Perry Mason Was A Bad Ass Motherfucker

[Kristy]

"Trust me, you asshole. You do not ever want to fuck with me."

Since being in the educational societal prison known as grad school I find myself leaving campus at late hours. So after some weed, stale leftovers and so-so sex that only shit on TV is Perry Mason because I refuse to watch anything connected with that cocksucker Jimmy Fallon. Yes, there are those times when I will watch Adam-12 (especially after bad sex) but Perry, Gawd Damn, he is one mean monkey fucker unlike the ambulance chasers of today.

Based on the character in Erle Stanley Gardner novels, Mason, played by Raymond "The Canadian" Burr did a better job than any lawyer show that has come since. Granted, Gardner traded plenty of water in which most cases were murders where corrupted lovers committed crimes for money Mason saw right though the bullshit at any time. Personally I love those scene where Mason is cross-examining a witness and they lie flat out to him and Mason is only reeling them in getting ready for the kill er, so to speak. He had a rather bizarre sixth sense of when people bullshitted him:


I just love the dialogue. Mason must have had a huge penis, too. Never lost a case.

[ashstralia]

I think your brain is broken.

[twonabomber]

More like baked.

[ashstralia]

And if sex is bad, you're doing it wrong.

[Kristy]

More like baked.

Blow me.

[Kristy]

I think your brain is broken.

Blow me.

[Kristy]

And if sex is bad, you're doing it wrong.

What you you know? Seriously. You hump kangaroos.

[ashstralia]

That's a fallacious statement, we all know I don't hump marsupials.

[Kristy]

All you Aussie deros hump kangaroos.

[ashstralia]

Fair suck of the sav, you dried dingo's donger drongo!!!

[cadaverdog]

Fair suck of the sav, you dried dingo's donger drongo!!!

You're giving her a gobful. You sound as cross as a frog in a sock.

[ashstralia]

Don't come the raw prawn with me, cobber.

[cadaverdog]

I'm on the ridgy - didge ya bastard.

[cadaverdog]

I been drinking with the flies tonight. I'm as full as a goog and I'm about to have a liquid laugh.

[ashstralia]

Full as a fat lady's sock...

[SunisinuS]

All you Aussie deros hump kangaroos.

I have never seen a single Kangaroo OP-ED complaining about it.

[Kristy]

I have never seen a single Kangaroo OP-ED complaining about it.

You also have never seen the outside of your parent's basement.

[Nitro Express]

I think your brain is broken.

That's what grad school does to you. Oh well. Fuck it. We's got a lot of living to do.

[Hardrock69]

What the fuck??

Again, one of those rare times the software actually functions as it should.

I originally posted about Perry Masonite years if not decades ago.

He totally rules.

In the entire history of Perry Masonite starring Raymond Burr, he only lost ONE case. And that was for a special 2-part episode filmed in color.....I think it was the last episode or some shit.

I mean, he LOST the fucking case, bitch gets sentenced to die by choking on gas....it ends up getting to the point where the bitch is in the chamber starting to wheeze....and the call comes in....Perry, Paul Drake and Della Street saved the day at the last fucking second. Yes, he lost the case, but did not give up.

Here is the standard thing that gave me heavy laffter:


PM: Isn't it true Missus Johnson that the night of the murder you were NOT in town blowing the sheriff, but were actually waiting for your ex-husband to get home at his new mansion with that whore secretary of his so you could kill them both????"

Mrs. Johnson: **Breaks down sobbing** "YES! I DID IT! I DID IT! AND I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN IF I COULD!!! OH BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!!!!!!"

And the way Perry Masonite fucks with Mr. Hamilton Burger all the time, and just fucks his case UP!

It was always really cool when Mr. Burger would be ready to just rip his own guts out he was so fucking pissed. Compared to Perry he was a fucking LOSER.

In the earlier episodes, they went a bit too heavy on the fucking eyeliner. Or else Perry was just getting ready for a hot date after the day's shooting was over.





So....Krusty......I guess I will have to show up at your pad some night and fuck the living shit out of you before we smoke some killer bud and watch Perry Masonite kick some ass, eh?

[ZahZoo]

You also have never seen the outside of your parent's basement.

Most people find this challenging... the dirt surrounding the basement is a real bitch to see through... and they're too lazy to know how to operate a shovel.

[Hardrock69]

I am laughing as Rome burns.....

[Kristy]

Adam 12 was deffo gay. No way could those two hide their true love from each other:

[Hardrock69]

One Adam-12.....see the man.....if they were homos then yes, they would see the man.

I dug Dragnet.....Joe Friday kicked ass. Fucking tightwad motherfucker.

[Kristy]

They were always making bedroom eyes towards each other

[Hardrock69]