Is this the worst Van Halen song ever?

[chuckjitsu]

In my book, yes. Yeah, it's from III, but it is a "Van Halen" song. Not quite sure what's worse, Ed's vocals or the gawd awful lyrics. I challenge anyone here to 1) sit through the entire 6 minutes of this and 2) not cringe/barf a little in your mouth listening to lyrics like "are you ever so silent when she wanted to talk or couldn't keep quiet when she needed a hug". Wow. I'm hard pressed to even come up with a Samburglar song that's even close to this. Ladies and gentlemen, I leave you with:

[Sensible Shoes]

It's not a Van Halen song.

[DLR Bridge]

I gotta say, it's still better than Up For Breakfast. In the case of How Many Say I, the two worst parts are the lyrics and Cherone playing the part of the singing coach throughout the song. If Ed put out a true solo album with him doing his best Tom Waits impersonation over some dark piano tunes or dirty blues, I think I'd be into it. As far as the piano playing goes on this particular song, it's just too schmaltzy. Perhaps, Liberace might have admired the effort, but not me or damn near anyone for that matter.

[Mushroom]

I see some entertainment value to it in this context...

I have a group of friends at my house, I pop in this song, jaws drop, then it becomes an instant joke, we laugh and we party on.

I have a group of friends at my house, I pop in Van Hagar, jaws drop, we eventually start arguing, and maybe a fist fight.

[chuckjitsu]

I gotta say, it's still better than Up For Breakfast. In the case of How Many Say I, the two worst parts are the lyrics and Cherone playing the part of the singing coach throughout the song. If Ed put out a true solo album with him doing his best Tom Waits impersonation over some dark piano tunes or dirty blues, I think I'd be into it. As far as the piano playing goes on this particular song, it's just too schmaltzy. Perhaps, Liberace might have admired the effort, but not me or damn near anyone for that matter.

I actually like the music for Up For Breakfast quite a bit, but those honeydew my melon lyrics- man. At least with other Sam era tunes ruined by his terrible lyrics (Black & Blue, Spanked, Amsterdam, Sucker In A 3 Piece, to name but a few), the music was at least decent. I find nothing redeeming about HMSI. The as you mentioned schmaltzy piano, the vocals (not just Ed) and the terrible lyrics are just a wicked three punch combo that I don't think is duplicated by any other VH song. (There is no such thing as a bad VH song with Dave, so the worst of all time would have to come from either III or the Samburglar era catalog)

[DLR Bridge]

Up For Breakfast opens with the Why Can't This Be Love sequencer or whatever it's called, goes into a decent enough drum-guitar fill, then falls into utter boringness IMO. But I'll concede. It attempts to be more in the vain or spirit of a Van Halen type song than HMSI. For all intents and purposes, they both suck. And here we are, on a Friday night, discussing it. There in lies the true travesty. Those fuckers better be making some new music right now.

[DONNIEP]

There in lies the true travesty. Those fuckers better be making some new music right now.

Bwahahahahahahah!!! Don't hold your breath.

[Nitro Express]

I hear Eddie bought another dog and has taken up needle point.

[DLR Bridge]

Been watching this Sonic Highways thing for the past hour (while holding my breathe ) Not bad. Something about Grohl just wears on me, though. His 'every man's rocker' persona is just too much anymore. He makes himself out to be way bigger than the rest of his band or the music they're making.

[Nitro Express]

I actually like the music for Up For Breakfast quite a bit, but those honeydew my melon lyrics- man. At least with other Sam era tunes ruined by his terrible lyrics (Black & Blue, Spanked, Amsterdam, Sucker In A 3 Piece, to name but a few), the music was at least decent. I find nothing redeeming about HMSI. The as you mentioned schmaltzy piano, the vocals (not just Ed) and the terrible lyrics are just a wicked three punch combo that I don't think is duplicated by any other VH song. (There is no such thing as a bad VH song with Dave, so the worst of all time would have to come from either III or the Samburglar era catalog)

I love the totally bezerk guitar playing on Sucker In a Three Piece. Of course Sam was too stupid to realize three piece suits were out of style when that song was written. The business fashion was double breasted suits, pleated trousers with cuffs. Three piece suits were in fashion in the 70's.

[FORD]

I love the totally bezerk guitar playing on Sucker In a Three Piece. Of course Sam was too stupid to realize three piece suits were out of style when that song was written. The business fashion was double breasted suits, pleated trousers with cuffs. Three piece suits were in fashion in the 70's.

Well, you have to remember what Sammy thought a suit was supposed to look like.......



Not sure if that's a three piece, but he damn sure looks like a sucker wearing it.

As for the song.... pretty much a third rate Panama ripoff.

[Nitro Express]

Dressed like Bozo the clown.

[BITEYOASS]

Dressed like Bozo the clown.

Actually, I thought he looked more like an...

[fraroc]

I think the piano is beautiful on this song but Eddie's vocals....really fall flat.

[ashstralia]

I think the piano is beautiful on this song

I think Vegemite is yummy.

Turns out we're both wrong.

[BITEYOASS]

I think Vegemite is yummy.

Turns out we're both wrong.

Ash just smiled and gave me Vegemite....sandwich.

Well thanks a fuckin' lot! Now I'm going to start breaking out the "Men At Work" albums.

[ashstralia]

Hehehe...

[Seshmeister]

As far as the piano playing goes on this particular song, it's just too schmaltzy. Perhaps, Liberace might have admired the effort, but not me or damn near anyone for that matter.

I think that's pretty unfair on Liberace who whatever you think of him could play at a pretty high level way beyond anything EVH has ever displayed...

[DLR Bridge]

Wasn't a dig on him at all. However great his playing may have been, there was schmaltziness involved.

[Seshmeister]

Very much so.

[firestarter]

I can honestly say there is no bad song from the DLR years!!

[BITEYOASS]

This thread reminds me of a couple things:

-Whatever happened to that fan-made video for "Up For Breakfast"? The one that had clips of sheep running into walls, morbidly obese women in lingere, and some midget banging a tall woman.

-I never got around to making that parody called "How Many Say Lie" which is about the whole 96' reunion debacle.

[Never was]

Holy shit that is awful. Never actually heard that before. Van Halen is DLR and Eddie,I never listened to any of the non-dlr stuff unless happen by it on the radio or something. WOW, this requires a public music intervention. Sure Dave felt better about the 96 debacle after hearing this turd

[Jetstream]

This is the worst Van Halen song ever, "A Apolitical Poop"... Hagar cannot sing the blues worth a shit, this is pathetic and why Dave is a better fit for Van Halen, at least real Van Halen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuYGojwNfTQ