The Found Naked and Drunk In The Road Thread

[motherchicken]

Great story.

It's nothing compared to that story you told about meeting a hot blonde backstage during your hair band days named Janie. And the next morning you woke up in bed with the lead singer of Warrant. That's crazy shit man.

[DONNIEP]

There's always time to drink!

(Just not a good idea to drive, pass out naked in a ditch, or get in a fight with Texas cops when you do so)

20 years ago the cops would follow you home if you were half-lit. Ah, the good ole days

[motherchicken]

You want to see me in my underwear??

Sorry Sockfucker, but you ain't my type!

They made underoos for girls too?

[FORD]

They made underoos for girls too?

Apparently so.....

[FORD]

20 years ago the cops would follow you home if you were half-lit. Ah, the good ole days

25 years ago, I actually let an extremely shitfaced friend drive home with me following him all the way, after he promised he wouldn't do anything stupid.

Which of course he did. Him and his damn muscle car.....

Fortunately I had a "retired" state patrol car at the time and was able to keep up with him. I also probably kept the real cops from pulling his drunken ass over.

Came close to kicking his ass that night, but I figured he wouldn't remember it in the morning, so the effort would have been wasted. (no pun intended)

[motherchicken]

Actually had a cop let me go even though I stumbled backwards and fell on his hood while he was running me for warrants. He helped me up, said this is your lucky day and handed me my license. He had busted another squid earlier and didn't like the way the assholes at the brig treated the guy.

[motherchicken]

Apparently so.....

Pretty Cassandra aka Princess Blueyes. Soiled many a sock in her honor

[Dave's Bitch]

Has anyone ever finished banging their ex-girlfriend only to have their current girlfriend call and ask if you were done banging the ex? No? Then you're not drinkin' enough

Actually, Change a few words,and yes kind of

[Yount]

It was a quiet night and I was sleeping lightly when around 2 am I was woken by soft footsteps and a brush against my window. Someone was trying to break in. I went to the back door quietly with my wooden baseball bat (yes I play ball) and noticed somebody pushing on the door, then the footsteps went to the outside toilet. In one motion I swiftly turned on the back light and busted out the door ready for the action.
The toilet door was shut. It was deadly quiet.
I stood there in the ready position about 10 feet from the door, as still as possible for what seemed like minutes. Both of us were totally silent, although my body was pumping with adrenaline.
Finally I said something: "All right, come on..."
Nothing.
I inched stealthily towards the door and used my bat to push the handle downwards and push the door inwards.

Holy crackers it was my 55kg mate passed out on the shitter blind drunk on a weeknight of all nights! He was so drunk he was trying to speak but couldn't.

[Hardrock69]

Ha.....Randy looks like Ahnold's kid brother, lol.

[ashstralia]

Actually had a cop let me go even though I stumbled backwards and fell on his hood while he was running me for warrants. He helped me up, said this is your lucky day and handed me my license. He had busted another squid earlier and didn't like the way the assholes at the brig treated the guy.

bullshit. you would've both provided a shifts worth of entertainment in one cell.

yount's illegible mate got lucky...

[Yount]

I say it every hangover.

"That's the last time I do that."

I had a fairly harsh one this morning.

[Yount]

argh my head!

[motherchicken]

bullshit. you would've both provided a shifts worth of entertainment in one cell.

I should have known better than to try to pass that one off. I forgot you were there.

[motherchicken]

I say it every hangover.

"That's the last time I do that."

I had a fairly harsh one this morning.

I said that a thousand times . Followed by "if I make it through the day when I get home I'm gonna get some sleep to make up for only sleeping a couple of hours last night". Then I get home light a doobie, take a couple shots of Jack or Jim. Next thing you know you're looking at the clock thinking if I go to sleep now I'll get a couple hours of sleep. Next thing ya know I'm back at work going "that's the last time I do that"

[Sensible Shoes]

Awesome thread. I have nothing to compete with any of it.

[Angel]

Awesome thread. I have nothing to compete with any of it.

We need to do something about that, lol.

[Little Texan]

You know that song "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"? Apparently, tequila has the same effect on Randy Travis.

[ZahZoo]

Awesome thread. I have nothing to compete with any of it.

If I did have anything to compete with in this thread... I most likely don't remember it...

[vandeleur]

The sign of a good drunk story is other people have to tell you about what you did ..... Allegedly.
I myself suffer a condition called unspecific guilt syndrome . It's we're u wake up and go shit what did i do last night :biggrin :

[DONNIEP]

The only thing worse than not remembering what you did the night before is waking up next to an ugly chick. Especially when you cannot for the life of you remember if you fucked her or not. And she's in your bed in your apartment. Yeah, there's nothing worse than that. I am so damn glad that's never happened to me.

[Nickdfresh]

And you can't duck out of your own apartment...

[DONNIEP]

And you can't duck out of your own apartment...

