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Thread: Kristy's Walmart Adventures

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    Kristy's Walmart Adventures

    It has been about 5 years since I stepped foot inside the retail abomination known as Walmart. Yesterday due to a sudden cold sweeping down those god damn mountains (well, foothills) front dumping a shitload of snow I did not feel like taking my whacky Christian roommate to a more respectable place for wrapping paper so she can "celebrate" her Christofascist holiday.

    Here are some observations:

    1. For those who claim Colorado has the lowest obesity rate in the nation has never stepped inside of a Walmart. Wall-to-wall F A T fucks who look they are about to stroke and/or coronary any second. What really got me is how it's only 28 degrees outside and these people are sweating. And they move so S-L-O-W. Their arms are like some sort of weird tentacle out of a horrible sci-fi movie reaching out for any "bargain" they believe they are getting with all that disgusting flab bouncing about. Gross.

    2. Loads of welfare families and poor. Even the homeless in this state dress better in terms of their is so old there is a high probability that their threads were still made in the U.S.A. These government cheese shoppers look like they just stepped out of a Chinese sweat shop only to buy more. You are one abusive parent if you ever consider buying your child clothes from a fucking Walmart.

    3. The sterility of the place. There is no soul to a Walmart. Looks like you stepped into a Soviet-style warehouse of monotony; a homogenous shelved of creepville surrealism. Walmart is a ghost world of what retail used to be. Endless price pointing of largely plastic throwaway crap that is already crowding our already over-crowded landfills.

    4. Employee banality. Not one soul who must have been a Nazi in a former life now unfortunate enough to work at a Walmart was smiling. They looked downtrodden and depressed. Not one was helpful or wanted to be. Can't say I blame them.

    I think I'll need another 5 years of therapy to get over yesterday's experience.

    Strange thing is we did end up getting wrapping paper - at the Walgreens closer to home.





    Fuck Christmas.
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    Maybe it's not The Walmart, but where you live that has everybody so beat down and miserable. I'll take you to my Walmart - just about everybody's smiling, happy, well except for the old bastard that's missing half a hand - he's always pissed off. And most of the employees are helpful too. We can hold hands and skip through the aisles and then go buy an overpriced TV and some crummy bath towels. And some shotgun shells - I need more of those.
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    Your Walmart sounds like something out of Videodrome/1984/Superman Bizzaro World.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristy View Post
    Your Walmart sounds like something out of Videodrome/1984/Superman Bizzaro World.
    You must come to The Walmart...come, Kristy...come to me...then and only then can you fulfill...your destiny!

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