The Government Is Cracking Down on School Bake Sales

[DONNIEP]

I fear you have a sensitive boner if a bit of ugly puts it off

Dude - this wasn't a "bit of ugly". This was the whole damn sack of ugly. I mean I'm all in my "welcome to Donnie's World" mode and this chick turns around and I nearly said "Aww...dammit! You're ugly as hell!"

[vandeleur]

Dude - this wasn't a "bit of ugly". This was the whole damn sack of ugly. I mean I'm all in my "welcome to Donnie's World" mode and this chick turns around and I nearly said "Aww...dammit! You're ugly as hell!"

She was probably pretty on the inside

[Seshmeister]

you know what , am saying big on an american forum... she aint that BIG . More volup .......... who cares she has tits am not choosey

Well exactly, she's probably skinny in US terms.

On vacation the other week there was an African American woman who I had to literally route plan around while catching a train in Italy. Instead of just passing her I had to turn 90 degrees to the left, walk for a while and then turn again to get around her.

It was extraordinary.

[DONNIEP]

I love that show The Office. It's funny because all the stuff is so true. LOL!

Never seen The Office. But I can tell you this - you put 120 something people together in a building, working closely, day after day, and half of em are gonna be fucking each other. Married, not married, who cares. It's just how it is. And people say "Never dip your pen in the company ink". But I always said if the company is providing all this ink....

[Nitro Express]

In real life of course this is an insanely dangerous topic to discuss in public.

Like for example your skinny girl when they get to 40 may go haggard and old looking especially if she smokes but that is no reason to go fat either.

Or that the obsessive about their weight girls are maybe less good in bed or less fun?

The whole thing is a minefield of generalizations and trueisms...

Oh what a tangled web we weave. Tell the truth or enable, that's the question.

[DONNIEP]

She was probably pretty on the inside

She probably was. But I don't think I could get drunk enough to see the inside of her cooch. Ok, so I could get drunk enough. But damn man, you sure as hell wouldn't want to wake up with a hangover, a sore dick, and staring into that face first thing in the morning..

[vandeleur]

Well exactly, she's probably skinny in US terms.

On vacation the other week there was an African American woman who I had to literally route plan around while catching a train in Italy. Instead of just passing her I had to turn 90 degrees to the left, walk for a while and then turn again to get around her.

It was extraordinary.

Me and the wife went to new york a few years back and there was some huge people , I mean giant . Once you think about how these people just go through every day things its a bit gross.

[Nitro Express]

Never seen The Office. But I can tell you this - you put 120 something people together in a building, working closely, day after day, and half of em are gonna be fucking each other. Married, not married, who cares. It's just how it is. And people say "Never dip your pen in the company ink". But I always said if the company is providing all this ink....

Yea I know. The strangest things happen on business trips. Frankly I'm glad it's just me and some business partners. That office thing was plenty of fun when I was younger and not taken. I loved business trips then and there was no TSA bullshit.

Business trips are kind of like remote shoots in the movie industry. What happens on the shoot stays on the shoot.

[Seshmeister]

I have friends who I don't understand how they can fuck.

I mean that mechanically. Of course maybe the guy is hung like an anteater...

[DONNIEP]

Business trips are kind of like remote shoots in the movie industry. What happens on the shoot stays on the shoot.

Exactly. You send a guy and a chick off for a week and there's gonna be some fucking. Period. I hate Boston but I sure do love going up there for a week...

[Seshmeister]

Yea I know. The strangest things happen on business trips. Frankly I'm glad it's just me and some business partners. That office thing was plenty of fun when I was younger and not taken. I loved business trips then and there was no TSA bullshit.

Business trips are kind of like remote shoots in the movie industry. What happens on the shoot stays on the shoot.

So you fuck people as long as they live a specified distance from your wife?

I'm not judging just asking?

[DONNIEP]

I have friends who I don't understand how they can fuck.

I mean that mechanically. Of course maybe the guy is hung like an anteater...

I think Warf sent me a link to some fat porn once. Holy hell it was horrible. Some humongous whore with a freaking midget. Disturbing doesn't come close to describing it. And yes, I watched the whole damn thing.

[DONNIEP]

So you fuck people as long as they live a specified distance from your wife?

I'm not judging just asking?

That's the Zip Code Rule.

[vandeleur]

So you fuck people as long as they live a specified distance from your wife?

I'm not judging just asking?

Hey , thats cool . And just for information that specific distance is when her back is turned . I keed

[Nitro Express]

So you fuck people as long as they live a specified distance from your wife?

I'm not judging just asking?

Not me but there are people who think that way. It's the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality.

[Kristy]

For the record, I still have two CRT TVs. They aren't plugged in, of course, but it's not like I could sell the more recent of the two, and I just hate to part with the 13" Sony from the mid 80s, because it's a rare model, and theoretically probably worth more than I paid for it (and it wasn't cheap either) if anybody actually collects that sort of thing.

China and/or India does. They'll gladly throw it in one of their landfills for you.

[Kristy]

I think Warf sent me a link to some fat porn once. Holy hell it was horrible. Some humongous whore with a freaking midget. Disturbing doesn't come close to describing it. And yes, I watched the whole damn thing.

That was me. Deep Rolls was the name of that one.

[Seshmeister]

That's the Zip Code Rule.

There are only 2 houses with our zip code.

[DONNIEP]

That was me. Deep Rolls was the name of that one.

Ah, now I remember.

[Kristy]

That was one of my better ones.