No, you can't - that's the worst. And then they want to eat breakfast. And talk. And then they want to fuck and you have to lie and say you're about to vomit from all the booze. Which is only half true 'cause the thought of fucking that ugly beast in the daylight is enough to make you puke. Damn you party liquor!!!

[vandeleur]

am kinda laughing kinda having flash backs

[envy_me]

No, you can't - that's the worst. And then they want to eat breakfast. And talk. And then they want to fuck and you have to lie and say you're about to vomit from all the booze. Which is only half true 'cause the thought of fucking that ugly beast in the daylight is enough to make you puke. Damn you party liquor!!!

Or you can just ask her to leave. When I feel trapped in a situation, I just tell it like it is. Not cause I think it's the right thing to do, but just cause I panic and take the quickest way out, which is probably start crying and yell "You have to get out, I hate you, don't leave me". Lol I was joking about the "don't leave me"-part, but everything else is pretty much how I deal with it. I often wish I could just have patience and not panic. I would be much more polite.

[Dave's Bitch]

Maybe a little harsh envy

[DONNIEP]

"You have to get out, I hate you, don't leave me".

Oh God, I've had almost that exact same sentence screamed at me!! Your real name isn't Charity, is it?

[envy_me]

"You have to get out, I hate you, don't leave me".

Oh God, I've had almost that exact same sentence screamed at me!! Your real name isn't Charity, is it?

Lmao, 10 years ago, I was that girl but belive it or not, I am a different person now :-)

[DONNIEP]

Lmao, 10 years ago, I was that girl but belive it or not, I am a different person now :-)

In some twisted part of my brain it actually turned me on when she was screaming that phrase at me...but then again, hot chicks crying are...well...hot

[envy_me]

Maybe a little harsh envy

Haha, I know. And I always feel bad afterwards for not handling the situation better, but thats all I can do in the moment. Sometimes, cause I work in a shop, I panic when customers are in there forever. I honestly feel like as if they are NEVER gonna leave. But i don't say anything, cause I don't own the shop...

[Nickdfresh]

No, you can't - that's the worst. And then they want to eat breakfast. And talk. And then they want to fuck and you have to lie and say you're about to vomit from all the booze. Which is only half true 'cause the thought of fucking that ugly beast in the daylight is enough to make you puke. Damn you party liquor!!!

Always have something to do that morning...

[envy_me]

Always have something to do that morning...

Lucky you that you can get out of it with some finesse.

[DONNIEP]

You could always jump up and act all panicked and tell her that you're late for your doctor's appointment to get the results of your STD screening...that'd guarantee she wouldn't want your number. Of course, that only works if the ugly beast is a complete stranger.

[envy_me]

In some twisted part of my brain it actually turned me on when she was screaming that phrase at me...but then again, hot chicks crying are...well...hot

When a guy stays through that, you know you can do with him what ever you want. My ex stayed through that for 3 years. But as I said before, I was very young back then. I am a different person now :-)

[DONNIEP]

When a guy stays through that, you know you can do with him what ever you want. My ex stayed through that for 3 years. But as I said before, I was very young back then. I am a different person now :-)

Yep, your name really is Charity

But if you're a guy who has a chick who is that unbalanced you pretty much know you can do whatever you want to and she'll blame herself. Sounds terrible when you read it, but it's true...

[envy_me]

Yep, your name really is Charity

But if you're a guy who has a chick who is that unbalanced you pretty much know you can do whatever you want to and she'll blame herself. Sounds terrible when you read it, but it's true...

Unless she's doing all those things just to test how much she can control you. It's all about testing the limit, how far you can go before he says enough. The further he lets you, the better you feel as a person, cause "if he takes all this from me and still loves me I must be freakin fantastic"

[DONNIEP]

Unless she's doing all those things just to test how much she can control you. It's all about testing the limit, how far you can go before he says enough. The further he lets you, the better you feel as a person, cause "if he takes all this from me and still loves me I must be freakin fantastic"

That's probably what she thought - right up until she caught me banging her ex-bestfriend. She even apologized and said it was all her fault. Now that is when you know your chick is mental.

Now, back to the booze and whores stories!

[envy_me]

That's probably what she thought - right up until she caught me banging her ex-bestfriend. She even apologized and said it was all her fault. Now that is when you know your chick is mental.

Now, back to the booze and whores stories!

Lol, I was the one doing banging behind the back. I chose a guy who wasn't as good looking as I was, he was older, not nearly as smart. But this was loooong time ago, I was young, lost, insecure and high on power.

EDIT: I feel kinda discusted with myself when I think about it, I was just playing with another human being. I was playing with everybody, I remember once going to the doctor and getting them to prescribe me medication I didn't need. And I was telling my dad and laughing, and the look on his face of horror, he said "the doctor is trying to help you and it's all a game to you". That really woke me up.

[gbranton]

The sign of a good drunk story is other people have to tell you about what you did .....

Oh I almost always remember the vents, what I can never seem to remember is why in the fuck I thought it was a good idea at the time. I have a sackfull of these stories and if this thread hangs around long enough I will tell on myself some more.