David Lee Roth
By Aidin Vaziri
Remember David Lee Roth? He’s the guy who used to swing on stage like Tarzan holding a boombox in all those amazing Van Halen videos, then wore feathers and jungle make-up with a spear when he went solo. He basically invented rock ‘n’ roll before Sammy Hagar came along and ruined it for everyone. He’s also a master in martial arts who recently apprehended an intruder in his own backyard using nothing but his razor wit and a shotgun. That’s right. David Lee Roth is just about 100 percent back and his new album Diamond Dave has the most amazing covers of The Doors, The Beatles and Hendrix songs you’ve ever heard. Oh, and there’s hot chicks everywhere.
Where are you right now?
In transit: as a way of life, as a job description and a little bit of metaphysics before happy hour.
A plane?
Routinely we’re on the disco submarine.
What?
It’s what you call the tour bus, but it’s not like any kind of bus that most folks traditionally are thinking of. The inside of these vehicles are like Bolivian dope yachts — from what I’m told.
What do you do all day?
I try to confuse business with pleasure as much as possible. I learned that from, well, the Beatles recorded in Paris and then the Stones recorded in New York and Dave recorded in Brazil. There’s not a typical workday and there’s not a typical vacation day. There are some times where there isn’t anything particularly happening. That’s rare.
And then?
I preside over all the different departments whether it’s video, what you see on the album cover or production of the records. I’m surrounded by furious kindred spirits. But that’s 100 percent of the time, so I manage to do any one of those things in the most exotic places possible. There’s your explanation. An album cover is shot partially in Miami, partially in Los Angeles. Part of the record was done in New York. Part of the record was done in L.A. Pick your city. If the tour is as successful as I think it’s going to be we’ll be doing this kind of thing in Mexico City and Paris, France. It’s the way of actually being a part of a city rather than visiting. It’s the difference between a traveler and a tourist.
What’s going on with the album cover anyway?
It’s a vision of the future. It’s a vision of old Heavy Metal comics where adults started grabbing the idea that cartoons could be scary and sexy. It’s Kurosawa meets Groucho.
Are you still talking about the album cover?
Yeah.
Are those your friends?
No, those are all Playboy girls. They’re the girls you see in the Jameson Whiskey ads. The triplets. They’re all famous girls. There’s the girl of the year and the girl on the right is one of the twins. Yeah, they’re all familiar. They’re all part of the collective consciousness.
How do you have time to make records and tour with all the lawsuits you have going on?
Well, the biggest mistake stalkers can make is someday you’re going to ruin my day. A song like “Jump,” which I play for a living much like Beethoven plays “Da, da, da, da.” Now that I think about it, Beethoven only had one hit. Oh yeah? Sing me the other one. You got to think like this to be a singer. Whether or not it’s true is entirely moot. This will keep you warm when it’s cold out there. What were we talking about?
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Well, a song like “Jump” can be very celebrated or mean-spirited or it can be both at once depending on what you had for breakfast. Generally speaking, what I have is quintessential Americana. I got a great juicer that I found in Detroit. This thing is industrial-strength, weapons grade. Somebody says to me, “Dave, do you eat a lot of protein smoothies?” I told them, actually this morning, I had an Iskenderian full race overhead cam, I had some Edelbrock headers —
— Wait, how do you spell that?
I had Eagle rubber all around with viscous coupling, permanent on-duty torque splitter, five-way shifter with an eight-ball handle, slugged it down with three cans of Schlitz Malt tall and I am ready for your questions, homey.
That clears everything up.
No, but it’s the best interview you’ve had all week, right?
If we had to make a pie chart of where you spend your money, what would it look like?
Metaphysically speaking, I probably spend 90 percent of my income on wine, women and song. I throw away the rest.
That’s one category?
No, I’m describing part of my attitude.
Who does your taxes?
Oh, you should see my tax breaks now. I have a three-sentence tax form. The first one says, “How much did you make, Dave?” The second line says, “How much do you have left.” And the third says, “Send it in.”
What kind of ride are you rocking these days?
Actually, I just played Las Vegas. I drove a $70,000 German automobile across the state line. I literally lost everything and wound up going home in a $300,000 public bus. So, am I ahead?
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