Brethren and Sistren-

I will need some assistance this year. Without getting into a long fucking life-story discussion, I'm going to need to get up to speed on some football (notice how I call it "football" like I'm already a fucking insider fan) so I can drop knowledge and talk trash with some of my Latin American coworkers... and yes, I'm brushing up on my Spanish so I can curse them down as well. (FYI: I spend a lot of time traveling to Argentina, Brazil, Chile, Peru for, let's call it... "work")...

Anyhow, I need a crash course on the leagues, the championships, the teams, some basic history, etc. At least one of my teams will be BARCELONA because a coworker went on and on about those Madrid cunts... not to mention, I like how easy it is to get to Mallorca from Barc... I also need one decent international team for when the U.S. gets knocked out of whatever tournament they generally get knocked out of on like the afternoon of Day Fucking One (I'm assuming I have to pick a national team for World Cup when US goes down, fuck it, Spain it is, fuck the western hemisphere! But I digress...).

I need to be able to hold a conversation with any of my colleagues on a moment's notice for whom English is a second (or third) language, you dig? Feel free to give pointers about what to watch for in a game... like all Americans I was force to play this shite in grade school, so I have a rudimentary handle on the rules. But I need wisdom a bit deeper than a rulebook or Wikipedia entry.

So if any of my compatriots here at the Roth Army want to prep me for war with some Mexicans, Hondurans, this kinda cute chick who tells me she's Panamanian(?), our token Asian gal who went to - you guessed it - fucking BERKELEY, and a shitload of Brazilians, Argentinians, and Chileans... then I'm here to learn, Brethren!

That is all!©®™

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