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Thread: Random Asshole: John James Audubon

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    Random Asshole: John James Audubon

    Yes, that John James Audubon of the Audubon Society


    Some Wiki-Niki:

    John James Audubon was born in New Orleans May 4, 17-something (who cares?). He bought a farm in New York on Jan 27, 18-something. A "noted" American ornithologist of Frog decent and chiefly celebrated for drawings of birds in between his heavy masturbation sessions, Audubon was educated in France where he was a pupil of David. On the way back to the U.S.A. he failed as a business man in New York and his native New Orleans.

    In between masturbating and being a socialistic failure, Audubon decided to devote his life to his favorite study in which he made long excursions on foot throughout America looking at god damn birds. In fact, his first book 'Birds of America' was published in 1827-ish and sold for a whoppin' $1,000. Somewhere in 1931 to about 1840 Audubon published 'Ornithological Biography' a 5 volume set, His follow up 'Quadrupeds of America' was just as droll and retarded*


    Here is what some educated douchenozzle had to say on the subject of Audubon:

    "I cannot help thinking Mr. Audubon is a serious asshole. I mean, why did he make you believe that he was a man of property? How is it his circumstances have altered so dramatically? In truth I do not believe you fit to deal with the world or at least the American world."

    That man was John Keats in a letter he wrote to George Keats (The Poetical Works and other writings of John Keats, ed. Froman vol. IV. p. 5)

    Keats was right. Audubon is an asshole. Why? 5:30 in the morning I go out for my daily jog along the Plate River. Not much different from all the other times I jog along the Platte River but today was different. Today "members" of Audubon legacy otherwise known as "The Audubon Society" were out there, too. I know what you're thinking, cretins. "Audubon Society members out at 5:30 AM? Were they stoned like you, Kristy?" The answer is a resounding "could be" but they were out there to look for ducks - particularity ducks along the river who are fucking other ducks in a massive muck fuck duck orgies of luck all bang for the buck mating season ritual. Apparently, ducks get horny in winter and this somehow piques the interests of bird watches who have no life whatsofuckingever. Sick pervert freaks.

    Anyhoo, they told me that I "could not jog" along a particular portion of the river because it might "disturb the mating ritual" or dirty duck fucking or something. Of course, I screamed "ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!" and went home and immediately called every right-wing talk show host claiming how these liberal "duck fuckers" are taking away my rights to be an asshole like they are.

    This is not the America I know. First they come for our guns, then our water filters, our incandescent light bulbs, and now our jogging rights! This is political fascism brought on by Obama supporters who also just happen to be black:

    Mallard 'Mercia is not the 'Merica I know

    When are we going to rise up and take back our jogging trails? I ask YOU, America.




    *Also see Audubon's America: The Narratives And Experiences of John James Audubon ed. Donald C. Peattie, 1940 for all you fancy buk lurnin cretins.
    Last edited by Kristy; 12-19-2014 at 12:03 PM. Reason: Mind your own business, duck freak.
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    Yes Mallard 'Merica. I'm white and a victim.

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    Didn't read, have some Creed

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    hitchworld1969
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    DB I didn't listen, have some missin'....

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  5. Thanked WARF for this KICKASS post:

    Dave's Bitch (12-20-2014)


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    Duck fuckers.

  7. Thanked Kristy for this KICKASS post:

    WARF (12-20-2014)


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    WARF I didn't listen... have some ILBT's

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  9. Thanked ZahZoo for this KICKASS post:

    WARF (12-20-2014)


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    Where the fuck have I been? How come I ever never heard this!

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    All of you! Get the fuck out of my topic. NOW!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy View Post
    I'm white and a victim.
    Finally, you've seen the light!!
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    That was the Roth Army Post Of The Year and I don't need you cretins muck duck fucking it up.

    So cluck off.

  14. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by DONNIEP View Post
    Finally, you've seen the light!!
    Yeah, I blame those who blame Obama for everything.

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    Now you're being an asshole, WARF.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy View Post
    Now you're being an asshole, WARF.
    Nah, you just gotta get to know him to appreciate him.

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    Fuck this shit. Let's go out and buy expensive watches and clothes.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy View Post
    Now you're being an asshole, WARF.
    Have to agree, this time. The one thing we NEVER needed to hear from Led Zeppelin was a goddamned disco song. That song was even more embarrassing than the country song "Hot Dog" from the same album.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy View Post
    That was the Roth Army Post Of The Year and I don't need you cretins muck duck fucking it up.

    So cluck off.
    Glory is the reward of Mallard... The Robertsons visit Sesh...


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    Surf's up eh..?


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    Better watch your ass. The Audubon Society will be knocking on your door if you keep on posting photos like that.

  24. #21
    hitchworld1969
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    Quote Originally Posted by FORD View Post
    Have to agree, this time. The one thing we NEVER needed to hear from Led Zeppelin was a goddamned disco song. That song was even more embarrassing than the country song "Hot Dog" from the same album.
    What the hell are you talking about? It's the best song on the album! There's so many changes in it. It's probably their most ambitious song.
    "In through the out door" is their weakest album, but there is some good stuff on there..... I like "I'm gonna crawl" and "Fool in the rain" as my other two favorites.

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    Okay, we all know WARF is suffering from a stroke.

  26. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nitro Express View Post
    Fuck this shit. Let's go out and buy expensive watches and clothes.
    Akris Punto!


    and/or Paule Ka

  27. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy View Post
    Okay, we all know WARF is suffering from a stroke.
    Duck fucker.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy View Post
    Akris Punto!


    and/or Paule Ka
    Mountains on the skirt. Very Colorado. Now I feel gay for appreciating such stuff.

  29. #26
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    You spend a lot of time looking at women's skirts?

  30. #27
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    Wow nitro u noticed mountains not nice eyes ,no tits ?
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  31. #28
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    It's easy to miss something that isn't there...

  32. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by WARF View Post
    Duck fucker.
    Fuck ducker.

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