Wah. Another break down that makes you say Dave you kick ass, we love you and we are glad your back. Maybe one of my favs.

    10. Outta Space: I love this song. It's just Van Halen baby. Before it's time 25 years ago. To every dick head that has some issues with supposed old material. FUCK YOU! Classic! If you didn't live it don't blame the ones that were lucky enough to have been around.

    11. Stay Frosty: Ok everyones fav I bet. There is a reason for that. It may be the best rock song ever written. I know you think Ice Cream Man. Na fuck that it's better. Hands down the best guitar work Ed has ever done. Slide guitar? WTF! This song is going down in history folks. Just fucking amazing.

    12: Big River: Thank you God. I love this song as well. Classic! I made mention before I thought some of Tattoo sounded like Warren D. No. Warren D stole some shit form Ed.

    13. Beats Workin': Crank this mother fucker up! My second favorite song. I think, oh fuck I love them all but this one gets my blood boiling. Seriously crank it! This is just a great great song.


    Side note on the DVD. I bought two becasue I wanted the shirt and the DVD. Came right home and plugged in the DVD. Panama comes on first and my wife was like. This is great! Well yeah I said. It's fucking Van Halen!

    :dafinger:

  25. #1145
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    http://www.tgdaily.com/games-and-ent...first-big-week

    Van Halen on track for first big week
    Posted on February 11, 2012 - 10:04 by David Konow

    The music business, or whatever's left of it, sure isn't what it used to be, so if anyone's buying music at all, it's a miracle. 



    And this is what's proven the loyalty of Van Halen's fanbase, as their comeback album with David Lee Roth, A Different Kind of Truth, remains on track to sell 180-200,000 copies its first week.

    By today's music biz standards, you would think this is pretty damn good, especially considering how long it's been since there's been any Van Halen album at all.

    One would also think that the album will continue to sell once Van Halen hits the road on February 18, launching its tour in Louisville, Kentucky.

    As for the odd opening act choice of Kool and the Gang, founder Robert "Kool" Bell told Billboard.com, "We had big hits in the '80s, and so did they. They've been kind of like a party band on the rock side, and their audience is 60 percent female. Most of the time we have a crowd that's 80 percent white. Plus we do a lot of international dates with Def Leppard, Meat Loaf, Uriah Heep, Chicago, Elton John... So I think we'll survive."

    Meanwhile, Roth told News.com.au, "We never changed. We're a '70s hard rock band. We enjoyed our fame in the '80s but all our roots are pre-'80s. That's Van Halen. Old plus new. It's like watching Dragnet on your iPad." 



    As for the decades of band catfighting, and both Roth and Van Halen swearing they'll never work together again, Roth said, in his usual round-about way, "If Ed and I can get along, then world peace can have a chance. There's routinely conflict but there's a lot of laughter. There's still some pillaging going on there. You can hear it in the music."

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    The fairest ADKOT review I've read so far

    I really think this guy gets it.

    http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/...ent-kind-truth

    By the way, do you think the Van Halens listened to EEAS at least?

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    The only part worth reading:

    The only way (David Lee Roth) could ruin a Van Halen album would be by not participating.

    The rest of the review is shit. Fuck this guy, he probably enjoys Nickelback.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BumBahDeeDah View Post
    I really think this guy gets it.

    http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/...ent-kind-truth

    By the way, do you think the Van Halens listened to EEAS at least?
    Dont know which sucks ass more ? The actual review, or "you" for thinking its good.....
    BABY PANA 2 IS Coming !! All across the land, let the love and beer flow !
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    I think saying the album is "MJ with the Wizards at the end of a six-game road trip" is a load of shit.

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    I presume you have prepared new insults for today?
    This is your 35th time trying to elict an emotional response.
    Can't Control your Future. Can't Control your Friends. The women start to hike their skirts up. I didn't have a clue. That is when I kinda learned how to smile a lot. One Two Three Fouir fun ter thehr fuur.