[vandeleur]

That was one of my better ones.

I have to ask , you arnt the midget are you ?

[Kristy]

I was going to do the whole pizza delivery porn trope but kept on eating the pizzas.

[Nitro Express]

Hey , thats cool . And just for information that specific distance is when her back is turned . I keed

My mom told me this story. There was this motel ran by the mob on I-84. They were running a whorehouse in the joint. There was this lady who was in my moms church quilting group. Everyone thought she was this conservative church going type. Anyways her husband bought a trick at the motel and when he met the trick for the night it was his wife. No shit. I don't know if she needed extra money or if she was living some sort of fantasy. Who knows. Can you imagine? LOL!

[Seshmeister]

I think Warf sent me a link to some fat porn once. Holy hell it was horrible. Some humongous whore with a freaking midget. Disturbing doesn't come close to describing it. And yes, I watched the whole damn thing.

There is a theme here.

One of the funniest nights I ever spent online was with WARF trolling a 'feeder' website offering our wares to a bunch of human manatee.

I know I know, but we were young immature and headstrong...

[DONNIEP]

There are only 2 houses with our zip code.

Yes, but when you get outside of that zip code anything goes. And how in the hell do you guys even get mail?? I send shit to Vandy and I'm shocked it ever gets there. His address is something like 69 Wankershire, Down The Street From The Pub, Newkie 36789 something or other. Can't you just have name, street number, town, zip code?

[Nitro Express]

Porn is a freak show.

[vandeleur]

wankershire

[Seshmeister]

I don't usually read my mail.

It's all bills and life is too short to worry about such things.

[Kristy]

Debbie Does Danishes, The Doughnuts in Miss Jones, and Behind The Pastry Door were some of my others.

[DONNIEP]

wankershire

Sorry - I know that is personal information but I didn't think you'd mind.

[FORD]

My mom told me this story. There was this motel ran by the mob on I-84. They were running a whorehouse in the joint. There was this lady who was in my moms church quilting group. Everyone thought she was this conservative church going type. Anyways her husband bought a trick at the motel and when he met the trick for the night it was his wife. No shit. I don't know if she needed extra money or if she was living some sort of fantasy. Who knows. Can you imagine? LOL!

I hope she at least took the Holy Underwear off while she was "working". Those things are frighteningly ugly, especially to non-Mormons who have never seen them before.

Where was this motel at? I stayed in a really odd motel off of I-84 once. Didn't see any hookers there, but I swear the room I slept in was a converted broom closet. I was too tired to give a shit by then, and back on the road at sunrise anyway......

[Kristy]

Well I thought it was funny. I had to Google "Classic porn titles." So...

[DONNIEP]

Well I thought it was funny. I had to Google "Classic porn titles." So...

That makes me want to bring back my old avatar...

[vandeleur]

Well I thought it was funny. I had to Google "Classic porn titles." So...

It was funny chill, you are so demanding

[Kristy]

Comes from all those years riding the short bus.

[Nitro Express]

I hope she at least took the Holy Underwear off while she was "working". Those things are frighteningly ugly, especially to non-Mormons who have never seen them before.

Where was this motel at? I stayed in a really odd motel off of I-84 once. Didn't see any hookers there, but I swear the room I slept in was a converted broom closet. I was too tired to give a shit by then, and back on the road at sunrise anyway......

It was in Burley, Idaho. The place was called The Ponderossa. What's funny is another member of our church was an FBI Agent. He would mostly tail Russian agents when they came into the country. We were halfway between the Idaho Nuclear Engineering Laboratory and Hanford. The US Navy had it's nuclear propulsion laboratory at the Idaho facility and the Ruskies took a particular interest in that.

Anyways he was in charge of busting The Ponderossa. He said the head mob guy married the madam so she couldn't testify against him. He said justice was done because she was the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

I used to go on fishing and hunting trips with the guy. He wanted me to ride up with him to check on his cabin. He was old and starting to lose it. We are going in his car and he's loading like big rolls of rope and there are shovels and all this equipment in the trunk of his Crown Vic. He's going over a checklist and there's Federal Bureau of Investigation on the letter head. He's following an old FBI checklist. The more we drove the more I saw he thought he was still in the Bureau. LOL! He had this taxidermed cougar he was especially proud of because he took it with his service pistol. I was asking about the pistol and he pulled it out of a holster behind his back. He was packing and I didn't even know it. It was a snub Smith & Wesson 357. Old school.

All I know is we were ready for anything. There was more shit packed in that trunk than I ever thought you could cram into a Crown Vic trunk.

[Nitro Express]

The holy underwear keeps getting smaller. The thing is a church has to change with the times or it loses members. People just didn't want to wear long johns anymore. I'm waiting for the day they have holy temple G Strings.

I mean they keep changing the temple ceremony. It used to be incredibly sexist. Women were pretty much property of their husbands and they made fun of Catholic priests. Oh and you swore masonic death oaths. That's all gone.

The day they have a black apostle is when they have the holy G stings. The day they have an openly gay apostle is the day hell freezes over.

The best way to describe Mormonism is it's bastardized free masonry. Take some american prodestantism, mix in some Swedenborgism, mix in some free masonry and some creative license from Joseph Smith and walla. Mormonism.

[DONNIEP]

you swore masonic death oaths

I don't even know what this means but sign me up!!

[Nitro Express]

wankershire

wankershire sauce

[ELVIS]

And of course I immediately start hitting on her...

Did you learn that behavior in church ??