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    It's not a bad review, really. It's just that it tells you more about the author than the album.
    The Power Of The Riff Compels Me

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    Geez. I only said it was the fairest one I've read so far. I don't think I've read a review of this album by a critic that didn't focus on the music.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BumBahDeeDah View Post
    I really think this guy gets it.
    I think Whitney Houston's rotting crackhead corpse has better judgment than you seem to have...

    better than anything the band has made since "Cabo Wabo."
    Someone please dump this bullshit waste of valuable time and bandwidth...



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    Quote Originally Posted by BumBahDeeDah View Post
    I don't think I've read a review of this album by a critic that didn't focus on the music.
    The music is the only thing that matters...

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    i dont like it .... he obviously doesnt like ed's solo's if it took slash to save us from them.....slash ....slash wtf . then bleats on about changing the names of songs ... so fuck . its not a review if all your gonna say about the song is they changed the name .
    I dont get the review but i suspect any one who listens to 2 weeks of the classic 6 pack and then attempts a review of an album 28 years later is doing no one any favours.
    And the last pargraph of the review is almost an apology .
    I realy dont get the review .... old songs + new songs + dave in vh + ed on fire = i dont like it ?????
    but i may be hung over to fuck

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    Quote Originally Posted by ELVIS View Post
    I think Whitney Houston's rotting crackhead corpse has better judgment than you seem to have...

    mate, that is low.

    honestly, i get your devil's avocado persona;

    but that is fucked.

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    Here's another clever piece from this douchebag writer-wannabe - Chuck Klosterfuck

    It has been brought to my attention that Mountain Dew can dissolve a mouse.

    This information comes not from some rival beverage critic, but from PepsiCo itself: In an attempt to get out of a lawsuit, the manufactures of Mountain Dew are suggesting that — if a mouse were somehow trapped inside a bottle of Dew — the rodent would be turned into a gelatinous, unrecognizable blob. If true, such evidence would contradict the accusation of Ronald Ball, a Wisconsin man who claims to have purchased a Mountain Dew at a vending machine and found a dead mouse inside the bottle.

    As someone who’s consumed 16 to 32 ounces of Mountain Dew almost every single day for the past 21 years, I found this news unnecessarily salacious. Honestly, I’ve experienced no ill effects from my over-the-top Mountain Dew consumption, except that I’m kind of fat and pretty crazy and I can never sleep (even though I’m always tired). I’m sipping one right now, and it’s making me temporarily invincible. I’m not gonna lie — I feel awesome. I feel more awesome than you, in all probability. Which prompts me to consider a counter-narrative to this atypical Mountain Dew controversy: How do we know it’s not good for us to drink mouse-dissolving acid?

    If you’re a serious Mountain Dew drinker, you’re probably also the eater of many processed, non-organic foods. Perhaps you’re also a compulsive worrier and a functioning alcoholic. Maybe you sometimes eat things that aren’t technically food, like napkins (a surprisingly easy mistake to make, particularly when eating a hot dog inside an unusually dark movie theater in suburban Atlanta). There’s just no way the natural gastric acid inside your stomach can compete with today’s ultra-aggressive, hyper-modern “super foods.” Your tummy needs a supplement. And that’s where Mountain Dew thrives. With its advanced mouse-eroding electrolytes, Mountain Dew can destroy what your body cannot. You know what I never get? I never get food poisoning. Ever. I don’t get food poisoning when I eat poison. There’s no way this is a coincidence. There’s something sloshing around inside me that generates a secret kind of power, and that something is green and sweet and designed for extreme skateboard enthusiasts. I will never stop drinking Mountain Dew. I don’t care if it starts dissolving the very aluminum cans that house its existential refreshment. I will live forever, or at least until I’m 45.

    Also, semi-related: Fuck you, Ronald Ball. Maybe liquefied mice are delicious?



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    Quote Originally Posted by ashstralia View Post
    but that is fucked.
    I know, so is that article...

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    you aint backpeddling out of this one buddy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by elvis View Post
    i think whitney houston's rotting crackhead corpse has better judgment than you seem to have...
    fuckin' c.l.a.s.s.i.c.

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